I would love to share a bit of knowledge I acquired while struggling to find a balance between my love language and my boyfriends'. I like to get words of affirmation, while he prefers spending time together and physical touch. It also doesn't help that he is really careful with his words and usually says very little, but meaningful things. I was telling him several times a month that I need more compliments and comments of gratitude, but it never happened (or were low-effort), so I got a bit frustrated.
Today I made us really tasty breakfast, he was quiet as usual but instead of me saying stuff like 'why didn't you say at least thank you?' or something along the lines, I just STFU. He then suggested that we should sit in the sun outside, drink tea, and he even prepared a chair for me. Then he said he has a very important presentation at work which he was preparing for the whole night and is tired, so I hugged him and caressed his head saying nothing. When we finished drinking tea, he picked me up and carried me to the door, still saying nothing, but I found it endearing.
That's when all the RPW knowledge, Fascinating Womanhood and Surrendered Wife finally clicked in my head. Before I was too focused on the thought that he is only giving me "his part of his love language" and rarely the one I find the most important, but this situation made me realize that I got more out of it than I could imagine. If he only said 'thank you sweetheart for the awesome meal', I would feel good for a couple of seconds and forget about it. If I stopped him and demanded a thank you, he would feel resentful and give me a half-assed thank you that wouldn't even make me feel good because I forced it. Instead, I was patient, was happy to just be there and got a priceless reward that still makes me smile when I think about it.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope my experience can maybe help someone put things into perspective :)