There's been a lot of posts about jealousy over the past few weeks and I thought it might be helpful to share a strategy for fighting it.
To paint out a common scenario: A couple has been in an LTR for an extended period of time and she notices that there is a girl texting him, making advances towards him, and exhibiting all-around flirtatious behavior that makes her uncomfortable about the whole ordeal.
The first gut reaction of many women is to yell, be controlling, go through his phone, start drama with the girl directly, or confront either party about it. Even if she doesn't do any if these, she makes her animosity known because she's bitter about the mere mention of that other girl.
Exhibiting these types of jealous behaviors does not work. Plain and simple. Nobody wants to be yelled at, have their privacy invaded, or deal with drama. Acting out this way can make a man think things like "My girlfriend is extremely controlling and crazy, why am I with her?"
Proceeding with these behaviors makes the forbidden fruit sweeter. You're placing restrictions on what he can and cannot do. What did Simba do when Mufasa told him to never go to the shadowy land? He went to the shadowy land. What did Adam and Eve do when God said, well, yeah, you get the idea? Think about it. When you drive a wedge in and start drama, you're telling him that for whatever reason, you don't think you are good enough and you're worried the forbidden fruit is better. On top of that, that other girl, she's being flirtatious and fun. You? You are being a raging and controlling girlfriend. Now who is more fun to talk to right now? Definitely not you!
So what should you do? Get in the right mindset and fight the forbidden fruit with honey. When outside factors and temptations come at your man, it's best to remember that he is with you, and not that other girl, for a reason, and it's best to not let him forget that either. Instead of letting jealousy and controlling behavior to rule you, let the interaction play out, and when it's over and he's still at your side, remind him about that cute little outfit you want to try on for him at home. Straddle him on his lap so he can't put the phone in his face and give him some sugar. If you're a pro, you can even get away with saying things like "Oh, she's cute." While making advances.
It works because it reinforces that you have something the forbidden fruit doesn't. She may be batting her pretty little eyelashes at your friend's social function, but no matter how cute she thinks she is, you're the one who knows how to blow his mind in the bedroom at night. You know his favorite dish, you know exactly where that sore spot on his neck that he likes rubbed is, and you know that innocent little move you can do that drives him wild in public. You have knowledge on your side, and, well, she has eyelashes.
It works because the focus is brought back on your relationship instead of driving a wedge for the forbidden fruit to work its way in. You're providing a positive distraction away from the forbidden fruit. When you grab his phone and go through it, or you get mad about it, you provide a negative distraction and opening the door for him to exhibit escapist behaviors, like getting angry and storming out. That gives the forbidden fruit the opportunity to slide right in. Acting this way is the easiest way to show a lack of respect and trust for your man which brings me to my third point:
He's less likely to hide his behaviors or be secretive if you are fighting the forbidden fruit with honey. Making him feel comfortable to interact with the forbidden fruit will give you the opportunity to rate your vetting decision. A high quality man would decline her advances in a way the doesn't degrade the forbidden fruit, nor does it degrade you. Allowing the interaction to play out shows that you trust him to make good decisions about your relationship and you respect him enough to not cause a scene. On the flip side, if he's flirting back and acting in poor form, that's your sign that he may not be a high quality mate after all, and it's time to move on.
Jealousy is something that may pop up in any relationship from time to time, and handling it smartly can make or break a relationship. Instead of letting the forbidden fruit become a temptation, remember that honey is sweeter and you have it at your disposal, not to mention honey is a display of trust and respect, and bitterness is a display of the exact opposite.