~ archived since 2018 ~

Not even an unpopular opinion, just one that consistently brushed under the rug

September 28, 2020

Most young women aren’t attracted to older men.

I don’t know why the contrary is proposed to men.

I (now 20f) was 16 - young and near my peak - and still I was never drawn to older men (at 16, ‘old’ for me was over 19).

Nothing changed when I got to 18. The chemistry was just never there with older guys (at 18, old for me was now 23+). I was an 18 year old girl - pretty picky and immature - but they seemed boring to me.

Although, now that I’m 20 and not as immature - I’m aware that (in general) 23-38 isn’t old at all, far from it. But dating wise, I’d still considered 26+ to be too ‘old’ for me

Even in my teens (16-18), the only significantly older guy I could fantasise about was Robert Pattinson. Even then, I would fantasise him as a 17-19 year old (Cedric Diggory), and not his actual age (his actual age being 30; he’s still hot don’t get it twisted lol).

At 18, the (non-existent) chemistry with older men is nowhere near the same compared to guys who were my age or near (18-23). Tbh, maybe it was me.

But at 18, being with guys around my age was so exciting. There was always this undeniable flirtatious and cheeky aura - a slight sexual tension maybe. No matter how much I tried to hide it. Even with friends. There was always this playful energy and connection. And I still have the same feelings now that I’m 20

But when with older men, there was nothing. nothing lol. It was like clumpy, half-dried paint. Again, it could simply be me.

I think men around my age emit this playful and cheeky aura without downplaying their masculinity. Reason being that the connection with men around my age is more fluid.

Playful and masculine. The two traits go quite well hand in hand, it’s super charming.

This is obviously applicable to both sexes, but there this strong emphasis (usually emphasised by single guys I think) that young women are naturally drawn to men in their 40-70s.

I’ve never understood why I would be attracted to some that old, let alone want a long term relationship. I want kids lol.

And really, this only applies to the very small % of extremely rich old men; even then - most women want a quiet and private life, so many won’t be attracted to the idea of getting with a extravagantly rich man who is 20-40 years older.

Most respectable rich men get married pretty young - in their 20s/30s - and are usually quite happy with their marriage. They usually have a long-lasting marriage and a few kids by 50. So they have no reason to desperately tag onto every 16-30 year old girl/woman they come across.

An old rich man with no spouse and inconsistent relationships - scavenging for 16-30 year old women - screams midlife crisis to most women. That in itself is a red flag.

As a man begins to age, it that playful aura warps into a creepy and bland aura. It’s not always accurate and true; the man may be a playful, loving dad with a happy family. But he’ll be perceived as boring and creepy - without context - at face value; hence why so many 16-20 year old girls/women are quick to write older men off as creepy.

It’s life, the same will happen to me. All of us. It’s probably already happened. But we accept it, why can’t most men?

Of course some women will be drawn to older men, but that’s similar how some men are drawn to older women.

I feel like this topic completely excludes women’s point of view (ew I sound like a feminist lol, but it’s true). I say this simply because so many other women agreed with me when discussing this.

But if you look into the male perspective of this, you find the polar opposite. They’re all truly convinced that most 18-30 year old women are most sexually attracted to 40-70 year olds.

Well .... they’re all okay with it until you ask them:

‘would you let your 18 year old daughter date a 40 year old?’ lol.

Then it was like a hall full of stutters aha.

Anyways , give me your opinion. Anyone.

Disagree or agree idc

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Post Information
Title Not even an unpopular opinion, just one that consistently brushed under the rug
Author eiggteen
Upvotes 127
Comments 105
Date September 28, 2020 9:58 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
Red Pill terms in post

[–]CorneliusHardcastle96 points97 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

I'm a dude, not on the young side (37), and I agree with you 100%. This lie is actually harmful for guys who foolishly think they have decades and decades of banging young babes ahead of them. No you don't. You get old and gross very very quickly to the vast majority of young babes. Live it up now, in your teens and early 20s. I don't think that can be stressed enough.

If you're a celebrity or exceedingly rich and powerful, or a manipulative cult leader with access to damaged girls, sure, you might pull it off, but there's this narrative out there that dudes are just all good as far as aging goes, maybe even get better as they age, and dudes are very arrogantly and smugly taking this as gospel, much to their ultimate chagrin when they invariably start getting "eewwww... creep" reactions from young women much sooner than they expected. And it's the reaction they deserve, the reality check they deserve, but it's slightly cruel to young guys to make them think they have plenty of time and there's no rush. There is a rush, 100%.

[–]RinoaRita39 points40 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Time makes fools of us all. The proverbial “wall” is real for both sexes but it’s less like the wall and more like sun bleached wall paper. It’s not a “bam!” It’s a heh there’s definitely a change but no one moment in time to blame.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

What’s been your experience trying to date women in their 20s? I’m in 27 so I’m not that old yet. The older I’ve gotten, the more options I’ve had from younger and older women. I don’t quite expect 38 year old dudes to be getting with 19 year olds but I don’t think 26 year old women are out of reach.

