~ archived since 2018 ~

Lot of questions to ask

January 31, 2022

1.What do you think how infertile woman should approach man like when is the right time to disclose information about infertility? Infertility kind of making me feel less than woman even though I didn't dream of having kids.

2.What is actual value of being woman (especially after 40)if she is going to hit the wall anyway? Sometimes I get it, sometimes I am like "Why the hell we are on earth if man can live without us".I am little bit feel guilty liking career as I enjoy it ,want to earn money(main motivation.Skincare hella expensive).I came from middle class family.

3.Is it bad idea or when and how to tell man that he need to give me alone time everyday for exercise and skincare and want to earn money to spend on these things.If I didn't get to it,I seriously freak out( like seriously doing it everyday.I can only do it alone.I pretend like youtuber telling audience what they should do lol.) Sometimes I feel like I will only be able to do it as single.

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Post Information
Title Lot of questions to ask
Author Glad-Discount-4761
Upvotes 18
Comments 19
Date January 31, 2022 6:21 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/lot-of-questions-to-ask.1098779
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/sguccu/lot_of_questions_to_ask/
Red Pill terms in post

[–]MissTishWish_ 20 points21 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Be honest upfront. I would particularly aim for men who have kids already or don’t want kids. Those type of men will not care as much about infertility.

The value you have as a woman over 40 is maturity, wisdom, intellect, self sufficiency, strong intuition. All qualities that are useful to a good man that he won’t be able to find in a younger woman.

I wouldn’t tell a man you need alone time. Just let him know when you’re busy and when you’re free. He doesn’t need to know your exact move, thats for you to know. A little mystery is okay & keeps him wondering about you which builds interest.

[–]Glad-Discount-4761[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your last paragraph is great point.I was thinking of good reason to not telling the man.Let it be mystery is great answer.

[–]Anonymous_fiend 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ugh...a lot of young women have those traits. Maybe not in the 18-21 range but by 25 they should.

[–]nastyabusivedaddy 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

1) Whether it is infertility, a condition, a secret, etc. Honest is the best policy in any relationship, let alone an intimate romantic relationship with someone you intend to spend your life with. Try not to knock yourself for being infertile, it will not be a dealbreaker for all men.

Plenty of men out there also do not want children. Should the desire for children arise, many wonderful children out there to be adopted, that could use your love, guidance, and affection. Regardless, be honest and up-front, about everything. No secrets. Guy your dating ghosts you, or doesn't see you anymore? Don't get upset, be happy! No more wasted time, on to the next suitor!

2) I believe the value of a woman is in her natural born character traits; kindness, nurturing, patience, empathy, and so forth. Men are protectors, and providers. I don't care how much a man loves their child, Mommy is the one that gets the bulk of the love, and for good reason. Mom is comfort, she is kindness, she is nurturing. When you scrape your knee, you go to Mom for comfort and consolation. Scrape your knee in front of your Dad, and suddenly you want to be "tough" and try to walk it off.

Women have wonderful and unique character traits, as well as their own unique feminine beauty. A woman has value for far more than simple breeding and sex. When a man and woman come together, ideally, they balance out each other's weaknesses and enhance each other's strengths.

A woman can and will focus on thousands of things at once. This means that women will have tons of ideas, and consider many possibilities, but will rarely be able to make a decision due to the influx of thoughts consuming their minds.

A man will hyperfocus on one single thing. This means that the man will have such intense passion about one single thing that it inspires others. It is easier for a man to follow through on something because of how focused on that something he is; nothing will stop him. But, a man typically doesn't consider thousands of things at once due to this. A man can get too focused/preoccupied with the wrong thing if this hyperfocus is not channeled properly.

But, when man and woman come together? The man takes the woman's myriad of ideas and possibilities, and decides on what the focus is. Then, once there has been an objective set, repeat the same process. The woman comes up with tons of ideas to meet the objective, the man does them. A man will put a woman's thoughts into perspective.

The opposite is true; a woman that loves her man will tell him when he's fucking up, and hyperfocusing on the wrong things. Both have strengths, and weaknesses. But as outlined above, the weaknesses of both parties are effectively nullified by the other's strengths.

3) It is perfectly fine to have hobbies, especially when you can be entrepreneur minded about your hobbies and turn them into an income!

However, it is unacceptable to ignore your loved ones for said hobbies. Being passionate about a hobby is a great thing; but not if it comes at the cost of showing passion toward your husband.

Respectfully (I mean this as an observation, not an attack), from reading your post, it seems that the bulk of your passion is about your skincare more than a relationship at this point.

Nothing really "wrong" with that, as you aren't in a relationship. But for me, personally, it would eventually become a dealbreaker.

I would recommend that, before getting into a relationship, you just spend some time to yourself thinking about what it is you want in life. Be flexible. What I wanted in my life when I was in my 20s is drastically different than what I want now in my mid-30s. My wants and needs will likely transform with each decade. Yours will too.

I would suggest continuing with your skincare; it is your passion at this point in your life. If that is your passion, own it. Don't let society make you "feel" like you have to be or do anything. No problem with putting relationships on hold to focus on yourself, or a side hussle.


[–]Glad-Discount-4761[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I have been struggling with body issues for few years.I am not so blessed with genetics.I have acne and whiteheads.Thats why skincare will always be my priority(also want to look good for man).I don't know how to explain it.It kind of became way of life for me and truly give me confidence.Thats why I asked how should I tell man about it as you mentioned it can be dealbreaker.I am now thinking about relationship, what should I decide. Thanks for replying though.Your answer to my second question is quite thoughtful 😊

[–]nastyabusivedaddy 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your struggles and feelings are valid in this society that places such high value on a standardized idea of beauty.

