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Patience with different love languages aka 'the STFU rule in practice'

sneeuwkapelletje
March 24, 2022
125 upvotes
/r/RedPillWomen

Hello everyone!

I would love to share a bit of knowledge I acquired while struggling to find a balance between my love language and my boyfriends'. I like to get words of affirmation, while he prefers spending time together and physical touch. It also doesn't help that he is really careful with his words and usually says very little, but meaningful things. I was telling him several times a month that I need more compliments and comments of gratitude, but it never happened (or were low-effort), so I got a bit frustrated.

Today I made us really tasty breakfast, he was quiet as usual but instead of me saying stuff like 'why didn't you say at least thank you?' or something along the lines, I just STFU. He then suggested that we should sit in the sun outside, drink tea, and he even prepared a chair for me. Then he said he has a very important presentation at work which he was preparing for the whole night and is tired, so I hugged him and caressed his head saying nothing. When we finished drinking tea, he picked me up and carried me to the door, still saying nothing, but I found it endearing.

That's when all the RPW knowledge, Fascinating Womanhood and Surrendered Wife finally clicked in my head. Before I was too focused on the thought that he is only giving me "his part of his love language" and rarely the one I find the most important, but this situation made me realize that I got more out of it than I could imagine. If he only said 'thank you sweetheart for the awesome meal', I would feel good for a couple of seconds and forget about it. If I stopped him and demanded a thank you, he would feel resentful and give me a half-assed thank you that wouldn't even make me feel good because I forced it. Instead, I was patient, was happy to just be there and got a priceless reward that still makes me smile when I think about it.

Thank you for reading this, and I hope my experience can maybe help someone put things into perspective :)

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Post Information
Title Patience with different love languages aka 'the STFU rule in practice'
Author sneeuwkapelletje
Upvotes 125
Comments 25
Date March 24, 2022 3:13 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/patience-with-different-love-languages-aka-the.1107761
https://theredarchive.com/post/1107761
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/tmg5m9/patience_with_different_love_languages_aka_the/
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Comments

[–]VasiliyZaitzevTRP Senior Endorsed 44 points45 points  (24 children) | Copy Link

Then he said he has a very important presentation at work which he was preparing for the whole night and is tired, so I hugged him and caressed his head saying nothing.

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

So I am a big believer in the 5LL.

Pro Tip: Most guys are going to be "Physical Touch" as a Major (and if not then likely as a minor). That includes sex, ofc, but is not limited to sex. So if you want to keep your man happy, or express affection in a way he will enjoy, even non-sexual touching will likely be 100% welcomed. Caress or stroke his upper arm or chest.

Most guys are thirsty for this. Also, while I am not a "Words of Affirmation" guy, I can tell you that most guys remember the last time they got a compliment on something (I can specifically name it, for me, actually), so that's not going to hurt you either.

Other than that, Go GET'EM ladies! You are fighting the good fight in a world that wants to steer you down the wrong path.

[–]Advanced_Bar_673Endorsed Contributor 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I find this to be so true! I'm always giving my bf back rubs/ scratches, touch his butt when we shop for groceries, we play footsies in bed, and we have our hands on each other's legs even when driving. Tons and tons of physical touch!

[–]SunshineSundressEndorsed Contributor 8 points9 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

In my experience, my SO and every single one of my friend’s SOs are Physical Touch guys for sure, either as the primary one or the secondary one! I think it’s just how y’all are wired, for the most part.

That being said, the way I keep my relationship well-rounded is to incorporate a little bit of all 5 LLs, and then make sure to go extra with the ones at the top of his list. My guy doesn’t really need to receive gifts to feel loved, but I still try to grab him his favorite treat or a nice t-shirt to surprise him with every once in a while, and it definitely brightens his day. He doesn’t really need Words of Affirmation either, but I can still see his face light up when I tell him how damn handsome he is or how much I missed him throughout the day.

[–]VasiliyZaitzevTRP Senior Endorsed 11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think it’s just how y’all are wired, for the most part.

It's a real thing.

My guy doesn’t really need to receive gifts to feel loved

As I explain to women I date: "If I never get another gift or compliment for the rest of my life I will be Perfectly Fine. If you want to do something for me that will make me happy, you can start with a backrub and then move on to, well...something else."

