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Jealousy and the secret weapon against the forbidden fruit: honey

March 9, 2019

There's been a lot of posts about jealousy over the past few weeks and I thought it might be helpful to share a strategy for fighting it.

To paint out a common scenario: A couple has been in an LTR for an extended period of time and she notices that there is a girl texting him, making advances towards him, and exhibiting all-around flirtatious behavior that makes her uncomfortable about the whole ordeal.

The first gut reaction of many women is to yell, be controlling, go through his phone, start drama with the girl directly, or confront either party about it. Even if she doesn't do any if these, she makes her animosity known because she's bitter about the mere mention of that other girl.

Exhibiting these types of jealous behaviors does not work. Plain and simple. Nobody wants to be yelled at, have their privacy invaded, or deal with drama. Acting out this way can make a man think things like "My girlfriend is extremely controlling and crazy, why am I with her?"

Proceeding with these behaviors makes the forbidden fruit sweeter. You're placing restrictions on what he can and cannot do. What did Simba do when Mufasa told him to never go to the shadowy land? He went to the shadowy land. What did Adam and Eve do when God said, well, yeah, you get the idea? Think about it. When you drive a wedge in and start drama, you're telling him that for whatever reason, you don't think you are good enough and you're worried the forbidden fruit is better. On top of that, that other girl, she's being flirtatious and fun. You? You are being a raging and controlling girlfriend. Now who is more fun to talk to right now? Definitely not you!

So what should you do? Get in the right mindset and fight the forbidden fruit with honey. When outside factors and temptations come at your man, it's best to remember that he is with you, and not that other girl, for a reason, and it's best to not let him forget that either. Instead of letting jealousy and controlling behavior to rule you, let the interaction play out, and when it's over and he's still at your side, remind him about that cute little outfit you want to try on for him at home. Straddle him on his lap so he can't put the phone in his face and give him some sugar. If you're a pro, you can even get away with saying things like "Oh, she's cute." While making advances.

It works because it reinforces that you have something the forbidden fruit doesn't. She may be batting her pretty little eyelashes at your friend's social function, but no matter how cute she thinks she is, you're the one who knows how to blow his mind in the bedroom at night. You know his favorite dish, you know exactly where that sore spot on his neck that he likes rubbed is, and you know that innocent little move you can do that drives him wild in public. You have knowledge on your side, and, well, she has eyelashes.

It works because the focus is brought back on your relationship instead of driving a wedge for the forbidden fruit to work its way in. You're providing a positive distraction away from the forbidden fruit. When you grab his phone and go through it, or you get mad about it, you provide a negative distraction and opening the door for him to exhibit escapist behaviors, like getting angry and storming out. That gives the forbidden fruit the opportunity to slide right in. Acting this way is the easiest way to show a lack of respect and trust for your man which brings me to my third point:

He's less likely to hide his behaviors or be secretive if you are fighting the forbidden fruit with honey. Making him feel comfortable to interact with the forbidden fruit will give you the opportunity to rate your vetting decision. A high quality man would decline her advances in a way the doesn't degrade the forbidden fruit, nor does it degrade you. Allowing the interaction to play out shows that you trust him to make good decisions about your relationship and you respect him enough to not cause a scene. On the flip side, if he's flirting back and acting in poor form, that's your sign that he may not be a high quality mate after all, and it's time to move on.

Jealousy is something that may pop up in any relationship from time to time, and handling it smartly can make or break a relationship. Instead of letting the forbidden fruit become a temptation, remember that honey is sweeter and you have it at your disposal, not to mention honey is a display of trust and respect, and bitterness is a display of the exact opposite.

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Post Information
Title Jealousy and the secret weapon against the forbidden fruit: honey
Author stripethrowaway
Upvotes 164
Comments 36
Date March 9, 2019 2:46 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
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[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor88 points89 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

"if he's flirting back and acting in poor form, that's your sign that he may not be a high quality mate after all, and it's time to move on."

Yes! Even in non-monogamy situations, respect shown by appropriate social behavior is necessary. If he can't handle himself gracefully in public, that's a problem.

To expand on this, I point it out to my husband when he doesn't notice the women who make fools of themselves. Because of this, he doesn't 'need' to prove anything to himself. I think some guys stray because the sudden egoboost was just too much to resist, more than because the promise of strange was irresistable.

Like I said elsewhere, a little bit of vulnerable insecure jealousy will only endear you to him. But the angry nagging kind isn't doing you any favors.

