Hello!
I'm an avid reader and an admirer. I'd like to ask you for help or some advice. Feel free to delete it, if thismay be counted as off-topic.
So, I'm 28 years old now. I was a pretty girl, then ugly teenager and now I'm an average adult. Strange mix. I went from a popular and well-liked, one the boys had a crush on, to the one the same boys were bullying and calling ugly.
I was never on a date, never in a relationship. No one ever showed a trace of interest in me. I don't remember when I have a chat with a guy that was not a coworker, my gay friend or some kind of worker for the last time. Strangers usually don't notice me in social situations.
I don't think I'm hideously ugly. I'm not fat and even posted on r/rateme once: got everything from 4 to 10, but most were strong 6s and 7s. I consider myself moderately attractive, am slim, dress femininely and take care of my skin and hair. I see a lot of women way uglier than me with husbands/ boyfriends and babies. Yet my looks were never complimented, even by a friend or my mom.
It's not like I sat at home all the time. But when I attended Swedish language course, guided tours around my city, theatre or open lectures and other activities, I met only other women. And while we like to spend time together during the activity and maybe go for a beer or coffee afterwards, we didn't become friends to meet outside.
I used to be an active member of youth groups in my church while in high school and university, but now I don't attend these anymore. I guess I'm afraid that "post-university" group would have desperate spinsters vibe.
I'm rather witty around the people I know well, but shy with the strangers. An acquaintance once told me that I have a sunny personality of a princess from an old Disney movie and that was the nicest thing anyone ever told me.
I don't know what to do. I thought about starting online dating, but I'm afraid what kind of people I would met there. I think I'm a bit naive and idealistic and afraid to be taken advantage of there.
I'm getting more petrified when reading TRP or other, similar fora (yeah, I know, great idea). I read again and again that I'm a failure, a leftover, that I've already lost my life. I see men who cannot shut up how I'm a seemingly perfect woman they're looking for, to be glossed over and ignored yet again. When I tried to share my perspective once, I was instantly called a liar and a few worse ones.
I try to remain optimistic, but I cannot help but be angry that men used to bully me and effectively destroyed my self-confidence and now they (different ones, but still men) are all like "You should do this and that when you were 21, now it's too late"...
I don't know what to do. I'm trying to do everything a woman in my situation is usually advised, but it doesn't work.
Is there anything I can do differently? Please?
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