My boyfriend asked for my fathers blessing. He said no.

perkysue · 2020-08-19T17:27:50+00:00

Your boyfriend made a respectful gesture and your father was not respectful in return. Set the wedding date.

My father was never in my life, and my mother was a mean spirited alcoholic. She chose not to attend my wedding. I’ve been happily married for 19 years to a good man. Their loss. Hope that helps.

transdermalcelebrity · 2020-08-19T18:07:53+00:00

My father is a narcissist and he would’ve been very happy to devour my entire life and have me take care of him till the end of his days. When he met my husband (we had been dating 3 years) he made up all kinds of crap to try and manipulate me into breaking up. He was nasty.

Your father likely will never give his blessing because then by traditional and legal standards it officially makes him not the #1 man of your life (even though he shouldn’t be anymore anyway).

It’s time for borders and boundaries. You’ve got a good man, you both don’t need your father’s blessing. Heck, you’re in your 30s, you don’t need to ask permission.

If you want to get married, get married. If you don’t, don’t. If your father gets ugly about it then you and your man need to work together to figure out how much you need to limit contact with your father (I see mine once every several years and he still does nasty things in person -from a distance he’s surprisingly pleasant).

Your #1 family is your bf and child. They matter. Your father is extended and if he’s going to be ugly about it, don’t enable him. Set boundaries, own your space with your man, and remember that you don’t have to honor people who do not want what’s best for you.

deepfreshwater · 2020-08-19T16:41:58+00:00

I think your father is in the wrong here. He needs to get over himself and let you be happy.

peculiarmiss · 2020-08-19T16:58:26+00:00

You have two children together. With all due respect, why did he even ask for your father’s blessing? Why is a wedding contingent on said blessing?

MeeeshyPeeeshy · 2020-08-19T17:48:09+00:00

This is part of the reason why I don’t love this tradition. If the father says no, are people really not going to get married? I actually don’t think you father did anything wrong. “Do I have you blessing?” Is a yes/no question. He Is allowed to say no. The question just shouldn’t have been asked.

mamabearbug · 2020-08-19T17:42:42+00:00

I'd get married with or without it.

UniformFox_trotOscar · 2020-08-19T16:56:42+00:00

I've never loved this tradition, myself. It can be sweet, sure, but it's definitely only a courtesy. My dad also sees me as independent and capable and had my husband asked for his permission, he'd have told him he was asking the wrong person. That's why he didn't. We both knew my dad wouldn't appreciate it. It's clearly a very individual thing, though, so if it works for others, great. You're obviously not one of them, though. You're not your dad's property. You have a life together, already. If you want to marry him, marry him.

I do think you should talk to your father about his reasoning and how this makes you feel. I'd definitely make it clear that this was only a formality and at 30, you're going to do what's right for your family.

sunflowergirls85 · 2020-08-19T19:06:34+00:00

I can understand your dad’s point a little. He sees a man that got his daughter pregnant twice and is just now asking for his blessing to marry her? As a mother of three daughters I would have wanted better. But I am probably old fashioned. You are a family with children now though, so there is really nothing he can do.

AnarchoNAP · 2020-08-19T18:23:48+00:00

Its only a wedge in between you if you let it be. Deciding not to pick him is a ship that has kind of sailed. What are you going to do? Be a single mom and attempt to start over at 30 with two kids because your dad would find it amusing?

I don't really see the point of blessings once the woman is on her own. It strikes me as fathers trying to have it both ways. If someone is your dependent and you would be responsible for her if the marriage was to go south, then it makes sense for you to have to approve, or at least get official input into, the proposed marriage. If women are going to be on their own and any failed marriage would be their cost to bear, then their father doesn't really get veto power. Even if society goes one way with it, if a particular father is supporting his daughter and acting responsible for her, then asking for a blessing would make sense to me. Asking one independent adult if another 30 year old independent adult with a career can marry is unnecessary.

kew05gp · 2020-08-19T18:25:05+00:00

You don't need his blessings at all cost. You did your part to ask. God WON'T ASK HIS PERMISSION TO BLESS YOU. NEVER. you're already blessed. Finding love is what's hard, and having great children. Not waiting on a narcissistic dad to shower down his vainglorious words that have no impact

LateralThinker13 · 2020-08-19T19:13:14+00:00

If your father is a legit narcissist, break ties. You are both complete adults (30s, yo) and you do not live for your parents, you live for you and your children.

Keep your mom, tho. She sounds cool. But never give a narcissist power over you; they are never satisfied, always harmful. I know, my sister turned out to be one.

EDIT: Also, really suggest you go over to r/raisedbynarcissists and get an eyeful. It'll help.

Luis_McLovin · 2020-08-19T17:53:50+00:00

The solution is simple.

Have the wedding.

Send your mother an invite.

Don’t send your father an invite.

Done.

Mewster1818 · 2020-08-19T19:09:27+00:00

I also have a parent that is beyond difficult and unreasonable. As important as family relationships are, sometimes you have to put up boundaries for your own sake. It's very difficult, but follow your heart on what's best for you and your family, not on how best to appease your father.

