Long term boyfriend 27m wants us to communicate but shuts down when the same thing still bugs me (marriage)

TheBunk_TB · 2022-10-16T12:47:20+00:00

Time to start over.

KombuchaEnema · 2022-10-16T15:05:55+00:00

He doesn’t want to marry you right now.

That’s the answer. He is trying to communicate that information to you without saying it. His hesitancy, his agitation when you bring up the topic. All of that is him saying, loud and clear, “I do not want to get engaged or marry you anytime soon.”

Frankly, I don’t blame him. Marriage is an incredibly risky move for a man, and he’s only been with you for two years.

Two years isn’t that long. I know you think it is. But I’m six years into my relationship with my husband and still discovering new things that I wish I would’ve known earlier.

You don’t have to stay. You’re allowed to move on since he isn’t on the same page as you. But he made his decision and you aren’t going to get anywhere by pressuring him into proposing.

pieorstrudel5 · 2022-10-16T18:29:38+00:00

You are trying to lead the relationship. You are trying to push him into what you want. Lean back a bit and think about what you want. You have to decide what your boundary is going to be. How much longer are you willing to wait for him? Also if he doesn't want to get married are you okay with that? If it's more important for you to be married and he doesn't want to be married. Then you are not a match. Does not mean he's bad or that you're bad. The hard part is holding your boundary and walking away when that man tries to push your boundary. Because women like the security of what they know. Also if you lean back a bit, it gives him the space to lead.

mirrorsymmetries · 2022-10-16T20:25:04+00:00

Aren't proposals like when a man gets down on one knee and the woman is sort of surprised and flattered and all that... so I don't understand why women still believe that they have to metaphorically point a gun to somene's head because they're insecure about their relationship.

What's the point of a proposal if you're the one initiating it? You're emasculating him, honestly.

AutoModerator · 2022-10-16T12:17:07+00:00

Title: Long term boyfriend 27m wants us to communicate but shuts down when the same thing still bugs me

Full text: We have been together for over two years now. We have been living together for the same amount of time (basically quarantined together) and we actually have gotten better with age in our relationship! I feel like that’s super rare since people go into honeymoon phase right off the bat. I even moved across the country with him for a new job and started over. We may move again and now it’s starting to frustrate me because I feel like I’m just tagging along with no true commitment. Anyway, I want to get engaged. This is a MUST and he knows that. I’m ready to take our relationship to the next level but he gives me the stereotypical guy excuse of “we will eventually, just not now” He always says that he wants us to communicate and trust me I’ve been communicating that I want to be proposed to for some time now. It’s very important to me idc what society or my family says it’s what I want to do and I am ready. This is basically the only thing we have been arguing about for the past couple of months. I don’t want to give him an ultimatum but I am hitting a point where I’m so intertwined with his decisions that I might as well be his wife. He knows this is a big issue right now and although he says he wants me to be open and honest when I’m upset, he seems to get annoyed when this is brought up (which is often) Are we just not seeing eye to eye? Does he just want to string me along? I’m becoming more desperate and it’s not a good feeling when you feel like you’re being rejected from your SO Btw: we are financially stable and have a great support system he even knows that

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