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Is there a pretty girl privilege?

June 16, 2019

I am 21 and kind of plain looking. I wouldn’t consider myself ugly but I’m definitely not someone anyone would take a second look at. All of the girls that I’m friends with are absolutely gorgeous and I notice such a night and day difference to how I’m treated compared to them. My friend will be pumping gas and random men will offer to pay for them. Whenever we go out people are so much nicer to them and I feel like garbage standing next to them. If I’m alone I find that men approach me but whenever I’m around them I’m invisible. On top of being extremely beautiful, they also have a great fashion sense and wear some extravagant outfits that really stand out.My friends helped pick my outfit and I borrowed a jumpsuit from my friend last time we went out to the bars (something she gets compliments on whenever she wears) and a group of drunk guys decided to make fun of what I was wearing calling it a onesie and laughing. I was just really hurt because I know if my model friend wore it she’d get nothing but positive comments. I just feel like I don’t want to be around them in public because I am always treated like an outcast. The thing is all of these girls are my close friends and I want to spend time with them I just really hate always feeling like an outsider when we go out. What can I even do in this situation? I know im probably too sensitive about it but it just really sucks to witness all the perks of being gorgeous when I know I’ll never be treated the same

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Post Information
Title Is there a pretty girl privilege?
Author buffythebitchesslaye
Upvotes 114
Comments 80
Date June 16, 2019 10:18 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
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[–]peacocktoast85 points86 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

There's probably "pretty girl privilege" in some sense, but keep in mind, no matter how hot a girl is, there's a guy somewhere who's tired of her shit. A sweet attitude and polished appearance will do any woman wonders.

[–]Ask_Djhinn24 points25 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Came here to say this. Second to last line was my Pops advice to me. Only addendum is “tired of fucking her “ cause most hot ones are hollow inside. Don’t be a cute single layer cake, quest to be more layered than tiramisu.

[–]nightroseblue9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe strive to be a Mille Crepe?

Love the cake reference lol

[–]jhertle1226013 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow this made my day

[–]HB32343 Stars82 points83 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

There is absolutely pretty girl privilege. Research has shown atractive people get promotions quicker, they make friends more easily, and just generally are better able to get their way.

If it isn't a privilege you enjoy, though, there is absolutely no point worrying about it.

Keep your focus on what you can control. Self consciousness isn't attractive, lack of confidence isn't attractive, and especially unattractive is resentment that you aren't receiving a privilege that 95% of people also do not receive. Be mindful not to become bitter. I know it is so easier said than done, but our body language communicates so much of what is in our heart.

[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

A privilege is something that can be granted or taken away by a third party.

Beauty is an advantage... the same way that intelligence, physical prowess, wit, and charm are advantages. Do they give people who possess these qualities in edge in life? Sure, but it’s certainly not fair to resent them for what comes naturally and is completely outside of their control.

At the heart of people who are focused on “privilege” and want to attach that word to anything is a sense of deep entitlement. You think you’re some how a victim because other people have something you want.

If being around your model friends makes you miserable, find other friends. If you’re not happy with how you look, get fit, dress better, become a pro at hair and makeup, and get plastic surgery if you want. These are all things that are within your power to control.

[–]Lady_musing2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You got to the point so much faster than I did! I couldn't agree more!

[–]vintagegirlgame10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A Plain Jane is going to have to work twice as hard to get the same level of “respect” (or attention). Same way short men have to work twice as hard to get the same level of game a tall man has naturally.

In the end if Plain Jane can develop her personal, sense of style, confidence, personality and girl game, she’s can actually have a higher RMV than her sexier friends. Pretty Girl Privilege leads to lazy and weak girl game and is the reason men often see them as sex objects rather than relationship material. If she can depend on her looks more she doesn’t put as much effort to developing herself deeper. She could still be a great person and friend (not to rip on OPs besties) but she might be wondering why she can’t get a guy to stick around longer.

[–]Kara__El4 Stars50 points51 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Honestly, it's likely your self-consciousness shows when you're with these friends. Beautiful and outgoing next to plain, but putting in effort, and also outgoing aren't going to get much different treatment. If you look like you're miserable and self-conscious, men aren't going to look past the plain. I'm not claiming that they don't have some privilege, but this level of privilege is likely related to your attitude, as well.

