Is there a pretty girl privilege?

peacocktoast · 2019-06-17T00:41:48+00:00

There's probably "pretty girl privilege" in some sense, but keep in mind, no matter how hot a girl is, there's a guy somewhere who's tired of her shit. A sweet attitude and polished appearance will do any woman wonders.

HB3234 · 2019-06-16T23:08:53+00:00

There is absolutely pretty girl privilege. Research has shown atractive people get promotions quicker, they make friends more easily, and just generally are better able to get their way.

If it isn't a privilege you enjoy, though, there is absolutely no point worrying about it.

Keep your focus on what you can control. Self consciousness isn't attractive, lack of confidence isn't attractive, and especially unattractive is resentment that you aren't receiving a privilege that 95% of people also do not receive. Be mindful not to become bitter. I know it is so easier said than done, but our body language communicates so much of what is in our heart.

RubyWooToo · 2019-06-17T15:00:59+00:00

A privilege is something that can be granted or taken away by a third party.

Beauty is an advantage... the same way that intelligence, physical prowess, wit, and charm are advantages. Do they give people who possess these qualities in edge in life? Sure, but it’s certainly not fair to resent them for what comes naturally and is completely outside of their control.

At the heart of people who are focused on “privilege” and want to attach that word to anything is a sense of deep entitlement. You think you’re some how a victim because other people have something you want.

If being around your model friends makes you miserable, find other friends. If you’re not happy with how you look, get fit, dress better, become a pro at hair and makeup, and get plastic surgery if you want. These are all things that are within your power to control.

vintagegirlgame · 2019-06-17T05:44:24+00:00

A Plain Jane is going to have to work twice as hard to get the same level of “respect” (or attention). Same way short men have to work twice as hard to get the same level of game a tall man has naturally.

In the end if Plain Jane can develop her personal, sense of style, confidence, personality and girl game, she’s can actually have a higher RMV than her sexier friends. Pretty Girl Privilege leads to lazy and weak girl game and is the reason men often see them as sex objects rather than relationship material. If she can depend on her looks more she doesn’t put as much effort to developing herself deeper. She could still be a great person and friend (not to rip on OPs besties) but she might be wondering why she can’t get a guy to stick around longer.

Kara__El · 2019-06-16T22:43:27+00:00

Honestly, it's likely your self-consciousness shows when you're with these friends. Beautiful and outgoing next to plain, but putting in effort, and also outgoing aren't going to get much different treatment. If you look like you're miserable and self-conscious, men aren't going to look past the plain. I'm not claiming that they don't have some privilege, but this level of privilege is likely related to your attitude, as well.

simmingslytherin · 2019-06-16T22:58:44+00:00

Having beautiful girl friends is a serious struggle. I've been the less-pretty friend all my life and I can relate to your post so much. As I have become more confident and found my personal style it doesn't really bother me anymore. Two things really helped:

- Realizing that while I may not be everyone's type, there absolutly are guys who like the way I look and prefer me over girls that i think are much prettier. (My boyfriend is way out of my league looks wise. He could date a pretty girl but to him I'm somehow prettier than these girls. I just happen to be his type. Now that's a confidence boost!) Now instead of feeling like I'm less pretty I feel more indie-pretty while my friends are mainstream-pretty if that makes sense? Now I don't find the need to compare myself to them anymore, because I just think of us as different genres.

- Understanding that getting attention from all these guys isn't always a good thing. (Sure, it can be annoying but to me it feels like a humble brag when one of my friends go "oh my god that's so annoying" after another random guy buys her a drink. So that's not what I mean.) I realized that it's hard for my friends to really get to know a guy since most guys are just interested in their looks and don't care that they have all these other amazing qualities. They kind of tend to attract douchebags. Maybe because ironically smarter guys with more depth assume that my friends are superficial just because they're pretty. Out of all my friends my relationship so far has been the longest and the happiest.So basically I have felt your pain and I hope my rambleings are helpful :)

Edit: also looks aren't all that counts obviously but you already know that. and knowing that never made me feel any better about these things so I just didn't think of saying that.

