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It’s wild how much cooking changes the dynamic

April 22, 2019

This isn’t exactly a shocking revelation, but I love seeing it in action. My fiancé works a job that normally feeds him three meals a day, and during mealtimes he and his coworkers are usually wrapped up in discussing ‘business.’ I prefer to cook for myself and I have a long commute, so I usually go to the gym/run errands after work and don’t eat dinner with him—we hang out afterward.

This past weekend, like most holiday weekends, his job wasn’t feeding him. So I cooked. Yesterday after church (Easter), I did vanilla cinnamon brioche French toast (his favorite) with syrup and fresh berries plus an egg scramble with peppers, onion, and chicken chorizo. Dinner was rosemary steak tips, garlic-rub pork loin, green beans, Brussels sprouts, and of course wine. Chocolate truffle brownies for dessert. Not fancy, all quick to prepare, but it’s amazing how much better cooking seems to make things. It makes him talk more about growing up and his childhood. He loves to come hug me from behind/grab my butt in the kitchen. The sex is better. And this is with a guy who is pretty ‘purple pill’ as things go (his mom was stay at home and I consider him very masculine, but he also thinks a woman with a career is sexy; he likes women who dress modestly but powerfully. Think Michelle Obama).

I’ve been kind of nervous about cooking every night when we move next year, when I start law school and he starts a new job that doesn’t feed him. But if cooking improves our domestic vibe this much generally... well, then I guess it’s time to add a crockpot and more pans to the registry.

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Post Information
Title It’s wild how much cooking changes the dynamic
Author lawschoolRP
Upvotes 117
Comments 15
Date April 22, 2019 2:35 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I love cooking; it's a huge hobby of mine. I love recreating stuff I see on restaurant menus and on TV/YouTube. It surprised the heck out of me when my boyfriend told me he'd never had a girl cook him a meal from scratch, much less a steak! They never lied when they said the way to his heart is through his stomach!

That being said, you're going into law school and it's perfectly reasonable to invest your time in quick, healthy options on the weekdays and go all out on the weekends. Have you looked into cookie sheet meals, freezer meals, and one pan meals? Entering any of those into Google should get you great results that will make cooking on busy nights easy and mess-free.

My opinion for your wedding registry: Scratch the crock pot and get an instant pot instead. Mine has changed my life; and you can throw frozen food in there and still have it coming out tasty!

(Also, your meal sounds delicious and quite fancy, I know plenty of women who wouldn't know where to start with a steak or brussel sprouts!)

Also, I know that those lifestyles tend to be associated with red, purple, and blue, but I don't think that is mutually exclusive at all. I don't think that a man wanting a career-minded spouse makes him less "red pill," I think what makes him "red pill" is his ability to lead. :)

[–]lawschoolRP[S] 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is all so helpful, thanks. Yeah, believe me, I’m definitely looking into ‘quick meal’ options for law school; the meats we had this weekend were premarinated cuts from Trader Joe’s which are sooo helpful and they have great premade stuff in general. I’ll look into insta pots, I didn’t know there was a big difference.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I didn't either until I had one; you can do anything in that thing; rice, slow cook, pressure cook, saute... (Which is amazing if you're doing a roast and you need to brown it before slow/pressure cooking an the clean up is easier than even a Crock-Pot I had at a similar price point! I love pressure cooking because if I didn't plan ahead I can still throw it in frozen!

Those pre-marinated cuts can get pricey, not sure if you're on a budget but if you are, making marinade can be super easy too. I've learned to scout sales, meal prep, and freeze things. Not exactly on a budget, but it's crazy how much that stuff adds up!

[–]est-la-lune0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Second the Instant Pot! I throw frozen chicken breasts in there and they're ready to eat less than 30 minutes later. I also strain and save the cooking liquid for rice.

For two people the 3 quart size (about $60) is sufficient, but the 6 quart one (the size of a standard crock pot) is better for cooking meat. There's also a sauté function which is great for one-pot meals.

