Let me start off by saying that I have only recently been introduced to RPW, and I completely agree with most, if not all, that is said here. I have always been cautious of the feminist movement and I've always believed that us humans are still animals and do work on a biological and evolutionary level, even if society tries to suppress these natural urges. Though I have always believed in these things, as I'm reading what is on this subreddit here, I am realizing more and more how much I have been subconsciously brainwashed by feminism, no matter how much I've tried to avoid it. I've made too many mistakes due to a lack of knowledge and understanding, and though it is hard to come across information such as this, it is my own fault for not looking for it before jumping into a lifestyle that is so wrong.

Thankfully I am out of that lifestyle now, but because of it, I know my value as a woman has gone down. I've been in a relationship with my SO for over a year now, but I know that I've been doing things wrong from the get-go. I had a feminist mother, I grew up in a "sex-positive" household, so I never had a female role-model when it comes to femininity, and I am at a lost now that I am in my first long term relationship.

I want to change. I want to be a good First Mate to my Captain. I always have, but I never knew where to start or how to even identify my flaws.

Just a little background: I am now twenty-one. I didn't lose my virginity until I was seventeen, but since then, I had been a plate for way too many men. There were times I was okay with it, and others where I hated it. I didn't know what I was doing wrong. My relationships lasted three months max. I was always very confused, and like I said before, being raised by a "sex-positive" mother didn't help matters any.

My SO has been so patient and kind with me. He has both alpha and beta qualities, and he is perfect for a long term relationship. He is perfect in every way. He really has no flaw--the only flaws he does have are undoubtedly caused my me, as I have come to realize after reading what is said here. He wants to be with me forever, as I do him. He knows of my past mistakes, and he is willing to ignore them as I have changed. But though he doesn't say it, I know I need to change more for him and for myself.

Though I have a very feminine figure and looks, I was always very tomboyish-looking in my style. I had short, bright colored hair and wore baggy clothes that did not compliment my figure at all. I have since dyed my hair back to its natural color and grown it out and will continue to do so. I'm starting to try to compliment my feminine appearance more--though it is hard as I am very new to doing so. I'm starting to like looking like a girl, which I never though would happen. I feel like these are important first steps.

I have flawed a lot during the past year with my SO, but I want to become a better girlfriend. My current flaws:

  • Being controlling, even bitchy
  • Falling back on old habits of wearing baggy clothing--even my SO has mentioned how unattractive it is
  • Not giving him enough space
  • Gaining weight (even if it's a little, it's horrible how I've let myself go)
  • Being too needy
  • Complaining WAY too much
  • Creating problems that aren't there/drama

Those are only the things I can think of for right now--I'm sure there are more. As a result of these actions, he has desired me less sexually and is becoming more submissive in some ways (due to my bitching, mostly). I want to be with him forever, but I don't want us to be miserable. I want a passionate and loving relationship where we work as a team, where I support him and trust him. I'm realizing now as I lurk on this subreddit that it is my responsibility to nurture this kind of relationship. I realize I'm lucky he hasn't left me.

I'm starting on this whole new lifestyle change, and I hope to have the brutally honest support and advice of this subreddit. I always appreciate transparency and honesty, even if it sucks to hear it.

To improve myself, I'm going to start working out and eating right to lose the weight I've gained. I will start wearing more than tee shirts and baggy jeans, and adopt a more feminine look. I will work hard to try and not control everything my SO does, and instead support him and only offer suggestions when he asks for them. I will LISTEN to him, and do as he asks of me instead of argue or complain. These are the first steps I'm going to take.

So my first few questions: can I increase my value as a woman to my SO, even after my past mistakes have been made? Is it too late? What is some advice that you guys have to where I can work towards bettering myself and my relationship? Is there anything more I should try doing to change my behavior and increase my value as a person?

Let me know if this post doesn't follow within the rules of this subreddit, and thank you for reading my wall of text. I want to give back to this community, but I feel as if I am too inexperienced and flawed to give any quality advice to others here. However, I plan to be active within this sub and definitely update with my progress.