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Is it okay to ask my boyfriend to hang out?

November 20, 2017

Note: Hi! I've been lurking on this subreddit for a long long time. I was super resistant to the ideas at first, but gradually come to accept it, and it has totally transformed my life. I'm in the best relationship I have ever been in thanks to you ladies :) Might make a post about it in the future!

I feel kind of silly asking this question. I wouldn't even think of such a thing in my previous relationships before TRP, like I would just ask a boyfriend to hang out whenever I felt like it, and he would ask other times.

I got into an exclusive, committed relationship a little less than a month ago! :) I've been applying RPW tips the whole time, and I've never felt happier with a relationship! He has asked me out on dates, or to hang out (after becoming exclusive) this whole time, but I'm wondering if it's ok to ask him out (not on a date, just to see him since we live separately). Is it too "aggressive"? Maybe the nights he doesn't ask me out are the nights he prefers to spend alone? Like maybe if I ask to hang out, he'll say yes, but later resent the impingement upon his space?

Like of course I know it's "okay" to ask him, I'm just wondering if it's "attractive". And if it would mess with TRP principles in any way. What are your thoughts? Thanks so much for reading!

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Post Information
Title Is it okay to ask my boyfriend to hang out?
Author LeilaintheDark
Upvotes 5
Comments 12
Date November 20, 2017 11:10 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-it-okay-to-ask-my-boyfriend-to-hang-out.73788
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7ed3o7/is_it_okay_to_ask_my_boyfriend_to_hang_out/
Red Pill terms in post

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

If he's not able to say 'no, I'm not keen on hanging out tonight', and will instead go along with it then be resentful, then he's not captain material.

[–]that_other_person11 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is true. But there is also another method. Ask him how often he wants to hang out with you, and maybe then you will know why he doesn’t ask you to hang out on a certain day. It’s still important to have communication in a relationship. He can’t know how often you want to hang out unless you discuss it.

[–]LeilaintheDark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! I'll probably try that a few weeks down the line, when it feels right to discuss, if that's still a thing by then :)

[–]LeilaintheDark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Right, thanks! I agree. I'm probably overthinking this, since I've mentally embraced RP relatively recently, so I'm trying to follow it closely. It's just that I hear (and agree) that girls asking men out can be unattractive, and was curious as to whether that dynamic also applies within a relationship. Awesome thing to keep in mind though!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think it's nice to ask him to hang out, just be ok with his answer, or leave some of the decision up to him.

One thing I did with DH when we were dating, because he also asked for all the dates/hang outs, was tell him I really wanted to cook dinner for him some night and that he should tell me when would be good for him. That way I could show him I wanted to hang out too, reciprocate and do something for him, but still leave the plans and convenience up to him! I'd also ask if he wanted to hang out and watch a specific movie sometime (and then make tacos or something else fun as a surprise).

I think it's good you've let him do the asking thus far (definitely important for men to do the pursuing), but at this point you have a monogamous relationship so I think it's perfectly fine to ask him to hang out from time to time. You could also ask about events you might like to attend, like (just a random example) "hey, I saw that the orchestra is performing on June 8th, would you want to go to that? i was thinking of buying tickets!"

It's great to let your man drive, but it's also ok to throw out some ideas. It can be exhausting to always have to come up with all the plans.

[–]LeilaintheDark[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ooh I really like your ideas! What you said towards the end makes so much sense. I was wondering about reciprocity in a new relationship in a red pill context, and you painted a sweet and balanced picture. Thanks!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No problem, let us know how it goes!!! Best of luck :)

[–]M23W0OH7FV2t2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

make a post about it in the future!

Please do, I'm sure it would be a good post.

[–]LeilaintheDark[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you, I'm so excited to do so! After 2 years of unintentionally being single, I read The Surrendered Single, and Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood (thanks, sidebar!) and tried my best to apply the concepts. I feel like I haven't been this happy in a while. I'm currently reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and picking up even more tips.

[–]KittenLoves_Endorsed Contributor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you ask him in a polite, casual way, it shouldn't come off as agressive. There's nothing wrong with being confident or showing that you have an interest in seeing him. But, as other commenters have said, just be prepared for the possibility of rejection.

If he's saying yes to hanging out only from obligation then I don't think he's the type of person you should be getting into a relationship with anyway. That will build resentment in the future. However, if you're asking in a casual way, that makes it clear he has no obligation to hang out if he doesn't want to, then ideally there shouldn't be any issue.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My bf still takes most of the initiative and we've been together over a year. But we have steady plans and I can say a general thing I want to do at some point. Mostly he calls and texts me first unless I need something. We just like it that way.

[–]TheSlicemanCometh1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My advice would be to let him know you are available without asking. Throwing the ball in his court, so to speak.

Maybe "Im kinda lonely tonight, I wish I had some company..." and he will ask to hang out or not in response. He will either be like "Ill be over at your place at 5" or "I wish I was free but have to fill out some paperwork, maybe tomorrow?".

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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