~ archived since 2018 ~

My Mother wants me to be a Sugar Baby

November 29, 2018

Hello everyone! I'm fairly new to the community so I might sound awkward and stuff, but I don't really have anyone to ask for advice about this.

To put it simply, my family is financially disadvantaged. My mother never got married to my biological father, and frankly speaking it was a pretty abusive relationship. Family court isn't help much either. I've made my way into really good schools, and am on my way to a well-ranked university (sorry, I love to humblebrag about this). Pre-tertiary education was severely discounted for me by the school, but even with financial assistance, we struggled financially. University is going to be the most expensive thing, and while school hasn't even begun, my mother has been making suggestions that make me very uncomfortable.

My mom works 2 jobs, at some points 3. I currently also have a part-time job (probably gonna find a different one because my boss is being very inconsistent). However, these few months she's been bringing up weirder jobs, asking me to work with "old men". She won't shut up about this, saying things like "I know a guy. You just work at his place, let old pervs touch you a bit, talk to them, get them to buy you things. Anyways, this kind of socialising is a skill you need. You'll learn how to talk to men. I used to do it." And me, being frustrated with my mother can only think "Yeah, this skill totally made you successful." She doesn't really tell me what exactly the job is. She tries to make it sound like a hostess, but it sounds more like a sugar baby to me??? I've so far given her disgusted faces in response to this, and she just laughs at me. She comes home from work and starts nagging at me for not making enough money, telling me to find a job even though I already have one...but she's right that it isn't making a lot of money.

I'm worried that my image of my mother just worsens as she makes these kind of remarks. It doesn't help me respect her, especially when she recently revealed she was "around $10,000 in credit card debt" and "owe a moneylender $2000". I don't know if she's pushing me to work these jobs because she's stressed about the interest rates for the money she owes, or if she's trying to financially help me with tuition fees/dorm/etc. I know she's in debt and borrowing money (maybe from shady places) for the sake of my education and future, and I'm trying to feel happy about it, but I simply can't find a way to now.

I'm just wondering if there's anyone else here who's been/is in a similar situation? Having attended such nice schools, all my friends are upper middle class at least, so I feel quite isolated about this. And, do you think I'm being petty for rejecting these job offers? I know I'm young and blahblahblah men are willing to pay decent money, but I am extremely strict about living by my principles, and frankly, do not feel safe working in such an industry. I'm also worried about what men would think of me when they know I work/used to work this kind of job. I know the decision is mine in the end, but I would like some input.

Sorry if this is lengthy and messy, if I find a way to improve it I will. Thank you very much <3

TLDR: My family is poor, my single mother is in debt, and I'm about to attend a really expensive university. She wants me to work some night-life job she thinks will pay better than my part-time job. I don't know if she's using this as an opportunity to repay the money she owes, or help me financially prepare for university. Should I do what she says and take up this new job?

EDIT: I just want to give the biggest THANK YOU to anyone who has read, and even answered this post. Being a new member here, my question originally wasn't posted. I had been considering taking up this job for about a day, and I was ready to talk to my mom about the job, trying to build up the courage to catch her attention after she got home from work and what do I see??? The mods approved the post! I SWEAR it was the most perfect timing. God or Life or WHATEVER works in mysterious fucking ways. Thank you so much!

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Post Information
Title My Mother wants me to be a Sugar Baby
Author [deleted]
Upvotes 100
Comments 65
Date November 29, 2018 1:20 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
Red Pill terms in post

[–][deleted] 204 points205 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

I need to make it clear that I am in no way, shape or form exaggerating in the following. To this end, I want you to understand that in my past, I have been involved with some pretty shady people, and I've been involved with some pretty shady things. Because of that, I can tell you exactly what's going on here with no doubt whatsoever.

Your mother is beginning the process of trying to pimp you. I don't mean this in any vague sense. I don't mean this as an exaggeration. I don't mean this as a metaphor. Your mother absolutely, 100 percent and completely literally wants to turn you out as a prostitute and take the money from it for herself (or split it with someone else; see below).

She comes home from work and starts nagging at me for not making enough money

She's warming you up to it now. She's going to start from the pragmatic point of being able to make more money. She's going to remind you of all of the sacrifices she made to raise you and all of the abuse she took from your father. Then she's going to take a turn and try to convince you that it's your choice and that you can do whatever you want to try to trick you into thinking that it's your idea.

I know the decision is mine in the end

It looks like she's already started on that.

