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My husband is putting me and children at great risk.

April 5, 2020
170 upvotes

My husband is refusing to follow quarantine orders. He goes out everyday and meets with his friends, goes to teach his yeshiva classes(which is supposed be closed), goes and takes care of his business and right now he’s over helping his brother with a project at his house. We live in a city that’s under military lockdown to keep the virus from spreading. Because the problem is that no one is respecting the lockdown.

But by going with the crowd he’s putting me and the children at risk. I’m pregnant, my daughters health is let’s say fragile and we have a eight month old with severe asthma(which means a respiratory infection could be fatal).

I’ve explained to him that he’s putting us at risk. But he doesn’t seem to care and he’s really minimizing my concerns. He thinks I’m over reacting and we’re going to be fine. I don’t think he understands the risks.

Edit: I can’t go somewhere else like I thought travel restrictions mean I can’t leave the city. But my brother in law who’s a doctor was able to convince him to stop going out if not to keep the children safe to avoid getting arrested.

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Post Information
Title My husband is putting me and children at great risk.
Author ManEatingMatzahBall_
Upvotes 170
Comments 110
Date April 5, 2020 11:27 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-husband-is-putting-me-and-children-at-great.360410
https://theredarchive.com/post/360410
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/fvcdel/my_husband_is_putting_me_and_children_at_great/
Comments

[–]mandoa_sky 54 points55 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

is there anywhere less risky you can go until the quarantine is over? like your parents' place?

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

My parents aren’t following quarantine either. And his parents who are live in another part of the country.

[–][deleted]  (8 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted] 57 points58 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I’m really thinking about going to stay with them if they have room for us.

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do it. The health of your children is at risk.

[–]Freedom__Fighter 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Do this!

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My daughter and the baby are leaving in the morning to stay with them. They live in a more rural community so they’re less effected.

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Take the others too. Especially if your husband is okay with it.

[–]Bosombeans 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you can't control him, you can make your own moves to keep your peace of mind.. there is a lot of conflicting info on the virus so people have different opinions.. I reckon do whatever makes you feel safer.

[–]pennynotrcutt 28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If nothing else, a stern call from his parents might get him to see reason.

[–]ikfl1 Star 128 points129 points  (42 children) | Copy Link

This is unacceptable behavior and poor leadership from his side. He should be listening to your fears and not make light of it. You need to thoroughly explain why this is of such concern for you and respectfully let him know that you will not put yourself and your children at risk. Either go stay at some relatives house or get a hotel room, to make a statement that this isn’t okay. You should of course not be disrespectful but putting your family in danger is out of the question.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder 37 points38 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

He should be listening to your fears and not make light of it.

Exactly. An effective leader doesn't necessarily let people have their way... sometimes he can't, or shouldn't. But there is no excuse for not listening to feedback.

[–]Watermelon_Drops[🍰] 25 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is the issue, lots of women think they married an "effective leader" til shit hits the fan and gets real, like where we are now.

This is showing everyone's true colors. If your husband cant lead your family and make the best decisions, you have too. Dont put the RPW mindset ahead of you and your childrens health.

I am a 23 year old healthy person and watching this virus put people my age on ventilators with permanent life long lung damage, this shit is scary

[–][deleted]  (39 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]ikfl1 Star 2 points3 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

If you are married to a man and have children with him, we as outsiders should assume that the man has been vetted and not found wanting. He deserves respect, even when he makes bad choices which we can all agree that this is. Every man, and woman for that matter, has flaws and shouldn’t be scolded because of a bad judgement. Her husband may not realize the urgency of this matter which is why it should be brought up in a respectful manner. Saying that OP should leave her husband for this is absolutely ludicrous and not in line with the values of this subreddit.

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

He’s literally putting his own child’s life at risk and doesn’t care. This is sick.

