My parents have a traditional relationship, with my dad being the breadwinner and head of the household and my mom working part-time and doing all the housework. However, my mother is still a raging aggressive tiger mom. She nags at my father and picks fights for no reason, is a drama queen (last night she cooked soup, found out that my dad accidentally broke the ceramic ladle and kept whining about how we were unable to eat the soup because my "stupid father" broke the ladle) and criticizes people in general.
Thankfully, I'm not like this. I'm pretty quiet and demure. However, when I'm provoked by my mother, this unexpected rage comes out, which is very rare, and I feel insecure because I feel I can't control it sometimes and it's not "me" to rage like this.
For example, today I had washed a tea pot and set it aside for drying. Few hours later I couldn't find the lid, asked my mother where it was, she found it and accused me of misplacing it and went on about me misplacing it for a few minutes. I didn't lash out this time but I got defensive and simply told her "I didn't put it there" and left.
I'm nervous because I don't want to bring my boyfriend home to see how I interact with my mother. I'm very easily provoked by aggressive people who I feel say things that criticize me. Again, this is very rare, it only pertains to my mother and one difficult colleague I have. With my father I'm totally sweet and deferential but with my mother I argue with her. My tone of voice becomes harsh. I would hope my boyfriend doesn't see me this (although I would think he would understand by the way my mother treats my father), and I know I can only control my reactions.
So, how can I train myself to react differently to her? She's my mother, I can't avoid her when I want to, and I'd like to try to "grow up" and react stoically to her critiques or accusations. Most of the time I just ignore her, but it's difficult to ignore her when she asks me some questions directly. Even when I answer neutrally, I still have this unhappy expression on my face that I can't get rid of.
Adding that I'm only home twice a year so I don't have to deal with her often, but I wish to not have these kind of reactions towards her. Also, my brother also has similar reactions towards her although he's better at STFU than I am.