[–]SunshineSundressEndorsed Contributor 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

LOL! That’s pretty much my SO too! Gifts and compliments wouldn’t mean much if I wasn’t going above and beyond with physical touch. But the nerd in me has always been a fan of getting extra credit, so it’s always been fun for me to do all the bonuses too 🤓. I do think that he cares that we have solid acts of service and quality time too, though those are more his secondary LLs.

[–]zino1931 points [recovered] (17 children) | Copy Link

Thank you.

The love languages is a pop sci concept that is just popular because of the self indulgence of post gen X readers.

You shouldn't start out with a blueprint of how you want to be loved. It's silly. It's beyond entitled. Only narcisists have a clear checklist on how others should act around them.

Just be kind and sweet and enjoy your partners small attentions. Of course comunicate what you like and stay silent on what you find indiferent... And over time your "love languages" will merge naturally.

The only time I find when they don't, but that's maybe just be being a prick... is when a specific behavior is demanded, expected, or forced via passive agressive withdrawal of love and comunication.

[–]SunshineSundressEndorsed Contributor 9 points10 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

The love languages is a pop sci concept that is popular because of the self-indulgence of post gen X readers.

Maybe so! But I think it’s still a REALLY helpful concept and tool to understand that different people, and in general men and women, feel and give their love in different ways, while also having a good amount of overlap. Knowing this is a particularly important part of being able to see and understand a partner’s perspectives and intentions. Like how OP realized that just because her SO wasn’t thanking her and giving her compliments like she expected doesn’t mean that he wasn’t displaying his love in a completely different and equally pleasurable way.

You shouldn’t start out with a blueprint of how you want to be loved. It’s silly. It’s beyond entitled. Only narcissists have a clear checklist of how others should act around them.

I agree, but also note how useful it is to know and be able to pick up what a person’s love language is, and how you can use that to gain their trust and build a bond. u/VasiliyZaitzev picked up that OP (and a big chunk of RPWs and women in general) feel loved when they receive Words of Affirmation. So what did he do?

Affirm the shit out of her! He even used our own jargon on us (yaaaaaaaaaaas 💅)! And then he basically pat us all on the head, told us to “go get’em ladies”, and validated that what we are doing is right and effective and special. And suddenly, this TRP guy, who has written stuff that would definitely cause some pearls to be clutched and understandable outrage to be had (even if there’s a bitter truth to it that can be useful to us), is suddenly welcomed into our community with open arms (or at least with free-flowing upvotez). Because understanding LLs helped him understand how to communicate with a community of women in a way that would make us want to hear HIM out. As women, we can also use our understanding of LLs in the same way to gain trust, build bonds, and communicate productively with our men.

I fully agree with you that it’s much better to observe what works and what doesn’t between you and your partner over time, than it is to awkwardly ask them what their LL is (ask me how I know🙈) or to demand or feel entitled to a certain type of treatment. That’s not gonna get you very far, and it may cause more problems down the line.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Affirm the shit out of her! He even used our own jargon on us (yaaaaaaaaaaas 💅)! And then he basically pat us all on the head, told us to “go get’em ladies”, and validated that what we are doing is right and effective and special. And suddenly, this TRP guy, who has written stuff that would definitely cause some pearls to be clutched and understandable outrage to be had (even if there’s a bitter truth to it that can be useful to us), is suddenly welcomed into our community with open arms (or at least with free-flowing upvotez). Because understanding LLs helped him understand how to communicate with a community of women in a way that would make us want to hear HIM out. As women, we can also use our understanding of LLs in the same way to gain trust, build bonds, and communicate productively with our men.

This is how and why the redpill stuff actually works. Because it's a trick played on the hindbrain, not the conscious mind. It "tricks" the part of our brain that we don't experience as "us", so not only does it not bother us, it works even when we are fully aware of it.

[–]SunshineSundressEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Definitely! This kind of stuff just scratches an evolutionary itch. Just like how men know that they hate makeup but are still attracted to pretty women with defined eyes, flushed cheeks and rosy lips. It’s also how RPWs can use submissive behavior as strategy and still have it work even on people who are fully aware that it is a strategy!

[–]VasiliyZaitzevTRP Senior Endorsed 4 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

{Vaz} picked up that OP (and a big chunk of RPWs and women in general) feel loved when they receive Words of Affirmation. So what did he do? Affirm the shit out of her! He even used our own jargon on us (yaaaaaaaaaaas 💅)! And then he basically pat us all on the head, told us to “go get’em ladies”, and validated that what we are doing is right and effective and special.