[–]myrtlebtch30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I believe pretty girls can get away with bad attitude or at least people are willing to forgive them way more than an average or ugly looking girl. For someone who is so so it’s important to have a pleasant personality to compensate for unlucky bad genes.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Accurate. I posted about this once and got a lot of flack. But I’m actually now a bit of a cow to guys when I first meet them to see how they react. If they just totally roll over, I know that all they care about is how I look. So. Self-preservation technique for me.

[–]ill-settle-for6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pretty much this. And ironically, the fact that you got all dressed up (assuming this is out of the ordinary for you) might have led to that outcome through you being uncomfortable and feeling out of place. I know when I didn’t tend to wear any makeup or dress very nice, I would act very awkward when a special occasion did come around, like a kid parading around in my mom’s high heels, because I was waiting for someone to take notice and tell me how good I looked. When no one did, my confidence plummeted, and then I probably did look dejected enough for someone rude enough to have called me out on it. But making a good effort every day makes it seem much more normal, even effortless. And it’s not nearly as much work as I used to think it was.

Mostly, though, it’s presentation and demeanor. Sure, there are a lot of women out there who start with great bone structure and have a head start. But there are also a lot of frankly base-terrible-looking girls who get more attention than anyone else because they’re friendly, outgoing and always look like they’re having a blast. And you mentioned you’re not that bad-looking to begin with, so you have a head start relative to them already! Mainly I’m suggesting measures to help yourself feel less self-conscious, so you can focus on actually enjoying yourself. Low self-confidence is far more unattractive than any face could be.

[–]simmingslytherin36 points37 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Having beautiful girl friends is a serious struggle. I've been the less-pretty friend all my life and I can relate to your post so much. As I have become more confident and found my personal style it doesn't really bother me anymore. Two things really helped:

- Realizing that while I may not be everyone's type, there absolutly are guys who like the way I look and prefer me over girls that i think are much prettier. (My boyfriend is way out of my league looks wise. He could date a pretty girl but to him I'm somehow prettier than these girls. I just happen to be his type. Now that's a confidence boost!) Now instead of feeling like I'm less pretty I feel more indie-pretty while my friends are mainstream-pretty if that makes sense? Now I don't find the need to compare myself to them anymore, because I just think of us as different genres.

- Understanding that getting attention from all these guys isn't always a good thing. (Sure, it can be annoying but to me it feels like a humble brag when one of my friends go "oh my god that's so annoying" after another random guy buys her a drink. So that's not what I mean.) I realized that it's hard for my friends to really get to know a guy since most guys are just interested in their looks and don't care that they have all these other amazing qualities. They kind of tend to attract douchebags. Maybe because ironically smarter guys with more depth assume that my friends are superficial just because they're pretty. Out of all my friends my relationship so far has been the longest and the happiest.So basically I have felt your pain and I hope my rambleings are helpful :)

Edit: also looks aren't all that counts obviously but you already know that. and knowing that never made me feel any better about these things so I just didn't think of saying that.

[–]H2orocks30008 points9 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

You still got the ones that are your type but you avoid the window shoppers as we call them for the other ones.

Lol. I love your “different genre” comment. It makes perfect sense too.

And she is right, it’s not Just looks, looks just get me in the door. Like if your pretty but got an attitude, which I’ve run into before, I really don’t care who you are. Bye.

I’m one of the ENTP personalities that just constantly like intellectual stimulation. Like I hate small talk like a passion. But do it any way.

But one of the best relationships was with a chick we just went back and forth challenging each other with ides and argument and hell, that was more fun than sex. I know that sounds weird, but I had never found that connection with some one so it was something special.

[–]simmingslytherin6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Not weird at all! My friend and I started referring to intense discussions with strangers as "intellectual one night stands" :D

Anyway... thanks for your perspective :) super interesting to hear the other side of this.

[–]H2orocks30006 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link


I feel kinda slutty. ;)

[–]Cumber_Cookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What I wouldn’t give lol. I’ve decided I need to start meeting men in book shops or libraries

[–]H2orocks30000 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

How do intellectual one night stands make you feel about a person? And in the moment?

I’m curious as I know I also have some developmental trauma that I woke up to and I realized I became a bit of an accurate and precise Know it all to just feel safe in a way. Knowing “why” is safety. Because we can then control it and predict it.

I’m at point where I’ve learned so much about how people work below their level of awareness and have found my self meeting people and just kinda in one conversation making them question just about everything in a way that kinda brings clarity to a lot of their life.

Odd thing, I at same time appreciate the moments where I’ve noticed people take my ideas and advice and the next day I see them teaching others.

