Policy Discussion on "Just Leave Him".

When we announced a rule saying "Just leave him" is not to be put forth as the first option, we got, needless to say, a lot of feedback.

Some of it was very positive: "Yes! I am so sick of twenty-year old girls coming in here and telling married women to leave their husbands over an imagined slight!"

Some of it was rather concerned: "Yes, I see the problem, but some relationships are clearly dangerous or abusive. Are we really trying to keep those together?"

Some of it was downright autistic: "OMGWTFBBQ! You are trying to trap women with the first dude they date even if it's toxic!"

Some of it had philosophical concerns: "Twenty-year old girls are giving relationship advice because there aren't enough active mods and ECs to provide better guidance."

Well, the mod team has talked it over, read all the comments, discussed concerns, and made some decisions. Here's what our goals are for the group are, in this matter:

1. We need to put a stop to low-experience, low-personal-investment commenters giving advice to the tune of "Just leave him! You are a queen and deserve better!".

2. We need to make a clear distinction between "this is your committed long term relationship, fix it instead of abandoning it", and "hey, this dude you went on two dates with is showing clear red flags... look for someone else".

3. We need to recognize and call out situations where trying to "fix" the relationship would put someone in severe danger (usually physical, but sometimes emotional or legal, too), and advise those women to seek self-protection, rather than marital bliss.

4. We need to be able to provide more experienced guidance so that RPW's values can be made clear to new readers.

So here's what we are going to do:

1. The rule will be "Don't advise abandonment of an LTR before trying other options, unless someone is in danger".

2. This will only apply to something that's really a serious commitment, not a vetting process. Use your common sense. We will not be "punishing" users for grey area stuff, but those who try to make RPW into /r/relationship_advice will be shown the door.

3. We will compile, and take additional suggestions for, a list of constitutes "danger". It will include things like violence and long term unilateral emotional abuse. It will not include things like "said something mean once". This will go on the sidebar, and we will encourage anyone who fears for someone else's safety to link to it.

4. Yes, we are undermodded. We have asked someone new to join the mod team, and she has graciously accepted. Her mod account should show up some time in the next week. She will be focusing on "troll control", so that others can type words more, and click buttons less.

Thanks for your patience. We realize that your trust is not automatic, but we also have marriages, jobs, friends, children, and lives of our own, and sometimes we have little time to spare, and a great deal of difficulty attracting appropriate people to do some of the tedious and often thankless work of sustaining a not just female, but feminine space in a culture increasingly hostile to femininity.

We realize that some people need heavy moderation, but there is also a core community that simply needs to be left alone to use their common sense, and protected from trolls so that their voices do not get drowned out.