So, oddly enough, I did that without thinking about it. I only turned up here because /u/Protocol_Apollo name checked me. That said I am a big fan of being a “Force Multiplier”, and generally believe that RPW (and more n00b RPM) need encouragement. It is one thing for a confident, experienced RPM like myself to say “FOAD” when it is 99 to 1 against me, but I do think that RPW and such need to feel supported, so I try to help where and when I can.

And suddenly, this TRP guy, who has written stuff that would definitely cause some pearls to be clutched and understandable outrage to be had

In fairness, my writings, in practice, also cause female toes to be curled (or pointed, whichever) and everyone involved in my tales were all quite willing volunteers. And really, you should have seen my DMs before TRP got quarantined.

(even if there’s a bitter truth to it that can be useful to us),

So, here’s the thing. I think guys in the “anger phase” are really disappointed idealists. Scratch a cynic, and that’s what you will find. I tend to think that men and women are meant to work together, such as in the Allegory of the Long Spoons, but sadly we live in a world in which young women are taught to reject family life in favor of working a cubicle job for a large, soulless corporation, and young men are shamed for anything but weakness, and then become enraged when they discover that there’s a “second set of books.”

is suddenly welcomed into our community with open arms (or at least with free-flowing upvotez).

My reputation my not have preceded me. /heh.

Because understanding LLs helped him understand how to communicate with a community of women in a way that would make us want to hear HIM out.

I was lucky in that I had older sisters, and two of them legit took me aside one day, when I was 14 or so, and said, “Vaz, you’re our brother, and we love you…here is how the world really works.”

[–]SunshineSundressEndorsed Contributor 3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

I’m glad u/Protocol_Apollo brought you here! Personally, I really like seeing TRP ECs stop by here specifically because you guys know how to talk to us much better than the random TRP/MGTOW newbie who just comes here to either call us post-wall whores OR to simp and try to use RPW as a dating app 😂 Your type of contributions are absolutely helpful! I also can understand that the way you talked to us wasn’t so much of a conscious strategy as it is just an intuition (whether from practice or just from being a natural) for how women work.

I actually really enjoy your writing (although I’ve definitely gotten salty that you say short girls are mid - we’re not ALL tiny balls of fury 😬)! I can understand why some of the women here might find it offensive, but to me it’s a wonderful opportunity to be a fly on the wall and to see how men (especially romantically successful men) think and operate and navigate upside-down clown world, and your tales are always just, I dunno, fun. I don’t doubt that you’ve gotten quite a few fan girls from it. I always liked hearing about how u/Whisper got a whole LTR that way!

How I learned to appreciate the TRP side of things was to realize that it really is just a way for men to prevent getting their protective instincts for women exploited by women who aren’t submissive or reciprocal. I love that allegory and I absolutely believe that that’s how it’s supposed to be too. We were built to complement each other. But we become indoctrinated to go against our nature and as a result everyone becomes frustrated and angry and unfulfilled.

You were definitely lucky to have sisters to observe and guide you growing up! I was an only child so I ended up so socially awkward that I needed a fringe subreddit group to teach me how to act behave like a normal human woman! But 5 or so years later and it really did change everything for me, for the better.

[–]Protocol_ApolloTRP Endorsed 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m glad u/Protocol_Apollo brought you here!

What can I say? I just love bringing people together.

[–]VasiliyZaitzevTRP Senior Endorsed 3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I’m glad u/Protocol_Apollo brought you here!

I sort of imagined it to be a ladies’ space full of trad cons and trad con-wannabes (NTTAWWT - I grew up in a very happy tradcon home and would have done perfectly well in a tradcon world) so why would I intrude?

the random TRP/MGTOW newbie who just comes here to either call us post-wall whores OR to simp and try to use RPW as a dating app

Yep. I could see that happening. They can be sort of a walking-talking version of the "3AM I love you - I hate you" phone call.

I’ve definitely gotten salty that you say short girls…

Hmm. I've never thought of myself as "anti" short girl, but tall girls will definitely plow the road for me. Also, IME, submission in women correlates strongly with height. I do not know why (other than tall girls like to 'feel small') but it is often true.

your tales are always just, I dunno, fun.

I feel that way about them too. I am rather delightfully wicked. In my version of the Dark Side, everyone gets what they want, both psychologically and physically, and they live to tell about it. Nothing but Ws, all around.

I always liked hearing about how u/Whisper got a whole LTR that way!

