Hi ladies. First time poster, long-time lurker. I subscribe to the beliefs here in RPW, but am finding that the logistics of my LTR makes it difficult at best to implement RPW principles consistently. To start off, let me clarify that my SO is my soulmate. We've been making our relationship work for over two years, through a lot of hardship and challenges. He is a natural RPM, my pilot, the love of my life, and I know that I will never want anyone else. And by some luck of the draw he feels the same way about me. We originally met in person, but have been long distance for our entire 2+ relationship. We see each other maybe once a month. The vast majority of our time is spent on the phone and texting. Without going into detail, there are legitimate and important reasons in his life that have made long-distance necessary. Suffice to say that I can't move to him right now, either. He has been honest with me since the beginning about our timeframe He has never changed his course, or lied by telling me what I want to hear to avoid an argument. He's my mountain, and I respect his strength and honesty as much as it infuriates me.

Here is where I feel like I'm being pulled apart at the seams: when we are together, we fall so naturally fall into a RP style relationship. And it feels right and natural. When we are apart, suddenly I am a single, late 20s/ early 30s woman on her own, and I have to take care of myself. And then when we're together, I have to flip my brain around again to RP. Even more confusing is trying to maintain an RPW demeanor texting and over the phone while living a single life. This mental ping pong game has built a severe base layer of tension and stress for me over the last couple years, that is only building. That stress has recently (over the last several months) been exploding out of me as serious resentment and bitterness. I am beginning to blame him for every day we aren't together. Blame him for the fact that I'm not happy anymore in my own life without him. Every day that he does something else, or sees people other than me, I feel like he is choosing all of them over me. I have totally and completely lost my zen. The real problem is that he knows me so well, I can't hide it from him. The RPW skill of biting your tongue and being pleasant just does not work with my SO. He pushes me until I'm honest about my feelings (no matter how cruel and completely whacko they are), because he hates that I try to contain them. We end up arguing every time, and it's a horrible, painful argument for which there is no solution: I'm angry, he's sad and guilty that we're long distance, but we have to be long-distance for now.

Ladies, I can't lose the love of my life because I am too impatient, high strung, and emotional to handle the wait. I want to cull this resentment and bitterness that is killing my relationship and my future. How do I get my zen back and give my man the support he needs?