My husband (age 28) and I (age 26) have always naturally had a 'red pill' relationship, however at times I have been prone to nagging.
But recently, I had this inner revelation that I in no way want to control my husband. I don't want to ever nag him or try to change his mind, and always want to just be truly honest and genuine. I believe that this is how I can show my husband true respect, and it feels as though everything is so much simpler.
Here are a couple of recent examples -
A few times a year since having children, we always have some tension around visiting my family. While they are polite to eachother, my husband doesn't really get on with much of my family (particularly my mum). Because of this, he understandably doesn't often want to go and visit them. With young children I don't feel confident doing the journey and visit alone, and he doesn't want me to either.
Usually I would keep going on about how much I want to visit, how we can make it work etc. But this time when he asked about visiting soon, I simply said something along the lines of "I would really love to visit my family for the family gathering. If you think it would be possible with your work schedule and we can go, there is no obligation for you to join in with seeing everyone. If you don't think it will work, then I understand". I truly meant it (no manipulation), and I left it at that.
He looked at how best to do things, and we are going (with no disagreements) which I'm really pleased about. When I thanked him; he told me that he will do the visit as he knows it will make me happy, but if he feels obliged to do something, it steals the joy of giving for him. I completely understand him.
The second example is about our children's bath time. Because of my husband's shift work - sometimes I bathe them, and other days he does. I wanted to do something a bit different in our routine, and where in the past I would have tried to convince my husband to do it the same as me, instead I simply just said "I'm going to do bath time with the girls like this, because of this reason. I don't mind if when you do bath time you do it differently". And again, I meant it. No hidden meaning.
He had obviously thought about it, and agrees with me about the change. This wasn't my intention, but I think just respecting him enough to let him decide how he wants to do things actually opened him up to re-evaluating how we do things.
I know that this is so simple and obvious to many people, but it's definitely something that I have had to learn. I'm looking forward to always continuing with this genuine and pure communication, with no hidden meanings or agenda.