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Online Dating with Purpose Part 1: Sister, Cast Thy Net Wide

June 15, 2020

Online dating is about casting a wide net.

When I mention ‘online dating’ to my parents, their eyes glaze over. If I look closely, I can see their spirits astral-projecting back to the year 2001, when my cousin ‘Chuck’ married his World of Warcraft girlfriend (of four months) at the local Red Lobster, and was then scammed for thousands of dollars that she wired back to her grandma in South Africa.

Perhaps you’ve observed a different type of stigma when it comes to online dating. Perhaps you’ve simply observed other people (especially other women) making a little moue of condescension when someone mentions their foray into online dating-- as if taking concrete action to increase your chances of finding a quality man cheapens the ensuing relationship.

But as for me-- I needed online dating, stigma or not. For a 20-something working in a rural town where the pinnacle of nightlife was Dollaritas at Applebee’s, populated only by unemployed dudes and perhaps 50-year-old truckers, online dating just made sense. Gone were the days of college and grad school where I could meet 300 guys every new semester, and if I didn’t care for any of them, I could find fifty dudes at the nearest seminar that was giving away free Koozies. There just weren’t many jobs drawing high-value men to my area.

I wasn’t getting insane opportunities to just stumble into a great guy anymore. I needed to cast a wide net that would maximize my chances of finding a compatible, quality man. And if you’re reading this, maybe you need to cast a wide net online too.

Here is a short guide to online dating as a RP-minded woman. This advice comes from my own experience of taking a hard look at my SMV, learning to intentionally date, and eventually marrying a wonderful man that I met on a dating app.

Prerequisites for Serious Dating

Consider for a moment whether you are fully prepared to start seriously dating. Are you…

  1. Free of previous romantic entanglements? You’re not still hung up on that guy you had a crush on in grad school, are you? You’re not just doing this to occupy your time until your ex-boyfriend Rodrigo decides to start paying attention to you again, right?
  2. Within the BMI range of 18-24? This will astronomically improve your chances of success.
  3. Able to dedicate a little time each day *and* at least one Friday/Saturday night weekly to this? You could hire Kazuo Ishiguro to write you a compelling bio. You could have a profile picture taken with the Queen of England. Maybe Jason Momoa's in your DMs on OKCupid. But if you don’t have the space in your life to actually read your messages and follow up that weekend by going on a date, you’re shooting yourself right in the foot.
  4. Is your brain screwed on straight when it comes to sex? This entire post assumes a basic understanding of RPW principles. You should not be having sex without exclusivity and a serious level of commitment. ‘Casting a wide net’ should not mean your n-count is also cast wide. If you’re still in the mindset that the first, second, or third date is going to lead to sex, STOP and do a little more reading and thinking on this topic.

If you answered ‘no’ to any of the previous questions, you might consider a BRIEF stint in nun mode to fix up any of the aforementioned issues. Making your online dating debut with all of the above completed-- rather than fixing these problems after you’ve already screened through hundreds of guys in your area-- will be an asset.

But remember, online dating is a numbers game, and there is an element of time involved. It is usually possible to work on improving yourself while you continue to see what’s out there. Every day that you delay dating is a day that you could have screened five more guys and gotten one little step closer to finding a great man. This is why nun mode should be used sparingly and only when there is a dire situation that must be resolved before you can date freely.

Selecting an Online Dating Service

The ‘best’ online dating site might be different from region to region. In my area, OKCupid is the best site for a relationship-minded woman. However, here is some broad guidance:

  • You want a service that has a large user base in your area. Don’t be drawn in by sleek niche websites designed to appeal to Gen Z/millennials, and don’t be drawn in by gimmicks like ‘the female-friendly dating site’. If there’s no dudes on there, it won’t matter. In some areas Bumble and Hinge are very popular. However, in my area I found that they were not used by many guys, and the ones that did use them also had profiles on OKC.
  • You want a service that prompts all users to fully complete their biographical information. You want to be able to reliably filter based on important details. This typically rules out Tinder due to its skimpy (picture-based rather than profile-based) design.

Constructing Your Own Profile

Men are visual creatures. The foundation upon which your profile is built is your picture. This is what gets your foot in the door, like it or not-- so make it count.

Required for a good profile picture:

  1. Your primary profile pic should only be of you.
  2. No selfies. A selfie as your profile pic communicates one of two things: Either you’re the self-absorbed type that’s always taking selfies and looking to social media for validation, or you’re antisocial and didn’t have any good pictures people took of of you actually out doing things.
  3. No weird artsy filters, no weird angles. Just a nice picture that actually shows what you look like.
  4. Don’t include men in ANY of your pictures, unless it was a picture of you and Hulk Hogan.
  5. One or two pictures with other girlfriends are OK, especially if you were doing something cool, but they should not be your primary profile pic.