Like that was Avery empowering moment.

Yet I recognize that being even an accurate know it all that can admit and be wrong and self aware - doesn’t mean I connected with you.

Seems developmental trauma kinda makes ones relational development develop in the context of being emotionally blinded to the sensations in ones body.

So I’m kinda trying to rewire this side of me. One one level o can be scary accurate to point that if I can call the shots everything falls into place, on another, I just want to connect more as well I find.

People might make comments to people like “but dude, when are you going to connect?”

Like as if the emotional map of experience is automagically there in the person. Well the thing people don’t quite realize is that they may not realize they are automagically tagging certain experiences as unsafe in their body, as in this case the body leads the mind.

People in general act like our brain is always in charge but that’s actually not correct. Often in safety /unsaftey the body keeps the score.

I’m trying to kinda make sense of what to do in those moments when I’m not talking or doing saying something like that. Because what to you feels totally safe and normal, dosent to me. It likley feels terrifying.

I learned today to think of it based on the question, “How do I know I feel safe?” To understand our mind literally #tags our experiences based on our interoceptive feelings in our body.

So in a way we need to understand the size of our safe vocabulary and unsafe vocabulary.

This relates partly to emotion concepts known in “how emotions are made.”

My #unsafe (hashtag) vocal is much larger in terms of situations spatial/relational/Enviromental/internal(like upset stomach) etc.

Like I’m learning to start trying to figure out how to deconstruct some of my #unsafe experience tags.

So, yeah, for those that seem like they would know how to connect but don’t, as ironically I seem good in front of a group. Directing and leading people, that I’m great at. It’s also why I ended up realizing one day I had 4500 contacts in my phone and way more people that admired the heck out of me but not a good list of solid friends I related to and connected with.

Being admired for my skill at leading directing knocking down brick walls - that felt safe.

For any one wanting to scream 😱 narcissist when they read that part, I’m a mid level one (so apparently productive AF and I get things done according to a ted talk I saw on narcissism & the work place) and got two parents for a bit here I thought were too till I understood that any word or concept that essentially dehumanizes people even when rooted In science, is an undeveloped concept, one we don’t understand the full history as we make ourselves “the fundamental attribution error”, I understood for a long while it was the culture and the game around those concepts that kept people from healing. Fear is a very real thing, it’s easier to just keep going for the worst of them when the opposite is perceived as death. (Our brains react the same wheather it’s ego death or actual death because anytime you actually die your ego also dies) Narcisism is ultimately rooted in the same thing most of culture is- fear of death. It’s why I’ve done a decent amount to learn about our unconscious death anxiety and to have phone wall papers that say “The trouble is, you think you have time.” To try and create a fire under my ass. It is the ultimate deadline after-all and I’m getting to point where like Steve Jobs it’s a question I ask myself every day, “if I’m focused on and doing what I want to be doing if this where my last day?”

What in a lot of places they are doing is actually deciding to opt to stop using the personality disorder label and instead opt for developmental trauma(trauma in the first 1000 days that form the back drop for all other development.)

Because when you look at their histories that’s exactly what it is.

Just for so long the very concept of trauma never included developmental and Attatchment trauma. There is a spectrum of both.

So here I stand, being like- “well fml, how do I get out of this one? “

I can do a ton of learning, transactional analysis(games people play and scripts they live)- learning a lot of EQ and working on mastering the upward spiral. And as well as interpersonal-neuralbiology (it’s like the be all end all of 19 separate different fields combined into one single view of how we work, check it out, also mindsight is a good concept to understand for personal transformation.)

So yeah- I’m rewiring- but still have the functional side to truly learn.

Its like I find in these moments, I don’t even know how to catch my self at times and even when I notice it,it’s like my brain freezes and doesn’t know what to do and just keeps on going.

Gives you an idea of where we come from.

And it hit me too- the whole idea behind Improv’s “yes and..”. In relationships is that it causes you to work off of the other persons map of safety. Which is how you kinda have to in order to get things to fire together and further wire together.

Any thoughts on how you perceive us?

[–]simmingslytherin0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

wow :D ok! this is all very interesting stuff and i really want to give you an answer, i just never thought about it that much. i'm also not sure i understand your last question..

[–]H2orocks30000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m kinda curious how it comes off , both when helpful, not helpful, I some how miss cues to stop or more likley don’t know what to revert to on an emotional relating level perfectly yet. Like I catch it in slow motion as my mouth moves and I’m too busy talking to think straight and it’s a stuck point because then the body drives the mind because we don’t realize we have already tagged it as “not safe”

Like on your end - what do you perceive us doing? Or what usually goes through your mind?