[–]CorneliusHardcastle24 points25 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Well I married someone my own age when I was 26, so I'm more talking about observations I've made. But I'm not surprised things have improved and still are improving for you at 27. I would say it's true men have a later "best before" date than women (frankly white women in particular, many of whom cruelly peak much too young- I'd say women of most other ethnicities enjoy longer peaks through their 30s), but it's earlier than we're lead to believe, especially physically. The illusion of it being different ties in with you seeing more success as you age, I mean you get better in lots of ways with time as a man. You get smarter and more mature, work out how to dress better, learn how to treat women (and deal with their... quirks), get more financial freedom, establish a more distinct identity... these are all crucially attractive to women. But make no mistake, your wrinkles are still shit, your worsening body is still less attractive. If a 21 year old dude had his shit together and wasn't a moron he'd crush. He's hotter than you in pure physical flesh, we just luck out (sort of) in that women have an elaborate list of requirements contributing to attraction.

The thing is though that young girls often haven't worked this list out yet and still kind of go by their gut more, and so a lot of them (not all) will give you a big reality check on the physical side of things, crush on "dreamy" cute boys and find you old and gross even at 28 or whatever.

Which is good, I don't think adult men should be pursuing juvenile girls with unformed brains anyway, but young guys need to know their clock is also ticking to a degree. At 27 I'd say you're reaching the end of your run with 18-23 year old girls, unless you get super rich, famous, or start preying on damaged ones.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link


[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Stick to the men's subs. RPW isn't a space for men to debate each other. Men who are here must be older and married.

[–]i_cri_evry_tim6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

My man is 40 now. Around the time we got together he was 35 and had a few 20-something year olds chasing him. He does look a bit younger than he is and is attractive but nowhere close to a 10. I think it’s his young energy and his active spirit. Even nowadays I can see younger moms look at him with “I’d hit that” eyes at the play park.

It’s definitely possible for a certain type of older man to attract arguably much younger women but the TRP nonsense that most men can be fucking 20yo bimbos well into their fifties so long as they are rich and stay fit is a bit delusional.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Well the TRP idea is that if a guy stays in shape(v taper), takes care of his skin, and has his shit together, he’ll have a broad range of options as he gets older. Not that any guy who’s in his 40s can get younger women but the guys who take their appearance seriously. Like Justin Hartley for instance(let’s say he looked just as good but wasn’t as famous), don’t you think he could likely get with women in their late 20s?

[–]i_cri_evry_tim2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes. If you take your appearance seriously on top of being gifted with physical appeal and social acuity and financial status and and and...

See where I’m going? Yes there are a handful of men who will be able to attract a much younger woman. They will still not be swimming in offers from every other 22yo out there though.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Right that’s what TRP is saying too. You don’t get younger women just because you’re old. The prime is mid 30s if you take care of your looks, finances, etc because now you’ll have broader range of women who will be interested. A 22 yoe dude might only have 18-23 yoe women as options. A top shelf guy at 35 might have 25 to 36yoe women as options because he’s more likely to tick all the boxes of women of broad age range. That’s why it’s the prime, not that he’s necessarily most beautiful at that age.

[–]chivelily10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My husband and I are the same age, and I wouldn't have it any other way. We married in our twenties. I love that I was there for so many memories, personal growth, and accomplishments he's made and he for mine. It's definitely nice to tackle life with the same maturity level and life experience.

I like 30 year old men the best..they're the sweet spot of youth and maturity, 20s next, then 40s. 50s is pushing it for me right now, but I'm sure I'll find them attractive when I get there.

[–]loopyawesome10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I can personally say I've gotten more success with women as I've gotten older (I'm 26 now) but I don't expect myself to be pulling women in their twenties when I'm 70 (unless they come out with some anti-aging gene therapy). For most men, I think the 30s are his prime (I can even say that for some women, my so included) but after 35 or so it kind of goes downhill from there.

[–]sunny2weather39 points40 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I completely agree. I think if a young woman is attracted to older men, it will probably be because of status and money, and not so much personality and looks. How do you even romantically connect with someone from another generation than you? I find that the closer in age I am to my partner, the more we have to talk about and the more in common we have.

[–]yungsweetro2 Stars19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Most of the women I know, especially the conventionally attractive ones, who are also in their early twenties are not looking for significantly older men.

Although most young women would strive for a man a few years older than her, few would actively lust for a man in his 40s like the manosphere hypes up, unless he has fame, wealth, status, and charm. It’s like how men say they like hot women with short hair not because of it, but despite having short hair because she’s so hot that it doesn’t matter. Same goes for women - they’ll like an older guy not because of his older age but despite it since he brings so much else to the table. I’m sure there are exceptions to the rule, though.

Personally, my hard max for attraction to men is 10 years older. I can’t see myself being very drawn to a 35+ year old unless he is otherwise perfect.