[–]ikfl1 Star 19 points20 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Since he is a human susceptible to cognitive fallacies like all other humans, it’s possible that he hasn’t considered how dangerous this virus is. Apparently OP is living in a city where the majority of people do not take it seriously, so he is acting like everyone around him. We are literal strangers to this man and this relationship and have no idea of their dynamics and what has made him act this negligent. First step is a serious conversation, not just bringing it up lightheartedly but explaining throughly how she’s feeling and why this isn’t acceptable in her eyes. Then, if he doesn’t respect her fears, she needs to get to a safe place with her children.

There is never any good reason to treat your SPOUSE without respect, if it’s normally a healthy relationship. Even if he is acting without respect towards her, in such an intimate and committed relationship you should under no circumstances stoop to that level just to “match” them. Of course she should treat the man that she has committed her life to with respect, the suggestion of anything less is laughable.

[–]jlp21617 10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Ok,but what if after a "serious convo" (and i refuse to believe OP hasn't SERIOUSLY brought this up in other than a "lighthearted" manner b4), he STILL CONTINUES TO RISK HIS OWN CHILDRENS' LIVES for his CONVENIENCE?? THEN should she do whats best for her and the kids??

Vetting isn't foolproof. What if OP wasnt in a great headspace when she 'vetted' OP and took someone who she could 'get' but thought he was WONDERFUL at the time? (No shade, OP; just a hypothetical). Or what about the fact that people can CHANGE? Or can HIDE who they really are till it REALLY matters (like right now)? What ifOPs hubby is a great leader and partner in calm everyday life;but now his selfishness and shitty personality are showing thru due to the crisis?

I feel its irresponsible to tell ANYONE to risk their own and their KIDS' lives to avoid possibly disrespecting someone who is very obviously being selfish af. You mention many times his being human and susceptible to logical fallicies and him just acting like those around him and etc etc like ANY of that excuses him; when OP lives in the same place as part of the SAME FAMILY as him, is a logical adult who was able to research and extrapolate that yes, its serious; yes, her family is at more risk than others; and yes, they need to obey orders even tho those around them aren't. So why then should OP he excused?

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Just for the record, since OP hasn’t been participating much, she didn’t do any vetting. OP is in an arranged marriage.

[–]jlp21617 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh, thats sad. Well imo, it is, since OP had no choice. And imo thats all the more reason for her to say f this and walk. BUT i get other cultures are different than America. and that may not be viable. Also i know that DV and the like are more acceptable in SOME cultures. So that may have been the reason the other commenters urged respectful communication even given her husbands douchebag behavior, so if so that makes sense. In that light, Id advise the same; we dont want OP to put herself in danger.

[–]ikfl1 Star 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Perhaps you missed my first comment where I stated quite clearly that if talking doesn’t work she should stay at relatives or a hotel.

My point about him being human seems to have alluded you. Precisely because we are fallible humans, our reactions are not always logical and thought through. Yeah obviously it’s not okay to endanger your family and I’ve made that clear. But you also need to see the person behind the bad call and talk to them on a level where they are able to hear you.

Maybe I’m naive, but I believe that all people strive to do their very best all the time. Motivations differ from person to person, but we are all trying to do our best. I would argue that her husband is doing what he believes is best, even though he is clearly in the wrong. Therefore, no point in making a scene. You can make your point, remove yourself from an unsafe environment all while respecting and maintaining a good relationship with your significant other.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Excellent and measured explanation of respect in a difficult situation. 1 star from me.

[–]ikfl1 Star 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you very much!

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

It’s not about “matching” his disrespect. It’s about having self respect. I came to the sub for perspective and I’m seeing a lot of women who don’t have a lot of self respect in their relationships and it makes me sad.

[–]ikfl1 Star 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is not a question of self respect and it makes me a bit sad that you view it as such. Having self respect means keeping your back straight through difficult situations, not getting bulldozed while staying true to your values.