Now, as for the body of your profile: A high-value man will probably not be scouring the seventh circle of your online profile the way women sometimes do. However, to attract a serious, intelligent guy, I would advise that you:

  1. Demonstrate that you are literate. Spell-check your work, write in full thoughts, and make sparing use of emojis and acronyms.
  2. Demonstrate that you have a sense of humor. (That one’s on you.)
  3. Demonstrate that you took this relatively seriously. If the entire body of your profile is “Idk ask me hahah”, you might think this comes across as lighthearted, flighty, and charming-- but you might as well have written “I’m going to respond to your inquiries with one-word responses or even acronyms. The onus will be entirely on you to carry the conversation. Then I will ghost you because, incredibly, and counter-intuitively, I found YOU boring.’
  4. Demonstrate that you are used to being treated well. If your profile includes “Tired of all the games. Just ready for something real. No hookups!!!!!!!”-- you are absolutely screaming to the world that you gravitate towards assholes, and maybe even sleep with them indiscriminately, but that now you’re tired of all that and want to find some nice man, even though you’re going to bring an insane amount of psychic baggage from your crappy exes.
  5. Demonstrate that you are employed, financially stable, or at the very least, an industrious woman. High-value men aren’t going to be turned on by your five masters’ degrees, but they WILL be looking for evidence that you’re intelligent, industrious, and reasonably self-sufficient. In the year 2020, a quality man will not want to embark on an entirely new relationship with a woman who can’t currently take care of her own bills.

That’s it for Part 1. In Part 2, we will discuss the importance of your own search criteria, how to chat and secure the first date, and how Willy Wonka will fix your psychic dating hang-ups.

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Post Information
Title Online Dating with Purpose Part 1: Sister, Cast Thy Net Wide
Author zsadiist
Upvotes 136
Comments 18
Date June 15, 2020 8:15 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/online-dating-with-purpose-part-1-sister-cast-thy.697308
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/h9nxyx/online_dating_with_purpose_part_1_sister_cast_thy/

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is wiki material.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well done. Have another star from me.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

:o Thank you!!!

[–]HHalo616 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm a guy, ocasional lurker here. Bravo!

I wish more women would take their time to read this, especially on Tinder. I've had the same gf since I was 18 (5+ years and counting) , and I have not needed to go into online dating, but I've seen friends (male and female) do it and holy, isn't it filled with people who only want one night stands and so.

Congratulations on the post, really. It really is wiki material.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

As one of the many women here who've met their husbands online, I am so glad to see someone giving serious advice on how to do it right.

[–]17swim1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

If you don't mind me asking, what online platform did you have success on?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

For me, it was Plenty of Fish in 2015. I also did well on OKCupid, but I'd caution you to only answer the questions you feel most strongly about, to avoid weeding men out for silly reasons. I'm convinced that dating sites are regional, though, so I'd recommend trying a couple of the most popular free ones in your area.

[–]17swim2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you!

[–]NotTodayBoogeyman11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well as a male I admit my initial judgement of what this post was going to be was completely wrong.

You nailed it. Specifically you’re points about a profile and proper bio! SERIOUS males will almost ALWAYS read your bio, and it says a whole lot.

Living in a big city with an abundance of conceited and superficial people of both genders, a profile that demonstrates basic intelligence and a desire to actually converse or go on a date puts you at a surprisingly huge advantage. Bonus points for levels of social / financial independence and showing you have your own REAL hobbies.

[–]stevierose7893 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fabulous post.

[–]rebeccabrixton2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is BRILLIANT. It is exactly how I met my husband in 2012, before Tinder. Exactly how!

[–]xun12 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What are some ways to communicate no sex before exclusivity without sounding like a prude?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Here are some that worked for me:

  1. Don't discuss the topic of sex in a way that would indicate you'd like to sleep with the person you're dating during the first few dates or, what's worse, the initial texting faze.

  2. Dress in a feminine, but not too revealing style. For example, if you deside to wear some short shorts, don't put on a tight t-shirt that reveals your belly and cleavage.

  3. Avoid going to the guy's place or inviting him over to your home (or any other place where it's easy to physically escalate) until you are ready to have sex.

  4. Avoid making out on the first few dates. If you want to show your attraction to him, give him a compliment. Hold his hand for a moment, hug him, or hold eye contact with him for a few moments and smile. A good rule of thumb is to only say/do things you'd say/do to him in front of your family and keep the flirting romantic rather than sexual.

  5. If he lives a few miles away from you or more, try to mostly meet half-way. That way, you'll show him that you're putting effort into the relationship, he'll have to put effort in and it will be harder and more awkward for him to invite you to his place or ask to "watch a movie" at your home.

  6. If you both like it and have been on a few dates, you can go to a lake, beach or pool together. This will provide you with a fun date and prove that you are relatively comfortable in your body without having to sleep with him.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

That image of your town is so sad! I hope you're exaggerating a little!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It was a dead mill town that never recovered when manufacturing went overseas. :(

I moved (and got a better job) when I got married!!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

RPW is for women. If you want to discuss the diffence between men's options and women's options go to PPD.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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