Hello! I have been reading your posts for a long time, but I never wanted to create an account until now. I just had to share the conversation I had with my husband!
He knows I've been trying to self improve recently. Following advice from this subreddit, I've been exercising, trying to respect his decision making more rather than taking control of every situation, and have made more of an effort to keep on top of household chores- essentially trying to embrace my inner woman and smooth out my rough edges. However I felt like something wasn't quite clicking. I wanted to swallow the red pill, I really did, but it kept getting stuck in my throat for some reason. I found relinquishing control especially difficult (I'm somewhat of a control freak and have often bickered with my husband over things I have no right to, like how he deals with matters in his family or when he does his Christmas shopping. I like mine done early, he leaves his till the last minute!). However I am self aware and empathetic enough to realise how annoying and damaging a trait that can be in a relationship if unchecked.
Tonight my frustration spilled over and I had a good long vent with my husband about my struggles. I felt like I was really stuck between two selves- the old me I am trying to change, and the new better me I want to become. I felt incredibly frustrated that I didn't seem to be progressing and that my new behaviours felt fake and unnatural to me, like I was playing a role.
I'm very lucky that my captain is very patient and insightful. His reply was this, "it sounds like you don't really believe in the changes you're trying to make. Like you don't believe you are capable of becoming the person you want to be".
My goodness ladies. I welled up. He was right! It's not that I didn't WANT to change for the better, it's that I didn't believe I could. But I think if we do go down the road of self improvement, we have to try and cultivate a hopeful attitude about ourselves. We have to believe we are capable of better behaviour. Otherwise what's the point!
Sorry for gushing but I just found this really helpful and my hope is that it helps others :)