OK ladies, I've got a very complex situation here...grab some popcorn if you wish to listen.
So I live in a foreign country, and I met my boyfriend about a year ago. We connect extremely well and share a lot of common goals and life/family values. He's of another culture.
When we met, he was struggling a bit in his career, but I didn't realize how much he was struggling because he kept quiet. I knew he was working pretty hard and I respected him for it. I tried to contribute by nurturing him (sex, cooking, relaxation) while he would take me out.
Long story short, back in November he had a serious problem with his job and he decided to resign. However, here's the twist - you can only live in the country with a work visa, so he had to deport himself back to his home country, and due to the job situation he can never come back to the country (can't get into details).
In my eyes he is a good man, he comes from a country where the economy is floundering and he learned English to try to find a better economic situation for himself. He made a big mistake in his last job, it's partly his fault but the main fault was he didn't understand the culture of the people we are dealing with.
He's a very hard worker, he keeps his word to me, he's very loving to me, and he's working really hard to make his economic situation better although it will take a few years until it will be stable. However, right now he is financially unstable, for various reasons (one being his partner was untrustworthy and didn't pay his salary in the last job for the last few months).
Being that he's financially unstable and cannot come visit me due to the situation, I went to visit him in his home country back in December. He was wonderful to me and I met his brother, but he didn't bring me to meet his parents. In his culture (and also mine), a relationship has to be very serious until you bring them back to your parents.
He's found a job in another country, however it's a developing country but the salary is quite good. It's his dream job. He hasn't gotten the plane ticket yet, but he's currently working on some entrepreneurial projects to keep busy and have more options for himself (he's incredibly smart and hardworking and managed to build up a network for himself).
OK, so now onto us. He's mentioned that if I were moved with him to the new country, his salary is high enough to provide for the both of us. However, he wants to make sure his job can be stable enough before he can promise this to me - and I understand that. I have an arts job where I would need a provider in nearly all the countries in the world, but right now I got lucky and have a cushy position.
So here's where it gets tricky. I'm going to visit him again tomorrow night, but now I'm starting to feel unsure for many reasons. I'm worried if he doesn't take me to meet his parents on this second visit, he doesn't see me serious enough for marriage material and I've just wasted my time. It's also hurtful for me because I feel like I'm his "dirty secret," like good enough to be a girlfriend but not good enough to meet his parents. Last time I visited, he said his parents knew I was in town but I don't know how much they exactly know. His mom did send some food for us though, haha.
Also, I'm starting to feel a tiny bit resentful because now this is the second time I'm using my money to visit him - and unfortunately he can't visit me in my country because of his past job situation, and even if I asked him to meet me in my home country, he wouldn't be able to immediately because of money and once he begins his new job, he needs to invest his time in the job for a while. We have discussed him coming back home with me in the future, but I also made it clear that I couldn't bring him back home to my parents unless we were considering marriage. On his end, he hasn't outright said anything but I have a feeling he feels he can't take me back to his parents until he's financially stable which means he can promise me a future together, which is also understandable.
Our plan right now is waiting to see how his job goes in the new country, then I'll consider moving, except I can't quit my job and move for a man without marriage.
As for me as a girlfriend - he tells me I'm perfect, I respect and appreciate him, I'm pretty cheerful, loving, nurturing, domestic, supportive, and I give him so many blowjobs his dick is tired. He says he loves who I am and he acknowledges we're an incredible match.
I'm just tearing my hair out as to what to do. Should I stick by my compassion for a man I love, even though he can't "court" me for a while (he can't visit or think about commitment) and risk him taking advantage of me (me spending my money to visit him and take care of his needs without commitment)? Or should I take the signs (him not introducing me to his parents, him unable to visit me) to mean he's not serious about me?
I'm not saying I'm unwilling to contribute to this relationship. I have a lot already, but it feels one-sided because he needs to concentrate on himself now and for a while.
tldr; it's up to me to chase my boyfriend around because of his financial and job situation, and I'm feeling unsure because I feel like he should be the one to make an effort on me because that means he really wants me in his life. However, I'm compassionate about his situation and I acknowledge and appreciate how hard he's working because I know he's doing it to support a future family. However, I'm unsure that future family is with me because he hasn't taken me to meet his parents, which also ties back to his job situation.
tldr2; I respect and love this man but he needs to take care of himself financially before he can think about taking care of me. I love him but I'm also 28 and feel like I'm running out of time. My fear is that if I wait for him to get his situation under control and find out he doesn't see me as a wife, then I've basically just plated myself and wasted precious time.