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I’ve lost everything.

ManEatingMatzahBall_
April 18, 2020
161 upvotes
/r/RedPillWomen

I lost my husband and my father on the same night. I’m so lost I feel like all the light in the world is gone. I don’t know how I’m going to go on. I have 5 children who will grow up without their father. I’m all alone.

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Post Information
Title I’ve lost everything.
Author ManEatingMatzahBall_
Upvotes 161
Comments 44
Date April 18, 2020 1:16 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/ive-lost-everything.654113
https://theredarchive.com/post/654113
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/g3eskd/ive_lost_everything/
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Comments

[–]Own_Outsideasd58 points59 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm very sorry. I remember your earlier posts. I hope the rest of your family can band together at this time.

[–]MissyPennyPants17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sry for your loss, love. Please stay safe.

[–]fosho_away31 points32 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh my goodness, dear. I’m so sorry to hear what’s happened. Nothing I can type on this forum will suffice, but my heart goes out to you. Please be gentle with yourself, and may you and your children find peace.

[–]HappilyMrs12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am so sorry :(

[–]simmingslytherin12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

i can't imagine what you must be going through, i'm so sorry. please reach out to your friends and family. losing a loved one can make you feel so lonely but you are not alone.

your children are blessed to have you as their mom. my dad died when i was 12, i didn't handle it very well but i'm forever greatful to my mom for always being there for me and being a good role model. losing my dad has brought us so much closer. our love for him is something her and i still bond over now, 13 years after he died.

[–]ManEatingMatzahBall_[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My daughter is 11 and such a daddy’s girl she’s so heartbroken. I don’t think she’ll ever get over this. She said prayers with him and gave him a kiss goodnight and he never woke up.

[–]simmingslytherin2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

so was i. my parents were seperated at the time and right before my dad got sick my parents made plans for me to finally move in with him. i was beyond excited and so heartbroken when i found out it would never happen.

losing my dad made my teenage years so much harder but i believe it also made me a more emotionally mature and empathetic person than i would have been. i know your daughter will come out of this stronger, even if it will take some time.

you probably have plenty of people who are there for you, who are much wiser than i am. but if you ever want to dm me to talk about anything at all, i'd love to.

you and your daughter are in my thoughts. take care.

[–]midnightspecial9911 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry.

[–]terragutti13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hello there Im so sorry for your loss. Ill Make sure to pray for you and your family. Make sure to keep safe.

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am so sorry. I hope you and your little ones are safe with your in-laws, and have the solace of their company.

[–]thenewgoddess10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hugs. Take it one breath and one day at a time. As with each day, this too shall pass. This feeling will ebb and flow. You’ll be okay, some day. But for today, it’s okay to not be brave.

I’m sorry for your losses. But to me - even these platitudes seem irrelevant in the face of your grief. Know that you’ll somehow find strength; among strangers, and among friends. Your kids will also give you strength. ♥️ love and light.

[–]organicsunshine9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Oh no! Was this due to covid and him not quarantining?

[–]ManEatingMatzahBall_[S] 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My husband died from a suspected brain aneurysm. He went to bed saying he had a bad headache and didn’t wake up.

My father died of a heart attack.

[–]organicsunshine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh my god, my deepest sympathies. So sorry dear.

[–]LethalShade4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Read the original post. She posted about both her husband and father ignoring the quarantine order. This is tragic. You are not alone OP, it may feel like it but the rest of the human race is struggling in this world with you if that's consolation.

[–]sidus_312 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40: 28, 31

​

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so sorry for your aloneness. There are no words that I can give you over the internet to dissipate the pain of your loss. But you are not alone. Your family, your friends, your community are there. And inside you is a strength. The strength of a mother who loves her children and who will do what she needs to for herself and for them.

[–]pennynotrcutt3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m so sorry. My best advice is when people offer help, TAKE IT. Now is not the time to worry about being a burden or if you’re being annoying or whatever. If someone offers to make dinners, say yes. If someone offers to take the kids off a bit. Say yes. Also hire an attorney. I wish you peace.

[–]Runningdisciple21 points22 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

I'm so sorry for your losses. I don't know what your situation is, if they're death losses or people walking out of your life, but I truly hope you know that there is a God out there who loves you and will never leave you, nor forsake you. I repeat: He will never leave you, nor forsake you. I pray you and your family find rest, peace and the tiniest bit of hope that everything will be okay. Please reach out if you need help, a praying friend or just someone to vent/ cry with.

[–]ManEatingMatzahBall_[S] 24 points25 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

But why is he doing this to me? Why just take them for no reason? It hurts so much and it won’t stop.

[–]The_Riddler_2430 points31 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I am an agnostic atheist, so my advice might not be helpful to you if you are a Christian, but I believe that the only thing I truly own is myself because only I can be fully under my own control. Others can be, at most, only partially under my control, so they are not entirely mine.

That’s a wishful, if not a delusional thinking. So I came to the understanding that I do not own things or people. They are simply granted to me by the Universe or whatever higher power exists out there, and at any moment, this Universe can take what was granted.

I always keep in mind that the things around me, the things I care about, the people whose presence I enjoy can be taken away from me, and I should return these things the moment they are called upon, without any reluctance and outrage.

In conclusion, you should simply accept that this is part of life and, in accordance, you should respond dispassionately and try to do your best.

Now that you are already grieving the question is how should you deal with the natural grief that loss provokes?

I think you to face, process, and deal with your emotions immediately instead of running from them. Tempting as it is to deceive yourself or hide from a powerful emotion like grief— by telling yourself and other people that you’re fine—awareness and understanding are better. Distraction might be pleasant in the short term—by delveing into alcohol, for example. But focusing is better in the long term.

