“Men are intimidates by intelligence in women”

leftajar · 2018-04-17T19:11:59+00:00

"Men are intimidated by intelligent women" has got to be one of the biggest misconceptions in modern dating.

Smart men desire smart women! The problem is, many intelligent women have a chip on their shoulder and try to be competitive with men. To make matters worse, smart people tend to go to college, which is strong with the Feminism.

There's nothing more appealing than a smart, traditional women. Men are scrambling to find and marry women from this rare and dwindling group!

theoppositeopinion1 · 2018-04-17T21:25:53+00:00

It's not the smart part that causes problems.

It's the arrogant attitude that causes problems.

loneliness-inc · 2018-04-17T20:14:06+00:00

AMEN AMEN AMEN

To me, this is equivalent of a man saying "I'm too good-looking, and that's why I have problems with women. They are jealous of me because I am attractive."

It sounds ridiculous, because it is. And if you met a man saying this - even if he was really good-looking - you'd be questioning what's really wrong with this guy. For one thing, he's going around talking about how attractive he is, which makes him kind of conceited. But we all know that great-looking guys who are also good guys are not sitting home crying that they can't find women.

Same goes for intelligent women who are also well-rounded in other ways.

Just because men are traditionally praised for intelligence (since it's usually vital to get ahead in the workplace) doesn't mean they are afraid for their woman to be intelligent. Just like women aren't really horrified by a good-looking good guy, afraid he'll steal the spotlight.

But if he's also arrogant, overly feminine / prissy, rude, or condescending? That's a whole different set of problems.

In my personal opinion, same for smart women who are crying that guys don't like them, and saying it's because they're smart. It's just easier to blame that than it is to look at what the real problem might be.

Don't mean to sound too harsh, but I know this from experience. I was one of those women, even as a teenager I bought into it. I thought the guys wouldn't really come to me because I was too smart / deep / mature. And I am a physically attractive person, so I figured that had to be it. But I was missing the fact that I was emotionally dark, slow to laugh or joke, socially awkward, conceited, and painfully self-conscious. That's what the kept the boys away.

Being smart was just a convenient scapegoat.

[deleted] · 2018-04-17T21:36:12+00:00

I play dumb on my dating profiles.

Every time I dated a "smarter" gal she was demeaning, condescending, lording her accomplishments, e.g. making partner by 30, 2 masters degrees, law review, etc.

It was only at the end of the date that I reveal I hold a stem PhD from a top ten school , 30 published articles, patents, etc.

An arogant ass is an ass regardless if you are a man or a woman.

BajaBlast90 · 2018-04-17T22:06:43+00:00

The issue is that "intelligence" literally corresponds to a low level of agreeableness. Feminists, "career women", "smart women", all have low levels of agreeableness, which is required to be successful in business.

Unless women are aware of this in themselves and actually put work into learning how to regulate their emotions and communicate assertively under pressure, they will be intimidating. And considering that women usually score higher in neuroticism, self-reflection just won't come as easily.

chomponthebit · 2018-04-17T18:25:34+00:00

Have my upvote!

I will happily lose an argument to a knowledgeable woman who uses logic, reason, careful listening, and a measured tone to teach me where I’m wrong. Knowledge and reason make everyone more genuine and graceful, thus, attractive

I will happily discard loud & obnoxious ideological parrots the moment I see the whites in their eyes and the shrill in their voice. Trigger me timbers

LateralThinker13 · 2018-04-18T13:54:24+00:00

Intelligence has the same effect on dating as a university degree; it reduces the pool of men that a woman will choose from because women tend to want men who are as/more degreed and intelligent than they are.

There isn't any stigma on intelligence per se, any more than there's a stigma on height (both are out of your control). But just as most women prefer taller men (so a tall woman has a harder time dating), smarter women prefer smarter men and the same difficulty applies.

On the bright side, due to how the gendered IQ bell curves work, there are MANY more intelligent men to choose from than comparably intelligent women if you're at least one standard deviation smarter. (Once you're in the 140IQ range, I think you're outnumbered something like 5:1 male-female). The drawback, of course, is that a man doesn't require a woman to be as intelligent as he is, so he has a larger pool to choose from than you do.

masterofthebarkarts · 2018-04-18T14:51:23+00:00

In my experience, everyone likes intelligent people. No one likes people who spend all their time talking/bragging about how intelligent they are, regardless of gender. If you have to spend all your time talking about how smart you are and bragging about your intellectual hobbies, you're arrogant, not intelligent. I don't even think it's actually a gendered issue, since (in my experience anyway) those people are unbearable regardless of if they are women or men.