When that doesn't work, she's going to start becoming more and more pressing on this point. She's going to guilt trip you in every way imaginable, and she may start to try to physically intimidate you, blackmail you and anything else that she can think of.

There's a chance that some shady guy she's involved with (or owes money to) has talked her into this. He may be threatening her over a debt and wants to use you to pay it off. Maybe it's just some guy she likes who has talked her into it because he's a shady dude who does shady things.

She won't shut up about this, saying things like "I know a guy. You just work at his place..."

Oh look. It's your mother talking to a pimp. Looks like she's already let the cat out of the bag on that. You can bet that the two of them have already talked about turning you out at "his place." Maybe he's someone she owes money to?

"...let old pervs touch you a bit, talk to them, get them to buy you things. Anyways, this kind of socialising is a skill you need. You'll learn how to talk to men. I used to do it."

There are two things to digest here:

First, she's making it sound like one thing when it's really something else. This is a common way to ease girls into getting turned out. It's extremely effective, and I know because I've seen it done in person.

Second, your mother just admitted to having been a prostitute. Maybe this guy was her pimp once upon a time? Maybe he still is? Regardless, she's an ex-prostitute who is trying to recruit her teenage daughter to be a prostitute for a known pimp.

If all of that wasn't scary enough, she could even give you an ultimatum that undermines your ability to go to school unless you do what she wants. If you're in the United States, she can probably make it a real pain for you to go to the university that you've earned your way into, especially if you need anything from her at all regarding signing papers for financial aid and similar. In other countries, there are often similar hurdles.

This last paragraph is what you should really pay attention to and plan for. You need to make sure that you can go to college and so on without her in the picture at all if you have to. That should be your number one priority in life right now. If you're in the United States, my advice is to check with the legaladvice sub on how to protect your ability to get financial aid if your mother refuses to cooperate and so on.

Best of luck. You're going to need it.

And for what it's worth, I'm sorry.

[–][deleted] 82 points83 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

You didn't just spell out all my deepest fears but also...really gave me a lot more detail than my imagination could make up.

I actually have 0 clue of her past. Just knew she loved luxury items and "the economy was very good back then, so I could buy a lot of things". I actually only began suspecting she was a sugar baby just this year! I actually know the last name of the guy she wants me to work for, and she HAS worked for him, but only in the recent years as a waitress at a bar-restaurant (we're in Asia and there's a specific name for such places and idk how to describe it in English). He also owns a few clubs, and a few years ago, he rented a room to us and a few other high school graduate girls who'd fly in from overseas. These girls would only stay a couple of months and they all worked under him as "hostesses"...but I know an incident where one of them was intoxicated and raped outdoors during work... A lot of dots are just...starting to connect now... I don't know how I forgot about that incident, or how I even considered working in such an environment!

I've always had a gut feeling that I had to leave her, but I felt like I was being a bratty, ungrateful daughter for that but...what you said really put things into perspective. I have a little sister and I've even been giving her explicit warnings about our mother and her use of money.

I'll be overseas, back in the homeland for university and apart from my little sister. I'll definitely be taking leaving my mother seriously after your warning, and finding a way to get my sister away from her though she loves my mother a lot more than I do. My mom is home right now and I'm trying not to cry about what you've written.

Thank you so much, I really mean that.

[–]Guywithgirlwithabike3 Stars41 points42 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

First of all, all of the posters pointing out that your mother might be trying to exploit you are correct, and I'm glad you're taking that advice to heart. Congratulations on getting into a good university; knowledge is your ticket to wealth and power, and it's something no one can take from you. I was poor growing up, and I definitely am not now. You can lift yourself up too, as long as you keep your wits about you.

Now for the doom and gloom.

Just because you're getting out from under your mother's control and going to university doesn't mean you're free and clear yet. Women are more prone to bowing to social pressure in general, and young women (teens to early 20's) especially so, because they're naive as well. That makes university a great hunting ground for people that don't mind exploiting your kind, generous nature for both fun and profit.

Somehow feminists were scammed into believing sex work is "empowering", and nowhere is that message louder than on college campuses. Don't fall for it. It's a lie. No matter how many grad students get their opinion pieces published in the Huffington Post, whoring is still whoring, and no amount of rhetoric will change that. Remember, by their definition, your mother is an "empowered woman".

