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Is anybody else red pilled because of a traumatic childhood?

December 3, 2020

Long time lurker here, first time poster. Before I begin my post, I want express how thankful I am for this community. All my life I've never related to other women, and thanks to this subreddit I know there are women out there that think and feel the same way as me in regards to their worldview. Also, this is my throwaway account because I'm a closeted red piller.

Long story short, I was raised by an narcissistic single mother that constantly let low-life, loser men in and out of my siblings and I's lives. I also grew up without a father, because my mom "wanted" to be a single mom. I can't comprehend why she would want that, especially when the statistics show that fatherless children fare much worse than those in two-parent families. On top of her abuse, I also grew up poor and as such am having to launch into my adult life without much support. I'm 18 right now and am managing okay, but my life isn't easy seeing as I work full-time and go to college full-time. I'll be moving out for university next year though, which will be nice. Anyways, my upbringing has really turned me off of the whole concept of modern feminism and the breakdown of traditional values present in western society. Because of this, I've never "fit in" with normal girls because they all buy into the feminist rhetoric the media spews for the most part.

I think is is one way a woman could be red pilled. She sees the nastiness of modern society from a young age and experiences how psychologically damaging it can be first-hand, and as such she is turned off from it and is in search of a more traditional life in adulthood. Granted, I would say it's more common for girls like me to just turn out like their mothers, but it's just a thought I had. I wonder if any other women here can relate.

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Post Information
Title Is anybody else red pilled because of a traumatic childhood?
Author throw_away4237
Upvotes 138
Comments 20
Date December 3, 2020 4:46 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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[–]ILoveCuteKitties 51 points52 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I was a daycare kid who didn’t see her mother but maybe an hour a day early on. Drop off at daycare by 6:30. Pick up at 4. Two hours of tv. Dinner. Bed. I missed my mom and me and my sibling would compete for attention. Family life was not warm and even though financially I had everything, my family was such a dysfunctional mess that it meant little. All I wanted was a nice functional family which meant me staying home with my kids while they were young and needed me the most. My experience as a kid helps me understand that the narrative on daycare being wonderful is pure bullshit. Babies need their moms full time. Babies need to be breastfed. Pumping sucks and is not the same experience. I think a lot of mamas are fucking exhausted working with little ones and trying to keep the laundry clean. I met the right man and realized feminism was toxic garbage of my own accord. Gender roles have been in place forever because they work. Also, being a quality mama means you have to be a quality wife because children deserve 2 parents who are together. It all runs together.

[–]rosesonthefloor3 Star 11 points12 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I think you raise a good point that being there and financially providing is a different thing from a warm home life (though of course a good family life can provide all three), and often the latter is more important to a child’s emotional/mental development. I had all three, and still see the value in a traditional household simply because it’s what I prefer, and what I see working best in the relationships around me (when done right).

I would just add that ideally babies should be breastfed, yes, but in cases where that’s not a realistic option for a mom (illness, not producing enough milk, etc.), it doesn’t make someone less of a mom if they can’t breastfeed their child. Fed babies are best :)

[–]ILoveCuteKitties 15 points16 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

It doesn’t for sure but it is best for baby and it is extremely difficult to do while working. So many roadblocks. To me the breastfeeding dilemma is a solid argument showing that nature meant for us to be alongside our babies all day. Whether you actually make it work or not to me it’s evidence that babies should be with mamas and not hourly workers. It’s also really really really beneficial for the child’s lifelong health and bonding and the seriousness of that should not be underestimated.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with this so much.

Breastfeeding is one of the most amazing things you can do as a mother, if you can do it. Some mama’s can’t unfortunately.

Breastfeeding really solidified the idea that I should be with my kids as much as I can. Being a SAHM, co sleeping, breastfeeding, attachment parenting.

[–]RiseAndPanic 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

If you live in a country with paid leave, this is obviously the ideal. However, this often isn’t realistic for many US women who need to work because having only their husband’s income doesn’t cut it. Especially if you live on one of the coasts. And if the couple can get by with one income, they are the minority these days and very privileged. Not disagreeing with you, just informing of the realities and setbacks a typical American woman faces.

Plus, not all women’s breastmilk comes in? Does it make them less of a mother if they then need to resort to formula?

[–]ILoveCuteKitties 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you read my previous response you see that I’m not judging women who have production or latch issues. Or moms who have to pump at work because that sucks. Women having difficulty doesn’t negate the fact that breastfeeding is important and best for the baby.