[–]golden_eyed_cat14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dating men in various stages of life had its upsides and downsides. For instance, men in their early twenties are often a lot more cheerful, spontaneous, open to the world than those in their 30's and 40's. However, they might not be established in life yet, and have a harder time communicating and acting in a responsible manner.

Mature men, on the other hand, are more experienced in the dating market, and often use their experience to string women along and use them for sex, or create unhealthy relationships with them. One study (sadly, I don't have a link to it) even stated that there's a correlation between large age gaps in relationships and an increased risk of abuse. They can often carry emotional baggage as well. Therefore, it is important to vet such men carefully.

On the other hand, dating such men can be a very positive experience! 30+ year olds are usually more mature than their younger peers, they know what they want and if they are ready to settle down, they are usually much quicker to do so than 20-29 year olds. They often make great family leaders, don't play silly games in the process of dating and usually have a stable income and career.

To conclude, men in various stages of life tend to have different pro's and cons. It is up to us to weigh them out and pick the most suitable partners for ourselves. Personally, I've realized that although I usually prefer men that are 4-8 years older than me, I've had instances of developing crushes on younger men (when I was 16, I adored my online friend, who was 14 at that time) and older ones (when I was 18, I developed strong feelings for my 34 year old teacher).

[–]itatifc23 points24 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 31. We've been dating for 2.5 years and we live together. He asked me out a bunch of times at the beginning and I kept telling him no because he was too old for me 😂 and that I thought he would be too mature for me and I'd get hurt in the end. We were always super flirty with each other so that's why him asking me out more than once was not creepy. Also, he told me I hurt his feelings because it was the first time he was told he was "old" (he was 29). He was actually shocked that was my reason. He didn't see me as a younger girl but rather as a woman/an equal which I loved!

Anyways, I'm still super attracted to him and I think he's opened up my eyes to dating real adults now. By that I mean that now I know what it's like to be in a fully committed relationship with someone who knows/accepts himself, is emotionally intelligent, knows what he wants out of his future, etc. I've definitely matured a lot in the past 2.5 years and I love my life more because of it.

When I think about the guy I dated a the beginning of uni for 2+ years I cringe because, even tho I thought he was mature for his age at the time, he would still do things like check out other girls or make me feel insecure. I don't think he did this on purpose but he would tell me inappropriate facts from his past every once in a while (eg. "I love the size of your nipples. My ex's nipples were __ size" wtf). So even though he might've been "mature" for his age and also fun, he still had a lot of growing to do and it caused me to feel low-key insecure.

Overall, I am happier with my current boyfriend because the relationship is so much relaxed and fun and way EASIER! He makes me feel so beautiful and like a queen!!

I think when people say "young women like older men" they really mean "women like emotionally mature men" and even then, I think it's max 10 years older. I don't think anyone would expect a 16 year old to find 70 year olds attractive.

[–]eiggteen[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

‘women like emotionally mature men’


This statement I couldn’t agree more with

[–]jea059612 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

THIS. My college boyfriend did the same. It’s pretty great to be with a “grown” man who understands adult boundaries and can make you feel loved & womanly every day. It makes it easy to picture growing old and staying happy together with your man because he knows how to bring out your best and make you shine rather than try to put either of you in a situation marked by jealousy or desperation.

[–]itatifc2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]loopyawesome9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Some men can improve with age (not just money) in looks and personality but I think this notion is to convince unattractive men that things will somehow get better with time. Some men are just dealt a shitty hand and will have to live with that shitty hand for the rest of their life, it's sad but true.

[–]luke__73 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's true but looks are less important for men than they are for women when looking for relationships. It's why men don't wear make up and most women do.

[–]lemurianelf5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

True. Conversely status and money is exceedingly more important for men than women.

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Most women I know prefer slightly older, but very very few women I know prefer significantly older.

Women in their late teens early 20’s usually prefer someone below 30 in my experience.... very very rarely do they prefer anyone near the age of 40. They might fetishize a hookup with way older men, but they almost never prefer to date or commit to men that age.

I think most men know that unless they’re either exceptionally attractive or pretty rich that they’re not pulling early 20’s women in their 40’s. I’d say for men after age 33ish the prospects with young women quickly dry up.

[–]-Raksu-4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Men are just strangely confident that any woman who smiles at them must want them, or something. I think they're just wired that way. So, if that woman who smiles at them happens to be much younger, they just think "Oh cool, younger chicks dig me too."

I'm 28F, I find guys my age attractive, guys a little too young for me attractive (but still legal obv), and older guys. But I must say I'm strangely more flattered/excited when an older guy likes me. Do I have...issues??

[–]aussiedollface21 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This! Men think a smile or even flirting means women actually want them. I’m not much of a flirty type (married anyway lol) but many women often just flirt with men out of boredom or attention. Men overthink it xo

[–]-Raksu-1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I rarely initiate a "flirtation" or a banter, but if a guy starts it, I'll reciprocate. As long as I don't get total creep vibes. This usually happens at work (retail). I don't get commission, so I don't feel cheap for doing it. They're just lonely or bored men who find me charming. I could be colder, like some other female workers are when that happens, but I don't see the point. Maybe this is why I get "stalkers". Oh dear.

