When I was growing up (a thousand years ago) there was an understanding between girls: Be there or be talked about. It was horrid when you were not invited to a party or could not attend. It was bad enough that you had to miss out on the fun, but you also knew there was a very good chance that you would be gossiped about. I honestly cannot imagine myself living through that time of my life with today’s social media. Today’s young people have my sympathy.

I believe that there are three types of girls:

The mean girls: the girls who maintain their place at the top of the pecking order by devaluing other girls and sometimes guys.

The bystanders: the girls who do nothing while watching the mean girls in action. They do this because they are afraid of becoming a victim themselves or they do not want to jeopardize their chance of being a part of the group.

The victims: the girls and guys who are the targets of the mean girls.

I believe that most women have a mean girl inside of them. If fact, I have seen the mean girl dynamic at work in some of the threads on this very sub. After witnessing so many female interactions (from preschoolers to middle aged) I am convinced there is an inborn tendency in all females to dish out abuse to those unfortunate individuals who are easy targets if it means maintaining their spot in a group, or working their way up in the female hierarchy. There is also the very pervasive tendency to be a mean girl to those females who incite jealousy.

Sometimes the victims of mean girls end up with emotional scars that can last a life time. Inside the ugly duckling, who worked her ass off to become a swan, is the girl who always questions her self -worth when she is around other women.

I was the weirdo: the girl who never quite understood how to behave properly to fit into a group of females. I was pretty enough, but I was too honest to pretend affection and never mastered the ability to hug someone and then when they walked away, throw them under the bus. However, I had my own moments of jealousy when I truly relished the downfall of a girl who had lost favor with the mean girls even though that girl had not been unkind to me.

I recently achieved recognition in my field and I looked forward to the award ceremony. My husband attended the event with me and it should have been a wonderful evening. Instead it was a night of angst as I racked my brain for reasons why the women I had considered friendly peers gave me the cold shoulder. My immediate reaction was “I did something to offend them”. It wasn’t until a day or so later that I realized that the mean girls were jealous of my achievement.

So what is the point of this post?

Make a conscious effort to avoid being a mean girl.

It is self defeating behavior. You will live with the guilt of your mean girl transgressions. Not to mention karma. I am not suggesting that you “hug a slug”. Just don’t step on one. Do what is necessary to be kind and still maintain a comfortable distance. You can treat a person with dignity and respect without extending an offer of friendship. This applies to both males and females. And remember that under the blue haired, tattooed exterior of the SJW, or the nerdy persona of the geeky girl, or the awkward veneer of the chubby girl, may exist a RPW who may be the loyal friend you wish to have.

All women need female companionship. It is the reason so many women are a part of this sub.

What are your thoughts about this subject?