~ archived since 2018 ~

Love Goggles

January 31, 2019

Frequently on RPW, there are a lot of posts about how to keep a man's interest in the long term, particularly how to maintain one's attractiveness after the Wall hits. Throughout these discussions, there's the persistent fear of losing a partner to a younger model. For this reason, I would like to share a personal anecdote and the lesson I derived from it.

My husband and I were discussing the dating lives of his single male friends and the type of women to whom they're attracted. Curiosity got to me and I asked: "If you had to describe me as a 'type,' what would that be?"

He paused for a moment and replied: "Jessica Rabbit."

"What?!" If he weren't such a literalist, I would've chided him for mocking me or for this absurd attempt at flattery.

"You're just so sensual and womanly," he explained. "You could definitely cosplay as her if you wanted to."

Um... no. On my best days, I can probably pull off Betty Boop... but if I'm being honest, those best days are fewer and far between as of late. I'm frequently exhausted caring for our baby twins. I'm still squishy in the middle after having them. I marvel that I even manage to dress in proper clothes rather than succumb to the desire to wear my fluffy Hello Kitty pajama pants all day long.

So why, of all people, did Jessica friggin' Rabbit come to his mind? Love Goggles!

Just as beer goggles can make a drunk guy go home with a girl he wouldn't even look twice at if he were sober, the love goggles can make a husband look at his dear wife as if she is the femme fatale of his adolescent fantasies. If your partner loves and cherishes you, and you regularly shower him with affection, tenderness, and desire, you don't have to spend your days constantly worried that he's going to bang his secretary because you found a gray in your hair that morning; his love goggles won't notice.

Now, this isn't the blue-pilled bullshit that if a man really loves you, it's OK for you to gain 600 lbs and be a slob. No... if anything, you should feel inspired to be more like the woman he sees through his love goggles. The day after this conversation, I brought my red lipstick out of the bowels of my purse and bought a new push-up bra. :-)

I suppose it's worth saying, too, that the reverse of the love goggles is possible. You could be the hottest piece of ass in your zip code, but if you're a miserable shrew, you probably look like Freddie Krueger to him for making his life such waking nightmare.

Hope you find this helpful!

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Post Information
Title Love Goggles
Author RubyWooToo
Upvotes 147
Comments 27
Date January 31, 2019 4:10 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
Red Pill terms in post

[–]gooeymarshmallow20 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

The last part about the reverse scenario, in my particular experience I wasn't a hot bitch but definitely a hot insecure doormat.

Just like confidence is an attractive trait in men, same with women. It sounds like the last thing we want to work on but for me it is key in attracting a high value man.

I've found that in previous relationships (2) where my fear and self confidence issues made me come across as low value I could only secure commitment from low value beta guys and even then it would take over a year.

Since doing inner work and becoming more confident in myself and coming across as high value I was able to attract a high value guy and secure commitment pretty easily, less than a month actually.

Guys love attractive women but they also love women that are comfortable with themselves, and completely in touch with their feminine and sensual self. The last thing a guy wants to do is have to self assure you everyday for the rest off their life.

[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars[S] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Great insight!

I think it's fair to say that our choice of partner is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. If we feel insecure about ourselves, we'll find partners that validate that.

[–]rebeccabrixton 30 points31 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Brilliant observations! I think my husband has a pair too, lots of love from sexier than Emilia Clarke LOL

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

I've always thought we overemphasize weight here. It's not that it isn't important, just that after 10 years of marriage, he's probably not even going to notice 15 pounds. He will notice how you make him feel.

[–]okayestwifey 6 points7 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

I kind of wonder if a lot of guys don't take that into account when getting married-- like obviously, he hopes you stay as attractive as possible, but surely he doesn't expect you to stay 23 forever?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I genuinely think my husband understands that I will age and he's okay with that, as long as I make an effort.

[–]okayestwifey 2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

That's a good dude. Mine has assured me of the same, although I personally hate that I look more like my mom every day. It's the effort they really appreciate!

[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars[S] 5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Men realize that they, too, are aging and aren't going to hold you up to a standard that's not achievable for themselves (unless they're really unreasonable and out of touch with reality).

[–]ThatKidinAfrica 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Albeit true, A Woman's decline in her attractiveness starts off 20 years earlier than a Man's.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

That depends on the couple: their genetics and how well each person cares for themselves. Just last night my husband said "I know I said I wanted to get old with you, but I didn't mean this soon" in reference to himself. All the little signs of age start to creep in by your mid to late 30s. This is about average.

The difference between men and women is not that men don't age or that it's somehow delayed by two decades, it's that what is is attractive about a man is much less tied to physical appearance. He has more wiggle room in that regard. It's naive to think that you can put a 45 year old man next to a 25 year old woman and think they look the same age. The 45 year old man is still attractive because he's presumably acquired some success in life over those extra years which is attractive.

So as /u/RubyWooToo points out: a 40 year old husband is likely to have empathy for the fine lines developing around his 37 year old wife's eyes because he looks at himself in the mirror and sees his hair line isn't in the same place it was 10 years ago.

