Is it true that you have to be rude to men?

LightOverWater · 2022-10-04T13:33:07+00:00

What? I’ve never heard this “advice” before, but it’s insane. How is being rude to someone supposed to be beneficial at all? Do you want your friend’s relationship? It doesn’t sound ideal.

Also, a masculine man would never tolerate a woman degrading him. Not a chance.

zapadz · 2022-10-04T11:37:58+00:00

No, most men are sensitive to criticism from women and will feel like they aren’t needed if they get overly criticized which makes them leave or stop trying. Her boyfriend is probably with her because he grew up with family members who disrespected him like that so it is his mental model for love and relationships. Or he’s afraid of being alone and doesn’t believe he can find someone else and accepts the treatment.

sweetiewrap · 2022-10-04T11:01:27+00:00

I think there is a difference between being playfully rude and publicly disrespectful. I do find that men appreciate my bluntness and sarcastic humour but it's important not to take it too far.

warm20 · 2022-10-04T11:35:17+00:00

Now, the history is that I am on the spectrum. I have a very difficult time understanding human behavior but I have strong moral and honor code that I abide by. I have no trouble attracting men but I am yet to find a long term partner. I personally believe that geography is the main issue as I live in a very conservative country (and I am not a religious person). She used to say to me that you have to be mean and degrading to men in order to keep them. And that until she adopted this attitude she was also unsuccessful.

While there are many people who tick different box's and feel differently about things, find a guy that suits you and compliments you, and make sure he's in the range where he ticks the stuff that's most important to you with more self awareness/self reflectoin, you shed the bad parts of poor standards you have for yourself and adopt more good traits to look for.

A man that is stable in his mind wants to be treated well with respect by his woman.

Treating men with disrespect in a crappy manner isn't a feminine trait at all, more than anything it's just morally off to do so without any valid reason.

You don't need to adopt any negative attitude, just be good to the man of your dreams. He will appreciate it.

A few basics

Be Affectionate

Let them know your there for them and mean it through all the good and bad times.

Have strong morals

Don't lie, Don't cheat, Be honest, Be respectful towards them. (which means don't treat them like crap!)

No offense but your friend sounds like an unideal lower quality woman from her preference to many men that are just trying to build a good family or a legacy. If anything the guys she's attracting are usually just game pump and dumpers and nothing longterm.

https://youtu.be/WvdWBPOCOqs?t=37

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwdiOc1es7I

Waxflower8 · 2022-10-04T13:04:01+00:00

I think being blunt or “snappy” can give you that “mean” vibe but to direct rude and careless behavior towards them is definitely a turn off. Being playful about it can water things down.

I’m the same way like you but I’ll be “mean” if the moment calls for it. Don’t want to come off as mean and controlling.

TheBunk_TB · 2022-10-04T13:20:08+00:00

Unless they have some BDSM-esque dynamic going on, it isn't normal.

"She used to say to me that you have to be mean and degrading to men in order to keep them. And that until she adopted this attitude she was also unsuccessful."

You need to find a better set of friends.

"Now, the history is that I am on the spectrum. "

This is probably the main reason you have had a tough time finding someone, not men being conservative. No one wants that big of a challenge or wants to be a mind reader when the other person can't emote/show when the other person is doing something right.

You aren't wrong to not like a man who would tolerate bad behavior.

Polite suggestion: Get a healthy mentor and counseling. This will help you understand healthier approaches and relationships.

Protocol_Apollo · 2022-10-04T10:46:26+00:00

Girls often confuse what attracts them to what will attract men.

Deep down, your friend would rather be treated like this. Where she is the one who gets jokingly threatened with a slap etc.

She’s doing what she would be attracted to.

Similar thing happens with guys when they are nice. They know they are attracted to girls who act nice so logically, shouldn’t girls be attracted to guys who act nice?

Maybe but it’s not how it works. Girls aren’t attracted when guys act nice despite the opposite being true.

I wouldn’t ever recommend a woman try and act like this. Sure, it might land you a man, but what kind of man would that be? One that you clearly wouldn’t respect. And genuine love for a man is built on respect.

It’s obvious that your friend isn’t with him because she respects him (and thus loves), but rather for other things, most likely provisioning.

Aka, she’s with a beta.