Think of it as a way to kinda give me some accurate feed back.

[–]Classic_Touch1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]MicrotusOchrogaster15 points16 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Yeah there is, particularly from guys who want something from you (ego boost, attention, GF) but the guys seeking out the validation from a pretty girl are rarely the ones with enough quality to treat her well, or respect people who don't serve any purpose in his life - just average to low quality guys. The high quality guys don't slobber over a pretty face so much because they've seen through the whole looks thing, and realised very attractive people can have nothing at all behind the looks, and they're bored of being objectified themselves. Everyone wants a piece of them too, like the pretty girls experience too. So often the high quality guys want a more 7/10 looking girl who is warm, comfortable to be around, makes him happy and plays around with him.

I'm reacted to by women and men as if I'm attractive. So at risk of sounding like I'm bigging myself up too much, I will give the perspective of someone considered 'pretty'. Yes, I can see I get treated kindly by men, but I'm lonely as all f, because men either use me for their own ego, or once they are in a relationship with me because I believed they were deep and genuine, they turn into insecure, controlling people who insult my looks to tear me down to their (own perceived) level (little do they know the ones I love are so high on an idealised pedestal in my heart that their insults ruin me, and make me feel even lower than worthy in their eyes). Always the first insult to come out is my looks (jokes on them, I was ugly as a teenager so I still feel like that girl inside, and I'm like 'YEAH I KNOW RIGHT!' xD). Women and men perceive the slightest socially odd behaviour from me as arrogant or bitchy or up-myself, and I am socially a weirdo and quite a loner, so that happens often - I get misread constantly and it hurts, I just want to be friends. I see my equally or more socially awkward friends get accepted where I get rejected. Women take one look at me and their lip curls in disdain because they feel bad in themselves, and it doesn't take long before the 'group' turns against me and I get cold shouldered by women everywhere. They don't look me in the eye, they plot and scheme behind my back, they gossip about me, any mistake I make at work gets loud-speakered to everyone where a male colleague making a worse mistake gets dealt with privately. Often they pass me in the corridor without greeting me or smiling after looking me up and down. I'm sabotaged and blocked from progressing by threatened middle aged women in the workplace incessantly. I'm so tired of it. I can't make real friends who are happy for you when something good happens after years of trouble. Even ones I have make separate WhatsApp groups where I'm the only one not included, and when I succeed at anything or have a nice house decor, or academic success, I know I'll be in for an emotional beating in upcoming weeks because my success hurts them. Even when I put myself down incessantly, or get as low as I possibly can, before them, constantly building them up, it's like nothing is ever enough to quench their insecurity and pain in my company. I deliberately dress frumpy in front of my mates BF's/Husband and keep an awkward formal distance from the guy to signal to my friend that she can trust me, but even then it goes bad).

So yeah, this is one long whinge, but I guess I'm just venting my heart. The common societal belief is that pretty = happier. It's a lie. It makes it harder for anyone around you to see you for you, everyone objectifies you, men and women alike. You are not a person with fears, insecurities, trust issues - NO, you are the counterfoil for their ego, their validation, their insecurities. You represent something weird to society and it wants to simultaneously use you and destroy you. I am lonely, divorced, and relatively friendless despite being a friendly kind of girl. I'm tired. What would I choose? Love, and friendship over the superficial pride of prettiness any day. Actually it would help if I wasn't a weirdo too, and you can judge for yourself how much of my problems are weirdo related vs looks related. But yea, love is this elusive thing for me, and I often look at less attractive girls who's boyfriend only has eyes for them, who have private in-jokes and spend time together, and I would give a lot to be in her shoes. Lastly, having a bit of an artistic eye, I can't help but find nearly all women to have beauty in them anyway, so they have my admiring glances whether conventionally pretty or unconventionally.

[–]Classic_Touch12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

You ladies ever just go food shopping and have a female grab her man. Why giving you the evil look? Like you were going to steal her man looking for frozen peas. The peas were just a plow to get her man. Some how we knew they would be in that spot at that moment.

[–]MicrotusOchrogaster4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Haha you planned it remember? You specially picked out your frumpy grey grocery-shopping joggers to seduce. That average looking guy with a beer gut that she’s acting possessive over - he’s all you ever wanted and you love reminding other women of the painful fact that their relationships are always potentially under threat from a more attractive woman, remember? /s 😆🙄.

