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My boyfriend talked about a future with another girl

August 15, 2020

My boyfriend talked about a future with someone else

I went through my boyfriends texts and he discussed the potential of being with another girl in the future

My boyfriend used to be really into this one girl before me. He pursued her for over a year before she stopped talking to him and then I came into the picture about a month later.

Not long after that, they started talking everyday, and they talk everyday until now and it's been over a year. I'm aware that she is interested in him, but she isn't ready to date anyone yet according to her.

When I went through his phone, I found messages of him saying he asked her out even through all of her troubles, and that ''maybe in the future'' they could be together.

What does this mean for my relationship? I don't know what to do.

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Post Information
Title My boyfriend talked about a future with another girl
Author drunkdragonfly890
Upvotes 108
Comments 43
Date August 15, 2020 12:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–][deleted] 387 points388 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're a placeholder. Find someone who actually wants to be with you.

[–]Mortheous_Darkmere41 points42 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]AquaSerenityPhoenix176 points177 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

▪Guy pursues girl for a year.

▪Girl doesn't want guy.

▪Guy ends up with you.

▪Girl becomes more interested in guy.

▪Guy starts talking with girl (the one he originally wanted) everyday.

▪Guy talks about future with girl

You know what this means, and you don't need anyone here to tell you... If the roles were reversed what would that mean?

[–]scaevities29 points30 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

If I'm being honest, the girl may have become more interested in him precisely because he's dating op. It makes him slightly 'forbidden' and the fact that he was able to attract op gives him more SMV.

[–]AquaSerenityPhoenix5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My thoughts exactly. If she doesn't want a serious relationship right now. What better way then to entertain someone already taken that is smitten with you.

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There was actually a study done somewhere that women become significantly more attracted to men when women know that the man is currently in a relationship.

The study hypothesized that it is because the current woman has already done the hard work of gaining his commitment and perceived loyalty.

There is also a thought among some women that if they can get a committed man to cheat on their woman with her then they must be irresistible. But that's almost never true.

[–]saint-jezebel78 points79 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Run. You’re a placeholder and the minute he gets the chance, he will dump you.

[–]ClarityByHilarity61 points62 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

You’re not first in this situation and he will drop you for her in a second. Keep in mind she probably doesn’t actually want him, if she gets him she will dump him and then it will be “a huge mistake” and he will come crawling back.

Go find someone who only sees you. You deserve that.

[–]JadedByEntropy17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah seems like she's only talking to him because he's taken like that other post and neither one should be involved here

[–]CosbyTeamTriosby-3 points-2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree with the first part, but how are you sure about what she 'deserves'?

[–]ClarityByHilarity8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m not sure what you mean but I believe everyone who gives that should receive that. If she only has eyes for him, he should only have eyes for her. That’s what she deserves, is to be given what she herself gives in a relationship.

[–]CosbyTeamTriosby-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

if receiving what you give is Law, then she gets what she has given. No man can fulfill the Law - the Law is perfect because it is whole.

[–]blackandwhitemoth106 points107 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Future you is gonna look back and be like "how on Earth did I let this loser treat me like this for so long?" The less time you spend on this guy the more time you'll get to spend with the man of your dreams. Cut your losses and leave him immediately. Try to keep it classy and show as little emotion as possible.

Edit: Sorry if this sounded harsh. I can't imagine what you're going through, it must be extremely painful. I just know what it feels like to waste years on someone who isn't worth it. But if you leave now, your future self will thank you.

[–]Maybelowsmv105 points106 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dump him asap

[–]SnootyPretzel27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would nope out of that relationship in an instant and take some time to myself( or as they say, go nun mode ) in case the breakup inflicted damage to my self worth( which is very likely in these situations where he chooses the "other girl "). Chin up and follow your gut feelings, and really consider if long term you'd be happy to be with someone who can so nonchalantly maintain close connections with other women and blatantly display romantic feelings for them while you sit in the sideline letting him steer the wheel of your relationship wherever he wants to.

[–]teriyakigirl20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need to leave like yesterday, girly

[–]perkysue50 points51 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Call him and tell him it’s over. Be polite but firm. No more contact. You’ll be doing the right thing for both of you.

[–]terragutti28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Please no. Value yourself more. You need to be someones first choice.

[–]Left-Comment11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So youre just warming the place while he waits for her to change her mind...

Im sorry, OP.

Dont waste your time and go find someone who loves you.

[–]TranslatedSky1 Star10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yikes. The other comments are correct. He will drop you for her at the drop of the hat. I’ve seen many girls in this position, including sadly my own sibling. It’s nothing to do with you, but with his own wish fulfilment at obtaining what’s unattainable.