MicrotusOchrogaster · 2019-06-17T01:09:31+00:00

Yeah there is, particularly from guys who want something from you (ego boost, attention, GF) but the guys seeking out the validation from a pretty girl are rarely the ones with enough quality to treat her well, or respect people who don't serve any purpose in his life - just average to low quality guys. The high quality guys don't slobber over a pretty face so much because they've seen through the whole looks thing, and realised very attractive people can have nothing at all behind the looks, and they're bored of being objectified themselves. Everyone wants a piece of them too, like the pretty girls experience too. So often the high quality guys want a more 7/10 looking girl who is warm, comfortable to be around, makes him happy and plays around with him.

I'm reacted to by women and men as if I'm attractive. So at risk of sounding like I'm bigging myself up too much, I will give the perspective of someone considered 'pretty'. Yes, I can see I get treated kindly by men, but I'm lonely as all f, because men either use me for their own ego, or once they are in a relationship with me because I believed they were deep and genuine, they turn into insecure, controlling people who insult my looks to tear me down to their (own perceived) level (little do they know the ones I love are so high on an idealised pedestal in my heart that their insults ruin me, and make me feel even lower than worthy in their eyes). Always the first insult to come out is my looks (jokes on them, I was ugly as a teenager so I still feel like that girl inside, and I'm like 'YEAH I KNOW RIGHT!' xD). Women and men perceive the slightest socially odd behaviour from me as arrogant or bitchy or up-myself, and I am socially a weirdo and quite a loner, so that happens often - I get misread constantly and it hurts, I just want to be friends. I see my equally or more socially awkward friends get accepted where I get rejected. Women take one look at me and their lip curls in disdain because they feel bad in themselves, and it doesn't take long before the 'group' turns against me and I get cold shouldered by women everywhere. They don't look me in the eye, they plot and scheme behind my back, they gossip about me, any mistake I make at work gets loud-speakered to everyone where a male colleague making a worse mistake gets dealt with privately. Often they pass me in the corridor without greeting me or smiling after looking me up and down. I'm sabotaged and blocked from progressing by threatened middle aged women in the workplace incessantly. I'm so tired of it. I can't make real friends who are happy for you when something good happens after years of trouble. Even ones I have make separate WhatsApp groups where I'm the only one not included, and when I succeed at anything or have a nice house decor, or academic success, I know I'll be in for an emotional beating in upcoming weeks because my success hurts them. Even when I put myself down incessantly, or get as low as I possibly can, before them, constantly building them up, it's like nothing is ever enough to quench their insecurity and pain in my company. I deliberately dress frumpy in front of my mates BF's/Husband and keep an awkward formal distance from the guy to signal to my friend that she can trust me, but even then it goes bad).

So yeah, this is one long whinge, but I guess I'm just venting my heart. The common societal belief is that pretty = happier. It's a lie. It makes it harder for anyone around you to see you for you, everyone objectifies you, men and women alike. You are not a person with fears, insecurities, trust issues - NO, you are the counterfoil for their ego, their validation, their insecurities. You represent something weird to society and it wants to simultaneously use you and destroy you. I am lonely, divorced, and relatively friendless despite being a friendly kind of girl. I'm tired. What would I choose? Love, and friendship over the superficial pride of prettiness any day. Actually it would help if I wasn't a weirdo too, and you can judge for yourself how much of my problems are weirdo related vs looks related. But yea, love is this elusive thing for me, and I often look at less attractive girls who's boyfriend only has eyes for them, who have private in-jokes and spend time together, and I would give a lot to be in her shoes. Lastly, having a bit of an artistic eye, I can't help but find nearly all women to have beauty in them anyway, so they have my admiring glances whether conventionally pretty or unconventionally.

shea_the_great · 2019-06-17T15:46:54+00:00

I’ll give you a dudes perspective.

The pretty girls are always going to get the attention first. That’s a given.

Caveat before proceeding: you mentioned you’re 21, so I assume you have mostly people your age around in social environments. Most 21 year old men are hardly more mature than teenagers and may have not yet come to realize what they truly value in women yet.