But for real, I’ve spent so long thinking about this ever present threat to women’s relationships from this elusive prettier woman. I fear it just as much as any woman if not more. And it doesn’t matter how beautiful we are as women, our looks aren’t enough to protect us from the fate of losing our man. Looks aren’t enough to even keep him interested. The greatest, most beautiful perfect women amongst us suffer losing their man to a more beautiful woman just like the rest of us - there’s alwsys someone younger or prettier. It is false to think better looks are the way to protect your heart. I think this fear is at the core of why beauty hurts so many of us, whether we have it and want more, or whether we react with pain towards a potential rival. Looks is not the answer to our deepest fear. The only protection against the threat of a better looking woman taking our man is the quality of the man’s character. Someone else posted in this thread that they are not the most beautiful, but their man makes them feel ‘indie beautiful’ And would pick her over more conventionally attractive women any day of the week. That is the woman we should all envy (I mean, really envy is an awful emotion, the feeling should be applaud and try to emulate) but she is the woman I envy/applaud, not the more beautiful woman. She, our fellow RPW-er, has everything because she has a man who has eyes only for her. She has real love and that I would give my arm for.

[–]Classic_Touch1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

First portion. Hilarious my sweats are always on hand for the beer gut man in the pea section. As for the second portion. Could not have stated it any better.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This happens everywhere I go. Like WTF, I'm in sweatpants just getting food for the week.

[–]Bored_Schoolgirl3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

... Have you pondered going to HR for complaint against your older colleagues? This isn't good for your mental health

[–]MicrotusOchrogaster5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks - wow that short comment nearly has me in tears, thanks for believing me and validating my concerns. I raised it lightly with some male bosses, and told them I was getting depressed and wanting to quit. Things have improved a bit, if nothing else because now it is known I have a less-than-perfect life being depressed and divorced paha! I should remember to act depressed constantly....

I’m being a bit silly but thanks so much for your comment.

[–]FelicityDark3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Totally relate to this.

[–]padpump0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Could you elaborate on what a real friend is to you?

[–]Cumber_Cookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

<3 My heart.

[–]shea_the_great8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’ll give you a dudes perspective.

The pretty girls are always going to get the attention first. That’s a given.

Caveat before proceeding: you mentioned you’re 21, so I assume you have mostly people your age around in social environments. Most 21 year old men are hardly more mature than teenagers and may have not yet come to realize what they truly value in women yet.

Some guys will make the effort on the prettiest girls no matter what kind of person is on the inside. That’s fine and you can ignore those guys because you’ll be interested in the second group of guys, the ones who are turned off by the pretty girls after they inevitably show a boring/bitchy personality or are only concerned about resources. These are the dudes you’ll want attention from. I 100% promise you that many guys get turned on by a sense of humour and banter. If you’re not sure how to communicate in that playful way then I’d suggest hanging out with some dude friends when they are in groups and you can get a sense of how they talk and joke.

The best advice I can give you is to have confidence in who you are and to make an effort. If you are a shy little mouse in the shadows of your beautiful friends then nobody will approach you. If you do your best on your appearance, and even start taking initiative by approaching the guys you find attractive I guarantee you’ll start receiving much more attention. You’ll be that girl they mention at breakfast the next day after a night out: “hey did you meet [you] last night ?? She wasn’t necessarily the hottest but fuck she was cool, definitely want to get to know her more!”

[–]Cumber_Cookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Underrated comment

[–]leftajar1 Star7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Girliness and vivacity go a long way.

My most recent girlfriend was a 5/10 at best, and a couple years older than me to boot. Yet, she was one of the girliest and most charismatic women I've ever met. She constantly had guys hitting on her and trying to get with her, despite her average looks. She was a bit promiscuous in nature, and she complained to me a few times, that guys she saw casually were constantly catching feelings and telling her they loved her; she is quite lovable.

Guys like women who like them and make them feel good.

[–]masterofthebarkarts1 Star6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Guys like women who like them and make them feel good" - this really is the crux of it, isn't it? I have a friend who is just kind mean to most guys, and not in a playful/joking way (she does this to her female friends as well). Treating people with contempt is a terrible way to grow or nurture any relationship, it just seems like the effects are amplified when it's a romantic relationship.

[–]__Some_person__5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

deleted What is this?

