Long distance relationships are extremely difficult to pull off well, especially when the time apart is greater than a year. That being said, they’re not impossible, and neither is maintaining an RP/traditional dynamic over hundreds or thousands of miles. Dedication, obedience, honesty, and loyalty are extremely key in LDRs. You must never let him doubt in you for a second, and you must not be a difficult person to be in a relationship with. I’ve learned a lot about being a girlfriend, specifically a long distance girlfriend, since beginning a relationship with M, my bf/future husband. Below I’ve listed some tips/lessons/advice that I’ve found extremely useful to maintain a fulfilling LDR, using excerpts from my relationship as an example for each. I hope this helps anyone currently in an LDR or about to begin one, and I would love to hear what you all do in your long distance relationships!

  • Allow him to set the pace of communication. M is often busy with work, hanging out with friends or just relaxing and doing his own thing. Just because I am free and want to talk doesn’t mean that he is also available. If he messages me during the day I reply promptly and am always chipper and pleasant. I don’t draw things out or make him stay longer than he wishes. Also I don’t bombard him with messages during the day, which shows him that I respect his time and space. Of course I am allowed to message/talk to him if I want to, whenever I want to, but we don’t always need to be talking.

  • Fill your day with activities that remind you of him and your relationship. For example, I have a Love & Marriage board on Pinterest as well as a Homemaking board. These are a fun, easy way to pass some of the time and also get excited about my relationship and my wonderful man. Sometimes I show M specific pins that I like to see how he feels about them; he loves that I have dedicated boards to him and us. Doing things like this lifts my mood despite how much I miss him when we’re apart.

  • Don’t just fill him in at the end of the day, allow him to be part of your life as things are happening. If I do send a message to M during the day, it might be a picture of a great new recipe that I made, or a quick question about what to eat/what brand of something to buy. I even send quotes of something funny/ridiculous that I hear someone say if I think he would enjoy it. These messages are always short, sweet and don’t put any pressure on him to respond in a given window of time. I also try to include him in important ways, e.g. he was the first and last person to talk to me on my birthday, he even helped me pick out my outfit which was fun.

  • Help him out! M has recently moved, and now runs a business so his life is pretty stressful right now. His hours are long and he is on the road a lot since his clients are all over the place. This means that arranging lunch and even dinner can be a hassle for him, especially because he follows the Paleo diet and he doesn’t know the nearby restaurants very well yet. If he’s particularly swamped one day, I do some research, find a place with Paleo friendly food and order a meal for him so that all he has to do is pick it up. He’s so grateful having one less thing to worry about.

  • Let him help you! Some examples: M adds events to my calendar to remind me to complete important tasks that we’ve talked about earlier. I can be super forgetful so it means a lot that he looks out for me like that.There was a time recently where was panicking because I had to send a fax but couldn’t, so he offered to fax the document for me. And whenever I get cravings for non paleo foods, I let him know and he always talks me out of it. It’s the big and the little things that helps us feel more connected; we know that we can be there for each other even though we’re so far apart.

  • Make him something! I have knitted him a scarf, and I have these paleo/primal, grain free brownies that I am so excited to surprise him with during my next visit! I found a lot of other cool paleo/primal recipes for desserts that I’m excited to prepare for all of my other upcoming visits.

  • Keep him in the loop about where you’re going and who you’re with. I am always transparent about my activities, especially since it gives M peace of mind in regards to my safety.

  • Take advantage of Google docs. We have a shared folder for our relationship and there are several documents inside. I have one where I can save links that I want to share with M later. I do this whenever I come across an article in the manosphere, a post on reddit or just something interesting online in general that I want to talk to him about. I tend to leave the tab with the Google doc open at all times for easy access. We also have our own “Shit My BF/GF Says” documents, which we update whenever any of us says anything particularly humourous or outrageous. And there is a document that we save recipes on, for the future.

  • Try not to let bad things going on in your everyday life impact your ability to be a good partner. Pretending that everything is alright is not the answer though. When things bother me, I confide in M and he and I figure out how to either fix the situation or my perception of things. It is much easier to lean on him in tough times rather than trying to deal with everything on my own.

  • Always make sure you look nice on Skype. I put on makeup and cute clothes, even if I hadn’t been wearing makeup and spent the day in an old sorority shirt. I also make sure that the lighting and angles are flattering so that M has a pleasant video chat experience.

  • Ask about his day before you talk about yours.

  • Have fun in your downtime. After we’re all caught up on each other’s days, M and I might watch a movie together or play games online. We’ve tried games such as Cards Against Humanity, Stratego, Scrabble, Euchre, Boggle and had a blast. Google Hangouts also allows you to listen to music/watch youtube videos as you video chat so that’s another fun way to relax together.

  • Compliment him! I used to be afraid of being verbally affectionate over skype and phone, it felt awkward and fake. But I’ve made a conscious effort to get rid of that discomfort and our relationship has only benefitted. Now there’s even a running joke between M and I about how we’re always objectifying each other haha of course there are more things to praise besides his appearance, but that is an easy way to start getting used to showing affection over long distances.

  • Always end the day telling him how much you miss him and love him.

These are just some of the things that I’ve been doing that help our relationship prosper. Again, I’d love to hear what works for you ladies with experience with long distance relationships :)