Some guys will make the effort on the prettiest girls no matter what kind of person is on the inside. That’s fine and you can ignore those guys because you’ll be interested in the second group of guys, the ones who are turned off by the pretty girls after they inevitably show a boring/bitchy personality or are only concerned about resources. These are the dudes you’ll want attention from. I 100% promise you that many guys get turned on by a sense of humour and banter. If you’re not sure how to communicate in that playful way then I’d suggest hanging out with some dude friends when they are in groups and you can get a sense of how they talk and joke.

The best advice I can give you is to have confidence in who you are and to make an effort. If you are a shy little mouse in the shadows of your beautiful friends then nobody will approach you. If you do your best on your appearance, and even start taking initiative by approaching the guys you find attractive I guarantee you’ll start receiving much more attention. You’ll be that girl they mention at breakfast the next day after a night out: “hey did you meet [you] last night ?? She wasn’t necessarily the hottest but fuck she was cool, definitely want to get to know her more!”

leftajar · 2019-06-17T18:35:59+00:00

Girliness and vivacity go a long way.

My most recent girlfriend was a 5/10 at best, and a couple years older than me to boot. Yet, she was one of the girliest and most charismatic women I've ever met. She constantly had guys hitting on her and trying to get with her, despite her average looks. She was a bit promiscuous in nature, and she complained to me a few times, that guys she saw casually were constantly catching feelings and telling her they loved her; she is quite lovable.

Guys like women who like them and make them feel good.

__Some_person__ · 2019-06-17T05:31:27+00:00

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redprimey · 2019-06-16T22:23:02+00:00

There definitely is but I’ll be another person that will tell you not to think about it too much. You’ll find someone that’ll treat you like that and it’ll be amazing. But yeah, same goes for guys.

MouseTrapPUA · 2019-06-17T03:03:11+00:00

Let me help you get right to the point on how to fix your problem:

Go to the gym
Bust out them squats, lunges, quads & hammies on a consistent basis.
Abs

This is how you will off balance the competition. Thats it. When that booty gets poppin' I guarantee you will have much more desirable results.

Milkychu · 2019-06-17T01:22:20+00:00

Short answer is yes. Long answer is yes, but, you shouldn't dwell on it because it is outside of your control. The cultivation of other positive traits should be your current focus!

johnhawkinsbp · 2019-06-17T02:56:38+00:00

I work in politics and I've had attractive friends that still get on the air in cable news tell me that if you're pretty, they will give you a shot on the air. Granted, if you suck, they won't bring you back, but being pretty is the equivalent of say being a radio host with millions of listeners or running a presidential campaign for a guy. All of them will get your foot in the door.

Hoarder-of-Knowledge · 2019-06-17T03:28:23+00:00

Pretty privilege probably is not a thing in the way that most people conceptualize it. I think confidence and being comfortable in your own skin is more important.

I've always been super skinny but I had some body dusmorphia due to family where I was convinced I was somehow still fat. But as I slowly unwired my mind, got more confident and dressed more traditionally feminine I suddenly became more desirable, while the only thing that changed was me owning a few sweet summer dresses.

[deleted] · 2019-06-17T06:30:17+00:00

It’s called the halo effect. Yeah. Prettier women are higher smv and they get more compliance from men who perceive themselves as lower smv. So that affords them certain privileges.

manalitta88 · 2019-06-17T12:07:56+00:00

There is a definitely a pretty girl privilege and that is just how the world is ( I know it because I took the red pill and I can see things exactly the way they are) .

Now that you know the rules, you need to make them work for you.

First of all, you need to ask yourself why are you the least pretty of the group? Is it really because you are born like this or is it because there are things which are totally under your control that you are not doing like going to the gym, taking care of yourself from the inside ( good healthy good), and working on your style.

Second, while you have not yet worked on these aspects of you, why do you need to hang out with girls who did knowing that you will for sure feel horrible about it.

If I were you, I d go immediately do a general assessment of myself ( my weight, my skin, my wardrobe ), it takes time to get all of these things right ( I have been there and trust me I am shocked to see some of my old pictures, and I still am not on top of my game).