[–]ohris0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

many women often just flirt with men out of boredom or attention. Men overthink it xo

Actually If you simply interpret flirtation you'd just think that it's product of interest. Overthinking it is thinking that it might be out of boredom or attention seeking.

[–]ohris0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Define smile, never have I ever nor any man I know thought that a woman liked us if she smiled during a normal interaction with us, say a conversation with a cashier for example, on the other hand if a stranger woman smiling at me from across the room (while nothing funny is going on) is not flirting, I don't know what is.

[–]-Raksu-0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Not just a smile, but rather a genuinely smiling face during conversation

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]-Raksu-0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey, that's a good point. Thank you for sharing :)

[–]rft244 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

you’re right. i’m also 20, & i’d never date an old man. i tried a couple times; & then i realized that they’re just as immature as younger guys, just older, with more baggage, & (usually) less attractive. either that, or they’re just creepy af (especially when they have daughters close to your age). why date old men when i can date younger guys who are (usually) more attractive, less creepy, & don’t have saggy old man balls? plus, i assume older men only go after younger women because they expect us to be naive & moldable, &/or expect us to tolerate something in them that women their own age wouldn’t typically tolerate. they really seem to think that they don’t ever “hit the wall,” but they most certainly do.

i’m also with you on feeling nothing with older guys, especially cuz i don’t usually find them attractive. there’s no excitement, no firsts together, no super fun flirtatious energy, & no attraction on my end. it’s just really boring. trying to have fun with them takes effort because a lot of them are jaded & somewhat bitter from their experiences (which is part of the baggage i mentioned earlier). you described it perfectly: like clumpy, dried-up paint. it’s not just you lol

the idea that most young women would even want to date an old man is just trp’s way of trying to make themselves feel better about the truth that the women they want would only really want to deal with them for what they could do for these women; not because the women actually want them or find them attractive.

[–]Kirrawynne1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

“plus, i assume older men only go after younger women because they expect us to be naive & moldable, &/or expect us to tolerate something in them that women their own age wouldn’t typically tolerate”

This is exactly what I think when I see guys with women half their age or less. These are the type of guys who want a virgin or very close to. They want a woman that they can manipulate because the woman doesn’t know any better. I see guys on PPD that demand a laundry list of qualities while they don’t bring much to the table. It’s easier to be the one the money as older guys will be typically more financially stable and then they get to call the shots.

I understand that 18+ is legal but I certainly think it’s creepy.

[–]jea05968 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think you’re a little young for it honestly. I was the same at 16, 18, 20. At around 22/3 my taste did a 180. Not “daddy issues” older guy attraction but genuine physical/mental/emotional attraction to someone who fit a more mature, established persona rather than a more youthful chemistry. My hormones hit in full i guess? There is still plenty of chemistry, but at least in my case the two now go hand in hand. I don’t feel significantly younger around my boyfriend who is mid-30s.

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[–]Caulifluer4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've always been attracted to men 10-20 years older than me. Just my two cents.

[–]medstudentz9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lol AGREED. The only older guy any woman would be “attracted “ to is a guy with MONEY AND POWER. So she can use that money and power for her advantage. But NEVER for love.

Men are delusional at best.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I almost exclusively dated guys in their mid 20s when I was 17. Met my husband at 17 when he was 25. But I've always liked guys a little older than me, but like 10 year difference. Now that I'm in my 30s i still find that 10 yr gap appealing.

But yeah, daddy issues is the only thing that makes sense when there is such a large gap, for the most part.

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[–]RinoaRita4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Are we talking 30-40, 40-60 or 60+ old, relatively speaking

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[–]NoFaithInThisSub1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

why 40+, what is the reason?

[–]adicille6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can’t know if it is true that most younger women aren’t attracted to older men, but I can say that many younger women flirt and show attraction to me. People pick me as being in my late twenties and are surprised when I tell them I’m mid thirties, which could be a factor in my personal experiences.

I’m just an average looking guy but I do keep myself in shape and am very friendly and outgoing.

I can agree that the average out of shape 40 year old man is dreaming if he thinks a typical 20 year old woman is going to be interested in him.

[–]Sambhavi_55 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've seen the contrary around me all the time. Men mature slower than women which is why until mid 20s there's always a gap in the maturity levels of men and women who are of the same age. It's natural for women to be attracted to men who are more sorted out in their life (hypergamy) which is why they're attracted to older men. Same way, natural for men to be attracted to younger women because they will be more fertile than older women. I'm not talking about couples with a huge amount of age gap like 15+ years but an age gap of 10-12 doesn't hurt much (speaking from personal experience- 9 years older boyfriend and I get along much more wonderfully than any of my exes who were much closer in my age range). Women definitely like emotionally mature men which is why an age gap (to some extent) isn't just acceptable, it's even better than dating a man of the same age.