In this situation, it means talking to your husband and letting him know your standpoint. If he is a good leader he will take this new information and make a good decision for the family. If I told my husband that I would leave him if he didn’t quarantine us, there wouldn’t be a shred left of my self respect since in my opinion that’s not a helpful way to act and would be a violation of my values. On the other hand a calm yet serious conversation and trusting his judgement when he has all the facts would make me feel very competent and proud of myself. A man cannot be expected to know everything, this is why we communicate and speak. In the case that he still doesn’t listen to her concerns and disregards her fears, other measures should be takes as this could be an emergency situation. Hopefully this Captain has his head firmly on his shoulders and it won’t come to that.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Fair enough. But OP came here to reddit and made it pretty clear in her post that she’s voiced her opinions to him to no avail. So I think at this point she’s desperate for help on what to do to protect herself and their children. I feel bad for her that has got to be a very lonely place to be, mentally. Wreckless ignorance for the sake of my child’s life is a deal breaker to me.

[–]ikfl1 Star 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed, it is an awful place to be in disagreement with your spouse. The way I interpreted her text was that she brought it up once. Since this is a large issue when she is legitimately afraid it needs to be brought up again and discussed until he understand his wife’s concerns enough to act. It seems like they have some miscommunication and my point is that this needs to be addressed before jumping to life altering conclusions.

[–]jlp21617 13 points14 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yep. I agree with wanting to be feminine and that certain traditional gender roles make sense, which is why i came here- but i DO NOT agree with the idea that men are infallible leaders that we need to guide us through life, which is the attitude i see here at times. Yes respect for your spouse- whether its a hetero or homosexual couple, and whether you're the/a man or woman therin- is WONDERFUL. But respect at the cost of your own or your kids' well being/safety to avoid fracturing a male ego, simply because as a male hes "owed" respect (which is what i get from the top comment), is bullsh*t.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Whether he is owed respect or not, approaching anything in an adversarial manner is a good way to NOT get what you want. However she handles this, there is an excellent chance she will still be married to him and she will definitely still be coparenting at the end.

Top comment didn't say to put yourself at risk, she was advising the OP how to handle it in a way that won't destroy the relationship in the end.

[–]jlp21617 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Which is always good advice. BUT some actions dont deserve respect. And excusing him ("idk if u know,im sure u haven't realized, but this pandemic ia serious") doesnt help either. What this man needs is plain blunt talk and ultimatums regarding this behavior. You can still speak respectfully (which means, imo,not cursing, calling names, etc but still being very firm and letting him know his shit is being called).

So the way i would personally approach it is to calmy say "DH, we need to have a serious talk. You are obviously aware there is a pandemic going on, and govt measures in place to protect everyone. First, is like to know exactly what are your thoughts about this?" Listen calmly and hear him out about what he thinks of the pandemic in general (is it fake? Overblown? Is he just in denial? Etc), his risk ("im not old,so i wont get it!" ?),the risk your KIDS are at ("Well im not old,i wont get it, so they cant get it frm me. So if you stay home w/them, they'll be fine!" ???), and so on. Then, acknowlege his ideas ("Yes,i know the WHO originally said Covid affects older people most, and i can see where you formed your opinion." / "I realize it seems a bit OTT, with some of the precaution we are being asked to take". / "I know it is super inconvenient to deal with all this, not being able to work/socialize/etc as normal".. ..)

Then, discuss his POV in relation to yours, and back your POV up with facts- "Now the WHO is seeing more and more cases of younger people and kids affected by this; and anyone with preexisting conditions like our kids have, are vastly increased risk. And i know u think that your risk is low and therefore you cant give it to the kids;but the WHO says you can be an asymptomatic carrier, and thus give it to us...../ "I totally understand you're being annoyed and even thinking these precautions are OTT; but do you really think the MILITARY would be deployed to lock us down if it wasnt NECESSARY??"