[–]MicrotusOchrogaster4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m commenting all over this thread I need to stop. But you raise SUCH a good point. New pretty girl can’t stay new forever. After an initial surge in attention towards her, the equilibrium will return to normal, people who respect and admire you will still respect and admire you, and she will just be a bro like everyone else unless she’s into some serious Jessica-Rabbit style seductive behaviour (and that will lose her the respect of decent men anyway). Just let her have her moment in the spotlight. Just temporarily defer to another woman, be pleased to let her shine for a short while, and you’ll find you havent lost your friends, your attention after she stops being new. If your heart is good and you treat people well the rest of the time, you won’t lose them to a pretty face, just watch as new girl has to stand or fall on her personality just like everyone else after the initial novelty has worn off.

Source: I’ve been new girl, I’ve been displaced by new girls. Happens all the time.

[–]redprimey13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

There definitely is but I’ll be another person that will tell you not to think about it too much. You’ll find someone that’ll treat you like that and it’ll be amazing. But yeah, same goes for guys.

[–]pssiraj0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Can confirm, I'm the average one in my bunch.

[–]MouseTrapPUA26 points27 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Let me help you get right to the point on how to fix your problem:

  1. Go to the gym
  2. Bust out them squats, lunges, quads & hammies on a consistent basis.
  3. Abs

This is how you will off balance the competition. Thats it. When that booty gets poppin' I guarantee you will have much more desirable results.

[–]Whopper_Jr15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This is the only comment you need to read OP. A girl who is in great shape falls into the “attractive” category like 90% of the time. Gym and disciplined nutrition (caloric deficit, cut sugar out entirely, etc.). I’d also suggest learning how to dance, plainer girls definitely turn heads if they can move, and partner dancing pumps outgoing/positive feeling (I’d suggest Latin dance in particular).

[–]MicrotusOchrogaster15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This ^ So much of beauty is effort, not genetics.

[–]FluffyLlamaPants1 Star5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you! It's really upsetting to hear comments like "oh you lucky skinny bitch!" Nothing lucky about it. Lots of effort went into it.

[–]MicrotusOchrogaster5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely! It hurts to have people around act as if you ‘just turned up’ looking like that, and get down on themselves for not looking the same. Like, please can we validate the work gone into this, and please can we understand that you are no less attractive than me genetically, you are just X amount of effort from looking as good if not better!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

So, if you have a big butt, tiny waist , big boobs but are skinny fat - should you get fit? Are the results in smv drastic?

[–]Milkychu4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Short answer is yes. Long answer is yes, but, you shouldn't dwell on it because it is outside of your control. The cultivation of other positive traits should be your current focus!

[–]johnhawkinsbp3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I work in politics and I've had attractive friends that still get on the air in cable news tell me that if you're pretty, they will give you a shot on the air. Granted, if you suck, they won't bring you back, but being pretty is the equivalent of say being a radio host with millions of listeners or running a presidential campaign for a guy. All of them will get your foot in the door.

[–]Hoarder-of-Knowledge4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pretty privilege probably is not a thing in the way that most people conceptualize it. I think confidence and being comfortable in your own skin is more important.

I've always been super skinny but I had some body dusmorphia due to family where I was convinced I was somehow still fat. But as I slowly unwired my mind, got more confident and dressed more traditionally feminine I suddenly became more desirable, while the only thing that changed was me owning a few sweet summer dresses.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s called the halo effect. Yeah. Prettier women are higher smv and they get more compliance from men who perceive themselves as lower smv. So that affords them certain privileges.

[–]manalitta883 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There is a definitely a pretty girl privilege and that is just how the world is ( I know it because I took the red pill and I can see things exactly the way they are) .

Now that you know the rules, you need to make them work for you.

First of all, you need to ask yourself why are you the least pretty of the group? Is it really because you are born like this or is it because there are things which are totally under your control that you are not doing like going to the gym, taking care of yourself from the inside ( good healthy good), and working on your style.

Second, while you have not yet worked on these aspects of you, why do you need to hang out with girls who did knowing that you will for sure feel horrible about it.

If I were you, I d go immediately do a general assessment of myself ( my weight, my skin, my wardrobe ), it takes time to get all of these things right ( I have been there and trust me I am shocked to see some of my old pictures, and I still am not on top of my game).

If you did not look good in a jumpsuit that you know would look gorgeous on your friend, that is because this jumpsuit is not for you to start with.