Don't pick a major just because it seems fun and interesting. That's something rich kids with trust funds can do, but it's a luxury that you can't afford. When I was pursuing my engineering degree, many of the classes I took were the ones everyone else avoided, because it meant that I would know something they didn't. Go for something practical, the more practical the better, something where it's obvious what kind of job you can get with the degree. An accounting degree will make you an accountant. A chemistry degree will make you a chemist. A philosophy degree won't get you hired at the philosophy store though, and all of the jobs at the Women's Studies Factory are being outsourced due to automation.

Finally, understand that you will struggle with making ends meet for at least the next decade. Make a game out of it, and understand that selling your body to make ends meet is a crappy cheat code in the long run. Textbooks are expensive in physical form, but a lot of them can be downloaded for free one place or another. Lots of extracurricular organizations have free pizza at their meetings. They're a great way to save a few bucks and maybe even do some networking.

You didn't get into university because you have political connections. You didn't get in because your uncle made a large donation. You got in because you're clever.

So go be clever.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Gosh, you're right. My mom has a weird habit of bragging about being a single mom. She's started telling my sis it's better to be a single mother, and having a man complicates things. This preaching doesn't work on me since I sort of caught on to her immaturity, hypocrisy and sometimes, incompetence when I was about 13?

I'm glad you're warning me about how universities are a hot-spot for sex work! My uni is actually known to be a... Party school...

I hate the part about studying what's practical but you're right about that! I used to do well in biology and chemistry a few years ago, but all the family stress got to me and I ended up focusing more on the arts because my school coincidentally used textbooks about broken families. Luckily for me, I'm attending a liberal arts school, so I'm really taking your advice as a sign to give myself a fair shot at the subjects I used to love and pour all my time into, while I'm away from my family in university.

Thank you so much!

[–]moonchildcountrygirl1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Within the arts there are degrees that could make you money, UX, graphic design, game / media design or education fields related to fine arts

[–]throwawayindisbelief1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link


[–]Guywithgirlwithabike3 Stars1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

OP states in one of her comments that she's half-Japanese, a country so advanced they have personal Gundam-suited butlers cleaning their heated-seat toilets that play soothing music as you crap. Her situation can't be chalked up to 'muh oppression' in third-world countries, something that should be obvious to anyone with a sufficient knowledge of geography and history to recognize the differences between cultures.

I think the more shocking aspect of your failed virtue-signalling comment is how dehumanizing it is to the OP.

I listened to the individual circumstances she described in her post and comments, and gave thoughtful advice specifically tailored to her as an individual.

You assessed her solely upon her racial identity - without even bothering to correctly identify her racial and ethnic group - and then gave a canned response based on your minimal understanding of literally billions of human beings.

Mods, please leave the preceding comment up as an object lesson in bad advice.

[–]throwawayindisbelief1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're very welcome.

I'm familiar with bar girl (aka "hostess") culture in East Asia. I saw you ask in another comment, but I'll answer here: This is common for both daytime and nighttime. You'll find them all over the place.

In the absolute best and least shady circumstances, the basic idea is that they sit around having conversation with men who come in and encouraging them to buy more drinks (for both the man and the bar girl). She can then be paid to have sex with the man, and it's expected that she will do so if he offers. The establishment usually gets a portion of the money given for sex by way of charging the girl for leaving her shift early or by just pimping her out in a more straightforward way.

In more average circumstances, it's essentially a straight-up whorehouse where the women sit around posing as "hostesses" until they are chosen by a man for sex.

Additionally, what you described with essentially importing teenage girls is incredibly common.

For a closer, personal anecdote: I know a Thai woman who was a bar girl in Cambodia for a period of time when she was younger and lured in by the same type of things that your mother has been using to start to pull you in. She discovered that she had Hepatitis C by her early 20s. She killed herself in her late 20s.

Do not let your mother psychologically manipulate you into feeling bad about standing up for yourself (eg: the idea that you're an ungrateful daughter). That is the single most important tool that she has against you.

I wish you the absolute best of luck, but you sound like a smart girl who won't need it.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yikes... I mean, I knew that girl I once lived with was raped... But to think it was paid...

And I'm pretty sure my mom knows I've had absolutely zero experience with boys and it's just a very weird experience processing this new info.

Nonetheless, it's really great to have your input about this. I've heard those kinda stories about SEAsians, but my mom has always put her race (and her kids' race, especially since we're part white) as more "civilized" and stuff. I can't help but think that my race was some hot commodity and she saw a use for it. Or, her lectures about race was just a way to make me really trust her and these people she knows. She'd be all "We protect each other because we're from the same country." I used to work as a waitress at a bar (I found the job myself and know nothing about alcohol so I thought it would be educational lol). I came home late and she said "Any of the men tell you you're pretty? You should talk to them and ask for a laptop."