Also don't pretend. One time an ex of my husband showed up at our home. I rushed into the kitchen to put on some lipstick before facing her. When he asked about it, I gave him a sly smile and told him I was getting my warpaints on. Own it, you have a right to fight for your man. Just don't make your jealousy his problem.

[–]yamfood11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I bet you rock that war paint like a savage.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]Irl_girl4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Meow! 💄

[–]drunk_fish11 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, my husband knows I compete with a certain other woman. I think he loves having women silently fighting over him lol plus the competition keeps me in good shape haha

[–]ilivetofly41 points42 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You do want to make sure that you don't become a total doormat and give him a kiss on the cheek and go above and beyond while he nips out to see a mistress. There is a limit to all things.

[–]TranslatedSky7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If you're not snooping though or confronting him about it, how would you know whether he's cheating? Genuine question for if I ever find myself in that kind of situation

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

People around him might drop hints.

Some men are just sloppy. I know one beta who had an affair for like 20 years then asked for his wifes help to get her to back off, pretending the mistress was just a pushy friend - and this was a highly educated fellow. He also invited mistress to family things like birthdays and took their daughter on a city trip for her graduation. Sick stuff.

Guys I know who have trips with friends to those countries (Brazil, Thailand, etc) all cheat there. Zero exceptions. Might be different for people from those areas though (I'm in Europe).

Instead of snooping, if your gut tells you it is wrong, perhaps just pop up wherever he said he was at as a surprise or something (but only if surprises are a regular feature of your relationship).

Or just ask him about it. That is not the same as confrontation. Responses with anger and deflection are a bad sign, amusement and teasing a good sign (if you ask in a nice, vulnerable should-I-be-worried-here? way). Because if he is cheating, and he thinks there is a chance you won't just divorcerape him, he may actually want to work things out. You might even want to. Don't rule that out, if only because an open attitude invites confidences and honesty.

[–]dusty_dungarees7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Love this! Thank you! This is wisdom. Can't wait for an opportunity to apply it now, lol!

[–]HormonallyMonique5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is one of the best and all-round most helpful posts I've read on here. Thank you so much for this, you've given me tools that not only will I definitely use, but that have given me an entirely different perspective of things and how to turn them to my advantage. Again, thank you!!

[–]classylassy2811 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep! I enjoy watching Greta high value female on YouTube and posts in her Facebook group. Wise advice like this.

Got to agree though, I would dump him if he was that disrespectful toward are relationship. Remember... Good quality women are in insane demand. Men are a dime a dozen ladies, don't settle for the weak minded who are easy to corrupt.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! This is exactly my mentality in my relationship and it drives me nuts to see women pushing their men away with their jealous behavior, then acting shocked when the guy gets sick of it. Everyone needs to know this.

[–]GirlWithAPalette2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bookmarked. That was some words of wisdom spilt there. Thanks!

[–]Sexydyslexicy8 points9 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I would just dump him.

[–]Cgimarelli5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It was prefaced it's an LTR, imo it's worth attempting honey first if you're already in LTR territory. Obviously if the behaviors continue he's not high quality & not worth any more extra effort.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

You'd dump a man who other women decide to hit on in front of you?

[–]Sexydyslexicy5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

You wrote this post, and you forgot that you wrote "texting him" that's more than in front of me.. that means it is behind my never said in your post why this guy that deserves a 2nd chance gave a woman his number?

So for the situation in your post. The only option is dumping him. Instead of jumping through hoops for a guy who's giving his number out..a better question is why would i blame a random woman. Who I don't know, over the guy I've known and been with. I don't know what kind of logic you have..where the woman is responsible more than the man I've known.

"No matter how cute she thinks she is, you know you're the one who blows his mind in the bedroom" you don't know that.

This post sounds like coping, denial and desperation. I guess it doesn't matter what's happening in the bedroom, guess he's bored because he's giving out his number. Maybe she forced him by gunpoint.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

/u/stripethrowaway has the more level headed advice here. Honestly, you don't seem to be too fond of men:

Most American men seem mentally unhealthy

so I'm not sure that your advice is coming from a sound place. Are you in a solid relationship with a good man? Do you have the experience to judge this as 'coping and denial'? If you've had a string of bad relationships, then you might not be able to judge some of the pitfalls that occur even with good men.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

you never said in your post why this guy that deserves a 2nd chance gave a woman his number?

Quite often it's a coworker who pulls this crap - hence her quite possibly legitimately having his number. Or he's in sales. Or whatever. You just jump to the whole, "he's giving his number out to strangers, he deserves what he gets" when it isn't warranted.