[–]aussiedollface25 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I 100% agree. I’ve only ever dated 2 years older max lol. When I was 20, like 30yo guys used to creep onto me and I just never felt the vibe. I wanted the attention of the best value guys I could get in my own age group. Also in my social circle, dating older guys was considered weird and creepy. My husband is the same age as me xox

[–]merebearpig10 points11 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

I have been attracted to older guys but a superficial attraction. Like yeah as an 18 year old I liked Ryan Reynolds. But I would never actually get with an older guy because I just don’t want to deal with their issues and baggage, which would stifle any attraction I have.

[–][deleted] -9 points-8 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Hmm what’s the baggage? Assuming he’s single and has no kids. Like you’re 24 and he’s 35. Do you think the red pill idea that a man hits his prime in his mid thirties is bullshit?

[–]jea05964 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m 24 my boyfriend is 36. I think “prime” is kind of subjective as we have not known each other until this stage in our lives. We agree not to discuss prior partners / relationships (his rule I respect) and baggage would be handled like anything else, either something significant we lean on each other and support each other with as a measure of intimacy (think personal loss or trauma) vs drama or untruth that would be treated as a violation of trust. At any age baggage is a matter of how you carry it. I think it’s very situation-dependent whether a man and woman with a significant age gap click. I knew myself well and was very ready to settle down. We are both more conservative and ambitious in an area of the US where people tend towards liberal and complacent, so although there are a surplus of single men here I found it easy to weed out people that I would not respect or trust to lead in a relationship. Also, wall. In a selfish way I like knowing that ratio-wise I will always be a young hot thing alongside him (he doesn’t mind, either...).

[–]merebearpig15 points16 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

I’m mid-twenties and I still want to go back to school. A lot of guys who are even like five years older than me don’t want me to go back to school. Older men are stifling.

Baggage would be ex girlfriends and unresolved issues. If you’re 35+ years old, male and unmarried then there’s something a little wrong if you didn’t go thru intensive schooling or something IMO.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm in the mid 30s and unmarried, I certainly have baggage, it's mostly from false starts with the wrong women though and neither of us could cut it off clean. I won't deny it, I'm not perfect but not all of us aren't unmarried for want of trying, sometimes we tried so hard it hindered us : /

[–]adicille0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why didn’t they want you to return to school? I would encourage any woman I was dating to continue her studies if that is what she wanted. Shouldn’t we all want our partners to be happy and live their best life?

[–][deleted] -13 points-12 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Well what if he’s 35 and unmarried because he was waiting until his prime(when he has the most options)to pick the best wife for himself? Also wouldn’t you think there’s something off of a woman is unmarried at 35 plus? Especially since men tend to have much lower standards.

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[–][deleted] -12 points-11 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Huh so then what’s the point of the red pill women subreddit?... I thought the ideas are supposed to be in sync with the red pill lol..Men and women don’t peak at the same time lol.. You can read online dating studies that show that men’s matches increase as they got older and women’s decrease as the get older; that’s just one example of this.

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[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Please redirect yourself to the men's subs. You don't seem to understand the women's side of the red pill enough to participate here. Review the rules for men if you have any questions.

[–]Homemakingvampire4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is an interesting topic, I actually know a gal who got with/still with a man in his 40s while she’s just hit 22 or so. I grew up being friends with the eldest sister and knew them pretty well. The middle one (the one who’s with the 40 year old) fell into a toxic friend group. The one girl I’ve known since she was being potty trained, they bag on each other all the time, I have never personally heard them say anything that wasn’t belittling or just nasty. She baby sat for this man for many years and now she’s basically the step mom, she seems to be happy enough, but by god has everyone around her become hostile. Her mother is disgusted, her older sister can’t even look at her and no one in any contact with her happily let her know they do not approve. Like at this point if it isn’t a healthy relationship spite itself has and will keep her there

[–]Anonymous_fiend4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've dated younger and much older. My fiance is 2.5 years older and it's a good difference. I never liked much older men as a teen I but after 25 I've noticed my tastes maturing a little bit. I've had the opposite experience about age. Most women I knew in my late teens-early 20s liked older men but not the average "older man". Usually the "older" men women find attractive are successful, fit, educated, cultured, well dressed, and charming men in their 30s who could date most women his age not some random old guy. Pretty much the top 10% of men. These guys are in denial if they think a man who couldn't even get women when he was 20s-30s can pull a woman in her prime at 40+. Most quality men are taken their 20s-30s so these guys often are very creepy, delusional, predatory, etc. They're obsessed with youth and fertility to overcompensate. Beside large age gap differences can be predatory especially if under 21. Sure back in really rough times they might've been necessary to avoid poverty. I find the half age plus 7 to be a good rule. A 40+ year old just doesn't have much in common with am early 20s woman other than a quick sexual fling. And then if she could have sex with a hot guy her age why would she want an old man unless he's offering her status, money, etc (or she has some mental health problems/daddy issues). His sperm quality is lower so it doesn't make sense from an evolutionary perspective. Socially, the 20 something will feel out of place with his friends wives. And her friends may feel uncomfortable around him. It can be very lonely. Not to mention the huge emotional maturity gap. The rich old man and golddigger/young girl/trophy wife relationship isn't that much of a respectable life. People talk a lot behind closed doors about it. Once you get older age gaps become not as big of an issue 18/28 vs 38/48. While young they're a bit of a red flag. I think men who are much older who pull younger women tend to manipulate and seek women who are deeply insecure. It's not something that should be glamorous but to young lonely men it gives them hope that they'll be able to get with a hot 20s girl that won't give them the chance of day currently. A lot of trp is frustrated men venting and trying to improve themselves.