To think that she was comfortable putting me in that kind of dangerous environment, and to even laugh at me when I rejected her offer just hurts me. Thank you so, so much for your help. You've seriously taught me a lot.

[–]returnofthemackX 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

You don't have to leave her, hate her or stop loving her. She is still your mom, even with all the bad choices she made and is pushing you to make. Just make sure you are becoming independant on her, so you can love her on your terms.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I appreciate you telling me I can love her my own way. Thank you.

[–]SemiLoquacious9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Going NC is still an option.

I'm not suggesting, just saying that it isn't totally unreasonable to do this.

[–]HumanSockPuppetTRP Founder25 points26 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I actually only began suspecting she was a sugar baby just this year! I actually know the last name of the guy she wants me to work for, and she HAS worked for him

Not a sugar-baby. A whore. You need to let yourself say it so the real gravity of your situation can sink in. This is not the time to mince words - you and your sister are in real danger. Your mother is a whore, and she's trying to recruit you.

I've always had a gut feeling that I had to leave her, but I felt like I was being a bratty, ungrateful daughter for that but...what you said really put things into perspective. I have a little sister and I've even been giving her explicit warnings about our mother and her use of money.

Your mother will to do two things:

  1. She will try to use your sister in the same way she's trying to use you.
  2. She will try to turn your sister against you by suggesting that you're abandoning the family.

Make sure your sister sees the reality of the situation so that she doesn't get exploited.

Everyone else in this thread has provided good advice so far. Seek legal recourse in the place that you live and do as much as you can to distance yourself and your sister from your toxic mother.

This community will support you as best as it can, but get legal advice ASAP.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've been accidentally bitching about my mother to my sister the past few years and she seems to agree with my mom's bad spending/saving habits. I've definitely called my mom a whore, even implied it to her in an argument, and I would question whether such actions were valid. I'm guessing since so many people here aren't approving her actions, I don't feel so bad for criticizing my mother.

My sister is, unfortunately, extremely emotionally attached to my mother and sees her as a savior, despite the problems she was saved from being caused by my mom. It's been difficult to cut through that filter, but I have a feeling once I leave for university shit will stir at home.

I'll definitely be looking into the first steps for better legal protection or whatever it is. I'm new to it and it's a bit scary, since it turns out to be a lot worse than I thought.

Thank you so much for your advice and support! It really means a lot to me.

[–]xctkvegas10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

100% this!! I've seen it happen to girls. She puts it all so we'll. I'm sorry about all that. You sound like a great person who deserves better.

[–]highoncatnipbrownies8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow... your comment just blew my mind. Thank you for the thought you put into this response.

[–]elle_Fr0st7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thats the kind of great answers Im on reddit for!

[–]thatbadlarry29 points30 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Girl I feel sick reading this. Your Mom is a fucking awful person for even suggesting this to you. Don’t do it. Your gut instinct about this is right. She’s made terrible decisions and is now suffering the consequences and trying to get you to do the same! Don’t do it! I know paying for school must be so stressful but it will be worth it. Focus on your education and your own self improvement and forget her. Quite honestly if my mom even suggested this - her role in my life would be greatly diminished. She’s literally trying to put you in a position where you can be used, abused, possibly raped. It’s super fucked up. You can’t trust her or her judgment. I wish you all the very best and I’m so proud of you for getting into a great school!

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm trying so hard not to cry. Thank you so much.

[–]Tuplad23 points24 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I know women who did this. They work in a sort of a brothel which is kind of a night club. You get men drunk on the most expensive champagne and earn % off that, the more you sell the better. Then you fuck them, that money is yours.

Don't do it.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I hope you don't mind me asking, but is this a thing in East Asia in particular? Or just night time jobs?

[–]maybethismightwork9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's the world's oldest profession. Same pig with different lipstick all around the world, local laws just change the trappings.

[–]Tuplad3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That was in Belgium. Sex sells, the ugliest, fattest women worked there as well as some little bit famous women I know. You have sex everywhere, it's just a bit of an underground niche.

[–]LawyerInTheMaking38 points39 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I say this in the nicest way possible: get a new mom

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Welp. I'm scared now.

