Playful Bashfulness: My Secret Weapon to Melting His Heart

Do you ever wonder why little boys love teasing little girls on the playground? Or why teenagers and college students experiment with light-hearted negs to their classmates? Or why grown men write and read extensive guides on how to tease the women they’re attracted to? (warning: if you’re sensitive to TRP crudeness, best to skip that post 😅, although I found it pretty funny and insightful)

While one part of it has to do with how a successful playful tease often gets the teased woman feeling more attracted to the teaser, I think another part of it is that men love to see our reactions to their teases as well. There’s just something intoxicating to men when a beautiful woman breaks into an unguarded, genuine giggle, with blushing, red cheeks and bashfulness thanks to whatever they just did or said to you.

Why is this tiny, insignificant moment so powerful at pulling at his heartstrings and triggering his protective instincts, even if for a split second? Three reasons.

1. Childlike wonder and endearment. And no, I don’t mean in a creepy, pedophilic way. I mean in a young at heart, lust for life kind of way. When you let your walls down, stop thinking about your worldly stresses, and allow yourself to be open to feeling and experiencing the moment with the wide-eyed enthusiasm of a child, this makes men want to protect you like no other.

This is explained in great detail by this fantastic post, quoted below:

Childlike affection. Ever seen a little girl hug a puppy, or kiss her parents? Or beg her daddy for a piggy back ride? Giggle when someone harmlessly teases her? She's open with her emotions, she's not afraid to show her love. She gives her affection to those that are dear to her.

Childlike enjoyment. Think about a little girl eating ice cream, enjoying her favorite lasagna, putting on a pair of beautiful earrings, painting her nails, singing along to her favorite song. She's happy about the simple things in life. She's uninhibited with the pleasures of the world. Any good woman knows how to control her emotions - to switch from being functional to being childlike, and a talented RPW knows how to assess which situation requires which quality.

1. Contextual submissiveness. When we say that we use submissiveness as a strategy, many outsiders, frustrated self-proclaimed tomboys, and angry feminists think that we’re basically offering ourselves up to be our lover’s footstool. While I’m not one to kink-shame if that’s your thing, realistically, submission is much more subtle and nuanced than that.

As a reaction to teasing, playful bashfulness can be a tell for your submissiveness because a) you’re choosing to be in his frame, b) you’re receptive and reactionary to his actions, and c) you expose enough vulnerability (while not really risking anything) by allowing his teasing to get to you.

1. Dimorphic femininity. Men don’t just tease us. They love teasing their bros and close friends and even their coworkers. However, when they tease each other, they expect masculine rambunctiousness and poisonously witty comebacks. It’s sometimes a test or a filter to get a somewhat decent understanding of the male pecking order in the room, based on each other’s reactions.

But that kind of energy isn’t what they’re looking for in their potential lovers or their long-time partners. While most masculine men are somewhat unimpressed, if not weirded out, by blushing and bashful men, they love seeing that kind of reaction in us because it’s incredibly feminine.

Now, this isn’t to say you can’t sprinkle in a bit of wit and sass when you react to being teased. You can and often should, just to make it a little bit more fun. However, take note to keep things playful, feminine, and lighthearted as to not cross into the masculine reaction territory. There’s a big difference between, “Hey hey hey, I’m watching you mister!” vs. “OI if you weren’t such a low-IQ c*nt then maybe I wouldn’t have had to comfort your mum after school when you were in remedial english” (yeah, pretty glad I’m not a man because I would get absolutely FLAMED for my terrible comebacks 😂).

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While most of these examples revolve around teasing, playful bashfulness can be utilized in almost any situation. Showing off your new outfit to your man? Having some playful bashfulness shows that you don’t take yourself too seriously but you’re still endearingly nervous about his reaction. Fumble your words a little bit? Playful bashfulness lets you play it off AND touch his heart at the same time. Incorporate it enough in your interactions with the man you’re dating or your LTR and all of a sudden, he begins to associate you with the warm, fuzzy feeling in his belly that he gets from your playful bashfulness.

Now, I’m NOT telling you to feign this in order to impress men. Unlike how the media loves to portray them, men, especially the attractive and highly capable men we want, aren’t stupid and can spot inauthentic behavior pretty easily. Instead, I’m telling you to STOP. FIGHTING. IT. When men genuinely make you feel this way, don’t hide it in some misguided attempt to have the upper hand. Embrace it and wear it on your sleeve. It’ll only serve to benefit you and strengthen your bond with him.