"No matter how cute she thinks she is, you know you're the one who blows his mind in the bedroom" you don't know that.

Men aren't women. Any woman who's not a raging narcissist can tell if a man is being rocked by her in the bedroom or not.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's meant to be a broad and general scenario. Who cares how he got the number? What if it was a coworker? There's too many variables that you're assuming.

You're also hyper-focused on one detail when the last couple of paragraphs answers your concerns.

Yeah, you see him being a flirt and being awful? Dump him. If a girl is hitting on him and he politely deflects, are you still going to dump him? You mean that if you dated a man that got hit on by girls you would dump him!?

Also, sidenote: if you're not blowing his mind in the bedroom, then you're not doing it right.

[–]organicsunshine2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Thoughts on playful teasing: "How's your other girlfriend doing?" So he knows it is on your radar? But in a good natured way?

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

That's different. That's fun if the relationship between you is in a very good place. The post is more aimed at ladies newer to RPW. I'll usually be like "So, when's the wedding, am I invited?"

[–]organicsunshine2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Don't you think a good man won't let himself get caught texting other women out of respect?

[–]Cgimarelli12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think a good man would deflect advances from other women if he's in a long term monogamous relationship with a high value woman.

[–]TranslatedSky0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's hilarious

[–]alien_eater2893 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Honestly; this can also be taken totally wrong by a guy, and I wouldn’t give this advice to most people. Some guys interpret this as controlling. Granted, it might also be a sign that you’re correct about assuming that he’s having thoughts about this other person - just want to caution that this might spark a conversation neither party was prepared for.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think if it's said with the right amount of flirtatious sarcasm and the girl who is the subject was overt enough, it should be perfectly fine.

[–]ObedientLittleWife0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Why don't people just date reliable, monogamous people if you want a monogamous relationship? If the relationship is good a man won't leave, and it's not very hard to keep a man happy in a relationship... You should be kind to a guy anyways, if you start being 'honey' only when a man has a slight opportunity to 'jump ship' you are not doing your relationship right and he should start dating someone else.

Ignore the dumb bitch who is texting him, trust that he will not cheat on you and just keep living your happy life and be a good girlfriend. Don't even notice these things, they will happen A LOT when you are in a relationship with a good man.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is a valid point, but the strategy is not to be honey only when he's about to jump ship. This is about how other women will try to compete with you for a man they perceive as high value, and how to deal with that.

Trust doesn't come to many women naturally.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No lack of honey on other days is implied. This is about dealing with your own feelings of jealousy and channeling them into something positive. "Just ignore" only works when you already feel confident. Otherwise it is suppressing your own emotion and that's risking them popping up in dysfunctional ways.

I don't even want monogamy from my husband. But I do get annoyed at his ex (that he isn't interested in) trying to get his attention, because of the disrespect. So I deal with those feelings and that woman in what is for me a fun and positive way.

You can be perfectly zen and believe happily ever after goes without extra thought. Okay, yay for you if that's the case. But most of us need to be intentional about navigating all the emotions and situations that come up in a relationship. That doesn't mean there is anything amiss with our choice of partner. That just means if something isn't automatically perfect, you can make it work out.

[–]Dolliesimpson1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love this! Thank you for posting.

[–]freyalifestyle 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Can anyone give advice to me? I always attract guys who are habitual cheaters & in are in relationships?? I dress modest

Am I sending the wrong signals? I cut off contact when I find out they have gfs

[–]MissNissaModerator | MissNissa[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hi, you should make a full post asking this question. Be sure to follow our posting guidelines and include details like your age, where you meet these guys, any guesses you have about what the problem is, and anything else you think could help us help you.

[–]gorebwn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

" she's being flirtatious and fun. You? You are being a raging and controlling girlfriend. Now who is more fun to talk to right now? Definitely not you! "

Such a good note and so painfully true. I imagine women like having a man that's in demand, this approach of embracing that and making the most of it is killer.

Good write up

[–]brabg 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy Link

A high quality man would decline her advances

A high quality man would not decline her advances.

A high quality man is a desirable man, and a man is desirable when many women desire him.

A man declining women's advances is classified as beta, and falls down to low quality rank.

A woman doesn't control her feelings. Her feelings control her, and woman's feelings desire the man who attracts as many woman as possible.

Woman's feelings make a woman feel low class if she is with a man that can only be with herself.

If a man can only get you, he's low quality, and your feelings reject him, no matter what you want.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Preselection exists, yes, but I think you might not understand the mix of alpha and beta that this sub advises women to look for. It's probably best that you stick to the men's subs at this point in your RP journey.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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