Then, just let him know you wont accept this anymore. "I have attempted to see your POV, and be as supportive as i can; but i cant allow you to put our kids-or YOURSELF- at risk like this anymore, because i love and care for all of you. So would you be willing to at least follow social distancing (6ft guidelines) for things like walks/exercise with friends,or socialize via Skype; work frm home; and wear a mask while only going to stores etc for necessities? If not, i cannot stay here and will be going to relatives/hotel/etc until this ends, even tho i dont want to do so."

To me that's a measured, loving, respectful response while still being firm and setting clear boundaries. Not sure if others would consider it the same tho.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She said:

You should of course not be disrespectful but putting your family in danger is out of the question.

You said:

You can still speak respectfully (which means, imo,not cursing, calling names, etc but still being very firm and letting him know his shit is being called)

She said:

You need to thoroughly explain why this is of such concern for you and respectfully let him know that you will not put yourself and your children at risk.

You said:

"DH, we need to have a serious talk. You are obviously aware there is a pandemic going on, and govt measures in place to protect everyone. First, is like to know exactly what are your thoughts about this?" Listen calmly and hear him out about what he thinks of the pandemic in general (is it fake? Overblown? Is he just in denial? Etc), his risk ("im not old,so i wont get it!" ?),the risk your KIDS are at ("Well im not old,i wont get it, so they cant get it frm me. So if you stay home w/them, they'll be fine!" ???), and so on. Then, acknowlege his ideas ("Yes,i know the WHO originally said Covid affects older people most, and i can see where you formed your opinion." / "I realize it seems a bit OTT, with some of the precaution we are being asked to take". / "I know it is super inconvenient to deal with all this, not being able to work/socialize/etc as normal".. ..)

She said:

Either go stay at some relatives house or get a hotel room, to make a statement that this isn’t okay

You said:

Then, just let him know you wont accept this anymore....

Honestly, I think you had a knee jerk reaction and are continuing to argue out of outrage rather than disagreement.

At the end of the day there are real people in these situation. It's easy to be outraged for some stranger on the internet and tell her she should get outraged too. We aren't her and we don't have to deal with the fall out to her life and relationship. Respect is a tactic for handling man. It doesn't mean allow him to walk all over you or not have boundaries, but it does mean that you don't disrespect the man you are with by starting the conversation on an aggressive or accusatory note. You can disagree respectfully. Too many people in this thread are getting outraged on behalf of the OP and trying to push her to be further outraged. That doesn't handle the situation and it doesn't help her marriage in the short or long term.

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

I highly doubt her husband has actual poor intentions for his family and we shouldn't encourage her to assume that he does.

[–]CeruleanRabbit 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is much more reasonable. Respectful discussion, then escape if needed. I can get behind this.

[–]CeruleanRabbit 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is precisely the kind of thing that warrants divorce: risking the lives of the whole family for no reason except that he wants to.

He’s also completely disregarding her protests.

“Leave him” (and save your children’s lives), in this case, is perfectly sound advice.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] -3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The snark is unnecessary

[–]Jojobelle 29 points30 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Can you Get in contact to the Beth din in your area ?? Perhaps they can get a rabbi on the phone to talk to him ?

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Most rabbis in our community aren’t following quarantine either. My dad is a rabbi and he’s been over everyday(even though he’s diabetic and at high risk).

[–]CeruleanRabbit 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good gravy. You’re surrounded by crazy people. Is there anywhere you can escape to?

[–]timeforstretchpants 26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're still letting people in to your house? That seems just as problematic

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Personally, I would do a limited separation. I would tell him if he goes out again and risks your health you will leave to go to a hotel with the children. And stick to that. You can let him know you will come back when he is willing to protect you and the children. At this point you need to be proactive to take care of your health and the kids.

If you cannot afford a hotel - then restrict your contact with him in the home. Move his things from the bedroom or move yourself into the kids’ room. Avoid contact with him (basically maintain the 6 foot rule inside).

You also need to restrict visitors in your home.

[–]SistaSoldatTorparen 22 points23 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

In Israel the virus seems to have greatly effected the orthodox community. In the US the Jewish parts of new York were hit really bad. One of the first hot spots was at an AIPAC conference. In Sweden we have 400 dead of the virus of which 9 are Jews even though Jews are 0.2% of the population.

What's up with Jews and covid19?

[–]ragnarockette5 Stars 41 points42 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The ultra-Orthodox community "lives by their own rules" so to speak, and seems to be ignoring the virus completely. Any attempt to curtail their irresponsible ways is seen as an attack on their way of life. This woman, and her husband, are victims of failed leadership in this community. It is truly disturbing that they continue to put their people at risk like this!

I unfortunately have very little advice because its likely that her extended family is behaving in the same way as her husband, and it is unlikely she has a non-Jewish support system she can turn to. There is almost zero chance her husband will change his behavior on her request.

Source: Am Jew with Haredi family.

[–]ragnarockette5 Stars 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The ultra-Orthodox community "lives by their own rules" so to speak, and seems to be ignoring the virus completely. Any attempt to curtail their irresponsible ways is seen as an attack on their way of life. This woman, and her husband, are victims of failed leadership in this community. It is truly disturbing that they continue to put their people at risk like this!

I unfortunately have very little advice because its likely that her extended family is behaving in the same way as her husband, and it is unlikely she has a non-Jewish support system she can turn to. There is almost zero chance her husband will change his behavior on her request.

Source: Am Jew with Haredi family.

[–]ragnarockette5 Stars 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The ultra-Orthodox community "lives by their own rules" so to speak, and seems to be ignoring the virus completely. Any attempt to curtail their irresponsible ways is seen as an attack on their way of life. This woman, and her husband, are victims of failed leadership in this community. It is truly disturbing that they continue to put their people at risk like this!

I unfortunately have very little advice because its likely that her extended family is behaving in the same way as her husband, and it is unlikely she has a non-Jewish support system she can turn to. There is almost zero chance her husband will change his behavior on her request.

Source: Am Jew with Haredi family.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Age

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

And this is the reason this virus is not going away any time soon, because of people like him. He is so inconsiderate. I'm so sorry you are dealing with someone like him. He has to learn the hard way I guess, and sometimes people don't even learn lol Someone on another post commented to me "life goes on. I keep working and going to restaurants with friends" lol ok.

[–]Logical_Insurance 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

And this is the reason this virus is not going away any time soon,

Even if everyone stays inside, the virus is not going away.

[–]Beeswaxed[🍰] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well yes, but it gives people who have it more of a fighting chance in the hospital system.

Sorry to harp on this point, but I think every time the fact that the virus isn't going away is brought up, it is important to mention why it is still important to stay inside...

It also gives people who have illnesses not related to the virus the ability to access medical care, because there aren't 100 people with respiratory problems needing ventilators, and 50 ventilators, and not enough medical staff to operate them.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Trruueee

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How can you help him understand the risks?

Unfortunately, the first thing you tried, giving your own explanation, didn't help.

Another way you might try of helping him understand is to find someone similar to your husband, who used to think like your husband did, and who has since changed his mind.

For example, if I were talking to a doctor who currently isn't concerned about COVID-19, I'd point him or her to https://twitter.com/MedicinePrimal/status/1246420458460844033, where a doctor talks about how he used to think it was "just a bad flu" but changed his mind after seeing patients with the virus. A doctor would likely find that more credible than if I tried to give my own explanation.

Thus I'd look for someone with a similar background to your husband who also used to not be worried about the situation, but who is now saying that it's a big deal. For example, you might see if you can find someone like that on Twitter or Facebook.

Whatever decision processes they followed or insights they had, they have at least a good chance of helping your husband with his understanding because they were in a similar situation to where your husband is now.

[–]isidorakimou 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Can you speak with the friends he meets for example? Or even better with their wives? Aren't they concerned as you? Are they all healthy? Only if you get in contact with them you will know.

