Hi ladies! I'm a long-time lurker and I really enjoy the ideas on this sub. Implementing these values has proven extremely beneficial to my everyday life and my relationship. Also this may be a wall of text so sorry in advance! Also it's relatively late at night where I am right now so I apologize for ranting/grammatical errors.

Anyways, lately I've been dealing with some really crazy insecurity that has been affecting my day-to-day life. Usually outwardly I appear happy and secure, and I am always kind and friendly to whoever I speak to. I am definitely not taking this problem out on my peers/strangers. I haven't really discussed this with anyone because I mostly like to keep my personal issues to myself. I am really trying to keep this problem out of my relationship but it is hard as it is mostly what I'm insecure about.

I suppose I'm having extreme feelings of inadequacy in my relationship. Often I feel very, very unattractive/undesirable and hard to love, which makes me feel very poorly about myself. Basically I feel worthless. I'm aware that insecurity is an unattractive quality and I try to keep myself happy in order to keep my mind off of it.

I make sure I am always attractive for my SO, I use skin care products, makeup, my hair is always done or at least is tidy, I keep fit, I dress feminine and make sure my poise is never/rarely broken. I let my SO lead at all times which I am perfectly fine with and enjoy and we have lots of fun together, our relationship is quite RP, so I'm not entirely sure why I am feeling like this. I feel like everything I do is not enough. My SO appreciates me and that should be enough reassurance, however I can't help but constantly be questioning myself and if I'm actually of value. Some days (like today) it gets so detrimental I just want to sit at home and curl up into a little blanket-cocoon of sadness. I'm trying to appear like everything is peachy-keen but inside it feels like everything is going to shambles.

Does anyone else experience this? I'm trying to "fake it til' you make it"... but I find it's difficult when I'm really feeling crappy. I am really trying to not hamster/let this eat away at me and hurt my relationship. I hope this all makes sense!

I appreciate and welcome any advice! Thank you so much (-: