~ archived since 2018 ~

Lies we tell ourselves: I don’t look my age

March 12, 2019

Not infrequently will women come to RPW and discuss their weight. The community happily cites BMI and jumps down the throat of any woman claiming to be thin with an overweight BMI. This is good. No one is better off living with blinders.

It is very common for women, particularly woman in and around their 30s, to come in and say: “I’m 30-something but I really look 20-something”. This is met with silence and it’s time to take off the blinders.

Yes, some people age better than others. One of the typical RPW goals is to maximize your beauty both before and after you find a mate. There will always be a spectrum of attractiveness for any given age and your goal is to look as best you can for your age. Maybe this even means you are more attractive than some younger women. However, there will be younger women who are more attractive still and you might just be competing with them.

Additionally, by virtue of being younger, those women will look better for longer. They have a little more time ahead of them to find a man, their laugh lines and grey hairs are a little further away. Telling yourself that you are 33 but look 28 does not give you the time frame of a 28 year old. Nor will it put you on the radar of a high value 28 year old man.

And the much bigger deal is the fertility time line associated with your age. It truly doesn’t matter how good you look for your age. It gets harder to have kids as you get older. Even if it doesn’t get harder to conceive, the risks increase with maternal (and paternal) age. The number of kids you can have in the available time span will shrink. Once again, looking younger does not give you the body and timeline of a younger woman.

Finally, people around you are lying to you. Or, let’s be charitable, maybe they are just bad at judging. Going back to the BMI comparison, the typical response to “I’m so fat” is “No of course you aren’t” or “the right man will love you for you” or any other number of feel good responses. Let’s be honest with ourselves, what kind of person says: “Oh yeah…you really do look old”. Don’t trust all the people around you who say that you look 10 years younger than you actually are. They are being nice. Nice doesn’t help anyone.

Ladies, men aren’t stupid (and if you find a stupid one, do you really want to marry him?). They understand these things. Unless you plan on lying about your age, the actual number is still the actual number. When you are assessing your value and what you bring to the table, don’t leave your blinders on.

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Post Information
Title Lies we tell ourselves: I don’t look my age
Author girlwithabike
Upvotes 98
Comments 78
Date March 12, 2019 11:54 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
Red Pill terms in post

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor26 points27 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Adding to this, I know a few women who cannot find a suitable husband or successful relationship because they refuse to accept their age.

I'm talking about the women in their mid/late-30's (sometimes a little older!) who concentrate on an external social life (partying and meeting new people), "finding themselves" (code word for career hopping, identity crisis), basically they are STILL acting like immature teenagers but they're almost 40.

Well guess what? If you don't act like you're ready to be married, then nobody will marry you! Nobody will marry a woman with a teenage mentality. Men are smart and they will choose someone who is responsible and can be a reliable partner to get through life together.

Ladies, accept your age physically AND mentally. Learn to manage stress and enjoy life without acting like a child. Own up to your responsibilities. Be disciplined. Enjoy the mature tranquility, noted screaming and dramatic teenage mentality.

[–]est-la-lune13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Looking too young or old for one's age is a no-go. A woman in her mid-20s who gets mistaken for a teenager may struggle to date men who are 30, because even though men find 20-year-olds hot (high SMV), 20-year-olds have low RMV.

Looks are insufficient to form a long-term relationship, but looking good for your age is an asset.

[–]LemurianStarseed111 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Truth!! I actually had an old roommate who was 24 or 25, but she legit looked 16. She was dating a prominent YouTube guy who was in his 30s, and he was really uncomfortable about taking things further with her since she looked so young and it wouldn’t look good to his YouTube followers. I’m sure any guy who cares about what general society thinks wouldn’t want to appear to be dating a teenager.

For me, it was actually a problem attracting so many young men who wanted to date or pursue a relationship with me. They were so sweet, charming and endearing, yet so immature and I could tell they most started loosing interest once they fully realized I was indeed older and aging. Even if they wanted to stick around, I’d probably feel more and more insecure since they weren’t even at their peak yet.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Enjoy the mature tranquility

I've wondered for a while if there is something about being with a masculine (good, strong, dominant? I'm not sure exactly) man that chills a woman out.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For me it did, because I think a masculine man who is looking to settle down also doesn't really accept too much drama. It's all past fun.

[–]DelicateDevelopment2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think you are right.

Attention from the right guy will cease interest in attention from all others and therefore might yield the impression of "mature tranquility". If there is no need to attract then there is also no need to act like a attention seeking girl.

[–]Vellore9921 Star67 points68 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Thank you. Every time I see a woman in there saying "I'm 32 but it's ok because I'm always mistaken for a teenager" I roll my eyes.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've written this post in my head on more than one occasion :-P

[–]ondinee3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There are a few who claim this even under this thread. Sure some people look younger/older than their age, but I noticed most of the women that claim this shit in real life don’t wear make up, talk/act in childish ways, dress sporty/very colourful, wear sneakers and backpacks. It’s not really about how they look but how they present themselves that makes people think they are teenagers. I am 24 myself and I’ve been asked for Id card, but it never happened when I was dressed more formal and wore make up. And if a stranger I met a few minutes ago says something like this, would I really trust his judgement in regards to my age? And also I just don’t understand why it’s so relevant to say you are mistaken for a teenager when you are 30. How does that help anybody, including you? You can look 18 and look like shit, same way you can look 30 and look great. End rant. God help us all lol

[–]HobbesTheBrave1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"I'm 32 but it's ok because I'm always mistaken for a teenager"

As mature as a teenager?

[–]stevierose78943 points44 points  (27 children) | Copy Link

Other lies we tell ourselves: This serum, procedure,diet, fitness program will turn back the clock. There are no magic formulas that stave off aging. The greatest secret is managing to age gracefully. There are women who seem to have figured it out. I think it is a combination of attitude toward life and staying active. But most of all I think it is their acceptance of their age. They do their best to be attractive and then they say fuck it.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor[S] 21 points22 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think attitude has a lot to do with it. My grandmother's older sister is 5 years older than my grandmother. For as long as I can remember and to this day, anyone would guess that she's the younger sis. She's a happier, active person and I truly believe that her attitude keeps her looking good. My grandmother is the complete opposite and I think it shows in how hard age hit her. Both of them are women who continue to dress well and wear make up and go to the salon - it has nothing to do with the maintenance routines.

[–]stevierose78919 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My mother is 83, a size 6, walks every day,and has a schedule that makes my head swim. She is devoted to my father, but she runs circles around him in terms of her need for social interaction. So she finds it by volunteering and card clubs and so forth. She has never for one second considered herself old, but she does go on about what age has done to her body. At the same time she accepts it and is grateful for her good health. I will never forget when Santa Claus hit on her when she and I took my children to see him.

[–]littlepearlisland2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your mother sounds awesome! She's what we all should aspire to when it comes to having fun and aging gracefully. And Santa should be better behaved or he'll end up on the naught list.

[–]bro_before_ho12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Sunscreen is half magic

[–]LemurianStarseed114 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

AMEN! Been applying it religiously every 2 hours for the last 3-4 years, and I swear it half stopped my aging, even though I was smoking! I think they say sun is about 70-80% of skin aging? I apply it even if I’ll be in the house and almost always wear a hat when I go outside. About to start busting out the old school driving gloves at this point haha

[–]ragnarockette5 Stars6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Light botox helps though...

[–]LemurianStarseed116 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I did botox and got really sick from it. My face was atrophying and so many other issues. It was like botsulism poisoning, with atrophy to the point I wanted a face fat transfer or fillers. Luckily I was able to heal and my face mostly bounced back from it. Unfortunately some aren’t so lucky :( I pray that never happens to you!

Everyone should know there more risks than doctors let you know about with injectables and there are other ways to slow/prevent aging. Bangs help with the forehead, and you can train yourself to smile without crinkling under the eyes! If you must, botox has been shown to spread less than dysport and go to an excellent MD!!

[–]Vellore9921 Star2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hah yes I was about to say the same thing. It's amazing how much a little Botox makes me look happier and more relaxed (as well as younger).

[–]_Anarchon_ 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

No, it doesn't. It looks unnatural. Human eyes are very attuned to this, as our primary means of communication are non-verbal. They can pick up even the slightest strangeness when it comes to facial expressions.

It also says something unfavorable about you. Any person who is willing to have foreign substances inserted into their body, albeit via surgery or syringe, is only displaying some deep-seated security issues to a real man. And that is unattractive.

Conversely, any man that thinks you should get breast implants doesn't really respect or love you.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Your personal preferences are not advice and you have taken it a step further and are moralizing about them. Do not do that.

[–]_Anarchon_ 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

These are not personal preferences. There are a lot of things that women do to themselves that they believe make them more attractive to men, and they are completely wrong about. It's really ultimately more about being judged by other women. Spending all that time and money on your nails is a good example...we simply don't give a shit about them, and many of us even find them gaudy.

I'm also not making a moral judgement. I'm telling you how our psychology unconsciously perceives some things...some things that trigger our natural red flags. I would think you gals would be interested in those.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Suggesting that cosmetic procedures are the result of insecurities is at best your own judgement and the language you are using absolutely comes across as moralizing. You also make judgement of what other men should do and desire. Within a relationship, it is no one's business but a husband and wife what happens with her body. What business do you have judging him as less of a real man?

It remains that these are all your own preferences, you've given your own preferences all over this thread. It is not a male universal to find cosmetic surgery unattractive. To think that your preferences apply to all men is quite solipsistic.

Finally I'll remind you of our rules:

Men's voices are welcome in the conversation if and only if they have first put in their time to be active participants on TRP. Because relationships are the focus of RPW, not all male voices are equal. Men should be older, in a marriage or LTR and/or long time participants at TRP.

We are here to help women attain their relationships goals. We aren't here to inspire hope in men. That attitude indicates that you may not be ready to be giving advice here. If you have any additional questions for me, please use mod mail. I do not wish to derail this thread any further.

[–]_Anarchon_7 points8 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

That's how I (a man) define beauty...doing the best with what you have, and being happy and comfortable with that. These women are so much more attractive, and inviting to me.

Women that don't dress or act their age are an immediate, uncomfortable red flag. It's no different than being overweight, wearing too much make-up, getting tattoos, plastic surgery, crazy piercings, fake eyebrows, unnatural hair colors, etc.

Somewhere, deep down, we unconsciously understand that if you are acting or presenting yourself in these unnatural ways, something is off. And, we don't want to invest time, get somewhere down the road and then learn about what that something is.

[–]freyalifestyle 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

really believe in laser skin peels and derma rolling from the results of older friends, family, colleagues & women on youtube

[–]LemurianStarseed117 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Again, I’ve seen so many accounts of women having their skin WRECKED with invasive resurfacing procedures, even retin-a and glycolic acid. I’m not trying to be a Debby downer, just want to get this knowledge out there. I became aware that lasers and micro needling could cause problems. Didn’t realize I would have so many issues from a “gentle” vitalize peel! Hands down 10x more aging/damaging for my skin than 10 years of smoking and tanning was, overnight. It might work for a lot of people, but prevention and trying the gentlest anti-aging methods possible, while working your way up very gradually, is worth a POUND and TON of cure.

[–]freyalifestyle 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

Wow, didn't know about microneedling? Can you tell me what is the danger involved? Not challening- didn't realize. I am glad you made this post tho!

[–]LemurianStarseed112 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just look up “orange peel skin from microneedling.” I’m having pretty much the same issue after a chemical peel. I’ve spent 100s of hours researching it at this point and have seen so many horror stories, so I’m happy to share what I can to help! It’s a very small percentage that has this reaction, any kind of over exfoliation can do it too. Best thing that’s come out of it is being motivated to make my own skincare line, since my skin is so sensitive now, I literally have to! Just whipped up my first batch of Shea Argan butter and accepting looking more “my age” lol :)

[–]manne082 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

🙋🏻‍♀️victim of professional microneedling damage.

[–]Dancersep3820 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

OMG yes! I've always looked a little bit older, even as a kid, but especially from some hard living in my early 20s. This is a particular thorn in my side as these women seem to find me on purpose or something. I'm early 30s and I very much look it. I've never understood people who fool themselves otherwise. You can be a good looking 30, but you're still every bit 30 and everyone knows that if they look for more than a minute.

I met a woman who was 40. The second she said her age it was obvious but I didn't notice at first because: I had just met her in a dark bar, dyed hair, about a pound of makeup, dressed like a 20 something and was hanging out with 20 somethings. She was the new GF of a guy in our group when we were mid 20s. It's a kind of effective "herd camouflage." I thought she was an ugly 25 but she was a great 40. She still looked 100% 40 once you actually paid any attention.

I had a filipina roommate who would go on and on about how she looked 12. Well, yes, she was small and deliberately wore children's clothing and no makeup. Again, on a fast glance maybe, but no one actually thinks you're 12.

Blue pill men and most women will tell you what you want to hear. These women almost universally lead with how young people think they look. Yes, deliberately dressing like someone a decade younger and then demanding compliments will get people to say you look young, they may even think you are young if they don't take a good look at you. No one actually thinks you're 20 though. I've never met a 40 year old and thought she was 20 for more than a fleeting moment.

Stop believing every compliment hurled your way. I'd rather look a hard 30 but with the dignity of someone acting my age than be that ridiculous grannie in a skin tight leopard print dress.

End rant!

[–]molluscsliketoparty5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's true. But I did notice that with the "10 year challenge" on Facebook recently, my redpilled female friends are aging a LOT better than most other women. :-P

[–]ChaiMacchiato 1 points [recovered]  (10 children) | Copy Link

"Telling yourself you are 33 but look 28 does not give you the time frame of a 28 yes old." Should be in bold and all caps!

As a long time lurker all I have to add is the wall will still be there to fight after marriage and kids if you want those things. It's not going anywhere 😂 Good news is beauty, medicine, and science advancements have come a long way. There are no robo-waifu options widely available for having kids if you're a man though, so actual youth and fertility matter.

As a 38 year old married mom of 2 I'll also add that some of the best anti aging options aren't the best for your childbearing years. For example hormones. Mine are in normal range, but I get a boost to put me at the upper levels to make my gym/diet efforts pay off as easily as possible. I was told it's not an option for potentially expecting moms and had to fill in my bc method before doing it. Also getting rid of refluxing veins before they're visible or become varicose veins. Not worth it with all the vascular activity pregnancy involves.

Battle the wall later, relying on genetics is a potential complacency trap. If hotness doesn't align with reality, reality wins more often than not.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

How would you know if you had refluxing veins?

[–]bambiliftsweights2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes also want to know this. Vericose veins run rampant in my family.

[–]ChaiMacchiato 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm in the US, so I just went to vein clinics of America and they do an ultrasound on your legs so they can get a look at all of them. A few squeeze and release moments on any suspect looking veins and they can measure any reflux. My insurance covered it at a certain percentage of reflux, I think it was 10%. Got rid of both my greater saphenous veins and one lesser saphenous vein before they became a problem. Getting rid of them quick prevents bad blood flow from giving you spider veins around your ankles too...which I only mention because I had some minor ones and the injections to get rid of them sucked more than the radio ablation! Ouch 😫

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thanks, I never knew!

[–]_Anarchon_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Vericose or spider veins are a sign. Pain or swelling in your extremities are another sign. See a cardiologist and they will ultrasound the affected limbs. This isn't just a cosmetic issue. If you have veinous reflux, it can lead to amputation or stroke. DVT (deep vein thromboses) occur more often in veins with this problem, because the blood pools in certain places and clots. The clots then can travel to your brain and cause a stroke.

Genetics are one cause. Being overweight is another. Spending too much time on your feet, or too much time sitting in a certain position can contribute to the problem.

Compression socks/hose can help with the more minor cases.

Laser and heat catheder are a couple of surgeries also used to fix this.Venaseal is a newer surgery that requires fewer problems during surgery. It uses cyanoacrylate glue (i.e. crazy glue) to seal up the bad veins.

[–]karmicreditplan0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

What kind of hormones are you talking about?

[–]ChaiMacchiato 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm currently taking a small amount of Thyroid hormone (pill every morning) and testosterone of all things! That's in a bio-identical pellet that goes under the skin. This one shocks people sometimes, so just as an aside: all women have it it's just like 1/18 the amount men do or some such tiny amount. That's the one that requires a bc disclosure, but any pellet form hormone does because they can't take it out once it's in and it lasts for months.

