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Keeping your relationship private

December 14, 2016

Does anyone else find as a RPW, you start to keep your relationship private from your friends?

For instance, my roommate (who is a single 34 yo woman) keeps asking me about my boyfriend and I (since we're getting more serious) but I feel like it's invasive for her to ask, and I find myself being really vague and skirting the subject.

I also don't call my old friends to gush about him (like I did with my first college boyfriend) because I feel like he's my private life and we're a team trying to survive in this world.

I find the only people I can talk to about my relationship (if necessary) are married women in traditional relationships because they understand what it's like to have a man as a captain. I realize I don't socialize with any single girls anymore because I can't gossip about my boyfriend like they want me to.

Anyone else feel this way?

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Post Information
Title Keeping your relationship private
Author vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes 17
Comments 13
Date December 14, 2016 5:33 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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Original Link

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I grew up around many women (sisters, cousins etc) and I heard plenty of them spilling everything about their relationships. The good, the bad, the ugly...

To me it was an absolute deal breaker. When I was looking for a wife I was looking for someone who will not babble to people about our private life. It's not because we have anything to hide, it's because it's no one's business. Certain things belong outside, certain things belong inside, certain things belong deep inside behind closed doors. I wasn't going to marry anyone who didn't share that sensitivity.

I'm completely okay with my wife sharing even the most intimate details with a select few friends. She often needs the support of a close friend. That's a good thing. This handfull of close friends are just as closed lipped as my wife. Their husbands don't know what my wife shares with them nor do I know what they share with my wife. This is the way it should be.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I think a lot of the reason why single women ask us so much is because they want to live through our experiences. They love watching real life relationship drama.

I only ever talk about my boyfriend here or with my close friends. I have to be careful if my friends are single though because it makes them feel bad that I've found someone and they haven't.

I do however find myself feeling satisfied when I know what the single women want me to say but instead I just talk about what a great man my boyfriend is and how I'm so lucky and I talk about the latest thing he has done to show me love even if it's small. Eventually they stopped asking.

If you feel like she's invasive and is asking things like "so are y'all going to be together forever" I've found a good answer is "if he continues to be the person he has been this whole time I think I could live with that wink".

[–]IamTheWalkingMenu 6 points6 points [recovered] | Copy Link

I don't know what age you are, but maybe it is part of getting older? I feel the same as you do about this. It was pretty common when younger, like a college freshman to talk about all the details etc. Now I just have one very close friend that I sometimes tell things to but that is about it. I feel like what you said about being a "team" makes perfect sense!

One thing I do know about gfs though is that confiding in others and "opening up" is something that a lot of people expect. Even down into all the details of the sex etc...Maybe you can narrow it down to just a few tiny things you want to share so you can maintain your "team" but also not become too aloof from your gfs? Good luck!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I think it's an age thing too.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I also think it's due to age, but judging from some single women in their 30's, it doesn't happen to everyone...!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Very true!

[–]HobbesTheBrave0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think it's a question of maturity. Some people haven't learnt the meaning of private and privacy.

I've met young who have understood why they keep things private, and I've met old who speak so much, that I make a point to not talk anything of substance wih them.

[–]Spazzy191 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have some close friends (single, married, traditional/non-traditional of both sexes) that I can share things with when I want. I am respectful of my SO's privacy, but I'm a naturally open person. But the general public has no need to know the details of our relationship.

[–]asteadyheart1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely. It's one of the main reasons I have trouble bonding with non-RPW. They tend to turn every conversation into, "you don't believe what he did today...." and then continue to humiliate and belittle their partner. I sit there awkwardly and just feel terrible for this man who has put so many aspects of his life aside or on-hold just to make this controlling, bitter woman happy.

But, let's put the whole Captain and First Mate standard aside. This is just basic respect for another person, especially the person they call their partner/husband/soul-mate. If you don't like being made fun of or your stupid mistakes shared with a bunch of people, then you probably shouldn't do that in return.

It's kind of messed up, to me, that the one person you should support, love, and be generous with is the first person you're ready to tear down for your social gain.

[–]Mentathiel0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's just normal to me to keep it at that level of privacy. It's not anyone else's business. If I have a problem, I address it with my SO.

If I'm really so stressed that I gotta talk to someone, I usually talk to my mom or much more rarely a really close friend, when I know that I just need to give him time or improve myself, but I have to sort my emotions out. But those are not the one upping badmouth kind of talks and they mostly focus on how I feel, rather than bashing him.

It's not that I go out of my way to hide anything specifically, I just don't feel the need to talk about it most of the time.

[–]lidlredridinghood0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I move in a community that's friendly to BDSM, so Ds is an understood aspect. In that context, I find the C/Fm relationship to be welcomed with open arms.

[–]lidlredridinghood0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


Maybe I'm not mature :) Maybe this is changing for me, slowly.

I'm really enjoying this relationship I have with my Captain. There's huge aspects of my personality that I thought I needed to heal, that he just matches and makes a non-issue. So yeah.... I like to share about that, especially with friends who've held me through earlier breakups. But that's generally the positive stuff, I suppose.

A few months ago, when my Captain and I were having a few issues, I was an emotional basket case.... and did talk to blue pill friends. It didn't help bring my clarity, didn't speed up the situation, and I regretted talking to our mutual friends about our problems. Not going that route again.... I'm hunting for RPW friends, or mentors... hard in this liberal hotbed though.

[–]Lizziloo870 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I used to get together weekly with two of my friends and they'd sit around and vent about their relationships. The more they'd complain about little silly things, the more I didn't want to partake in the practice myself. My SO is great and yes, has flaws just like everyone else, but I didn't feel a need to jump in and "relate" to my friends guy situations. When my relationship has issues they are ours. Not my friends. I value my SO enough to not include other people in the privacy and trust of our relationship. If there is an issue, we talk about it together and figure it out.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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