It may not be realistic for many moms to be home with babies but it is ideal. We’ve been fed lies about daycare being great by a society that thinks women are more essential to the work force than their own families. People do what they got to do but mom being home is what is natural and ideal for both Mom and baby. If we stopped lying to women about what they will most likely want (staying home for a bit) they might make better financial decisions to allow them that privilege. My point isn’t to shame moms who have to work...not at all. That seems awful. My point is that cultural narrative is flat wrong.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think it's the minority to be able to get by on one income these days. Maybe one income and a part time job or something. We have one beater car for a family of 7 and wear a lot of thrift store clothes, but homeschooling our kids was our number one priority so we are making it work.

[–]junior_primary_riot 22 points23 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I’m 39 years old, also the daughter of a narcissistic mother. My dad enjoyed working and worked long hours away from her, which I understand but he could have protected us more from the physical abuse and beatings she doled out frequently - almost daily - until my teenage years.

She was a stay at home mom but I wanted to break the cycle of abuse. I married a wonderful man and we had one child (male factor infertility prevented us from having additional children and IVF failed). I enjoy raising my son and have never abused him the way I was struck, thrown and shoved. It is possible and you have already made the decision that will make it possible in your future. You do not want it to carry on so you will stop it. You will be successful because you know how much it hurts. It is not even a temptation for me to harm my child. Not in the slightest.

When I was a teenager I could not picture my husband or the type of house I would live in but I did know that my home would be peaceful. A tidy, gentle, quiet, loving safe haven! I believe the woman is the heart and spiritual guardian of the home. She sets the tone of the household and manages how it runs and how it feels inside her home. I embraced some minimalism because I like how airy tidy cabinets look. By making the decision young that my home would be a safe haven of peace, it became easy for me to make choices that supported that decision. I didn’t desire clutter because it felt chaotic.

When my son was a toddler, a troubled family moved into the rent house up the street. The teenage boy would often come sit on the chairs on our front porch. I wondered why? I never shooed him away, just let him sit. He would stay for an hour sometimes, looking at the flowers and herbs I had planted near the porch or gazing off into space. One day I realized this poor child was seeking the safety of my front porch because of the atmosphere I had created inside my home. He could feel it from the porch and felt safe there, away from his step father. Small experiences like that give you the encouragement you need to continue to be a cycle breaker.

Life gets so much better when you move out. Being poor on a shoestring budget - even skipping meals - is nowhere near as awful as living with a narcissistic parent. I can tell that you have already made the core decisions necessary to create a happy home atmosphere for yourself. The nice thing is that men gravitate towards this as well, drawn by the warmth and love they feel in your space. ❤️

[–]theresa490 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Wow, what an inspiring story. Thank you for sharing with us! May I ask what ever happened to the boy that sat on your front porch? Did you ever talked to him?

[–]junior_primary_riot 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I did talk to him little by little! His step-father was not very kind or loving towards him. The SF worked nights so all summer would scream at the kids (teen boy & sister 2 years younger) if they were loud while he was trying to sleep during the day. The sister was better about entertaining herself inside quietly. The teen boy would come sit on our porch to get away from his step father’s anger and stay out of trouble. Our house was across the street and five houses down from his; I remember marveling that he had somehow sensed the calm of our home as he walked by and identified it as a safe place. All the houses had large front sitting porches with chairs/seating, including his own. Yet he chose ours.

I never shooed him away. When I would come home from the grocery store to find him there, I would smile and wave. He eventually stopped running away when I got home and would say hello and reply a few words when asked how he was doing. He eventually mentioned his step father. Once I understood the trouble, told the boy he was welcome to sit on our porch any time he needed to. Maybe a month after I was able to find out this information and tell him it was fine for him to sit on the porch, the family quickly up and moved one day and I didn’t see them again. It was a sad situation.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The part about th neighbor kid made me tear up

[–]leftajar1 Star 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes. My mother put me in daycare starting from 4 months of age. It messed me up pretty severely; I had bad anxiety my whole life, and found it very difficult to trust anyone in relationships. I'd often end up undermining them, to avoid reliving any feelings of abandonment.

As a result, I consider that my future family will have one stay-at-home parent as a non-negotiable, because I'm not willing to do that to my future kids.

[–]lovelyllamas 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Me! I’m so sad about how my mom raised me and I never want to end up like her. I kick myself in the ass everyday how I did not realize the damage in my early 20’s. Instead I thought I was some unique unicorn. All I want to do is raise 2-3 children properly and start my own (proper) legacy.

[–]Javret 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My childhood wasn't traumatic, at all. It was basically perfect. I have nothing to complain about. Of course, there are always the small things I want to make better for my kids (I would be a bit tougher on them than my parents were on me. I feel like i'm a bit weak compared to the old standard of women) but other than that if my kids lived my childhood, I would be thrilled.