If you did not look good in a jumpsuit that you know would look gorgeous on your friend, that is because this jumpsuit is not for you to start with.

Take sometime to study yourself and forget about going out while you have not worked on yourself. Going out when you are not ready will only make you feel miserable.

sonder_one · 2019-06-17T20:28:28+00:00

Young women are the most socially privileged beings on the planet. Always have been. Always will be. Being prettier exacerbates the situation.

So what do you do with that information?

As little as possible. Make the best of yourself and forget about what you can't control.

Dancersep38 · 2019-06-17T12:50:53+00:00

Yes, there is. That being said, I don't know your friends, but my husband explained there's also an "easy" privilege. I'm quite attractive, but I've always felt like the ugly one around these two friends. I'm definitely quite a bit prettier than one, and about the same as the other, yet I get far less perks and attention. Essentially it boils down to them being extremely flirty, always throwing out "come fuck me" looks, etc... Men will do a lot for them because they're broadcasting their potential willingness. I didn't believe him at all, because as a women I was missing the signals. Now that I've started to pay attention, he's right (duh!) I was just oblivious.

The flip side is, while they always get more attention, I wound up with the better husband and happier marriage. Most high quality men don't want to marry the town flirt.

Again, I don't know you guys and I'm not calling your friends easy. They might just be that gorgeous. Also, being a shameless flirt doesn't mean they're sleeping with these men. They only have to present the possibility for most men to start tripping over themselves.

BeginningSomewhere3 · 2019-06-17T00:33:41+00:00

There is definitely attractive privilege, but this could also be something else.

If your confidence is lacking around your friends, maybe that is shining through to the men doing the approaching. Women with low self confidence are often viewed by the world how they view themselves. So if you feel uncomfortable, you're going to look uncomfortable. If this is your issue, you can try giving yourself a hard look in the mirror and finding something nice about yourself that is solely unique to you; find something you have that your friends don't and then start wearing that one aspect with pride. Ex: I'm also plain looking, and fairly low maintenance, but I have beautiful freckles that run across my face that other women would kill for. I embrace them by never covering them, and they get lots of compliments.

Something else I didn't see anyone say is that you might be like the "designated ugly friend". Not to say you're ugly, but lots of groups of girls designate one friend that is less attractive in order to make the rest of the group look better when going out together. If you're the ONLY plain looking girl they hang around with, maybe consider adopting a new friend group that you also go out with so you don't always have to be the less attractive friend. It'll help to build your self confidence at the very least.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-06-17T17:55:08+00:00

If your SMV is that much lower, AND your self esteem isn't equipped to deal with it (and yours isn't) then you shouldn't hang out with them. You need to get yourself sorted out. Until you do, they'll just stress you out.

ANIKAHirsch · 2019-06-17T05:45:31+00:00

“Pretty privilege” is a Radical Feminist concept to divide women according to their perceived attractiveness. This type of thinking can only alienate you from your friends. You are feeling victimized when you shouldn’t. Focus on what you can change. Other commenters have already given you the right advice: work on improving your self confidence. And your physical appearance. You can’t change your genetics, but you can control your diet, exercise, makeup, wardrobe, etc.

[deleted] · 2019-06-17T10:20:09+00:00

There is, but, if it makes you feel better, there are downsides too ♡

And I’m sure you’ve got your own things going for you which gives you some kind of privilege / advantage too.

Like, I’m pretty and petite with boobs. It’s a sweet deal. But I’m not as athletic or well-travelled as one of my best friends, which gets her a ton of points in convo. She’s older and gives of this air of being accomplished. It’s fantastic :)

radiantgemini · 2019-06-17T14:54:16+00:00

Have you read The Rules Revisited? Its a blog with mostly good advice from a man's perspective. I'm not saying to follow it to a T, but I thought it brought up some interesting points.

teaandtalk · 2019-06-17T20:54:37+00:00

You've gotten some great advice here! I'm just going to mention something super superficial: a lot of men hate jumpsuits/onesies! They're unusual, and make you look inaccessible (in my husband's opinion anyway). So perhaps that's something to be aware of.