The story here is feeling tired despite not doing enough to feel tired, being abnormally sore for too long after the gym, and the least of my problems: 10 pounds that would NOT come off. I worked out more, which made me more sore, even more tired. Cut my calories and documented them (already keto) to make sure I wasn't self sabotaging, no dice.

GP tested hormones, said they were in the normal range. At my pap smear appointment my OBGYN asked how I was and I told him in a frustrated rant lol. Tested hormones again, he said they are "normal", but there's a wide range for that so it's entirely possible to be "normal" and symptomatic and treat it. He was kind of mad saying a lot of women end up on antidepressants over docs not treating hormone deficiency symptoms. The testosterone is a miracle for weight loss, muscle tone, gym recovery, and sleep. Not to mention libido...idk how men deal with having tons of it lol.

[–]karmicreditplan1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thanks that was interesting! I know a sold amount about perimenopausal HRT but you’re young so I was curious.

Sounds great and it sounds like you have a good doctor too.

[–]platypus_nebula4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

At 27, I noticed it's getting more and more difficult to pull off youthful looks. My skin just needs more attention than it did a few years ago. I can pull off being clocked as 21-22, but only with at least over an hour of skincare and makeup prep, whereas when I was actually 22 I could just roll out of bed and splash water on my face and use a couple makeup products.

A lot of women put in the same amount of effort nearing 30 as they did when they were in thier teens/early twenties not realizing beauty related upkeep reaches hard mode beyond a certain point. I'm talking daily sunscreen, multi-step skincare routines, and perfected makeup technique. Whoever said beauty is pain is totally correct. Women need to keep upping thier game as they age to achieve similar results as younger women.

[–]Dancersep382 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is such a good point! 10 years ago I could eat garbage, never sleep, drink, smoke, wear cheap makeup poorly, just do whatever with my hair, dress like a loon, etc and I would still get hit on constantly. I was mid to late twenties when I started realizing I couldn't count on being beautiful without any effort anymore. As I age, the effort increases. I'm just glad I did realize it before I was at the wall. I think most women won't until then (if ever.)

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Helen Mirren and Judi Dench both look their age. It's not about how old you look, it's about wearing it gracefully.

[–]LookingForEquanimity7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Ah shoot so I really do look 30. Not that that's a bad thing persay but I liked hearing from someone at work he thought I was the same age as his daughter (25). cue eye roll. Oh well. Better I hear this sooner than later. Thank you.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

LOL. You can still like hearing it ... though I'm not sure how one properly responds to "you are similar to my daughter" sort of compliments :-P

[–]stevierose7895 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You probably do look 25. And you may continue to look younger than your age for a while and I hope you do. Just keep in mind that your time frame for children is limited. I have seen the heartbreak of three women who in their late thirties who could not conceive. Finally with fertility treatments and a great deal of money they were able to bring one child into the world.

[–]Theflowerswillbloom6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you for this post, I've quietly thought it before myself as well - but as I'm not a particularly experienced poster here, I've never wanted to be the first person to say it.

I did used to look younger than my age, as in, people thought my sister 4 years younger was my older sister. Then I had children, and the tiredness has aged me a little, so now I look about the age I actually am haha. It's okay.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think kids are harder on a woman than aging alone. People regularly ask if my younger sister and I are twins. Definitely not, she's five years younger, but she's had two kids. I expect that I'll start looking like the older sister again in a few years :-P

[–]Hammocknapping17 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

And the much bigger deal is the fertility time line associated with your age.

Not having your worth defined by your fertility, is a very freeing feeling. Unless you have fertility testing done before you get married, you don’t really know what you’re in for. Two of the healthiest, fittest, most youthful looking women I know are totally infertile and looking into adoption in their mid-20s.

I think a more reasonable goal is to try and be the top tier in your agre group.

[–]ondinee8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

What you’re saying is true, in a way, but it’s based on specific cases or exceptions. Of course women in their twenties can be infertile, but the numbers are worse for women in their thirties. The fact IS that fertility decreases with age. However, I don’t think anybody should define their worth based on fertility. OP was just mentioning age-related facts.

[–]Hammocknapping4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I wasn’t trying to discount OP’s comments, so I think you missed my point.

