~ archived since 2018 ~

Intro, or how lurking here has fixed my (25F) life

July 8, 2020

I've been lurking here for a long time. Like.....a long time. It started as something I just couldn't believe, then turned into a guilty pleasure. Even at my most BP, tumblr-esque moments, I still found this place so weirdly fascinating. Of course, I was super upset: what do you mean men like feminine women??? I had always tried so hard to push down my more feminine traits, seeing them as "weaker." I thought I was better than that - charming, I know. As I read, I hated that I saw the points, even agreed in some way with what was being said around here. But still I lurked.

About two and a half years ago, after dropping out of school due to financial reasons and a rough breakup, I decided I needed to take some time to get myself together. I figured it couldn't hurt to try out the whole nun mode thing. Arguably the best thing I ever did for myself.

I spent six months working out my issues with my femininity, putting in the work to heal myself, to present myself to the world in a better light, and to take care of myself. I got therapy for personal trauma. I started taking care of myself, body, mind, and spirit. I found that I was a whole person on my own. Because, in spite of the whole "be your own woman, you don't need anyone" mentality, that was something I lacked before. Before, I was approaching being my own woman out of spite, leaving me angry and sad inside. This way, I was doing it to better myself.

About two years ago, about a month after coming out of nun mode, I met the love of my life. He is kind, respectful, but also a fantastic leader. He is the kind of man that I strive to be my best for. And honestly.....RP works. This has been the most fruitful and happy relationship I've ever been in. He constantly mentions how lovely I am, how I have this "womanly air" about me, and how happy he is to have me in his life. We live together and are actively working on our goals we wish to accomplish before marriage.

Of course, I'm still working to improve myself. I've gone back to school and am working toward finishing my undergrad degree. I'm working on losing a serious amount of weight (started in nun mode, had some success, then med changes messed me up). But I am so happy living in a way that allows me to lean into my feminine nature and play into my strengths. I am honestly thankful that this sub was able to guide me toward a different direction, one where I could form a relationship out of respect and understanding of differences, instead of demanding that my partner see my way.

Anyway, that's my intro/love letter to RPW. A huge thank you to all of the lovely people who contribute to this community and help people like me figure out life.

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[–]bittersweet31126 points27 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Proud of you!!! If you don't mind me asking what were some specific changes that you implemented, from things that you've learned off this sub? E.g. "Before I did _______ and now I do _________."

[–]happyhearthwitch1 Star[S] 54 points55 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Thank you!! And I'm loving this question.

Before, I would swing back and forth between being the bossy type and being ultra meek (but naturally, still cranky if a partner didn't magically read my mind). Dumb, right? Now, I give my opinion on topics when it is warranted and/or asked for, but I let my SO know that I trust him to make the best decision. Learning to let go and trust is a big thing for me.

I used to have sex in search of commitment. Now I'm honest about needing a certain level of commitment before jumping into bed.

Before I blamed everyone else for my bad luck in dating. Now I take responsibility for what is in my control.

Before I would have an issue and come to a partner with a solution, not the problem. I never got why they would get so mad! But now, I come to my SO with the problem, and he feels like we can work out a solution together. This has really helped me to be a bit more introspective about what truly bothers me and a lot more vulnerable about conveying it.

Before I would give and give and give, wondering what on earth was going wrong. Now I see the benefit in allowing my SO to step up and take care of things occasionally and allowing myself to just receive and thank him. I think there's something more gracious about that than constantly being like, "oh no, don't worry about it, I've got it, etc." Because that reads like you don't want or value the help, you know?

Anyway, yeah, those are a few of the examples. I tried to stay away from the physical, because everyone has a different experience with that realm.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]happyhearthwitch1 Star[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Some of them were personal, but others were standard issues that tend to come up in relationships. Wanting to spend more time together is a pretty good example, I think.

Before, I would just say "we need to do xyz together because you don't want to spend time with me." And naturally, that wasn't received especially well. But learning to be like, "I feel distant from you, I would love to spend some time together soon" is more honest and allows for us both to figure out what works.

[–]LateralThinker134 Stars5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

being ultra meek (but naturally, still cranky if a partner didn't magically read my mind).

