I discovered this subreddit and have read so many of the past posts due to my excitement. I saw a common theme on women in this subreddit having difficulties gaining or keeping female friends.
The posts I've seen are proclaiming that most females are too liberal/feminist and generally do not share the same ideologies, making it difficult to be friends with them. Or, that OP struggles to gain friends in the first place and that they are lonely because of it. I've personally struggled with loneliness and as someone who is new in this sub, I believe I have a few tips.
To find friends
- Social media: use it specifically to catch up with old friends/ acquaintances. I personally used "hey, I saw __ and it reminded me of you! How have you been?". However, social media can be very detrimental to your mental well-being if you compare yourself to everyone's life. Do not looking at what everyone else is doing and also remember that people are only posting their best lives in it.
- Take up a new hobby that involves a group: sewing, book club, volunteering, pole dancing, cooking, etc. (I acknowledge that this point and #3 is harder due to COVID)
- Chat with people while doing chores outside. Worst case scenario, they ignore you. Usually, you leave with a funny story. You may leave with a new friend. If you like this individual, leave them with your number (don't ask for theirs) so that they can chose if they'd like to talk to you again.
- Old people. Most of them will give you HOURS of their time. They are full of life lessons and, honestly, you're probably filling a much needed void in their lives.
To keep friends, remember these:
- Look at yourself first. If you believe that other females are too liberal/feminist and you get annoyed by them, they are picking up on that. If you believe that you are better than them in any way, you are giving off subtle cues. Realize that they may not want to be friends with you because they feel your animosity whenever they talk to you.
- Find commonalities and put those foremost. Maybe they care about family, they volunteer on the weekends, they've given good advice, they have the same hobbies. Focus on those instead of what makes you different.
- Use RPW methods on them. If talk suddenly goes to a topic that makes you uncomfortable and respond the way you would to your s/o. Gently, firmly, and respectfully assert yourself. Ex) If a topic goes to "all men are trash", then you can interject with "I don't necessarily agree with putting a blanket statement on a group of people. This subject feels negative to me, can we change the subject?"
- Learn humility and curiosity. You can learn from your worst enemy. With friends, you can learn from them AND have fun with them.
- See the gray. None of us are black and white. I love domesticated activities, am very feminine, love elegance, and am very realistic about the expectations placed on women by society and am using those expectations to further my own fulfillment. I also care about advancing other woman to a more equitable standing. I have both RPW and feminist ideologies.
Curious to know other methods you've found.