I've never met a man who was intimidated by my intelligence. I have, however, met women who are just kind of shitty who use that as an excuse to avoid any kind of self-reflection.

Banincoming · 2018-04-18T01:16:21+00:00

The smartest people on earth tend to be very good conversationalists as well. They can judge their audience and talk at their level, whatever it may be. When I hear the phrase in the title, I just assume they are insufferable narcissists who TELL everyone how smart they are.

loneliness-inc · 2018-04-17T20:28:00+00:00

This is an awesome post! If the title is changed to "men are not intimidated by intelligence in women", I think this post is sidebar worthy. Definitely should earn a star IMO. What do you say u/pearlsandstilettos?

Generally speaking, men are not intimidated by women and people are not intimidated by intelligence.

Intimidation is a type of fear of the potential for violence. That generally isn't an emotion that women inspire in men nor is it an emotion that intelligence inspires in people.

Women can be annoying to men, frustrating to men, maddening to men and many other things, but usually not intimidating.

Intelligence inspires awe in people who aren't as intelligent. Awe causes you to want to come close but not too close. To be in the presence and bask in the glow of the awesome thing but to not be overwhelmed by it. Come into close proximity of a brilliant person and you'll feel awe, not intimidation.

So now that the words are properly defined, we can understand why women say that men are intimidated by their intelligence. Because there's some projection and conflating going on here.

Women are often intimidated by men and women need to be with men who are better than themselves in some way (taller, smarter, faster, richer etc). Therefore, many women assume that intelligence in her should be as valuable to him as his intelligence is to her. When she realizes that it isn't + the fact that she often feels intimidated by men, she concludes that they must be intimidated by her intelligence. Nothing can be further from the truth as explained above.

This "calculation" isn't necessarily conscious. It likely is usually not conscious.

All this is in addition to the reasons you gave in your wonderful post.

young_x · 2018-04-18T17:20:10+00:00

Intelligent, humble women do just fine.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-04-18T19:09:25+00:00

Men are not intimidated by intelligence, men dislike snarky, egotistical women.

Most self proclaimed intelligent people aren't actually that smart. They just think they are, and believe they're never wrong. If you're actually smart, it will show without you having to clarify it.

Rivkariver · 2018-04-22T22:48:17+00:00

I have observed and seen the opposite- men like intelligent women. Women that can talk about anything, broaden their perspectives, know a thing or two about whatever subject.. I find that having more useful, survival-like knowledge attracts men, more than knowing algebraic equations and what not.

For example, I get a lot of male attention when I start talking about animal husbandry (I have been breeding and raising poultry for years). They start asking a bunch of questions, they seem to be really intrigued.

What men do not like are know-it-alls, arrogant people, obnoxious behavior, the like. Women don't like this either. Not many like this kind of person. It shows that they are over-compensating for something. They lack personality.

GodOfDinosaurs · 2018-04-17T19:18:05+00:00

I absolutely love highly intelligent women with strong opinions about philosophy, politics, science, etc. I don't consider those categories "feminine" at all, and guys I know complain that there simply aren't many girls interested in those things. I think there's a pretty large and underserved market for intelligent, opinionated women.

[deleted] · 2018-04-17T20:51:17+00:00

"Men don't like smart women" statement is completely invalid for the reasons you stated. Although, "Men can be intimidated by women smarter than them" might have substance to it.

The reason behind this is that women usually don't regard men who are below them in the smarts department highly. So, some men tend to have a defensive reaction against these women (not because being smart is off-putting, it's merely to avoid rejection). Others are able to present themselves as respectable men by compensating with other qualities.

Putting it simply: A man prefers a woman that is not smarter than he is, because if she is smarter, his chances with her are going to get slimmer.

Or that's what i believe at least.

MsAfrodisiac · 2018-04-17T23:02:48+00:00

I do believe that men in general are not turned on by contrarian, argumentative, prideful women. Which is all too common these days among women who proclaim themselves smart.