[–]ihopemewingworks5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I think it's more about how men can date women in their prime even if they are older. Their looks (aging at least, being fit will always matter) don't make them less sexually attractive, or maybe the tiniest bit becaude women also like men who look good but what looks good is mostly based on what looks masculine, bone structure and muscles. Mens attractiveness is mostly based on their masculinity, status and money. Now I do think that even though women in their prime can be super attracted to a guy who is 40, she might still think that he was more attractive when he was 30, I just think the decline for men is much slower. And since their attractiveness isn't as based on beauty as women's they can be attractive for very long, but that dosent mean that women don't prefer the look of a guy who is younger. The difference is women who are 40 will have a much much less chance of getting an alpha who is 40, while a guy it's not that much of a competition between a guy who is 30 and a guy who is 40 since attractiveness is mainly not physical, or not youth at least. And women tend to find men attractive similar to their age, while men heavily prefer women in their early 20s. Though I think as a guy if you want a high quality and beautiful girl, being more then 10 years older then her won't be the easiest, because what girl would want to lose her man that early in her lift, men die earlier then women and then if he is 20 years older she will be without him for a long time, I'd personally hate that. So I think a girl who wants a guy for the long run even if he can find a guy who is much older very similar in attractiveness to a guy close to her age I just think she won't choose that, unless he is the only strong guy around.

I think if men want to sleep around with a girl, being 10 years older is probably easier then being the same age, because being older makes it seem like he is more masculine, there is more authority there,and experience.

I do actually think a lot of girls find men 10-15 years older same or more attractive, but not 20-40 years older.

I think men's wall is just not that not harsh and it dosent matter really since women don't prioritize youth, it's not really important. But any guy that thinks that a guy who is identical in personality and even in looks just one guy is 30 and the other is 50 and if he thinks she will prefer the 50 year old that's just a lie. But since no one is identical in looks and personality I can see how a girl would prefer a 50 year old over a 30 year old, if he is much more masculine, if he has status etc etc. So even if it might sound a bit misleading I think most guys knows that, it's just masculinity is quite rare, and youth and beauty isn't.

It's so upsetting as a girl, but hopefully they'll come up with some idk stem cell anti aging solution in the future haha.. For sure one of my biggest insecurities is aging, even though I'm young.

[–]lemurianelf0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Agreed with everything. I'm scared of aging too. Moisturize your skin. Don't stress! Don't work any job that stresses you a lot. Eat well. You'll look like a goddess for decades.

[–]ihopemewingworks1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah and use sunscreen and anti-aging skincare, as well as don't go vegan, nothing ages you as fast as going vegan. I also think aging well is also often about nothing becoming fat, because I feel like the body age slower then the face, it looks younger for longer, maybe not the boobs but everything else.

[–]lemurianelf1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh yeah sunscreen is critical.

And I didn't know this about veganism?? That's crazy

[–]ihopemewingworks0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's so hard for them to get the right nutrients, also there is talk about plants not being very Bio available so carrots vitamin a won't be as accessible as beef liver or something like that. Also if you look at vegans they often look 10-20 years older. Look up at YouTube, vegans malnutrition, it's reallt eye opening.

[–]Rock_Granite8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I'm not a young woman so I don't have a personal opinion. But there is a significant portion of young women who disagree with you. I see plenty of 25-ish women hanging out with older men. It may not be a majority of young women, but it is a lot.

I have also heard the complaint that today's young men just don't have their collective shit together and it is a significant turn off for some young women.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm not going to assume or even remotely try to ask your age, but where would one meet an "not young woman" because lately it seems like as a male I'm falling in a weird age valley and I don't know what to do outside online dating and I really don't want to go down that rabbit hole.