[–]timeforstretchpants12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

To add on to the advice here, make sure you are getting your own financial situation in order. Make sure your mom can't access your bank account. Make sure she can't interfere with you going to university.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh MAN. Luckily I got my own account earlier this year. She has a "Trust Fund" for me where my first salary of several thousand dollars went into and...obviously she used it up and there's $70 left. I'm pretty broke right now after paying for university stuff, so I'm going to struggle big time for a while regarding finances. Thank you for the motivation!

[–]nietzsche_was_peachy11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Consider that your mother has routinely used you and will continue to do so if you stay in close proximity to her. She's a snake. I wish you luck and strength.

[–]Bog_warrior 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Just learn the lesson and make yourself a new life. Your mom is trying to whore you out, a disgusting action that only the lowest, most desperate person would do. Your dignity and self-respect is worth much more than the overpriced clothes, makeup, macbooks or whatever else your mom wasted that money on.

Let your mom live in that world of filth and scum, you don't have to go there too. Leave her and make a new life for yourself, and when you have your own family, raise the kids well, in your own way, a million miles away from this shit.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

It's hard reading what you said about my mom, but you're probably right. A few months ago, she was heavily considering purchasing a crocodile skin Loius Vuitton wallet that cost $10,000. She's constantly talking about me becoming rich and letting her live luxuriously. Thank you for your help.

[–]nietzsche_was_peachy22 points23 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Your mom has some narcissistic tendencies, darlin. You're her mealticket. Not her daughter. Leave her behind. Speak on the phone. Get therapy. Go to college. She might be sabotaging you so that you don't run the risk of making her feel badly about herself.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

She told me "Children of single mothers become SUPER successful" when I once got mad at her for being a single mom... She definitely has some super narcissistic tendencies... She doesn't have any friends and I'm the only one she talks to about drama at the office, etc. It's weird seeing others voice what they think of my mom but, you're kinda right. Thank you.

[–]Guywithgirlwithabike3 Stars11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sometimes the children of single mothers do become super successful... but probably not for the reason she thinks.

I was raised by a single mother. She was - and still is - a train wreck of a human being. One of the things that helped me succeed was a rule I came up with as a teenager (with some help from The Simpsons):

Always do the opposite of what mom says.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's a biiit crazy that I've actually reminded myself to do that (for a few cases), and I've never even watched The Simpsons!

[–]nietzsche_was_peachy4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Read up on emotional incest. Narcissism in a parent creates children that are dependent on the mentall ill parent, which leads to more abuse, and it is all by design. Please know that a parent should want a better life for their child. She obviously doesn't want a better life for you than the one that she has chosen for herself. You can love people from a distance, it doesn't make you a bad daughter, it just makes you wise. You are obviously an intelligent young woman, you need to continue questioning your mother's motivations and trust that they are not good. If she was a good mother she wouldn't be attempting to whore you out. Just because it makes you feel disgusted, doesn't mean her actions are a reflection of you. This is her shame, not yours. You've done nothing to deserve any of this. You deserve a better mother, you are worthy of a healthy mother's love.

Also, it is perfectly reasonable to resent your mother for creating a chaotic environment that resulted in you not having a father in your life. It sounds like she minimizes her horrible actions and tries to normalize some very disturbing things. Don't allow your mentally ill, abusive, snake-like, mother define what is healthy and normal. Please remove her from your life. You deserve more, and if you seek more it shall find you. I will pray for you. Keep your chin up.

You will have a happy life if you defend the sacred parts of your mind and spirit. Never forfeit precious things, especially when damaged malicious people encourage you to do so.

[–]User14402 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This sounds easy to do, but as someone that is in similar conditions, it is hard.

In a situation like that the person is essentially alone, an orphan. So many people pray on that, it can be scary. I am 100% alone if you will and as a woman that leaves you vulnerable to be taken advantage of. There is no family, support system, no nothing. It's not as easy as "start a new life away from her" when every person you meet knows how truly alone you are, especially when dealing with men.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love your username.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you so much for praying for me! I'll look up emotional incest since it's something I've never heard of.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Well...I guess we can see why your mom attracted the kind of low tier man that is abusive because more of those low value men will be accepting of a woman with pseudo prostitution in her job history. Most high value men won't want a woman who was sugar baby and many will assume you did sleep with clients even if you didn't (although you will likely encounter clients hoping they can pay some extra for some sex). If you want your life to follow the same trajectory as your mother's, then take her advice. If you want something different than her life, don't take the same path she did.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're right that many customers/clients will assume I can be paid for sex. The worst part about all of this is that she knows (or maybe she just doesn't believe/remember) I've never even had a boyfriend, a date, or kissed anyone, yadda yadda yadda all that jazz :( Thank you, I'll be pushing away her offers for this job. <3

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Try to keep in mind that she may get more aggressive about pushing this path on you because she may take it as an indictment of her own choices for you to choose something different. Stay glued to your principles anyways.