Lots of women try to "Top from the Bottom", in BDSM-speak. Long-term it rarely works out. Submission means submission.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

This was very similar to my journey. I found The Red Pill Room blog, which was definitely not targeted toward women and giggled over it with my feminist friend. Then, I started to see some truth in some of his points, despite the inflammatory delivery. Over time, I started to put the ideas into action. My friends laughed at my sudden femininity... until I got married and they were still single or dating betas who wouldn't commit. I got new friends after that, too.

[–]happyhearthwitch1 Star[S] 21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm going through the new friends stage at the moment. Unfortunately, my old friends just didn't like the changes I was making, even though I am physically and mentally healthier than I ever was, and decided to blame my SO for all of this. Never mind that I started the process a fair amount of time before he came along.

Inspiring story, though! It's amazing how implementing some of these ideas can really change your life.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fortunately, I moved to the opposite side of the city, so it was easy to naturally break away from friends with whom I had an unhealthy dynamic. It took a few years, but I have a good group of pals now and they're far more respectful of our differences.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'd say looks and a genuine interest in "girly" things like romance novels and shows, nail polish and dresses, actually wearing eyeliner. I mostly embraced things I'd been made to feel embarrassed about, like my love of Taylor Swift and adorable cat videos.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]happyhearthwitch1 Star[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Loving this!! Wishing you and your lil fam all the best ❤

And yeah, the Independent Woman phase was hard on me too. I tried so hard to do it all, and really burnt myself out doing it. I wish I had taken the time to slow down and figure out what I actually wanted from life.

[–]LuckyLittleStarModerator | Lil'Star[M] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Great field report. I've awarded you a star!

[–]happyhearthwitch1 Star[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you!!

[–]infernopt26 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

i get this so much. i didn’t find this sub until now where i’m 100% redpilled, but rather since 2015-nov 2019 i was VERY tumblr-ized. i actually deleted all social media in november and almost instantly started seeing the world for what it is, and boy my femininity has just SKYROCKETED. my brain is making up for lost time. i get upset now when i CAN’T wear a dress, and nearly die everytime i have to talk to a feminist (often, i go to a liberal HS)

on that note, if any other redpilled women want to help out a baby traditionalist to breaking into this new role PLEASE dm me!!

[–]85thredditaccount7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Hey! Off topic but I’ve seen your comments in this sub and I always notice the username. Are you a witch? Because I’d love to chat if you are! I’m one and it feels very lonely sometimes because witchcraft seems to be SO blue pill and I just don’t resonate with that one bit as an RP woman. 😕

[–]happyhearthwitch1 Star[S] 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Hey! Thanks for noticing the name - yeah, I actually am! We should totally chat, because I definitely get what you're saying. It's hard to click with other witchy types because of it.

[–]cupcakesandyay2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Would love to know if you encountered any issues as a witch while searching for an RP man. I’m a witch myself, and I find many RP men (in the Southern US) are very, very Christian and ultimately cannot deal with the witch thing. It’s so difficult!

[–]happyhearthwitch1 Star[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Oh yeah. Personally, I still find a lot of spiritual value in Christianity, but a lot of very religious folks have a hard time with it. My SO is more agnostic than anything, so I lucked out there. But I found it to be kind of difficult. My man is not really a stereotypical RP man, but he has those positive alpha/beta mix traits without being into RP as a lifestyle, so that was good enough for me. If you want an RP aware and RP positive man (if that makes sense), it might be more difficult.

Edit: added some thoughts

[–]cupcakesandyay2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I truly don’t have an issue dating a Christian man, but they’ve had an issue with my practices and beliefs. I’ve tried explaining craft in super light, friendly terms, starting with talk of manifestation, energy, intentions, and I kind of ease into it. Don’t even use scary words like “spell”.

Lots of men in my area who are agnostic/atheist (my preference) are ultra Bernie boys with no ambition. It’s honestly the worst dichotomy to deal with. Happy to see other witches here though!! Thanks for the insight.

[–]happyhearthwitch1 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, there are just some people who can't fathom the idea of different beliefs and practices.

I totally get your issue though! For me, I'm always so sad that I usually agree with the more liberal ones (in some form) about politics, but never about anything. It's just a mess, lol.

Glad to meet other RP witches! Hope you find someone who's right for you ❤

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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