[–]Hecatenight5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Let a middle aged married lady with three daughters and lots of life experience help you out, here. Date your own age. The truth is: men like them younger generally, but women like them the same age. I was shocked to find my attractions to men changed over the years: when I was 20 something I never thought I’d like someone older, but then when I was 30 the 30 somethings looked good, at 40 the 40 somethings looked good....hope you get the idea, and good luck. This is how most women are geared.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]sammy_neutron2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It really depends . When I was 18, I had both a 25 and 31 yr old man pursuing me. I didnt pay much mind to the either of them. I felt like the 31 yr old was a creep even though he presented himself as a good guy, even my family liked him. I talked to the 25 yr old but shortly after stopped because he gave me an off vibe. I didnt do anything physical with either. Usually when younger women fantasize about older men, its a man in power . Either famous or boss/teacher. When I was in high school the teachers the girls had a crush on were handsome young teachers in their mid twenties to early thirties. Most high schoolers arent impressed by intelligence so rarely crush on men that look over 25 . In college like most women, I have had crushes on a few professors and it can be broken down in two categories ;

(1) they were young and cute, usually find attractive right away


(2) they were much older but were really smart and masculine/powerful, usually developed over time.

However many other younger women would hardly pursue any of them out of their heads even if the man made the first move.. A fantasy is a fantasy , the same way some faithful married men have fantasies about other women but would never pursue them in real life . Odviously some women would pursue them because they have the advantage of being single at the time but they are in the minority. Exceptions aside red flags do come up if a man hasn't been married after a certain time, same with women. It is usually that they are players or have something wrong with them. Personally I wouldn't want to date a man over 29(I am 22 ) especially considering how inexperienced I am. My preference is under 5 years but my max is 10, the older I get the more my preference would expand. If you look at the agegap subreddit it is often repeated (including by older men) most respectful older men will not make the first move when the women is much younger. Most younger women prefer men 1-5 years older than them , especially if they want a relationship out of it.

[–]itsjbuttz3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It depends on the woman. I have always liked guys between 2 and 5 years older than me but my current boyfriend is 38 whilst I’m about to turn 22. I think it is very subjective and not something to be generalized

[–]dabadeedabadaa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've been known to like older guys, but that's like... 7 or 8 years older than me, max.

[–]Hel2kn1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you want to have a family at a young age I think marrying someone older (10 yo max) can be good. Lets say you are 22 he is 30. He would already have a job and be able to provide for you and a kid more then a 22 yo. that is one good point i found to it or if you have daddy issues i guess but then you should be carefull to find someone respectful and, control yourself and to fall for every older guy. Otherwise yes fetishizing older man is creepy but if you ever fall in love with one or he falls in love zpwith you, dont reject it just because of his age.

[–]Kirrawynne1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I guess I’m the anomaly. Aside from one guy, all my boyfriends have been younger than me. My current boyfriend is 4 years younger, guy before that was 6 years younger. I don’t put emphasis on age for the most part but I certainly wouldn’t get with a man who was still in his twenties. I also wouldn’t date a guy who’s more than 7 years older.

Edit: a word

[–]aster0idB6122 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m totally with you on this. I keep hearing that young women are attracted to money and status (from men). But when I was 20, anyone in their late 20s and up hitting on me made me feel super uncomfortable. I was never attracted to them no matter what they looked like. Among my friend groups too, older guys were considered “creepy” if they showed interest in us. The only time I remember it being considered ok is if you’re 17 or 18 but still in high school and you have a college boyfriend who is like 18-20.
I don’t doubt that there are young girls who like older men, but I think it’s waaaaay less common than some men make it out to be.

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I mean.... There's a reason people say it. Up until the age of 40 or so, women seem to generally be attracted to men between one and three years older than them. That's not 'old' men, just 'older' men. Men are consistently most attracted to early 20s women.

[–]Theyogithatcould1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm 28. I've been with my man for 3 years now. He's 26 years my senior, 54. Can't help but feel your polar opposite. When I was younger, young guys could offer me nothing that of a "seasoned" man could- intelligent conversation, lack of desire for vapid pop-culture, a meaningful, virtuistic life, financial security, emotional maturity (hell, maturity of all kinds across the board), a deep respect. I could go on and on. I've always been physically drawn to older as well- my first real crush being in his late 50's when I was a minor. I love my man as he is- a man. Isn't afraid of rugged work, old fashioned, knows what a solid work ethic/providing actually means, and has traditional values in the same arena as mine. These are much harder to come across in someone in their 20s-30s unless you go down to the bible belt of the US- however those young men would typically want children- something I do not care to provide, and my partner has children from a former marriage anyway.
All in all, it's a mix of alot of things- my upbringing (raised traditionally, conservatively), the fact that I'm a very old soul, and just my physical and emotional preference.
Most rewarding relationship that I could ever dream up for myself.

[–]Reddit-Book-Bot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]IcarusKiki3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It’s a lie perpetuated on TRP by men who were unpopular in college and want hope for the future. I’m a young woman in college and the only time I see women my age (18-22) dating older men 10+ older than them is for their money and even then they aren’t attracted to them. Some women do like older men but even then it’s rare and not old old guys just like early 30s. They might cherry pick some examples like celebrities and some endorsed contributors but they are attractive despite their age not because of it. Or they find girls with daddy fetishes idk

[–]LiveFree1773-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's funny, they call themselves red pilled, but their whole ideology is just a massive blue pill.

[–]sanem481 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm an older man dating younger women, I'm quite confused myself why that happens (although I look quite young actually).

