Happy weekend ladies.

I came across something a few days ago on twitter, that I can’t manage to find, that said something along the lines of: “The problem with modern women is they have lost the desire to serve, and have instead given into self-indulgence and self-obsession.” I apologize to the original poster, whoever she is, for lack of due credit and imperfect recollection. But her words have stayed with me and I wanted to bring you all my thoughts.

Lost the Desire to Serve. Can you hear the ripples of gasps among empowered modern women? Serve?

Yes.

These words came to me at a time much needed. Though I pride myself on being a woman of service, a nurse-by-night and homemaker-by-day, I have found myself becoming, regrettably, service-spent. I came home a few days ago in the morning to find the few things undone I had asked Q to do before going to sleep, trash he had left by the couch, food left on the counter, and a pile of recycling climbing up the wall. I had spent all night serving patients, families, and coworkers, and ended up coming home exhausted, and scrubbing the dishes with seeds of unfamiliar resentment. Can’t I get any help around here? Is it so hard to put one Tupperware in the dish washer? I made him his usual breakfast and lunch, and got ready for bed in a huff. I climbed into bed and in the sweetest style possible I told him I wanted to have an argument but that I would apologize straight away. I asked why he couldn’t do just the few little things I asked of him and that I really needed some help around here to keep up. I plan to be a stay at home mom eventually, but while I’m still working, I felt it was no fair to do everything around the house too. He was so sweet, held me and kissed me and apologized, and told me he would be better. I didn't sleep well and woke up feeling guilty.

I have decided that it’s me who needs to be better. Of course there’s nothing wrong with asking for help, and I’m glad I did, but I had totally forgotten in that moment everything I stand for as a traditional woman, a woman of service. A woman who desires to serve. A woman who derives contentment from dedicating her time and heart and hands to the service of others, especially her man. But already, at nearly the beginning of my journey, I have witnessed how easily I might slip and falter. So I have decided to commit myself to Mindfulness in Service, a mental focus to mindfully and consciously reset daily, reminding myself of who I want to be and what energy I want to bring to the world, and to my home. Why I serve.

I don’t know what that might look like for you, it might be a daily prayer, it might be a sticky note on your desk, it might be meditation, or maybe you have been practicing long enough it comes more naturally. But the goal for me is no longer merely to serve, but to desire to serve.

I have everything I could ask for - a kind and generous and hardworking man of steadfast morals and convictions, an incredible mind, who is patient, appreciative, thoughtful, and dedicated to building this life with me. Why on earth did it matter to me where he put a tupperware? I’m proud to say I woke up this afternoon early enough to accomplish a few power hours of delightful service, thoroughly cleaning the house including several things I’ve been meaning to do for weeks (doesn’t that feel so good!), making dinner, running errands for Q, and putting together a gift for him I’ve been meaning to finish. Yes, I even took out the recycling, and yes, I truly and genuinely enjoyed doing it.

Let me know if you ever need a reset button, and maybe for some of you, this can be it. If you have any other tips for Mindful Service, please let me know! It’s so lovely to be on this journey with all of you.