Yes he did. Me, too, as it happens. You may have read about it in one of my posts, but if not: Before we were quarantined, somewhere in America, a fun, sexy doctor chick who struggled, as many submissive girls do, with understanding why she craved submission, and who wondered if she was the only one, and who had ”Why am I like this?!” anxiety, and what if she told someone and it wound up on the front page of the newspaper?!, was sent a link to my first “Submissive Women” post by her unhappy, feministy career chick friend (more on her in a bit), along with a note to the effect of "LOOK AT WHAT A MISOGYNIST AHOLE THIS GUY IS!" She read it and, rather than concurring that I am an ahole, thought to herself, "Hmm. This guy REEEEEALLY understands women!" Ofc, her subconscious female self thought, “YES! Someone who UNDERSTANDS us! You are going to FIND HIM and you are going to KNEEL for him!” She then, after some agonizing and further anxiety, DM'd me and, after satisfying me that she was indeed an Actual Female Person (and sufficiently attractive), and me convincing her that I was not, in fact, a serial killer - Me: "I'm way too lazy for that. All that digging and sneaking around in the middle of the night. And why would I want to have to hide a body when I could just tie you up again the next night and have more fun?" Logic prevailed, and, after suitable interval, she found her lovely neck locked in my collar and her lovely self serving me, domestically and sexually, when we were together, which was Big Fun for us both. Yay, team! Oh, I mentioned the feministy chick because when I met her IRL she found me to be completely charming, which doctor chick and I would sometimes have a chuckle about. If she only knew. Or anyone did, really. She would have to be reachable by text, so I would direct her replies to her work-orbiters: “Sorry couldn’t reply earlier, but I was really just all tied up!” Like I said, delightfully wicked. /heh

I love that allegory and I absolutely believe that that’s how it’s supposed to be too. We were built to complement each other.

I know, right? Things should be easier.

You were definitely lucky to have sisters to observe and guide you growing up!

I probably learned as much through watching (what they did). The 30 minute download did give me the equivalent of an advanced degree in female psychology, though. Very useful, if rather painful. It let me 'skip a few grades' in school, as it were.

[–]SunshineSundressEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I sort of imagined it to be a ladies’ space full of trad cons and trad con-wannabes (NTTAWWT - I grew up in a very happy tradcon home and would have done perfectly well in a tradcon world) so why would I intrude?

That’s actually one of the misconceptions that we try to dispel here! RPW is certainly very welcoming to TradCons and a lot of TradCon ideology overlaps with RPW theory. As a result, a big part of our community is made up of traditional and religious women. However, we do have to put in some work to make sure that the RPW toolbox can be used by other women (who are also trying to navigate the realities upside-down clown world) as well. It sometimes becomes a problem when being solely Trad makes RPW into an exclusive club where the only advice non-TradCon women can get here is “you shouldn’t have done that, harlot! A ‘real’ RPW would have never!”.

Becoming a fully TradCon community would also ignore that that just as there’s risks for women that come with having sex/cohabiting before commitment, there are also different risks that come with a sex-delaying strategy. It would prevent us from discussing that pre-commitment sex/cohabitation can be part of a certain type of strategy too, if you have strong enough girl game. My personal take is that unless you are part of a market where the price of milk is heavily and consistently regulated by the TradCon-values Cartel, most non-religious and non-conservative people are not willing to pay a premium, artificially inflated price for milk in a world where milk can be easily obtained for cheap or for free elsewhere, no matter how excellent the cow is. I understandably got a lot of pushback for that one!

So in a long-winded response, that’s why I like seeing TRP ECs participate here. You guys still have an excellent understanding of the theory (probably because y’all, I dunno, WROTE it), but understand it in a way that isn’t TradCon centric, which we sometimes need more of here! I find it helps us be more accepting and helpful to the women who want to use RPW as a toolbox and not a lifestyle.

Yep. I could see that happening. They can be sort of a walking-talking version of the "3AM I love you - I hate you" phone call.

Wow, I never thought of it that way but that’s a perfect analogy! The opposite of love isn’t hate it’s indifference and all that!! I feel for those guys’ frustration, but we usually just redirect them to TRP so they can do something about it instead of hovering over here and scaring the ladies 😂

Also, IME, submission in women correlates strongly with height. I do not know why (other than tall girls like to 'feel small') but it is often true.