[–]User1440 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

What a way to devalue women. People have sex within minutes in Tinder times, whether they were sygar babies or not means nothing in the grand scheme of things. Anyway, the people you least expect are babies nowadays anyway.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Here on RPW we take the stance that hooking up within minutes via Tindr will also leave you stuck with a pool of low quality men willing to commit to you if do it too many times.

[–]hockeygoddess937 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m really sad to hear your situation, but am glad that you were able to seek help here...

In addition to the cheaper university options listed in other comments, Germany has some really good schools that are super cheap.

Also, I’m not sure what you’re interested in studying but I’m in tech and most of the jobs have a great ROI. I’m currently finishing my undergrad while interning at a tech company and make really good money from the internship.

Our company may be on the slightly higher end intern-pay wise, but just throwing it out there that its possible to make good money while still in school. Especially in tech.

That being said, degrees in tech aren’t a walk in the park, so if it’s something that doesn’t really excite you, then you may not want to go this path.

Wishing you all the best ❤️

[–]squishles4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you're already borrowing to pay for college it's better to just take a normal student loan at that point. I dunno why you're mom jumped straight to "shady" money lenders, which I'm totally reading as loan sharks.

[–]Banincoming6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Isn't sugar baby just a PC word for prostitute? Like strippers are "dancers"?

[–]insidedynamite4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don’t take advice from unsuccessful people. Or you will end up unsuccessful. What they did and failed. You will do the opposite. do the opposite

[–]User14403 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Only child, single mom. I think my mom groomed me for that since birth tbh. She's always mentioned boyfriends that were wealthy and how she should have continued with them. It happens. Don't know what to tell you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I can relate to that! Well, I don't think my mom really successfully groomed me, but it gets annoying having to listen to an adult woman talk about stupid things like they make sense. It's nice to hear from someone of a similar family history. I was hoping to see if anyone could relate so, thank you <3

[–]User14401 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes it's lonely in this situation. I haven't made the best choices and been a victim to many men that have used me monetarily and sexually.

Mom washes her hands of all blame of course. I'm the devil and she is a saint. Seeing she fits in r/raisedbynarcissists

I often worry about being completely alone and how that will be. I did not learn how to take care of myself so essentially an orphan. It can be scary, you aren't alone, wonder how many of us are there.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Those experiences must have been extremely painful. I am so sorry to hear that. Being used for sex is probably my No. 1 biggest irrational fear, and I had trouble talking to men, even boys, for many years.

My mom LOVES to pass the blame to others, too! Like, nothing is her fault, ever! I've never, ever heard her apologise, admit, or even acknowledge she did something wrong. At most, she goes "So? I can't do anything about it now." Which is....the absolute rudest thing ever, and I completely see how she never got married.

I used to dream of being an orphan as a child, strangely. I looked up sooo much to the Baudelaire orphans from A Series Of Unfortunate Events. But as I got older, I started realising, like what you said, if you don't have one parent, it's like you don't have both. My mom is never home, and I was babysat by others as a kid. And then she complains about how I dislike her...well, yea, I probably didn't spend enough time to bond that way, I can't help it.

Sometimes my mom yells at my sis and I, wishing we were dead, and how she'd murder us, but I get that it's the stress talking. Still, it sucks hearing that, and I feel worse for my little sister who has to deal with that at a younger age. But you're right. We're not alone, and there's always worse and I'm just glad to be alive!

[–]User14401 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sending hugs

[–]ManReggie4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You seem to be a nice kid with your head screwed on, don't be like your mother and constantly look for the easy way out, I can tell you from experience longer than you've been alive, it don't not exist. Your mother squandered her youth and beauty chasing the wrong things. Don't be like her. You'll be a sugar baby until the 17 year old down the road turns 18 and you're out on your ass for being too old. And you would have learned nothing. Look at your mother for an example.