I became red-pilled when I saw childhood's that some of my peers had. I mean no offense to ANYONE's upbringing but the chaos in some people's lives makes me sick. The lack of importance for family (it doesn't even have to be your own! My grandma took in runaway children back in the '80s and we still have them at every family gathering to this day) that some people have is gross.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how I want to raise my children. It's not in the society we have now. I don't want my daughters to grow up in a society where they are the victim and I don't want my sons growing up in a society where they are evil.

That's my perspective, anyway! I always find it interesting to see where people get their beliefs.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not exactly childhood trauma but definitely adolescent trauma, I absolutely ran towards more traditional modes of relationships after spending years 14 - 20 being friends with gays and anarchists. These people were all mentally ill, always crying and pursued destructive life paths. They hurt me over and over.

Instead, I actually looked back to my perfect childhood: a hard-working father who acted as our family leader, providing for my mother who stayed home to care for me and my sister. They had healthy, church-going friends who brought their kids over for me to play with. I realized that I wanted that.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm a guy, but I absolutely relate to this. It's so frustrating when you tell others about coming from a liberal, feminist family and they immediately assume that means you had a fantastic childhood, when in reality, it's the exact opposite. I think for a lot of people these days, women in particular no offense, it's almost like their brains can't even begin to comprehend the possibility that feminism can have a bad side.

When you stop and think about it, feminism and liberalism are some of the only ideologies like this. Believers of most other ideologies are forced to question their beliefs every day just from daily interactions with other people. It seems like feminism and liberalism have reached a similar level of dominance in the west to where Christianity was in the Middle Ages. To even begin to question these dominant ideologies at any level inevitably raises suspicion among polite society, so we have to keep shit to ourselves and our therapists, or occasionally come to anonymous forums like this to speak our truth. It's nuts-- that's really the point that this has come to.

[–]dontforgetclutchin 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes but for different reasons. Like your mother, mine is a narcissist but so mean and emasculating towards my father. Constantly gaslighting and making him feel like he wasn’t good enough. My dad is a hard working very straight edge type of man and to see him reduced to a doormat at her feet is crazy! Also the way modern feminism treats men is appalling. My MIL has a quite traditional role, although she works and so does her husband she does the cooking and homemaking kinda so it was interesting to see that. I guess a combination of things led me here.

[–]cakefacegalore 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for sharing your story. It feels nice to have something relatable, in a sense.

I grew up very similarly to you, but at your age (I’m 23 now), I definitely had a more liberal viewpoint of the world and I was definitely a feminist. My mom was more right leaning politically but definitely had a “fuck men, but I depend on men to be happy” mentality.

My last relationship lasted three years and was insanely toxic. I didn’t feel like feminine energy was allowed, he claimed to want the RP lifestyle, but used that as a coverup of actually being manipulative. He wanted me to do wifely things but had no intention of even getting married to me one day. So my feminist and liberal views I feel were fueled even more because I didn’t feel like I was wanted. (I hope that makes sense I’m sorry).

I got with my partner now and that changed entirely. Of course not overnight, but I’m getting there and doing my best to be a better woman, for him, our future children, and myself everyday. He makes me feel loved and appreciated, he lets me be feminine and encourages it. He acts like I’m a gourmet chef when I cook, no matter what it is. It’s such a good feeling of being cared for and genuinely loved, especially since I had a lot of negative male attention from when I was young, to being in my earlier 20s.

I’m also a closeted RPW because everyone I know and have become close with still have that “Fuck men and their opinions” type of attitudes, and are definitely a stereotype of a feminist. I’ll come out about it one day, but I’m just not comfortable enough yet.

[–]rdemar786 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is one of the most insightful and comforting posts and replies I’ve come across to read thru, so thank you to OP for sharing your story to start this discussion. I wanted to add, make sure you don’t let anything get in the way of your ability to move out, because believe me it truly is the best thing you can do for your future life and well being to leave a negative home environment. I did it myself and I have immensely matured and improved as a person along with the support of my husband due to the independence and safe environment having your own home gives you! The distance also gives u space to realize that you might’ve picked up a few negative behaviors/thoughts from your previous environment just from being around negative ppl, and then you can work on overcoming them! I’m in my last year of university and in my 20s. If you’re able, look into getting work study in university as uni jobs can be a good supplement/replacement to outside work. (Library work study jobs are the best, can often just sit there and do school work for the majority of your shift. Tutoring can be good too) I really truly wish you the best of luck and happiness in your future life!

[–]You_I_Us_Together 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey dear, do not allow your past to divine you. You have amazing self reflection already at your age. Do you have any community in real life to share your feelings with?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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