My best friend (she’s 5’9) literally said this to me YESTERDAY over dinner. “I just wanna feel small with a guy!” The deja vu is very real! I think you’re onto something about the correlation between submission and height though. The vast majority of my other friends are ankle-biter-sized like me, and I’m probably one of the only ones who’s okay with the submissive side of myself. That may be because I’ve been hanging around here for so long, and have pretty much been ingrained to see submissive behavior as strategy.

Before we were quarantined, somewhere in America, a fun, sexy doctor chick…

I love that she found you through feminist-y outrage and decided that, wait a minute, this guy is onto something…! I also LOL’d at how you managed to convince her you weren’t a serial killer 😂 I feel like there are A LOT of women who innately want to be submissive, but are either too scared to admit it in fear of being ostracized as A Bad Feminist like sexy doctor chick, or because they fear that if they open up to their true desires, they’ll be taken advantage of by an Evil Bad Man who will exploit their submission. I can’t speak to what will happen if today’s society finds out you’re a submissive woman because I also keep that private (it does leave some room to be delightfully wicked 😂), but I find that the women who are fearful and defensive against exploitation are actually being very counterproductive - submissive women are the ones who inspire men’s protective instincts the most, and they are handled much more delicately and considerately than dominant, powerful, masculine women.

I found TRP and RPW from a Vice article tearing them apart, and at first I just looked at it as outrage porn and laughed at these crazy “alt-right” and “misogynistic” communities. One day I basically realized that my love life was in shambles and everything I learned from Cosmo and Buzzfeed and Disney wasn’t working at all. So at rock bottom, I decided to try these silly RPW theories, just for shits and giggles because it couldn’t get any worse. And then I started getting more and more attention from high quality men that I never got before... And then those men started treating me like someone worth dating and cherishing instead of someone annoying and disposable… And then I met my current SO, who I thought was eons above my league, and somehow have managed to be in an extremely fulfilling LTR with him for years, when I couldn’t get commitment to save my life before. At that point, I realized, “oh f*ck, this stuff really works!!!!!!”, and I’ve been around ever since.

LOL @ the feminist friend who ended up loving you. A lot of progressive women hate seeing all of the talking points that RP men make in the locker room, but don’t realize that when those strategies are calibrated into real life interactions, it works perfectly well on them. Even the angriest feminist can’t help but feel attracted to a benevolent sexist in real life.

The 30 minute download did give me the equivalent of an advanced degree in female psychology, though. Very useful, if rather painful. It let me 'skip a few grades' in school, as it were.

You also got sisters who seem very self-aware and naturally RP! A lot of women lie to themselves, their brothers, and their sons about what they want, and end up giving them advice that ends up making them betas and simps. They don’t do it out of malice either - in their eyes, the way to “fix” our current societal problems is genuinely to try to make men adhere to the feminine worldview. They don’t realize that complementary relationships between men and women are what we need, not congruency.

[–]VasiliyZaitzevTRP Senior Endorsed 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s actually one of the misconceptions that we try to dispel here!

That's quite an anthology. I think that I may have a broader definition of "trad" insofar as the space I occupy is, well, rather not trad. Or is "trad" only in some sort of "Bronze Age" sense.

that’s why I like seeing TRP ECs participate here.

Ok. I just felt like I might be intruding. But in any case, I will try to behave like a good guest.

My best friend (she’s 5’9) literally said this to me YESTERDAY over dinner. “I just wanna feel small with a guy!” The deja vu is very real! I think you’re onto something about the correlation between submission and height though.

I have only my own, meandering experience to go on, and that seems to be the trend. So much so that when I chat up a tall girl, after I build up sufficient rapport, let drop "By the way, I know your secret," and then make them work to get it out of me. Once they do, they chatter excitedly about it, how I knew, etc. Sometimes there is a half-hearted attempt at denial later on, but then I say "If what I said was not the truth - which it very much is - you would have denied it immediately, but that's not what you did, is it?"

LOL @ the feminist friend who ended up loving you.

That was delish, although I am sure I kept my more controversial opinions to myself. No need to create unneeded DRAMA for sexy doctor chick. I did point out to her that it was of great amusement to me that, despite having smth like 7 identified orbiters, several of whom would have been happy to give her a "relationship" - one was another doctor who would write her poetry (which I would sometimes grade) - but she nevertheless found herself reaching out across the interwebs to a stranger in order to get what she wanted. I guess the heart wants what the heart wants and that's that.

