Problems that are beyond the scope of RPW.

January 8, 2021

If you're reading this post months or years after it was written, it's probably because you have been linked here by someone who thinks that you need in-person help with your relationship, possibly by a professional.

(This post was written at the request of the mod team to be a resource for situations where RPW cannot necessarily help.)

While RPW, as a group with values, tries to avoid the typical pattern of "leave him, gurl, You Deserve BetterTM!" advice that women tend to get on the internet (regardless of the situation), certain relationship problems are actually severe, and cannot be addressed by some internet advice.

This is not simply a matter of "we're not qualified professionals"... indeed some of us may be. But the major qualification to do intervention in a profoundly unhealthy relationship is physical presence and ongoing involvement... neither of which we are able to provide you.

This isn't the "when you should leave" list. It's the "we can't help you" list. You might leave even a serious relationship for many more reasons than this. But these are specifically things where internet advice is inappropriate.

Here are some situations which might be severe enough that you should seek in-person help, or consider ending the relationship, even if it is an ongoing long-term one with a lot invested in it:

.1. Physical abuse.

While the stereotype of unilateral evil-man-beats-innocent-angelic-woman is not the typical abuse situation, any type of relationship violence is a severe problem, whether it's him striking you, you striking him, both of hitting each each other, or anyone hitting the kids. This level of relationship conflict is not something we can defuse with internet advice. You should seek expert help, and consider ending the relationship if that does not work... patterns of this level of conflict can be difficult to break. Seek help in person.

(Note: this doesn't apply to kinky sex. If one of you is hitting the other, not out of anger, but because you both get off on it, that might be considered "violence", but it isn't conflict. Just be careful not to get too enthusiastic and put someone in the Emergency Room.)

.2. Severe emotional abuse or conflict

The real damage in abusive relationships often results from living in fear or a constant state of vigilance, rather than simply injuries. This same effect can be created with words. Like physical violence, this can go either way, or in both directions at once, but is not something anyone can simply "live with"... it can cause severe mental and even physical health problems. Seek help in person.

.3. Severe addiction

While our culture is slowing coming around to the idea that addiction is a health problem, rather than a moral or criminal one, addict behaviour can be very destructive, and the consequences of living close to an addict can be severe. While the choice to stay or leave is ultimately an individual one, we can't provide advice for that choice here, because it's simply too hard to get insight into the situation over the internet. Seek help in person.

.4. Prolonged physical separation

While this one may seem harsh, as it isn't really anyone's "fault", relationships are close personal contact, and prolonged separation is not something they can necessarily survive. The decision to end a relationship because someone cannot be available enough to make it work is a painful one, but sometimes it is necessary to do so, so that both people can be free to find another that can fulfilled their needs. Discuss this with your partner, and seek advice from friends and family who have known you a long time.

(When this is initially posted, I will leave the comments open so that readers can suggest amendments. The intent here is to have a permanent list of "this problem is beyond the scope of RPW situations" that we can link people to, instead of randomly saying "leave him, gurl, You Deserve BetterTM!")

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Post Information
Title Problems that are beyond the scope of RPW.
Author Whisper
Upvotes 98
Comments 14
Date January 8, 2021 8:52 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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