That said, you'll have to pry my playsuits from my cold, dead hands.

Lady_musing · 2019-06-19T01:10:58+00:00

My comment is gonna be burried here but oh whelp.

Sure it exists, but Pretty girl privelage is as superficial as the reason she gets it. Any woman thinking that this privelage has any real value (whether she is a reciever or observer) needs to reevaluate what is truely happening here. Looks matter, but there are plenty of traits that matter more.... to the people that matter:)

Niceness and free stuff given without merit is really only so valuable or flattering.

Are these friends of yours also stellar people that you respect and that show you love too?... Or are you guilty of hanging out with them based on their looks? Doing that is bad, not because you are not pretty enough, but because the relationship is shallow.

If you want to feel better about yourself, put your best foot forward. Be as attractive as you can be and figure out what character traits (in yourself and others) are truely important to you. Go toward that.

Do you know what is better than "pretty privelage"? It's better that you are appreciated for the things you value and the things you have worked hard to achieve, by people you respect.... If you are a person YOU respect in this way, you will not be jealous of what other people have.

You may even be genuinely happy for them.

KendrardneK · 2019-06-19T05:24:03+00:00

The bases have been covered regarding the fact that pretty privilege exists and that there are pros and cons to it. But I have a feeling the issue isn’t that your friends are this much hotter than you.

Both in my own experience moving around and in observations of others, unless these friends are incredibly insecure attention whores (in which case you likely wouldn’t be friends), girls group together at similar levels of attractiveness (give or take a few points).

I don’t know what it is but we just seem to connect better with women who are roughly as attractive as us. I’ve tried to be friends with girls who are much prettier and much uglier than myself and those friendships just don’t progress past a work/school friend kind of level. Maybe I’m the shallow one but I see most close female friends tend to be on the same level and sometimes even begin to resemble each other due to similar tastes in fashion/ style/ attitude/ etc.

So my point is that you seem to have meaningful friendships with these women and so it’s more likely that you’re not much less attractive (if at all) than them either. The issue would be your insecurity when you’re with them.

For example maybe that jumper does look better on your friend because it suits her or whatever; but if she was at the bar tugging on it uncomfortably and compromising her posture, feeling ugly in it, then some drunk dude who doesn’t like jumpers if going to notice she’s wearing a jumper and take the opportunity to make a joke. Vs someone who’s confident and rocking their outfit, in which case people are just less likely to notice the clothes over the one wearing them (within reason).

TLDR: Women form meaningful friendships with other women who are roughly the same level of attractiveness; therefore it is more likely your attitude than your looks that are making the difference.

KanataCitizen · 2019-06-17T03:01:58+00:00

Self confidence is probably a bigger turn on to men, which sounds like the real attention you're seeking or interested in. For the most part, men are generally too intimidated by esthetic beauty. If a girl appears approachable and nice, they'd probably be more into that long-term, than a quick gimmick of an external beauty. Fake it till you make it. Be funny, laugh at yourself and have fun in the moment with your friends. Don't worry about perception and comparison. I'm sure if these other girls are truly your friends, they're not competing with you. Also, who pays for random people's gas? I've never heard of this and don't think it's a real thing.

Disposable__Male · 2019-06-17T02:34:33+00:00

Yes, and the discrimination less-attractive women face is even more prejudicial than what less-attractive men face.

You can't change your face, but you can reshape your muscles.

padpump · 2019-06-17T10:39:30+00:00

You are looking for equal attention. Sounds good. #Metoo However there’s only one source you can get it from. It’s called True Source (of Love) amongst other names.

It’s natural to expect equal treatment. But physics alone won’t help you there. Also in this video the influence age old genetic memory has on us is highlighted.

https://youtu.be/KnQ2JIPxSq4

Smile 😀 and touch your heart 💓 and the rest will take care of itself.

Title	Is there a pretty girl privilege?
Author	buffythebitchesslaye
Upvotes	114
Comments	80
Date	June 16, 2019 10:18 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-there-a-pretty-girl-privilege.242256 https://theredarchive.com/post/242256
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/c1fr6z/is_there_a_pretty_girl_privilege/