That means facing it now. Process and parse what you are feeling. Remove your expectations, your entitlements, your sense of having been wronged. Find the positive in the situation, but also sit with your pain and accept it, remembering that it is a part of life. That’s how one conquers grief.

And then, I would urge you to look for positives in the situation. Has it then all been for nothing that you have had such a husband? During so many years, amid such close associations, after such intimate communion of personal interests, has nothing been accomplished? Do you bury you relationship along with your husband? And why lament having lost him, if it be of no avail to have possessed him? Believe me, a great part of those we have loved, though chance has removed their persons, still abides with us. The past is ours, and there is nothing more secure for us than that which has been.

Another advice would be to invite your friends and family to praise and share memories of the person you’ve lost. Most people will not know how to conduct themselves around you, and would usually remain in silence, deriving you from one of the greatest pleasures of recalling past memories. It is why you would benefit from inviting talk in which his actions may be told, and open your ears to the name and memory of your husband and your father.

Finally, it would be best for you to recall and cherish your memories and chides you you had with your father and husband. The past is yours and you can look back with gratitude on moments together and be grateful that you were lucky to share them. If you admit to having derived great pleasures, your duty is not to complain about what has been taken away but to be thankful for what you have been given.

So you can sit down and do the same now. It’s one of the best ways to honor someone—a deep sense of gratitude for them being a part of your life. And even better: living all the lessons they have taught you and made you better.

And in closing, remember that you are not alone in any of this. Who maintains that it is not a heavy blow? But it is part of being human. If you would look at the examples of great men and women who have overcome adversity, think about how much harder it is to find families who have avoided any disastrous occurrences. So remember, if it offers at least a bit of consolation, you are not alone. We are all in this together.

[–]AKinglyAss5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Preach, girl, preach! <3

[–]tofurainbowgarden3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is wonderfully put

[–]JadedByEntropy11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I lost everything last year. We might have to wait until heaven to get answers. But i know that God understands pain and every emotion, and holds me through it all.

[–]ironsoul991 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well said. ❤️

[–]Asteroria12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Is G_d doing this to you? Or was it the consequences of choices that people made? Blaming G_d is only going to push you away from his grace at the moment when you need it the most.

G_d has gifted you with five little blessings. Be strong for them the same way that they are a source of your strength. Protect them from everything that you can and trust that as long as you do right and do your best, it will be enough.

[–]Theyogithatcould8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's not your job to make sense of Gods plan. When you surrender in the truth that you will never have that divine capacity to understand, more faith and peace will enter your life. I am so sorry for your losses and confusion is a normal part of grieving. The mind wants to fit things into logical boxes and this is beyond all understanding. God is greater. Trust in Him. The pain is immense, this I know, but please lean on the divine grace that is eternally with you. Wishing your heart comfort. They are forever with you, never forget this. Take your time in grieving and know that there is no good/bad/right/wrong way to go through this. I am so sorry. God is with you.

[–]Frankincenseandmyrh0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not your job to make sense of Gods plan

It's not actually. She wrote in her last post that her husband flouted the stay at home order for a long time.

Even apostle Paul told us we should obey constituted authority. Romans 13 vs 1.

If you walk onto a busy road, you risk being hit by a car. It's simple logic.

I feel sad for her and for the fact that she's pregnant.

[–]l00king4mining0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

“He will never leave you, nor forsake you” I love that.. the Quran has a similar verse “Your Lord did not abandon you, nor did he forget you” (93:3).. it’s one of my favourites too ♥️

[–]224Y0U9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Did he pass?

[–]Frankincenseandmyrh1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm so sorry about what happened. You are not alone, darling. You have your kids. Remember, your little ones are counting on you. Please, be strong for them. They need you to survive this cold and harsh world. I hope you have other family members whom you can lean on at this time.

Stay strong, dear.

[–]WhatTimeIsCowboyTime1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm very sorry to hear this.

You're pregnant too, judging by your post history.

Do you have any kind of support network you can lean on for now? Friends you can reach out to, even if it only online?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

May your faith sustain you through your losses. You are in my thoughts. Have your community come to support your families? Is there anything we can do for you here?

[–]RinoaRita1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m sorry. Who is still around that you can turn to for support?

[–]tofurainbowgarden0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm so sorry this has happened. if you need a stranger to vent to, you can always message me. I will listen. My heart deeply hurts for you and your family.

[–]deerprudehence0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can't begin to understand the way you feel right now. It's hard for me to tell you to be strong when right now you deserve to feel what you feel and if that means not being strong you are entitled to that. But what I will say is your children love you and need you. They will give you the strength and comfort to move forward. I recommend looking into this article, it might be useful to you and your family here.

​

I am going to pray for you so you can find strength and for God to replace your sadness with love.

[–]Amanda-Black0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have just said a short prayer for you. God is with you. It will get better ❤️🙏🏾

[–]organicsunshine0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

How are you doing now?

[–]ManEatingMatzahBall_[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Tired. I can’t sleep every time I try to sleep i have horrible nightmares. I’m so confused I don’t know how I going to keep going with out my husband. But mostly I’m just sad I can’t find joy anymore.

[–]organicsunshine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

So sorry honey. Just know you are not alone and other think about you. The kids need you and there will be a new normal, for you and us all. Life will go on. Start to form a new picture of the future and take it one day at a time.

[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy Link

[removed]

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This is sort of tacky. Would you ask this question in this manner in a face to face interaction?

[–]Kara__El5 Stars7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm just picturing someone munching on chips, asking this of an inconsolable woman.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[removed]

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Please, not now, not here. Thank you.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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