I also recommend the book "The Food Lab" by J. Kenji López-Alt. He uses science to break down basic recipes. Since you sound more experienced in the kitchen I recommend skimming the book... personally, his technique for poached eggs and no-stir risotto are getting a lot of action on my stove. :)

[–]dangernoodle8812 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I love the idea of cooking for a man ("keep his stomach full and his balls empty" lol) but my boyfriend is an amazing cook himself and really into cooking, so I don't want to act like I'm competing. I always let him lead in the kitchen and just make the salad or whatever. But sometimes I wonder if I'm missing out on a core component of femininity. Plus, I'm anxious about cooking for him because while I'm alright, he's definitely the better cook. Plus, for myself I mainly make healthy food which isn't particularly delicious/comforting. Anyone know what to do in a situation like this? Btw, baking is off the table since he doesn't really like baked goods.

[–]lawschoolRP[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Honestly, if you live together, I think just keeping the space clean/vacuumed with some nice scented candles and freshly washed sheets every week goes a long way! That’s what I focus on most of the time since I don’t cook either.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Prep and clean the kitchen for him.

[–]littlepearlisland7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Recipes please!

As an almost law school grad I have a few suggestions:

  1. Meal Prep like a mo fo. Seriously plan out two or three weeks at a time.
  2. Look up bento box lunches on Pinterest for both him and yourself
  3. Crock pots / insta pots are a life saver, as are homemade pre made meals
  4. Double cook, tasty leftovers are still well appreciated.
  5. Ask him to cook one night a week
  6. Treat school like a 9 to 5 job, it'll make it easier to balance the rest of your life.
  7. During finals or super stressful periods, let cooking slide. Order takeout. It's not ideal or sustainable for long periods of time but there will be days where time will be short.
  8. Buy foods that take out some of the prep time, pre marinated meat, pre cut veggies, already cut up fruit. It's more expensive, figure out what is the most time valuable for you.
  9. Give him a copy of your schedule and a list of weeks that will be extra stressful.
  10. Make friends with another couple and alternate hosting dinner one night each week.

Best of luck during law school!

[–]lawschoolRP[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you!! All of this advice is awesome. We’ve got a couple of married friends in the area, which will be good, but I’m definitely looking forward to the law school couples’ group to find more. I lived with a friend during her 1L year who came straight out of college, and if I devote half the attention to my husband/relationship/home that she devoted to tinder, it should all work out haha.

As to recipes—not much to it! French toast was just 2/3 cup milk + 3 eggs + cinnamon + sugar + vanilla plus a shitload of brioche bread, egg scramble was just onions + peppers + chorizo + eggs, meats were premarinated and veggies were prepped simply. I already have tried to master some simple meals because frankly I mess up recipes half the time.

[–]artemis2865 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I also adore cooking. The kitchen is one of my zen places. I tend to have a bit of a hummingbird mind, constantly going from thing to thing. But cooking and yoga both bring me right to the present, and are incredibly meditative for me. I also just love good, homemade food!

And acts of service is one of my husband's love languages, and having food made for him really puts him on cloud nine. He's totally capable of cooking for himself, but me taking the time and effort to lovingly prepare a homemade meal for him truly makes him feel loved and appreciated. I feel like so much has been lost around food and cooking, especially for my generation. I'm a huge fan of Micheal Pollen, who wrote an amazing book with a Netflix documentary titled, "Cooked", and he really delves into how much culture has been lost with the industrial food system.

Food really does bring people together, meal times are a time of connection, and are pretty sacred in our house. And it's something we hope to translate to our children, that preparing food is a mindful task that can bring joy to the individual and the family. And that getting to explore new tastes and textures is fun, rather than drudgery. Micheal Pollen also picks apart the cultural influence that advertising had on us believing that cooking is a lowly task of drudgery and monotony, and to then buy their prepared foods instead.

Anyway. We love homemade food, and it completely influences the vibe in our home!

[–]IreneCarter925 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I never cooked in my life, until a year ago. The first time I cooked in my life was for my current boyfriend. The food tasted absolutely horrible, but he never said anything bad about it and gave me the brightest smile ever. Ever since then cooking has been a hobby of mine.

As one great person once said, "The way to a Man's heart goes through his stomach."

[–]BrotherFrankie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

vanilla cinnamon brioche French toast

OMG, I see what yu did here.

[–]Tyrant5050 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Cooking is everything.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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