I really want this to be true. However, I am in a family that is completely dominated by two, extremely prideful women. The first, is the matriarch. Although, she has multiple degrees, her spouse is a Harvard graduate and is very accomplished. Nevertheless, she has completely emasculated him and he supports or even encourages her behavior. The second, is training to be a doctor. She is very tall, assertive, and prideful. She will literally stand over people to make them feel physically inferior. She has had many relationships and two engagements. From my observations, these women's confidence attracts many suitors. These suitors encourage the behavior.

I am very educated as well. However, I have a quiet, soft-spoken demeanor. I enjoy allowing men to take the lead. This has resulted in me being a complete shadow in my family. I have had far less suitors. That being said, men are very chivalrous towards me and I have never dealt with the types of volatility that I have witnessed the other two women experience.

sonder_one · 2018-04-18T03:48:30+00:00

No woman who says this is intelligent.

ContemporaryBelle · 2018-04-18T16:41:40+00:00

I agree that this statement is nonsense. I am considered by most who meet me to be intelligent. I've got the accolades to prove it too. However, I don't think I have ever met a man intimidated by my intelligence even if it exceeded his own. Contrary to the popular myth, I think intelligence is a turn on for a lot of men. The self-absorption and combative nature that can accompany it in some people, however, is a big turn off for almost anyone.

Whisper · 2018-04-23T00:11:22+00:00

Intelligence is neither attractive nor unattractive to men.

Therefore it adds no value.

Intelligent women are more difficult to impress, therefore they require more value.

Therefore, intelligence in a woman requires more value, but provides none.

A junior Disaster Area accountant, visiting the shipyard where this ship was being constructed, had demanded to know of the works foreman why the hell they were fitting an extremely expensive teleport into a ship which only had one important journey to make, and that unmanned. The foreman had explained that the teleport was available at a ten per cent discount and the accountant had explained that this was immaterial; the foreman had explained that it was the finest, most powerful and sophisticated teleport that money could buy and the accountant had explained that the money did not wish to buy it

renegade · 2018-04-17T19:55:11+00:00

"competence is sexy"

OkJicama · 2018-04-18T02:35:58+00:00

don’t assume your intellect is going to impress him the way respect and femininity would

A little bit "ouch" but a little bit "I needed to hear this." It's a good reminder to prioritize being a human being above being a brain, if that makes sense.

I'm not willing to "check my brain at the door" in a future relationship, though I agree with the multiple other comments that emphasize that the attitude of the woman is what makes a difference, not her perceived or actual level of intelligence.

mytrpaway · 2018-04-18T00:31:19+00:00

I don’t believe this statement to be true, that men are intimidated by smart women.

I think there is overwhelming evidence that romantic love of men by women is predicated on a foundation of respect.

It is sometimes the case that women can't respect men who are less than them in some particular way.

Some women can't respect men who are shorter than them.

Some women can't respect men who make less money than them.

Some women can't respect men who are physically weaker than them.

Some women can't respect men who are less intelligent than them.

All people shy away from relationships they believe won't work; there's no way to know ahead of time, but most people have developed reasonable heuristics based on personal experience and observation of others.

This is a long-winded way of saying: I think you're wrong. There are probably a good number of men who look at exceptionally intelligent women and reject them preemptively as a low percentage shot, in the same way that men might preemptively reject women who are unusually tall, strong, or who have a substantial income.

Atticus_Crowley · 2018-04-18T00:32:30+00:00

My two cents: If we take the term "smart" and kinda broaden it to just "women who have their shit together", the phrase can make some sense. I'm currently working on myself, and I am far from any of my goals. Sometimes I encounter women who are successful and they show interest. Unless the chemistry is off the charts, I'm probably not gonna go out of my way to pursue anything with them, because once they see past the fun guy at the concert/bar/party, they'll know they are on a different level than me and move on.

So, a guy who has his act together, unless he just wants a dumb subservient trophy, won't be intimidated by a smart woman. But for a guy who might not quite have his act together, I can see why they might avoid the smarter women, since they probably know that those women know better than to hang around them.

catsuramen · 2018-04-17T18:44:31+00:00

I heard there's a saying that men like smart women, just not smarter than themselves. Thoughts?