My fertility doesn’t define my worth and my value because I’m committed to being child free, and I was only interested in men who did not want children. Childfree women still benefit from being and looking youthful while in the market for marriage, but I wasn’t desperate to find a husband by 25 to take advantage of my fertile years.

Second, fertility is a perceived characteristic. I do not know a single couple that underwent fertility testing prior to marriage. Therefore, men are looking for perceived fertility. That’s why I used the the two examples of infertile women I know. They looked and were youthful, and therefore had a high perceived fertility when in reality they were wholly infertile.

I never disputed that fertility declines with age. Instead I was clarifying that in the vast, vast majority of cases, men’s attraction is based on perceived fertility and not actual fertility.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think you are right that the goal should be "top tier in your age group" and also that fertility is a perceived characteristic. I know a woman who did all the testing prior to her marriage to see how much time they had, was told she was good, and still struggled to get pregnant. Nothing is guaranteed.

I mention it because children is a primary life goal for some women. I'd think those women would be more likely to settle down earlier, but I know at least one IRL who is 35, wanted kids her whole life, and is still rejecting men for dumb reasons. For those women, I don't care if they truly appear to be 25, the men they want will have to want kids and those men will be aware of the probabilities.

But I'm with you insofar as not defining your relationship value exclusively by fertility. I cannot imagine the stress of being nothing more than an untested uterus.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exceptions do exist but I don't think they exists in large numbers to prove the general rule is wrong.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]mydogwillbeinmyheart1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I've definitely seen people who look younger and NOT because they dress, act, talk like a child/adolescent.
I do think older people 50+ tend not to guess younger people age right though. They usually guess a lower number.

But I insist, although they are a small percentage, I have seen ladies who are blessed by their genetics because they honestly don't look their age.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

🙄 I'm going to go ahead and assume your reading comprehension is lacking and and leave it there.

[–]mydogwillbeinmyheart1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm going to assume you don't look younger yourself or that you look older than your actual age and leave there as well since you don't seem to accept other people's experiences.

[–]bubblegina3592 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

this had to be said! amen

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I don't believe you. I used to be mistaken for younger up until very recently, and I don't think it was people trying to be nice.

Examples of instances that weren't my idea of a compliment:

Getting checked out for lump in breast. Standard procedure was first ultrasound, then mammogram if you're over 30. I was 32, ultrasound looked good and doctor was like "okay all good byebye". Didn't check out my info, just assumed I was younger. Had to come back when they were wrapping up the paperwork and noticed.

Chatting with strangers when walking around with baby, and they started asking how my parents felt about it and if I had finished school. I was 28 when I had my first, and this happened 3 times.

Having to show ID when I bought some groceries with wine in my late twenties and early thirties.

I am a few months older than my husband, and he always looked old for his age. People have given him crap about dating someone much younger, too. Asked him if it was even legal until my late twenties.

Since shortly after baby number two, all that changed. But I am not convinced by your post. I also had a lot of "whaaaat? I thought you were (age minus 10)", and I get that such comments aren't reliable. But the kind of things I described above - nah, I just have a babyface. A droopy babyface by now, but yeah.

Edit to add: babyface and easy conceiving (first try always) runs in the family, so I do think there is a link there, too.

[–]aftertheafter-party3 Star2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My husband & I both agree, people look their age. You can look like a good 50, but you look 50.

People always card me & my husband, & we always get asked if we're students or where we study (I'm over 30, & he's 5 years older). We also always get asked how long we've been married or if we're on our honeymoon : )

I think the bigger thing people are picking up is not that we look young (I think I look a little older than my age honestly), but that we're happy & our energy is young!

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You don't have to believe me because you are already an old married lady and so what goes on in the market place doesn't impact you :-) Like you, I've been carded well past the necessary ages, and told "no way you are XX years old". I think a couple things are going on.

As I said in the post, what people look like at any given age will be a spectrum. The best looking, well kept 30 year old may look comparable to the middle of the road 25 year old. Does that mean you look 25...well I guess technically. The "problem" is that you are still 30. Most women are willing to go older but not younger on a male partners age, so a 30 year old has different options. She has a different time frame in which to find a man and start a family if that is her goal. It doesn't benefit her to lean on the fact that she might look 25 when she is simply not 25.