Take sometime to study yourself and forget about going out while you have not worked on yourself. Going out when you are not ready will only make you feel miserable.

[–]sonder_one1 Star4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Young women are the most socially privileged beings on the planet. Always have been. Always will be. Being prettier exacerbates the situation.

So what do you do with that information?

As little as possible. Make the best of yourself and forget about what you can't control.

[–]Dancersep383 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, there is. That being said, I don't know your friends, but my husband explained there's also an "easy" privilege. I'm quite attractive, but I've always felt like the ugly one around these two friends. I'm definitely quite a bit prettier than one, and about the same as the other, yet I get far less perks and attention. Essentially it boils down to them being extremely flirty, always throwing out "come fuck me" looks, etc... Men will do a lot for them because they're broadcasting their potential willingness. I didn't believe him at all, because as a women I was missing the signals. Now that I've started to pay attention, he's right (duh!) I was just oblivious.

The flip side is, while they always get more attention, I wound up with the better husband and happier marriage. Most high quality men don't want to marry the town flirt.

Again, I don't know you guys and I'm not calling your friends easy. They might just be that gorgeous. Also, being a shameless flirt doesn't mean they're sleeping with these men. They only have to present the possibility for most men to start tripping over themselves.

[–]BeginningSomewhere38 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There is definitely attractive privilege, but this could also be something else.

If your confidence is lacking around your friends, maybe that is shining through to the men doing the approaching. Women with low self confidence are often viewed by the world how they view themselves. So if you feel uncomfortable, you're going to look uncomfortable. If this is your issue, you can try giving yourself a hard look in the mirror and finding something nice about yourself that is solely unique to you; find something you have that your friends don't and then start wearing that one aspect with pride. Ex: I'm also plain looking, and fairly low maintenance, but I have beautiful freckles that run across my face that other women would kill for. I embrace them by never covering them, and they get lots of compliments.

Something else I didn't see anyone say is that you might be like the "designated ugly friend". Not to say you're ugly, but lots of groups of girls designate one friend that is less attractive in order to make the rest of the group look better when going out together. If you're the ONLY plain looking girl they hang around with, maybe consider adopting a new friend group that you also go out with so you don't always have to be the less attractive friend. It'll help to build your self confidence at the very least.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If your SMV is that much lower, AND your self esteem isn't equipped to deal with it (and yours isn't) then you shouldn't hang out with them. You need to get yourself sorted out. Until you do, they'll just stress you out.

[–]ANIKAHirsch4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

“Pretty privilege” is a Radical Feminist concept to divide women according to their perceived attractiveness. This type of thinking can only alienate you from your friends. You are feeling victimized when you shouldn’t. Focus on what you can change. Other commenters have already given you the right advice: work on improving your self confidence. And your physical appearance. You can’t change your genetics, but you can control your diet, exercise, makeup, wardrobe, etc.

[–]20803211001211 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

There are tons of studies across various cultures that show that physically attractive people are both perceived and treated better. This is rooted in our nature, not radical feminism.

[–]ANIKAHirsch4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

People with more confidence are also treated better. Is this “confidence privilege”? Attractiveness is not a fixed concept. It is based on how you take care of yourself, how you present yourself, and how people perceive you. To pretend there is some universal measure of attractiveness which can be scientifically tested... is nonsense. This is an unnecessary victim narrative, which leads to whining, rather than self-improvement.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There is, but, if it makes you feel better, there are downsides too ♡

And I’m sure you’ve got your own things going for you which gives you some kind of privilege / advantage too.

Like, I’m pretty and petite with boobs. It’s a sweet deal. But I’m not as athletic or well-travelled as one of my best friends, which gets her a ton of points in convo. She’s older and gives of this air of being accomplished. It’s fantastic :)

[–]radiantgemini1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Have you read The Rules Revisited? Its a blog with mostly good advice from a man's perspective. I'm not saying to follow it to a T, but I thought it brought up some interesting points.

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You've gotten some great advice here! I'm just going to mention something super superficial: a lot of men hate jumpsuits/onesies! They're unusual, and make you look inaccessible (in my husband's opinion anyway). So perhaps that's something to be aware of.

That said, you'll have to pry my playsuits from my cold, dead hands.

[–]Lady_musing1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My comment is gonna be burried here but oh whelp.

Sure it exists, but Pretty girl privelage is as superficial as the reason she gets it. Any woman thinking that this privelage has any real value (whether she is a reciever or observer) needs to reevaluate what is truely happening here. Looks matter, but there are plenty of traits that matter more.... to the people that matter:)

Niceness and free stuff given without merit is really only so valuable or flattering.

