Hi ladies. this is a bit of a rant. I apologize beforehand. will do my best to keep it short.

I've been with an amazing man the last six months. I think I have improved a lot overall in terms of being pleasant and in control of my emotions over the last couple years.

Anyway, i was on birth control (alesse) up until a month and a half ago. I stopped due to recurring yeast infections, as I read this was a side effect. I was also experiencing difficulties climaxing and it was very frustrating.

But now it's WAY harder to manage my emotions, the last few weeks I've had to work so hard to be in control of myself (especially anxiety/negative thinking). Tonight I really screwed up.

We are going to Maui in January and he said a friend he knows (a pretty girl) offered to let us stay at her place. I stupidly looked her up on Facebook, felt insecure, and said something along the lines of "well I'm glad I'm not unknowingly staying with an ex" after he said I had nothing to worry about (in a joking way).

A minute later I felt so appalled I even said that. I apologized. He doesn't think it was bad to say, but I know it came from a shittest/negative place within me. Now I'm even more anxious that I've slipped up like this and, well, hence this post.

I've had anxiety almost daily the last month...I'm not sure if it's from me coming off of birth control or what(?)--- it seriously wasn't this bad before I went on it. To be fair, I haven't been sleeping that great and I'm living on my own for the first time...but even with those scenarios I don't think I would usually be this ridiculous. I'm under a fair bit of stress juggling a lot on my list of to-dos, and financially I'm not in a comfy spot until September. That could also be the underlying cause, too, but I just feel so frustrated because I really should be better than my behaviour showed tonight!!!!

I really want to go back on the pill but feel frightened by some of the side effects of a higher dose. And the frustrating part is, even though I took another dose of fluconazole, my infection DIDN'T go away. Arghh. it's a confidence killer in bed, too. Is it going to take time for the hormones to leave my body? This is probably a question for r/sex, sigh, apologies.

I'm not sure what I'm even posting this for. Maybe a slap in the face to be more guarded with my emotions? Empathy for the birth control struggle? Encouragement to try another birth control? A slap to stop whining about my first world problems?

apologies for this blather. I just want to be a good partner :(