My Captain has always loved reptiles. He always talked about how he wanted one, how he had one as a kid, how much he loved his childhood pet. Every time I heard this I tightened up. I was so nervous this would somehow add to my list of responsibilities. Before surrendering, I always felt like this. Like my partner making decisions would really only result in me cleaning up after those decisions. I was so wrong. After months of hard work I’m less anxious and much more trusting of my partner, and even though we haven’t talked about this change, I’m sure he feels similarly.
Today we were at the pet store buying cat food. He sees this tiny little lizard. He shows him to me, he tells me all about the type of lizard. Everything. He tells me he loves how sweet his little face looks. I see my man losing his shit about this lizard. I know in my heart we are getting the lizard. I can feel my old self getting anxious, and then I remember again to stfu and let my Captain take care of us like he has done over and over again. He’s never let me down, he’s never been irresponsible. So I just remember to smile and enjoy this moment of happiness. As soon as I made that decision, I was happy. This lizard did have a cute little face. I did want my man to be happy. What the fuck was I anxious about?
He looks at me and asks me if he can get this lizard. I tell him he calls the shots and I give him a smile.
He looks at me like I just handed him a million dollars. He takes me out to lunch, makes a list of things we need, then we go back to the pet store and adopt the lizard. He names him. He loses composure and jumps up and down in aisle and grabs me and holds me and says “I’m so excited.” I can’t think of another time I’ve seen him so overcome with joy. He tears up in the store and tells me even more about his childhood pet and how he’s so happy to have a lizard again.
We get in the car and drive home and he gives the lizard a name. He looks in my eyes and tells me he loves me. He starts helping me with my chores so we can put together the lizard habitat together.
I am so lucky. I am lucky I came to my senses and stopped acting like his mother and started being his woman. I am so lucky to have a man like this to lean on. I’m so lucky I got to see my man happy like a child again. I can’t believe how much this lifestyle has changed and improved my life. I am so thankful.