LightOverWater · 2022-10-04T13:45:29+00:00

Men bear enough burden on their shoulders and cannot complain about any of it. The last thing they need is a woman being a problem in their life. Any quality guy will kick a rude woman to the curb.

She used to say to me that you have to be mean and degrading to men in order to keep them.

You'll certainly get a type of guy. Misery loves company.

I personally cannot respect a man who would tolerate such behavior. Am I in the wrong?

You are in the right.

mysteryrat · 2022-10-04T20:48:55+00:00

Just because he doesn't seem to mind it doesn't mean he doesn't mind. There's a good chance he's hoping things will change or is too scared to leave. Don't take her advice; men do enjoy things being straightforward and no mind games, but being rude and disrespectful isn't gonna work. It's toxic and no one appreciates that.

brushshstrokes · 2022-10-04T15:29:42+00:00

Switch the genders. Would her behavior be acceptable if she was a man, and her boyfriend was a woman?

cohost3 · 2022-10-04T23:04:51+00:00

At first I thought “she can’t be serious with this?” And then I read that you were spectrum and it made more sense. Some girls choose to act like this while they are young and high value - just because they can.

No, I don’t think it’s ever okay to treat someone poorly. Man or woman, partner or enemy. It doesn’t matter.

a_tall_amanda · 2022-10-04T19:58:59+00:00

Ah yes, being a rude asshole, the most attractive trait in a woman.

AutoModerator · 2022-10-04T10:19:25+00:00

Title: Is it true that you have to be rude to men?

Full text: Ages:

Me : 27F, Ex-friend : 30F, her boyfriend : 27M

One of my ex close friends used to say to me that the reason I am single is because I am too kind to men. Or that I am not rude and demanding enough. When I finally met her and her boyfriend of 4 years together and I was lowkey shocked with how she treats him.

She was constantly annoyed with him and telling him to shut up or get away. She also repeatedly told him she will slap him if he kept on teasing her. Even if he asked her to pass the food or something she would roll her eyes. It would be fair of me to also state that they did seem to have a very deep bond and a good understanding of each other.

The worst part for me was that she did this in front of everyone. Admittedly, I was one of her closest friends at the time but even I was made very uncomfortable by her behavior. Her boyfriend never seemed to mind or retaliate.

Now, the history is that I am on the spectrum. I have a very difficult time understanding human behavior but I have strong moral and honor code that I abide by. I have no trouble attracting men but I am yet to find a long term partner. I personally believe that geography is the main issue as I live in a very conservative country (and I am not a religious person). She used to say to me that you have to be mean and degrading to men in order to keep them. And that until she adopted this attitude she was also unsuccessful.

Is this true? I can never behave the way she does with her boyfriend with anybody let alone my partner in life. Am I too weak? Do I also have to adopt a negative attitude? I personally cannot respect a man who would tolerate such behavior. Am I in the wrong?

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trash_panda7710 · 2022-10-04T14:25:51+00:00

There is a fine line between being a doormat and being an asshole. Your friend is an asshole.

It's one thing to set standards and boundaries-and enforce them but to disrespect your partner in public (either gender) and embarrass them is not a healthy relationship.

JKT823 · 2022-10-04T20:57:37+00:00

I find that this advice is conflated and confused with confidence and self respect. Being “rude” to men is repelling. No one wants to be with someone long term where they are made to feel bad about themselves unless they have an insecure sense of self. Being confident in your boundaries, expectations and deservingness is totally different than being rude. However growing up, a lot of young women, myself included were told men love mean women, hard to get women etc. instead I think men love women who love themselves primarily. That may manifest in being firm, hard to get at times, unimpressed at times (at times being key) but never mean and never unkind. Velvet glove over an iron fist I once heard it described.

NinethePhantomthief · 2022-10-04T21:02:11+00:00

What works for your ex friend might not work for others and relationship dynamics.

aussiedollface2 · 2022-10-04T22:56:03+00:00

Some men like a bit of sass but it sounds like your ex-friend was more like just demeaning? I’m not sure. Hard to apply to your own situation but I would ask a friend that you trust who has a healthy relationship for some feedback about your dating etc xo

Title	Is it true that you have to be rude to men?
Author	oleviking
Upvotes	15
Comments	47
Date	October 4, 2022 10:19 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xvbb6q/is_it_true_that_you_have_to_be_rude_to_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-it-true-that-you-have-to-be-rude-to-men.1135146 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135146