I figure men fall for women mostly for their looks, and secondly for their personality. But women can fall for men because of looks, personality, status, wealth, fame, charm...

So from my experience all younger women can be attracted to older men, it's just a matter of meeting the right one.

Mind you underage and college age women are in a bit of a bubble, their social life doesn't extend beyond high school/college ages, as such dating an old man doesn't make much sense, he'd have limited social value. But outside of social context, dating a hot 20yo or a mature 40yo man can be equally great experiences for any woman.

In reverse, I can say the biggest crush I've ever had was on a woman my age when I was 33, so men can just as well fall for old(er) women in my experience (but then I put more focus on personality than most men).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

How do you explain how the sexist man alive is usually an older man like Idris Elba? I think a 20 F and 60M union is clearly for money but a 25F and 35M(attractive and financially put together) there probs is genuine attraction from the woman. Thoughts ?

[–]eiggteen[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I’m not attracted to him personally.

he is attractive but I think it’s mainly his persona that’s more alluring, not exactly his looks.

He’s a good actor too.

Not to mention, he looks way older than he actually is?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is true. He looks like he’s 55 lol

[–]LouiseConnor3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He’ll also look 55 when he’s 90 haha

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree but thing is biologically men have more years to "create" children than women. also the phrase men age like fine wine is unfortunately most of the time true wheras women age like milk-yea i know very sexist.

so bc of this biological inequality men do have a few more years to "live it up", "date around", "wait to start a family" but the question is by how much. your examples are very extreme 18 year old girl and 40 year old man nope, 25 year old woman and 30 year old man yepp more likely and probably a better choice than a 30 year old woman and 30 year old man.

bt then again who gives a f if they love eachother and consent i for one am dating someone 4 years younger than me and am breaking the older man in a relationship norm and idgaf.

and if men are deslusional bc they think they can bang young chicks until age 70 let them they can as long as they have money and some looks theyll soon realize they need to give a bit to have what they want and truly not every man is made to be rich.

[–]picklesmcgoo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am 25 and just married my 64 year old husband. A while before I was torn between him and my 24 year old neighbour. I ended up choosing him because mentally we are more compatible and his finances are in order and I can’t work. Maybe if the romance was off the charts with the 24 year old I would have chosen him but I am an only child and my parents had me in their 40s so I’m not really used to youth and don’t find unpredictability very exciting.

[–]mysteriouscirce0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I like older men,the older age makes them feel more dominant and in charge which appeals greatly to my feminine sensibilities.I think they appeal to many younger woman for this reason.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy Link


[–]blushingoleander18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Alternate possibility: women are attracted to dominance, competence and authority. The teacher is in an attractive position and it is the position (and what it represents) not the man that students are attracted to.

[–]eiggteen[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Can I just add that most teachers are in the 25-60 range.

And when male teachers were crushed on, it was usually the youngest male teachers (25-30).

There aren’t much 21 year old teachers to crush on unfortunately (both male and female) aha! but I see your point

[–]claravoyance-2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

TBH, kinda weird that you consider your prime to be before you were even legal. Do you think so lowly of yourself that it's only gonna get worse from here? You're 20

[–]golden_eyed_cat2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women enter their "looks" prime in various ages. Some become extremely physically attractive when they are as young as 15, if they go through puberty early, whereas others are later bloomers. I think I was made to be most attractive when I was about 18-19, however, due to the work I put into improving my looks in the last few years (20-21), I am currently the most physically attractive I have ever been.

[–]eiggteen[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I said ‘near’ my prime. According to science, not me

I’m 20 now, which would be considered my ‘prime’ - I feel far from it though.

[–]claravoyance0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I know what you mean, I feel like I looked better at 16 too. But we gotta cut ourselves some slack because we were literally kids

[–]eiggteen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh okay. I see - let me reiterate.

when I said ‘prime’, i didn’t mean looks.

Cos I looked like an awkward teen girl at 16 (obviously). I had braces that hurt like hell and i had bad skin due to hormones. But nevertheless I was pretty outgoing.

But I most certainly didn’t look near my prime, but according to science - I was.

So I hope you understand that when I said ‘16, near my prime’, I most certainly wasn’t talking about looks

Bad skin and braces gone at 20 (when we ignore the retainers) but the awkwardness replaced that

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]eiggteen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m sorry rofllll, I’m tired and midnight thoughts are racing.

When I type, in general, I type as I think - causing them to be essay like. But like, bad essays lol

[–]Dickwad-3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Almost all older guys are bland and unattractive but you disapprove of age gap dating so you can't be a couger when you're older... seems like you're in for a rough life according to your beliefs eh? Stuck with gross older guy/s while those playful yet masculine boys are off limits

[–]zino193-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don’t know why the contrary is proposed to men.

Sexual desire is not prescribed socially. We are not attracted by what the social convention tells us. The social convention is created based on what real life people actually do, like, value...

Young women are desirable - by men and women, by old and young.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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