One thing I do want you to consider - do not run up a fortune in student loans for a worthless degree. Do something useful. A trade, accounting or the army. You want something where you'll always be employed and employable. Lots of idiots think that you do an electrical trade, you and up being an electrician your entire life, you don't. You can end up running the company, purely because it's a profession where people are so comfortable that they dare not mess with it. That goes for all trades.

Don't be too hang up on your current job. At 21 most girls are getting fat, wasting fortunes on worthless degrees, destroying themselves with tattoos and screaming at black lives matter rallies. You're working and learning to look out for yourself. It may not be great right now, but it will change. You just need to keep chipping away at it.

Best of luck

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you so much for your advice! I'm definitely planning a study schedule for myself to work on mathematics before school starts in hopes of getting into a more practical field and job! I take really long to get the steps right, but it's definitely worth the work.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My Mother wants me to be a Sugar Baby Whore.

Fixed that for you.

[–]LookingForMySelf2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Please look into alternatives for university. I know you got enough on your plate but you might be earning more adter a trade school and what is more important sooner.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'd love to! Unfortunately, that's not really how things work where I'm from. The name of the school matters more than the skill you get most of the time. Some major brands just hire you on the spot when they see you attended a certain school, and the school I'm attending happens to be one of the top of that list. Trade schools are also waaay less likely to accept me due to language reasons; I grew up overseas and am not very fluent in my mother tongue. Trade schools where I live currently are reserved for kids who didn't have my education opportunities, so I'd be rejected. I've seen a few others suggest similar ideas, so thank you so much for looking out for me! I really appreciate it!

[–]Notenthy 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Very sad to here you story, you need to distance yourself from her, maybe starting a new life without her. If you can't affored to go to college and need to take loan, I highly recommend against going to college if you have to pay for it, because the price for going to college have raised much higher than salaries. Thus you will be in dept for a very very long time.

If I where you I would consider the following:

Try to make a career without college,

Find a way to get to college without paying for it.

A "easy" way of doing this and starting a new life would be to join the military. See the movie Megan Leavey, it is great and you can maybe relate a bit to it.

Otherwise, try to go abroad for an education, Sweden or Norway are good options.

If Sweden is of interest send me a PM.

Good Luck!

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men should not be soliciting private messages from the women here. Also, as a man, you must be an active participant on TRP or askTRP before you can give advice on RPW.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thank you so much for your advice! However, I've already paid the (super) expensive admission fee for the school. Maybe if anything goes wrong financially, I'll consider those countries. Military isn't a good option for me for a few more years due to language reasons (I grew up overseas and I suck at my mother tongue), but I'll definitely be keeping that in mind as a backup. Thank you so much for reaching out to help me, I really, really appreciate it.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

College is expensive and not for everyone BUT so much of that depends on the degree. There is a big difference taking huge student loans to pay for a literature degree with no job prospects versus student loans for an engineering degree where you make decent money right out of school. Just be smart about what you are going into debt for and you'll be ok.

[–]Notenthy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good luck!

[–]Spazzy192 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ugh, this also reminds me of something that occurs near me... though from my understanding there are no “pimps” involved. I know someone who works within the upper echelons of a decent sized community and is invited to annual “men only” gatherings like Super Bowl parties etc. It’s essentially the “good ol boy” club filled with primarily the richest of the rich and men in their 50+ yrs of age. Some younger men are now coming on board as their fathers get older since they’re taking over businesses.

In any case, they watch football around the host’s special warehouse and they bring in girls/women from the community to “entertain.” Apparently the last two gatherings have been more tame and the girls are fully clothed in dresses and essentially take on the role of cocktail waitress with the expectation that old men are going to grope them. At some point the girls will strip down and take various men who’ve expressed interest in back rooms to dance and partake in other activities they agree upon for “tips.” They make excellent money during the gatherings, especially if they work the men during the main event.

These are not typical “working girls.” These are women/girls who work professional jobs within the community and have a certain standard of “class” that is appealing to this particular group of men. In some instances it’s helped many of them start their own companies (in their regular jobs) because they’ve built particular connections and have the support of the movers and shakers in the community.

While I realize they’re partaking by choice, it still creeps me out and irritates me that these women have to gain the support this way. Female leaders in the community aren’t invited to these events and are not looked upon favorably by the group, but the group is dying out anyway.

In any case, don’t let your mom pressure you into doing anything you’re not comfortable with - and get yourself out of there if it begins to escalate. Some women opt for situations like these by choice and others are toxic and dangerous as some have mentioned. Good luck!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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