It’s hard since it’s been over a year and clearly it’s been building up for a while for you to snoop through his phone. Don’t let a guy make you crazy. Even if you stay, you won’t be happy knowing you are second choice.

[–]xSheo_10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I‘m a guy and from a guy‘s perspective, i could imagine two scenarios: the first one is, you are a placeholder for the girl he really wants, but couldn‘t get before you. But as the girl saw your boyfriend being in a relationship, his status grew higher in her eyes and he became intesting for her. As soon as he gets the chance, he will be gone, so dump him. The second scenario: he sweet-talks her into getting intimate with him, but he has no serious intent with her either. So he basically cheats on you and doesnt care about the other girl as well. Then you should REALLY dump him.

[–]AfraidofFollowers23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It means you are not his soul mate and should move on.

[–]_kievstar_4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

While you hopefully leave him asap, Think why were you doing this to yourself? How is your self image, and why are you still there?

This can (and should) be a great eye opener and jump to a new, much better future for you 👊❤

[–]just_a_mum4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Re read your post and try to imagine one of your friends saying it to you. What would your advice be?

I'm pretty sure your advice would be "you are worth more than second best". This man is settling with you until the girl he is actually in love with snaps her fingers and he will be running. Leave now before he strips all of your dignity.

[–]Majestic_Act5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It means it's over. Break up with him.

[–]HorrorMovieShoes13 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Girll if you are wondering what to do ... you need to work on your self esteem!! Dump him! Respect yourself!! Show him what he has missed and never go back to him!!

[–]blueeyedbeauty1233 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your wasting your youth as a place holder. He’s using you for practice until he finds someone he likes.

[–]Jayledd12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you want to give him a chance (big if). I'd steer the conversation in a way that you can find out where he sees himself in the future (without making it directly about the relationship). If the answer isn't one you're happy with, and depending on how long you've been together, has no mention of you. I'd say it means it's time to move on.

But honestly, If he is daydreaming and talking about a life with another woman he is not worth continuing to invest in, you should be with someone who wants a future with you.

[–]IntelligentEmpress2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What everyone else here has said: just walk away from him.

[–]HoneybeeSweetPea2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are worth so much more than to keep this guy warm at night while he pines after another girl. Walk away. Don’t look back. Go work on being the best version of yourself and wait for the guy who actually wants you! You are going to look back on this moment one day and be so glad you decided to walk away when you did. I’m sorry though, I know it still hurts right now!

[–]AnarchoNAP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Only interview at places that are hiring. He isn't.

[–]puppyfucking_19981 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]persechaos1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Leave now maybe you won’t get as much hurt

[–]GunPoint0071 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ohhh god. This stings like lemons being squeezed into my eye sockets. He is a scum bag, he used you. He used you until that girl became available, you need to dumb him. Do not cry. Feel glad it happen as you haven’t made any real future with him, now you can find a real decent man whom wants to have kids and a family.

[–]Mysterious_Reality_91 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

bruh if i ever find out that someone is only dating me as a rebound/backup plan, i'm dropping them asap. thats so disrespectful

[–]SouthDakotaCornbread1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not unreasonable to set boundaries and insist your boyfriend not communicate with his ex.

[–]shitposterkatakuri0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Am a dude and these other posters are generally right. He may develop real feelings for you eventually but right now it seems like you're just a temp gf. Don't be a temp gf.

[–]claravoyance0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You know the answer

[–]lilastr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Girl, you’re his plan B. Run sis

[–]blackred440 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I have been in this situation once, but I was the "other girl". Our background situation almost exactly like this.

At some point after I was already with someone else, he was with someone else too. We were texting and suddenly he told me that.. "if our relationship now didn't work out, we should be together." I was just chuckle cause I find that.. rather childish and like not-gonna-happen in my scenario. I was already so serious with the guy I was with. Ended up we both never break up, he got married first and me many years later. No regrets ever & I feel like he has lost his feelings completely towards me after he realised that his wishful thinking never gonna happen.

It is only your bf that can answer what does it mean for your relationship together.

[–]Krip_s0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why is this getting downvoted? Weird

[–]blackred440 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It is ok lol I guess being the other girl sometimes like a bad stigma for some people.

In my case, we were in a relationship and it just doesn't work out. When it was over, it over for me, but not for him in a way. Though I am sincerely glad he got over it and have moved on with his life. He seems happily together with his, now, wife (the same woman at the time when he said such thing).

[–]Leg_Mcmuffin-5 points-4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How long have you been together?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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