[–]ThatKidinAfrica 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Obviously. I never said Men don't age, Only that their Attractiveness doesn't decrease nearly as much compared to a Female's (Just look at Brad Pitt & his ex). This is mainly due to a proportional increase in Masculinity and Achievements for a man as he ages until he's 50. There's also the factor that Men prefer younger and Women older. The truth of the matter is that Women are judged by their appearance and Men by accomplishments.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

While true, this is much more important in the sexual marketplace than it is once you have pair off and left the marketplace. Bringing it up in terms of marriage ... it's a cold man who holds his wife's aging against her. Just as it's a cold woman who holds her husband's illnesses or job loss against him. I'm not sure what you hope to accomplish with your initial statement in the context of the comment or the OP.

Also we don't use celebrities as examples around here because they live lives so far away from the rest of us that their reality is not our own.

[–]ThatKidinAfrica 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I see. I wasn't even thinking within the bounds of a couple when I said that. Especially Married ones. Over at TRP, Marriage is nothing short of Blasphemy and every pragmatic piece of advice is given within context to Plates (Meaning you are not restricted to one female) and rarely LTRs in which even still most of the TRPists prefer to not restrict themselves from other potential mates than having an LTR in the first place.

[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

While I agree that men's physical attractiveness decreases later in life, for many (if not most men) it does decline sharply at some point, particularly if the man is complacent. In your everyday life, I bet you see a lot more John Goodmans than you do Richard Geres.

Most guys are used to not having to watch what they eat or drink for their entire 20s maybe into their 30s (because young men tend to be more active and higher metabolisms; plus, their not bombarded as much as women are with the pressure to keep their figures) and are shocked one morning to look in the mirror and see a middle-aged dude with a huge gut and thinning hair.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lovely post. Thanks.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is amazing and I wish it wasn't against the rules to post pictures. Does that make him Roger?

[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think he has more of Eddie Valient's temperament.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor 9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Oh gosh I'm scared to ask my husband that question. I'm pretty sure I'm more of a Molly Weasly. Will update lol!

Lovely post. I didn't manage to get dressed today, but I do have a lot of conceiler on, if that counts. I just put snowpants over the pyjamas... I can't manage to do so now without waking the baby who fell asleep in the carrier. Tomorrow I'll aim for a Betty Boop at least.

UPDATE: This was fun! He said "one of those little hentai figures" and a non-domineering version of Mary Poppins and Popeyes Olive. Reasons: apparently I am easily overwhelmed, panic over little things (and he likes it???), skinny and vulnerable, sometimes have an opinion, and fanciful/creative because I do so much with kids. It took him a while to come up with anything other than the hentai thing...

So that went better than expected!

[–]okayestwifey 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You might be surprised! I totally think of myself as a Mrs Weasley type (never more than right now, with my middle schooler bringing friends over left and right and making barrels of mac and cheese). But I just asked my hubby that and he answered very flatteringly-- a cross between two cute young characters from shows we like. It's inspiring :)

[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Haha that's awesome! Since we're both animated, we would both be welcome in Toon Town. :-)

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm not sure if Daisy Duck would look kindly upon my arrival there though...

[–]alpha-zach 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link


I appreciate your post, and there’s definitely something to what you’re saying. Love definitely softens negative traits in a person and they become beautiful in their own right. I distinctly remember finding a skin flaw trait in a girl I loved years ago, beautiful.

But I think in this scenario, he actually thinks you’re Jessica rabbit. Sure Jess got knocked up and is tired. But you were Jess before that, and you’ll soon be Jess after.

Not that you should constantly live in fear of being replaced, but as you said, do your best with what you have to work with, and you shouldn’t experience any major problems.

[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awww, thanks :-)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

M here. This is absolutely true.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Perhaps when he compared you to Jessica Rabbit he was referring to your fecundity.

[–]QSDT 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

As a male writer, I can second the OP words yes we do have love goggles. There is a very good YouTube video made by MGTOW Sandman think it was called: Snap Shots??? or at least it discussed them. A male during the early parts of a relationship takes mental photos of you that will last for as long as you don't cause him major issues. That's why you hear of those who are married for 50+ years and the husband can still see his wife like when they first met.

But these can be deleted as said by major issues, infidelity, talk of separation, or divorce, disrespect etc. If the relationship survives, the old snap shots are over written by one's taken from then, in these new ones you are now older looking and more faults are seen, keep repeating and eventually younger women will start to look like a option, doesn't mean he will act on it, but...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Excellent piece!

I will only disagree with this part:

Just as beer goggles can make a drunk guy go home with a girl he wouldn't even look twice at if he were sober, the love goggles can make a husband look at his dear wife as if she is the femme fatale of his adolescent fantasies.

No. He won't see you as that drop dead gorgeous model of his adolescent dreams.

Because look at yourself in the mirror. You aren't that woman! He has eyes. He can still see those models and he can see you. You don't look like that.

So why does he desire you so much?

Because his desire has matured from the purely physical lust of his adolescence, into a less tangible - deeper intimacy type of love.

After years and years of building an ever deeper connection with you, his attraction to you has less to do with your physicality and more to do with how you make him feel.

Now, this isn't the blue-pilled bullshit that if a man really loves you, it's OK for you to gain 600 lbs and be a slob.

Correct. Because he can still get turned off from you.

However, it does remain true that with an ever increasing degree of deeper intimacy, it would be harder and harder to turn him off.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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