[–]jayval90 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is tough, and I recognize your concerns for your well-being. However, please recognize that your husband is also a victim of false information coming from your community. You can't put all of this on him, and if you do I believe you will have needlessly sacrificed your marriage (unless your goal is to leave the community).

So let's focus on outcomes. You will do yourself zero favors by picketing yourself against him if you want to actually change his mind (unless your goal is to leave him). So let's focus on what actually might change his mind. Perhaps if there were more respected members in the community who were participating in it, he would be open to it. Call other wives from your community, and see what they think. Maybe they have similar struggles, and you can work together to convince them to make this decision as a group. I'm familiar with close-knit religious communities, and having the approval of others and respected people in the community is vital to get them to follow these kinds of drastic social distancing measures.

You live in a tight community which has many upsides. But one of the downsides of such a strong community is that people do things together, including deciding whether or not to violate the quarantine. The only way that you're going to protect yourself is by protecting the whole community.

[–]Queenelizabethscorgi 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A lot of jews aren’t listening to this. Weren’t there riots in Israel because they didn’t want to follow directions? In addition kids were calling the police nazis and coughing on them.

[–]fromo_latte 7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Do you guys know anyone personally who’s been affected? My best friends aunt just passed away. When it hits very close to home, you suddenly realize the implications. I would hate for a tragedy to happen to your family for him to take it seriously. Just keep talking to him.

[–]BasicRegularUser 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My best friend is currently in severe condition from it. I have a pretty deep hatred for non-compliers right now.

[–]CeruleanRabbit 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s going to come down to vigilante attacks. Mark my words.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

exactly, lots of people don’t seem to realize how serious this is until its too late and directly affects them😓

[–]Beeswaxed[🍰] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

/u/ManEatingMatzahBall_ ,

I really agree with /u/Theendisnearornot 's comment... Is there a way you can isolate yourself and your children from him, to limit exposure? I sort of think this is similar to a situation where an alcoholic partner/parent chooses to get drunk and make themselves not safe to be around you... It is up to you to protect yourself. Can he sleep in a different room?

Putting those boundaries down where he is limited in his interactions with you and the children means that you are not trying to control him, but you are taking care of yourself in the situation. If you put boundaries down for your safety like "if you choose to go out into the world and expose yourself to this deadly disease, that is your (unfortunate) choice. But I have to also make the choice to protect my own health and safety, and thus until you have been quarantine from the outside world for 14 days, I will not sleep in the same bed/be in the same room as you, and I will wear a mask and sanitize everywhere in the house that you touch."

It's hard especially when you are in a place where people aren't taking it seriously. I have asthma, and when we first went into self isolation I felt silly and stupid. But if you don't make it about punishing him, and make it about the fact that you "understand" that he "has" to go out to provide for your family (by teaching his class), that you also need to take care of your family by not exposing yourselves to him.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You aren’t in a position where you can do much. He clearly won’t listen to you, so there’s no point in continuing to try and convince him what he’s doing is dangerous.

If I were in this position, I’d either lock my husband out of the house or I’d go stay in a hotel. Since I’m the one the works though, and I’d be eligible to report to work even under the strictest stay at home orders, it’s much more likely that I’d be the one voluntarily quarantining at a hotel to prevent harm to my family.

But, it doesn’t sound like that’s an option for you, so I’d just stick with obsessively cleaning and make sure everyone in your household has a mask to wear.

[–]szsunshine 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Regardless of your community’s or his personal beliefs about Covid-19, is his minimizing and ignoring your concerns a failure to uphold the value / principal of “Shalom Bayit”? (I hope I’m using the term correctly; Judaism is not my religion). Can you approach the issue from this perspective?

Can he teach via online learning / google hangout / zoom / Facebook live?

My friend is a nurse, she lost an 8-year old patient to Covid-19 early on (2 weeks ago, before numbers were exploding). I’m sure there have been more but I haven’t spoken to her because she is overwhelmed right now. If your children are fragile (the 8-yo was), leave the house and stay with someone who will uphold the quarantine.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is not advice or appropriate.

