Anyone who has read The Surrendered Wife knows the importance of graciously receiving a gift.
Since I literally just finished reading it, here’s a gentle reminder for those who’re a little rusty on how and why.
When your man gives you a gift (this can be an actual item or a gesture, or even kind words) smile sweetly, be excited, say thank you, and tell him you love it, even if you don’t.
After you fully display your appreciation and gratitude, stop there. No “but”s or complaints on how much he spent or how it isn’t quite the right gift, or there was something better on sale, even if you’re 100% in the right.
Firstly, doing anything but showing appreciation hurts people’s feelings.
Gift giving is a pretty vulnerable act, and you should appreciate that someone is basically willing to bet money on the fact that they know you and your likings. Imagine carefully picking out a gift for someone, keeping it a secret in giddy anticipation, only for them to shoot you down and not like it. Don’t do that to someone you love the most.
(Side note: by reacting negatively, you’re also basically telling them to never get you a gift again.)
Secondly, although saying “I love it” when you don’t seems like lying, it shouldn’t be: ideally you love the thought behind it regardless of what the gift is, because you love the person giving the gift. If your 4 yr old hands you a terrible crayon drawing of you, ideally you won’t go like “ewwww yikes” even if it really is objectively terrible.
Thirdly, there might be a (big) part of you that thinks you don’t deserve it. Surely that’s a good reason to react negatively or whine about the price right? No. Stop telling your boyfriend/husband that his girlfriend/wife doesn’t deserve anything and he’s a dumbass for trying so hard. Imagine if a friend told you that about your SO, how would you feel?
I’m by no means perfect at this (I’m especially partial to thinking I don’t deserve pricey things), however, I can give an example/field report in case it helps anyone.
My lovely SO got me a part of my Christmas present really early. He was so excited about it and it’s so clear that he put a lot of thought behind it. He was dropping so many hints and finally he gave in and straight up gifted it to me during thanksgiving.
As it turned out, it was a piece of jewellery I mentioned I always dreamed of having as a child. What I did not mention was I probably definitely grew out of that, just like I grew out of owning barbie dolls.
When he revealed to me, in all of it’s shiny, heart shaped, golden glory, not gonna lie: my first reaction was that it was so tacky, and my second reaction was I can literally never wear it with any of my outfits.
However, what immediately overshadowed both of those reactions were a deep deep appreciation. This man literally remembered this one random conversation we had in passing, then he browsed for it and picked one especially for me, even though he’s probably not interested in jewellery at all.
I beamed and excitedly told him that I loved it and I love him and that fulfilled a huge childhood dream of mine and it was absolutely perfect.
Then, he mentioned the price. My jaw definitely dropped a bit and I had the urge to start complaining/saying I’m not worth that. He then explained that he got gold filled instead of gold plated because he wanted it to last. How the heck can anyone have the heart to whine at that?
Fun fact: it’s now actually the favourite thing I own. It means so much to me and I wear it whenever I can (wearing it right now!) I literally show it off to all of my friends, all the time. It’s honestly the cutest gift and the cutest gesture, and it makes me so happy.
I can’t even believe I once almost let myself hate it. I can’t even imagine what would have happened to that day or our relationship if my mindset was different.
I’m still new to this journey, and I have a lot to learn. Feel free to let me know what you guys thought of all this in the comments~