TheBunk_TB · 2020-08-19T19:50:27+00:00

If I was your bf, I would challenge him to a fight. If dad wouldn't be upfront with his disdain and lack of respect.

He wont ever earn his respect, maybe only on his deathbed.

Immuchtooawesome · 2020-08-19T17:10:56+00:00

He has NEVER liked my boyfriend and blatantly disrespects him in a sly, roundabout way almost constantly.

Did he provide a reason why?

If his judgement matters this much, why not hear his concerns out?

morganKxoxo · 2020-08-19T17:20:13+00:00

Did he give any reason as to why he rejected him?

I do think it’s important to respect your parents BUT, if you two want to get married and have a solid relationship I think you should because you have children together. Ultimately what’s best for your children should dictate this decision more so than your father.

EsuEmuSM · 2020-08-19T20:37:44+00:00

Have a wedding without his blessing. Plottwist: the father must ask for YOUR blessing to attend your marriage

Flatwormmm · 2020-08-19T23:36:19+00:00

I don't really know what you're looking for here. Your dad made it clear he doesn't like your bf, your bf for some reason asked his blessing when you're 30 years old and already have children, and your dad reinstated his feelings on your bf. What was the bf expecting when he went to ask permission? Why are you surprised?

You're both adults, you have a family together. Getting hung up on a pointless traditional formality and turning it into an issue is a waste of energy.

deadhand7 · 2020-08-20T02:10:36+00:00

Hey there. I had a similar situation. My wife’s dad was not thrilled when I told him. I was pretty furious. Even called the night early (we were out for a drink together).

I think it was him being territorial and a reminder of his age.

I was able to salvage the relationship though he eventually came around and now we’re closer than ever. Sometimes these things do have happy endings.

I have a few friends with similar stories. Sometimes people just suck with surprises.

Anyways, wishing you both the very best of luck. Congratulations!

HumanSockPuppet · 2020-08-20T05:47:01+00:00

It's a symbolic gesture, nothing more. You don't need your father's permission to marry. You're not being traded for ten head of goats and help putting up a barn.

LouiseConnor · 2020-08-20T11:10:13+00:00

It was a very nice gesture of your boyfriend, but you’re boyfriend is already the captain of your ship. You have kids and a home. Your dad doesn’t have authority to pass to your boyfriend.

It was a nice try, but knowing dad dislikes him already, it doesn’t sound surprising. I guess a telling more than asking might have made sense. But regardless, move onto wedding planning!

We had some resistance to our wedding (for very different reasons. We were 18) and everyone has come around now after a decade.

Brandonxxxi · 2020-08-20T13:42:02+00:00

If he's really a narcissist, then you already know what to do about his opinion: just don't invite him and move along. But then again, he could not be a narcissist and really dislike your boyfriend. I don't see an explanation from you that would label him as a narcissist. Why doesn't he like your boyfriend?

rpool179 · 2020-08-20T14:56:39+00:00

What's the point of getting the dad's blessing when you and the boyfriend already have 2 kids together now? It's almost a moot point. If you were both childless and younger it'd be different.

Magicallypeanut · 2020-08-19T19:59:13+00:00

Your dad already gave his response. I wouldnt delaymy wedding in hopes he will change. If you love your guy, feel safe, and are loved/respected in return then go live your life.

boiiihowdy · 2020-08-19T20:32:17+00:00

Yeah honestly at this point, you and your boyfriend already seem to be acting as a family unit. While him asking for your father’s blessing was a respectful and probably good thing to do, at this point, it’s a slight formality. It’s best for you and your boyfriend to just get married. Invite your father to the wedding, but don’t be surprised if he declines.

omanisherin · 2020-08-19T17:34:09+00:00

An outright rejection has no value. But if your Dad gave some constructive criticism it might be valuable advice for your intended to follow,and improve your quality of life. Common addictions like porn, alcohol, video games etc... or a lack of ability to provide, immaturity and narcissism are easy predictors of divorce. The greatest predictor of divorce is when a partner shows public disgust for their partner, for instance. If your Dad used this moment to give him some life pro tips, that's his prerogative, as he is looking out for his daughter. If he's just being a schmuck, I'd ignore it and get hitched. If he had valid points, I would strongly consider them before moving forward. Divorce is the worst, especially for kids.

TheBunk_TB · 2020-08-19T19:51:34+00:00

Also, don't invite your father to the wedding until he talks with your bf.

Maybelowsmv · 2020-08-19T20:30:13+00:00

Get married anyway. Youre grown. You dont need your father's blessing especially after already having had children

Mad_Finesse · 2020-08-19T22:54:09+00:00

It means your father doesn't like him, that's all.

What are you supposed to do, be a single mom and end a perfectly good relationship? That's ridiculous.

He may have said no but he doesn't control your life or your relationship. It's just a dick move is all.

Title	My boyfriend asked for my fathers blessing. He said no.
Author	UniformFox_trotOscar
Upvotes	114
Comments	71
Date	August 19, 2020 4:37 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/icr53j/my_boyfriend_asked_for_my_fathers_blessing_he/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-boyfriend-asked-for-my-fathers-blessing-he-said.167668 https://theredarchive.com/post/167668