Then as far as other people's perception goes: make up is designed to highlight youthful features typically. Mascara for thick eye lashes, blush and foundation for lovely youthful skin .... etc. If you wear it, this can mess with people having an accurate gauge.

Also, you have to ask yourself how good people are at truly judging. It's not as though we ever put together a huge group of 23 year olds and see what the average range is and then do the same for 25, 27, 29, 31 etc. Let's say that no one intentionally fibs - enough women have the experience of being told they look younger and I believe it indicates that people are a bad judge of age.

And you can only really be compared to yourself. Speaking only for myself, I can tell the difference when I look at pictures from when my husband and I started dating and now. I think they are pretty subtle (which pleases me) but they are there. So even if someone tells me that I don't look 35, I know that compared to myself 5, 10 years ago, I do look 35. I just look like me, well kept, at 35.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'll be looking like 90 at 100 damn you!

I think it was the little button nose and dimpled cheeks, mostly. And good skin. I used to not wear make-up (my husband claimed he didn't like it, and like an idiot, I believed him). Now all is headed south (sobs).

[–]molluscsliketoparty3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

:-P I agree. People flat do NOT believe me sometimes when I tell them my age. But I still know I'm older and am getting my ducks in a row to hopefully conceive soon.

[–]LemurianStarseed111 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Weird!!! Same thing just happened for me with an ultrasound. I guess maybe since I just turned 30 he thought I could go either way? I’m 1/4 Asian, so I think genetics have something to do with it. My mom doesn’t wear sunscreen or take very good care of her skin, but at 53 she still looks pretty good. I got “hot mom” comments amongst from guy friends up until a few years ago. She has a lot of sun damage but she doesn’t need fillers or a brow/facelift or anything. She’s 1/2 Korean. Genetics really do play a huge roll!

[–]loneliness-inc1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Very nice piece.

[–]artsyluna1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well a middle aged trucker hit on me by telling me I look like I'm in high school so..... xD

[–]aussiedollface20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Such a good post! And totally true. All we can hope for is to look the absolute best we can for our age. I spend a lot of time and money and energy on my appearance and health, but I sure as hell don’t look like I did when I was 19yo. Also many people, particularly men, have asked and guessed my age at work and they always say about 6-8 years younger, but I’m not stupid and I know that this is people trying to be polite and flatter me.xo

[–]HoloWiseWolf 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

I disagree with the BMI. I am considered on the line of overweight and obese with a BMI of 30 (idr the exact number I'm 160lbs and 5'1".) . My waist is 29 inches and my hips are 36. I have found taking pictures and measurements are a way more accurate measurement for weight loss progress. I have more muscle mass then average which makes my BMI higher and while there are weeks where the scale won't move much I can see the difference in my progress pictures.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You should probably mention you are a powerlifter. This is an exception.

[–]Dancersep385 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In general BMI is a valid tool, albeit flawed. I will grant you, yes, for very muscular people it is typically quite wrong. I think it's important for most of us to realize we aren't the exception. I've personally always liked body fat percentage as an indicator, but that's a lot harder for most people to figure out.

Edit: for clarity, I'm making no judgment at you. If you say it's a flawed metric for you I believe you, just pointing out most of us are not the exception.

[–]r2401-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

A few rare people really don't look their age though.

Jennifer Lopez

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think you may have missed the point of the post. Also, famous people make terrible examples.

[–]r24011 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Nah. The post is just not right. Plenty of women can look younger than they are. Most asian women I know get away with saying they are any age within ten years of their age. I think it can be a fair thing to say about yourself, it's not that rare.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ultimately it doesn't matter if you look younger than your age (and by whose determination is the equestion. Do you look younger than yourself from a decade prior? Or just younger than what most people think women your age look?) because you aren't younger than your age. Declining fertility doesn't care if you appear to be 22.

Do you ask all women you meet their true ages to see if your guesses are correct? And just because Asians age differently than Western women doesn't mean they don't age. A 40 year old Korean woman doesn't look like a 20 year old Korean woman.

But "you aren't right because JLo" isn't a real argument anyway. Come back when you can discuss it with more thought than that.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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