I also LOL’d at how you managed to convince her you weren’t a serial killer 😂

It's a valid concern, I suppose, but I couldn't be arsed to kill anyone, unless the situation required it, and if I did it would be more likely to be someone I found irritating and not someone who enthusiastically agreed to have sex with me. Priorities, and all that.

I feel like there are A LOT of women who innately want to be submissive, but are either too scared to admit it in fear of being ostracized as A Bad Feminist like sexy doctor chick

That's a real thing. The ¡Feministas! absolutely would be enraged because they (quite correctly) imagine that men prefer sunny, sexy, submissive, agreeable women. Why would we not? I am convinced that a "Pickme" is simply a cheerful, compliant woman who enjoys pleasing her man, thus putting ¡Feministas! at a competitive disadvantage. They think they are running a Pussy Cartel, but the reality is that the cartel has been broken for decades, now.

or because they fear that if they open up to their true desires, they’ll be taken advantage of by an Evil Bad Man who will exploit their submission.

Also a real danger, although in my case she was able to read some more of my posts and figure out my predilections.

but I find that the women who are fearful and defensive against exploitation are actually being very counterproductive

Assuming they are submissive, which is likely most women. My sample is biased in favor because bc That's What Daddy Likes and because women who are not would be likely to self-select out (fine by me.)

submissive women are the ones who inspire men’s protective instincts the most, and they are handled much more delicately and considerately than dominant, powerful, masculine women.

Maybe. I can't say I handle girls delicately, all the time, particularly when they want to be dragged by the ankle, although their welfare is factored in to my calculus when making decisions for/about them. I cannot imagine finding dominant, powerful, masculine women at all attractive, much lest wanting any time on them - we simply want different things. Besides, most of them are frauds. It's fine to say one is "STRONG!" and "INDEPENDENT!" and that one "can do anything a man can do!" until one finds oneself competing on a level playing field with an actual man.

outrage porn

Appeals to their audience one imagines. They do seem to have some sort of "Jante Law" thing going on where the success of TRP would make the angrier rather than prompt them to reconsider.

everything I learned from ... and Disney wasn’t working at all.

S'Alright. It' didn't work for Billy Beta either.

A lot of progressive women hate seeing all of the talking points that RP men make in the locker room, but don’t realize that when those strategies are calibrated into real life interactions, it works perfectly well on them. Even the angriest feminist can’t help but feel attracted to a benevolent sexist in real life.

The erotic mind is not very politically correct. A lot of folks say one thing and then practice smth else at home.

I do sometimes get called out (usually mildly) for being sexist. That usually gets a "Facts have a sexist bias." Or "You say that like it's a bad thing." It's like catnip. /heh

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

The 30 minute download did give me the equivalent of an advanced degree in female psychology, though. Very useful, if rather painful. It let me 'skip a few grades' in school, as it were.

I would love to be able to give such a talk to my younger brother but I don't even know where to start. He is a pure, innocent, very Christian guy and it will be hard to convince him that it isn't all sunshine and rainbows.

[–]VasiliyZaitzevTRP Senior Endorsed 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

How old is he?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

21

[–]VasiliyZaitzevTRP Senior Endorsed 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's silly. It's beyond entitled. Only narcisists have a clear checklist on how others should act around them.

Except, properly applied, it's not about you. It's about what the other person wants, and what makes them feel loved and appreciated.

[–]MoyaOSullivan 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Happy cake day Uncle Vas!!

[–]VasiliyZaitzevTRP Senior Endorsed 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Merci, Miss O'Sullivan.

[–]Late47 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wholesome!

[–]SunshineSundressEndorsed Contributor 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post! I think a bit of introspection and a mindset-shift like this can make our quality of life so much better!

[–]anothergoodbook 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I read something yesterday that really resonated with me. If we are constantly looking for happiness in the way our husband loves us, even when he does - it won’t be enough. We will have the expectation and then be let down because it doesn’t “fill us up” they way we hoped. I think this is such a good reminder of that. Finding those little things (and big things) that may not be exactly what we are expecting - but when we don’t have to demand our own way, it’s so much sweeter 😊

[–]HappilyMrs 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I have had to learn to receive in his love language. He rarely gives WOA, but will spend hours making something for me if I tell him an issue I need solving, fixing stuff, doing errands and chores. He is acts of service followed by physical touch. I don't enjoy giving acts of service, on the whole, as it seems bland to me, but I still try to bear it in mind. Even little things like making him hot drinks before he mentions them makes him feel very loved.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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