Are these friends of yours also stellar people that you respect and that show you love too?... Or are you guilty of hanging out with them based on their looks? Doing that is bad, not because you are not pretty enough, but because the relationship is shallow.

If you want to feel better about yourself, put your best foot forward. Be as attractive as you can be and figure out what character traits (in yourself and others) are truely important to you. Go toward that.

Do you know what is better than "pretty privelage"? It's better that you are appreciated for the things you value and the things you have worked hard to achieve, by people you respect.... If you are a person YOU respect in this way, you will not be jealous of what other people have.

You may even be genuinely happy for them.

[–]KendrardneK1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The bases have been covered regarding the fact that pretty privilege exists and that there are pros and cons to it. But I have a feeling the issue isn’t that your friends are this much hotter than you.

Both in my own experience moving around and in observations of others, unless these friends are incredibly insecure attention whores (in which case you likely wouldn’t be friends), girls group together at similar levels of attractiveness (give or take a few points).

I don’t know what it is but we just seem to connect better with women who are roughly as attractive as us. I’ve tried to be friends with girls who are much prettier and much uglier than myself and those friendships just don’t progress past a work/school friend kind of level. Maybe I’m the shallow one but I see most close female friends tend to be on the same level and sometimes even begin to resemble each other due to similar tastes in fashion/ style/ attitude/ etc.

So my point is that you seem to have meaningful friendships with these women and so it’s more likely that you’re not much less attractive (if at all) than them either. The issue would be your insecurity when you’re with them.

For example maybe that jumper does look better on your friend because it suits her or whatever; but if she was at the bar tugging on it uncomfortably and compromising her posture, feeling ugly in it, then some drunk dude who doesn’t like jumpers if going to notice she’s wearing a jumper and take the opportunity to make a joke. Vs someone who’s confident and rocking their outfit, in which case people are just less likely to notice the clothes over the one wearing them (within reason).

TLDR: Women form meaningful friendships with other women who are roughly the same level of attractiveness; therefore it is more likely your attitude than your looks that are making the difference.

[–]Cumber_Cookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]KanataCitizen3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Self confidence is probably a bigger turn on to men, which sounds like the real attention you're seeking or interested in. For the most part, men are generally too intimidated by esthetic beauty. If a girl appears approachable and nice, they'd probably be more into that long-term, than a quick gimmick of an external beauty. Fake it till you make it. Be funny, laugh at yourself and have fun in the moment with your friends. Don't worry about perception and comparison. I'm sure if these other girls are truly your friends, they're not competing with you. Also, who pays for random people's gas? I've never heard of this and don't think it's a real thing.

[–]Disposable__Male2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yes, and the discrimination less-attractive women face is even more prejudicial than what less-attractive men face.

You can't change your face, but you can reshape your muscles.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

the face can be changed. If someone has a crooked nose or very bad teeth or very thin lips, plastic surgery can make the difference.

[–]Disposable__Male1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I hadn't considered orthodontics as plastic surgery before, but I guess I'm a hypocrite.

Doubling down on sour grapes: plastic surgery is a scam. I'd rather marry a butterface than someone in propitiation for her poor self-assessment of her image. Plastic surgery patients are kind of a liability in that way.

I just feel we should be lookmaxxing at the gym instead of on the surgeon's table. You'd live a longer, happier life that way.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I agree but if someone has a terrible nose by birth or because of a car crash, you can not tell them "just gymmaxx" because the nose will be always noticeable.

[–]Disposable__Male1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I see your point about repairing disfiguration, but can't accept the "ugly baby" scenario since I know that every single generation of of her parents found each other attractive for some reason. Possibly gymmaxx if they really did get the ugly stick.

Taking the black pill for body dysmorphic disorder seems counterproductive except for driving profit margins for non-medical surgeons. Learned helplessness is fine in many circumstances, but if people lose faith in their bodies they will automutilate. There aren't nearly as many lost causes as they would have you believe.

[–]padpump0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are looking for equal attention. Sounds good. #Metoo However there’s only one source you can get it from. It’s called True Source (of Love) amongst other names.

It’s natural to expect equal treatment. But physics alone won’t help you there. Also in this video the influence age old genetic memory has on us is highlighted.

Smile 😀 and touch your heart 💓 and the rest will take care of itself.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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