[–]monstersinc6789 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The fact that there’s still ppl out there who don’t take this whole thing seriously really pisses me off. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Maybe you could ask him to just quarantine himself in a particular room if he decides to keep going out? That way, if he decides to go out, he won’t continue risking anyone around him, or, if the at home isolation gets too unbearable for him, then you can make an agreement with him to self quarantine for 2 weeks and then be allowed to leave the room. It’s an ultimatum that seems like it could be a decent compromise.

[–]brianjamesxx 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Live in Hasidic community can confirm zero social distancing is taking place

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's never as black-and-white as that. He honestly seems to believe that it's not an issue, and this is reinforced by the elders in his community. People will often echo the opinions of the people around them, and it's very hard to buck that sometimes.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do you have anyone else you can stay with? Or does he?

You've already tried talking to him. It might be time to take action to protect your children.

[–]Starswarm 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do what you think will keep your children safe but understand that it might cause an unrepairable rift between you and your husband. If you believe that you know better than him, then separate yourself and your children from him. If you submit to your husband then you must trust in his actions and leadership and work to establish a calm household.

[–]curious-girl-5 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Can your husband not self-isolate in your basement or something? I would not want to be around him. His behavior is selfish; not only himself, but to everyone around him. These are the kind of behaviours that I truly believe will make a lot of people go through the divorce machine once this COVID-19 crisis passes by us.

[–][deleted]  (10 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Beeswaxed[🍰] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Not only have there been cases of perfectly healthy children dying from this, but her children have comorbidities which make them more vulnerable.

Furthermore, if nobody in her area is taking it seriously, there is an incredible likelihood that the medical systems get overwhelmed and there is not enough care for anyone. Thus if she or her kids get sick, but not so sick that with proper hospital care they would be okay, but there is not enough ventilators, drugs, staff, whatever to treat them, they may die anyway.

Even if they survive the disease, it may weaken their immune systems further, and they could contract a more serious condition which could then also not be able to get enough medical care.

The less people take this seriously, the more doctors and nurses will die, because they are getting exposed all day every day to the disease once it is in the hospital. They are more likely to die because the viral load they get is so large right off the bat that the body has less time to react and start healing.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We are not here to debate the virus but to help the OP who appears to have settled the issue. You aren't a regular member of this sub and this appears to be a soapbox for you. This isn't the place and you can move along now.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Um have you watched the news? Kids HAVE died from this. A newborn in Connecticut died from this very recently. Yes you are at lower risk than the elderly, but that doesn’t mean you have 0 risk. I don’t know why people seem to think they’re invincible to this...

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

There's also a vaccine for the flu. If there weren't, we would totally shut the country down for it... like that one time when we did, cuz everyone was dying.

[–]Prometheus444-1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

There's also a vaccine for the flu.

You mean the one over half the country never gets?...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, the one that protects almost half the country every year.

No one agrees with you. No one here or in the medical community agrees or is being influenced by your arguments. Why are are you fighting this so hard? Go take your family to a closed playground or have a 50 person barbecue. Do something useful with your time. You just seem to be arguing to argue at this point.

[–]wonkifier 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your children still are not at risk, and there isn't an example of a child dying from this.

That's not entirely clear

https://news.sky.com/story/coronavirus-newborn-baby-becomes-worlds-youngest-covid-19-victim-11967230

https://time.com/5809385/los-angeles-under-18-died-coronavirus-first-child-united-states/

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/need-extra-precautions/pregnancy-breastfeeding.html

children account for a very small number of cases. In Los Angeles County, only 10 of the known 635 cases (excluding Long Beach and Pasadena) were younger than 17. However, experts say that younger people are still at risk from coronavirus, and a minority may contract serious cases that require hospitalization

That sounds different from "not at risk".

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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