The irony is that, once you have "standardized" beauty, is it even beauty anymore?

I've been with my wife for nearly half my life, she has never worn make up. In fact, it was something I complimented her on when first dating. Didn't feel like she was "taking off a mask" when she had no makeup, was always her natural beauty.

It is a dealbreaker for me, personally, but I do not represent all men. I'm sure there are men out there that would have the opposite reaction that I do to it.

This is why you mention it very early on to a prospective long-term partner. You're both free to move on, without wasting each others time. Or eventually, you both "moving on" actually transitions to "moving forward, together".

Don't settle, especially for a relationship that is supposed to be life-long. Your skincare is your passion, so make sure your prospective partners are aware of this.

It isn't about being contentious, but ensuring both parties get what they want in a relationship.

All the best, and happy you found some of this text useful.


[–]Shipbldr2000 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

There is someone out there for everyone and you seem to be very thoughtful which strikes me as positive and advantageous for you. This is a quality a mature guy would likely appreciate,

Fertility is only important with someone who would prefer to have more children, for men who have already had children and do not want more, it is a non-issue or even a positive. Looking at whether or not possible a man has already had children can help you to predict expectations but don't use it as the only factor. In the end, you will probably still need to have the talk.

While it is not my place to tell anyone the value of being a woman, all I can say is the world is full of high value women who derive their value, like men do, by being the best version of themselves. Usually, we need to develop ourselves to shine and then walk in faith for a while to find the right person. If having a career and earning your own money is what you like, then do it in a way that fits who you want to be. Its just being the best version of you.

My girlfriend works and spends a solid 4 hours a day on exercise and makeup. I have never asked her to do this, she chooses to do it and it was her habit before meeting me. It is a part of the day that she does alone. While she does her routine, I have my own routine which is weight lifting and a side hustle.

What do I think of her routine? It's awesome. She is in good shape and is attractive, so from the likely selfish view of a guy, what is not to like about her routine? The results are fantastic. Worth noting, I would probably want her just the same if she didn't do the routine. I love her for her heart and not for the skin on her face.

So to sum it up, I think most guys would see a beauty routine as a positive. if he does not then maybe he just is not the one for you.

I hope I have been helpful in answering how a man might react to some of the things you asked about. If you want, I am willing to expand on anything else you have asked about.

Good luck on your journey and may the wind be at your back :)

[–]Glad-Discount-4761[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Can I dm you?You said you are willing to expand on anything I asked.I would like to hear your perspective.

[–]Shipbldr2000 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]emmalai85 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

I was open about my infertility issues to my husband since he wanted kids up front.

He was fine with the fact we'd have to adopt, use IVF or other medication.

there are men who don't want kids - so if a woman is infertile, they may be the perfect partner for them. Kids aren't the only thing that matters.

Also - I know women spend a lot of money on products that cost a ton - but I dont' do any of that stuff, and my skin is good, my nails are fine naturally, I have some makeup, but my husband likes me better with out it. He thinks i'm beautiful.

I dress up, simply to be different sometimes and make a fantasy for him, but the real me is what he likes best. These things often are more about OUR vanity, than a mans.

[–]Glad-Discount-4761[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

May I know what was your cause of infertility like some illness which caused infertility or something else?And how did you dealt with it.

[–]emmalai85 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I have PCOS and Endometriosis.

We have 6 kids, so it didn't stop us, but it did cost us a lot of money to have children.

[–]Glad-Discount-4761[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Wow you have both.I have endometriosis too.Now situation is fine. Can I dm you about endometriosis or what doctors said? You have 6 kids.Damn you are giving me hope

[–]emmalai85 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sure, you can DM me. Tha'ts fine.

[–]YourBoyPet 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Guys will say that you should disclose your infertility as early as possible. This is a terrible idea for you. Especially since a lot of guys don't even want kids. You should only bring it up if he brings up kids. Before then it shouldnt even be assumed that he wants kids.

When it comes to spending time working. This is honestly more of a dating barrier than infertility. Men statistically care very little about a womans income. This is especially the case if the guy himself makes as much or more than her. Women statistically want to date a guy who makes as much or more than them. This can make it difficult for women who are very career driven to find a long term partner. Unless they want some leech or the rare guy who wouldn't mind taking on a more traditionally woman partner role (this obviously also requires the woman to be okay with this which is in itself almost as rare).

[–]Glad-Discount-4761[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for replying. Why do you think i should not disclose my infertility as early? Honestly my main reason for career is money so that I can buy high quality skincare products.

[–]YourBoyPet 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh my point about the career thing was just that it might honestly be more of a dealbreaker than infertility. The way you talked about it made it seen like it was your main priority.

The reason why you shouldn't bring up infertility early is the same reason why you shouldn't bring up anything negative early. The guy might be inclined to distance himself without it necessarily even being a dealbreaker to him since YOU present it as a deal breaker by going out of your way to talk about it as soon as possible. It would be like if a guy told you on your first date that his family suffers from male pattern baldness and that he is probably going to become bald. Or that he has a micro penis. Just trying to think of random funny deal breakers haha. My point is basically just that you shouldn't treat it as a deal breaker yourself because then you condition the guy to think of it as one. Bring it up if its naturally part of the conversation with the knowledge that many guys don't think of it as a deal breaker.

[–]Glad-Discount-4761[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's great point.This is first time someone gave me good reason to avoid telling man about it as early.

[–]YourBoyPet 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Also no guy would be mad at you for working out. Think about the roles being reversed. Would you be annoyed if a guy went to the gym every day for an hour?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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