kharlowe · 2018-04-18T00:12:57+00:00

Thanks. That's among the most lucid things I've ever read, and mercifully devoid of irritatingly stupid sexual politics.
Women have two fallback positions when they fail with men--their intellect is threatening, or the man is gay. Intellect is, in fact, sexy. Real intellect, the possession of actual knowledge and the ability to utilize it, increases a woman's allure quite markedly. It distinguishes her from the insecure, hyper sensitive, self infatuated, immature females who have become the predictable banality. Intelligence makes a woman seem more wordly, more accepting, more confident, more simply human. Those are desirable traits in either sex. Who wants braying jackasses for friends? I think you’re correct to assert that intellect now, at least at the level of pop culture, is considered “street smarts”, a comination of urban legend, mythology, and superstition. Those coporate leaders you reference aren’t really all that bright, they’re generally accepted as such because the same people who believe in street smarts think intellect equates to wealth. What’s more irritating to me are those people, of both sexes, who make a point of informing you that they’re strong, independent, confident, blah, blah, blah. There is an axiom that is worth repeating--you are nothing (NOTHING!) you have to tell people you are. If you are those things, your demeanor, your elocution, your very being telegraphs that information to those with whom you interact. And if they don’t, you’re a fraud. Before I start ranting, I’d like to thank you again for that post. As a person with testosterone polluting my blood stream, I simply can’t tell you how nice it is to read something from a woman that does not consist of white hot hostility, accusations, or flaming condemnation. You're restoring my faith in humanity, at least half of it. I’m trying not to gush here, but even though I know nothing about you (how old you are, what you look like, what you do, where you live), allow me to say you seem desirable just based on what you’ve written. (I’ll shut up now.)

cryptohobo · 2018-04-17T18:31:35+00:00

If a man is intimidated by intelligence, that’s not a man I’d want to date!

2018Now2018New · 2018-04-20T23:11:08+00:00

No I'm a male and I like intelligent women. It's the stupid ones that intimidate me. Unfortunately most women and men are stupid.

shockinghillaryquote · 2018-04-21T08:19:04+00:00

I've only dated women with high intelligence / great sense of humor. I get bored otherwise. I love sass and spunk.

artemis286 · 2018-04-18T02:47:13+00:00

I completely agree with this! My husband always said from the beginning of us dating that he admired and was attracted to my intelligence. But not just book smart, but also life smart (budgeting, planning, organizational skills, cooking and nutrition, etc.). It reminded him of his incredibly strong, intelligent, capable mother who is also very feminine, soft, and nurturing.

It is so hard to find the balance in many social circles. I do see so many of my young adult friends be very prideful of their academic accomplishments, and wear it like a badge that must be acknowledged at all times. In Fact, I have many dear friends that have struggled dating in our rather conservative religious circles, because they feel they must push to meet all these internal academic requirements in order to be "successful", and feel the these reuqiments are completely at odds with family life. And honestly, the conservative men are turned off by it the aggression.

One friend in particular was spending time with is frequently while she was navigating some major life decisions and dating struggles. And she opened up to me that after seeing us happily married, suddenly she realized how badly she wanted that. And had been pushing it down and was over compensating by pushing so hard in school. She openly admitted that she was pushing for some high power, high status career, because she felt insecure.

She felt the tug towards the feminine pursuits (cooking, marriage, family) and felt embarrassed to admit it! Like it was a taboo thing to say! It's so sad really.

gretamine · 2018-04-17T23:58:12+00:00

I agree a lot of people who say that phrase are actually just argumentative assholes. But I do think men, on average, like their partners to be less intelligent than them. Not necessarily stupid or unintelligent, but definitely not more intelligent than them. Men have large, fragile egos.

fairydust91 · 2018-04-21T05:24:20+00:00

Oh come on ladies, own your intelligence. What a waste.

BajaBlast90 · 2018-04-18T03:16:55+00:00

I disagree to a certain extent. Hear me out.

Men aren't necessarily intimated by a smart women. However, many men are intimidated by women who are smarter and/or more successful than they are. It's normal for most people to be threatened and insecure of people smarter and/or more successful than they are. Highly intelligent individuals (men and women) are often socially isolated by those around them who can't relate to them on their level.

I think that many posters here have a misconception of the self-proclaimed "intelligent woman" as the angry, competitive feminist. I think this is where a lot of subconscious sexism comes into play, especially when there are women in business and/or the top of their industries who are shattering stereotypes and kicking a**

Title	“Men are intimidates by intelligence in women”
Author	Rivkariver
Upvotes	109
Comments	74
Date	April 17, 2018 6:07 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/men-are-intimidates-by-intelligence-in-women.2815 https://theredarchive.com/post/2815
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8cynb3/men_are_intimidates_by_intelligence_in_women/