No nagging is true respect

biggy_sauce · 2019-07-30T19:30:42+00:00

I think that you've got yourself a healthy and long lasting marriage.

Instead of making problems out of nothing, and arguing for a living, you took a step back, kept your mind open to different points of views, and came up with a solution that both gets stuff done, and keep you and your husband happy.

I'm a guy, and i can't stress enough how the nagging is offputing, i've seen it first hand with my parents, with some ex's, and when i see it in public, it angers me more than anything, to the point that if i was the guy being nagged, i'd just walk away and never look back.

StopcryingFistUrself · 2019-07-30T20:48:34+00:00

Amazing!

Men want to make their women happy, but when the constant whining and complaining about it is all we hear it turns into more of "look at what you don't do for me". Rather than what it is, him doing something he really doesn't want to do because he loves you and wants to make you happy. Left to their own most men will do what their wives want out of the appreciation she will have but if we are made to feel like a bad husband for simply not really wanting to, it has the complete opposite effect.

It's a small distinction but huge in the psyche.

Andropomorphine · 2019-07-30T22:31:17+00:00

Sounds like you found the formula for a long lasting relationship. They always say a nagging wife is an unhappy wife. Don't see unhappiness in your relationship at all. Most men's minds eventually switch off after a while when their gf's/wives nag continuously. In my case I became disinterested in anything my ex-gf had to say even if it wasn't nagging because i had gotten so accustomed to her whining and complaining.

I broke up with my ex gf eventually for a variety of reasons (including nagging). I know I am not a perfect man, but instead of nagging she could have used a different style of communication. it's been 2 years post-breakup and we still communicate. I explained to her that one of the many reasons I broke up with her was because of her nagging. She confessed that she did that just to cause chaos (to get what she wants), but also expressed that she regrets that she was a nagger. I don't regret breaking up with her and never will get back with her again.

I just hope other women read your post OP because this culture of nagging could mean the difference between a successful and healthy relationship or a dysfunctional relationship

wtf_is_taken · 2019-07-30T19:32:15+00:00

I find this works both ways too. As a husband if I ask my SO to do something with a time quantifier, and she does not do it. I either do it myself or drop it. The need to control can kill relationships.

floofy1 · 2019-07-30T20:13:54+00:00

You posted this at the perfect time. Where I would speak my mind and demand answers if someone in my life had hurt me, my partner often expresses the desire to do this but then either avoids it or forgets to follow up on the act. I'm currently wrestling with the urge to nag my partner to bring up something his friend did (with said friend), but am realising this is because of MY judgement of what he should do and my own sense of justice. I'm determined to not mention it again even though it's spinning around in my head angrily because I want to be respectful and not be a nag - it's his decision and he's his own person.

If it was a big issue, I'd communicate it to him, but I think it's just getting some control over the hamstering over little things that we deal with differently that's been difficult lately, so your post came at a brilliant time.

silver_strand · 2019-07-30T20:41:57+00:00

Fantastic! Loved reading this.

samthecre8tor · 2019-07-30T22:25:24+00:00

You’re crushing it. Great job. 🏆

IreneCarter92 · 2019-07-31T07:16:55+00:00

I have had some back and forth with my man with small things that really shouldn't have been that bought up. But I wasn't accustomed to the housewife role. I really stopped bothering him about the small things in our household. Thankfully he did take notice of the small bits I do for him. He's been nicer ever sice.

ISOanexplanation · 2019-07-30T22:05:25+00:00

Stories like yours in this sub always make me happy and give me hope for my own future as a twice-divorced (both initiated by me) 55-year-old man.

I’ve thought long and hard about why the women I’ve loved have generally had control issues that resulted in nagging and picking fights with me for what appeared to me to be invalid reasons. I suspect at its core it’s a residual struggle based in biology. For much of humanity’s existence the mothers who were unable to get their men to provide for them and their (shared?) children were in serious danger of not surviving the coming winter. I think female partners who starved their men of love, gratitude and sex were often able to coerce them into being better providers by making loving contact with them transactional.

We see this today still in expressions like “Happy wife, happy life,” and “Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” On one level I think these exhibit our society’s foundational license for women to abuse their families, but on another level I sympathize with women’s fears of abandonment and poverty.

If not for nagging a prehistoric hunter/gatherer mother could be risking death with a poorly providing male. Hunting for meat, being a largely male duty, was important to the women and children of the tribe’s survival. Of course now most of us live in such comparatively staggering luxury that none of us will starve. But that ancient transactional behavior is still there and if the curtains are the wrong height for the credenza I suspect that the resultant female rage is the result of ancient genetic fears about survival.

the_smart_donkey · 2019-07-31T05:20:33+00:00

Similar thing that is a big deal for me is when the woman doesn't need my help. Yes, she can be as independent as she wants but when I don't feel her need for me to help her I don't get emotional stimulation in return when I do do it. If I feel that I am needed and I fill this need then I feel great. On the other side when there is no need something to be done, and doesn't matter if I do it or not no stimulation is present when I complete it. Is like whatever. Bottom line : When I see a need and I fill the need I feal great.

DonutsJunction · 2019-07-31T08:57:10+00:00

Thanks for this post. I have a really hard time with this. My man and I are currently in a LDR and I have to ask him every now and then to be more expressive with his affection. I want to have my emotional needs met but I don't want to nag him and I want it to come from a genuine place.

Marie_1986 · 2019-08-02T00:52:44+00:00

Ugh I needed to see this! This is amazing and just the type of advice I was looking for. I love my captain don’t get me wrong but sometimes I wish he would just listen to me the first time lol... these are some great examples for me to use!

Samatic · 2019-09-01T08:03:05+00:00

Nagging is a sign of disrespect. After reading the comments, I didn't see this word mentioned much. If you lose respect for your husband the relationship will fail. So its up to you which direction you want your marriage to take. Also men can only take so much and then its by by. Thats coming from one...

LateralThinker13 · 2019-08-01T14:27:33+00:00

I wanted to do something a bit different in our routine, and where in the past I would have tried to convince my husband to do it the same as me, instead I simply just said "I'm going to do bath time with the girls like this, because of this reason. I don't mind if when you do bath time you do it differently". And again, I meant it. No hidden meaning.

One suggestion. Ask for his opinion, and change your framing. Saying "I don't mind if when you do bath time you do it differently", coupled with "I'm doing it this way" but having zero discussion comes across as dictatorial, with a side of condescending "but I'm permitting you to do it your way when on your time."

No hidden meaning, sure: it's very openly uncompromising and dictatorial. Which isn't what you want in a healthy Captain-First Officer relationship... unless you're trying to be the Captain.

Of course, that's just how your words come across the internets. And I'm just saying that's one way a guy can take them.

EDIT: To be clear, here's why I wrote the above.

He had obviously thought about it, and agrees with me about the change. This wasn't my intention,

You didn't intend to make it a discussion. You're blessed because he took it as one, and not as you challenging him for leadership/being dictatorial. But make no mistake; what you are doing may backfire, because he'll eventually realize you're not asking for his input. When that happens, I can see one of two results: a) he stands up for himself and demands more respect and leadership and consultation (discussion), or b) he lets you keep dictating how things are going to roll, abdicating his leadership and losing your respect.

Either way, you're setting yourself up for a fight. Be very careful.

Title	No nagging is true respect
Author	Theflowerswillbloom
Upvotes	163
Comments	24
Date	July 30, 2019 6:27 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/no-nagging-is-true-respect.247488 https://theredarchive.com/post/247488
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/cjvw0p/no_nagging_is_true_respect/