Proposal

Kara__El · 2019-08-21T20:35:44+00:00

Regardless of anyone's complicated explanation on this, if a man wants to marry you, he'll ask. That's still a common social norm. If he hasn't asked, it's because he doesn't want to marry you.

durtyknees · 2019-08-21T21:01:47+00:00

is proposal not a commitment thing?

A woman's commitment also needs to be earned by her man.

In this sub, we talk a lot about men being gatekeepers of commitment because the type of man most women are attracted to (a generalization) are men with abundance mentality.

Having abundance mentality also benefit women, because it'd help us vet better instead of just settle for the first decent guy who made a good impression on our parents (the good old "traditional way" :p).

Women gatekeep sex, so having abundance means being very selective about who you have sex with, since you're attractive to a wide range of men, and you only want a man with the best long-term compatibility with you as an individual.

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men are supposed to do the first step and chase for the sex and women are supposed to do it for commitment

I'm of the opinion that (traditions aside) any meaningful commitment works best in the long term if you mutually develop it, instead of either party trying to leverage for it (power plays are common in fiction, "reality shows", and entertainment news/articles because they sell (entertaining and click-bait-y).

Just because it's common/"normal" doesn't make it a good long term strategy, because it's also common/"normal" to have marriages fail.

Having a big celebration of romance is good for boosting your social status (and for a temporary boost of good feels), but celebrations alone don't secure any real commitment/devotion in the long term. My husband didn't do any fancy proposals. We simply had a conversation ("we should marry", "yeah"), and this is not the type of thing that would generate any attention or "likes/loves" on social media, and wouldn't sell any books/movies/shows.

In the long term, love and commitment is about taking the time to create consistent daily good feels together.

eatavacado · 2019-08-21T19:48:15+00:00

Men are gatekeepers of commitment. Women are gatekeepers of sex. To come straight out and say "marry me" as the women, the person who doesn't have control but has to be worthy.. you are putting the man on the spot to make the decision to let you through that gate- his decision. Doing that outright could potentially put some men off, if not most.. he hasn't come to the decision yet if he hasn't proposed. It is not something you should rush. Marriage is asking a lot from a man. You want him to want it, because thats how you'll get it... not from you wanting it. I imagine we would feel the same sort of possible instinctual aversion, if a man were to say "have sex with me"... men don't typically speak as if its their decision, they ask, with body language and touch, but you have the say, and your actions are the necessary yes. Not his.

I think in this matter, its appropriate for women to also indirectly ask. Subtle hints, bringing up the topic of marriage and seeing what he has to say, responding positively to any interest. Im sure theres other things to do as well but I haven't been in that stage of life yet.

djshashdh · 2019-08-21T22:48:29+00:00

I really hope millennials and gen z kill the big wedding industry. My man and I share finances, we live together, he’s in my life goal excel sheets. I don’t see why anyone has to propose publicly and grandly to anybody. I don’t want a wedding, or a ring beyond a simple traditional band to say “hello, I’m married”. Unfortunately my wonderful little goofball doesn’t think like I do and his family is all about the 300+ guest list. I understand why weddings occurred in the past (and being given gifts because you’re starting a new home) but in today’s world it’s simply a massive obligatory birthday party for yourself. $30,000 is business seed money, world travel money, treat yoself day money. We could literally just go to the courthouse and be married, and then spend the rest of the day doing whatever luxury experiences we wanted and buying dream items for ourselves. Ah well. It’s cute to see his mom so excited at least :)

[deleted] · 2019-08-22T20:31:57+00:00

A woman should not propose to a man. She would forever wonder "would he have asked me if I hadn't asked him?" The man won't feel like he "won" her.

A woman who wants to get married at some point must make her intentions in dating clear. Ideally, it is a conversation that happens early on, at the very latest around the time of the DTR. Does the man want to in a serious, monogamous relationship that could lead to marriage? If the word marriage 'scares' him, well, do you want to even risk spinning your wheels with this guy? Really consider how much time you're willing to wait. There is a time and place to say these things and it can be said without sounding like a level 5 clinger. This is the woman's time to set the stage for her expectations: "I am interested in a relationship that could lead to marriage. I don't plan on dating someone more than [x] amount of time because both parties should know by then." This deadline can be subtly reiterated here and there during the relationship. Ultimately if this guy is floundering after your [x] amount of time, a woman needs to reevaluate, create new boundaries need, and also consider a break-up. The man needs to understand he can lose the woman and decide how he feels about that. All this can be done without manipulation. A woman needs to protect her heart and marriage goals.

Zegiknie · 2019-08-25T13:46:17+00:00

Just my experience - woman who asked all got divorced quickly.

Talking about it is one thing, asking means saying: okay, you passed the tests. Let's do this. It's kind of implied for most women to feel this way a bit earlier than men (say right after first sex).

Title	Proposal
Author	ManguZa
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	August 21, 2019 7:26 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ctlp5f/proposal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/proposal.249986 https://theredarchive.com/post/249986