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Rant: Being an Alpha Widow is not cool or interesting

BePrivateGirl
November 30, 2019
103 upvotes
/r/RedPillWomen

I just wanted to have a brief discussion about being an alpha widow. First we should define it: An Alpha Widow is a woman (with low SMV) who has a relationship with a high SMV man. After the relationship ends she never gets over the Alpha guy, never finds meaningful relationships with anyone else, and goes through life dissatisfied in love.

Being in a relationship in the past does not make you an alpha widow. Being in a painful breakup does not make you an alpha widow. Thinking about your previous relationships or occasionally missing someone does not make you an alpha widow.

An Alpha Widow has Low Value, and for most of us, being in this sub and trying to self improve already puts you a step above the rest. If you truly are Low Value, your continuous journey to be a better woman will remove your Low Value status, and help you achieve a high value guy, even if it takes time and energy.

An Alpha Widow has an unhealthy preoccupation with the past. This is not a badge of honor. It’s something that needs to be fixed, hopefully with therapy. A woman who is so consumed with judging present potential romantic partners and comparing them to the distorted reality of her selective memories is critical, judgmental, unattractive, and cold.

The Thoughts and Labels that we apply to ourselves MATTER. Even ruminating on thoughts, “I wonder if I’m an alpha widow...” is planting seeds into your subconscious about how much power or control you have over a situation. We are social creatures, and it’s okay to grieve a previous relationship without self-diagnosing yourself with a mental disorder.

I don’t mean for this post to be mean-spirited, or bully anyone. I just keep reading so many posts that start off with, “Blah blah blah, and that’s when I got Alpha Widowed” I just don’t think it’s healthy.

End rant.

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Post Information
Title Rant: Being an Alpha Widow is not cool or interesting
Author BePrivateGirl
Upvotes 103
Comments 27
Date November 30, 2019 10:54 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/rant-being-an-alpha-widow-is-not-cool-or.297280
https://theredarchive.com/post/297280
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/e4524m/rant_being_an_alpha_widow_is_not_cool_or/
Red Pill terms in post
alpha widowalphasexual market value
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Comments

[–]organicsunshine29 points30 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women think the badge of "Alpha widow" makes others think that they were good enough to land one in the first place and that is what they deserve.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor48 points49 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Yes yes yes!!!

This is so spot on it deserves to be part of the wiki. I'll never understand why women want to claim this title.

[–]icanbingsu19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Victimhood is easier than taking responsibility. Hopefully they see OP’s post and get a boost.

[–]jfiscal14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

why women want to claim this title.

In order to be an alpha widow, she's got to get fucked by an alpha. It's bragging without actually having to be successful

[–]loneliness-inc4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is so spot on it deserves to be part of the wiki.

I disagree. I think it's a good write-up with an excellent take home message. However, it's missing a key fundamental point.

You don't need to be low value to become an alpha widow. You just need to be lower value. Key difference and many alpha widows are in this category. They aren't necessarily low value, it's just that they're aiming too high based on having slept with a high value man who was out of their league.

Alpha widow-ness is all about projection. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, the sexual selectors. Women need to be choosy as to who they allow into their body. Therefore, if a high value men gave them attention or had sex with them, they assume that it's because they are of high value to men because they themselves are trying to find the highest value male!

Men however don't work this way. Men aren't that selective when it comes to sex. Sure, he'll try to bag the prettiest ass available but sometimes, when a pretty ass isn't available, he'll go for an ugly ass because sex! The girl he just had sex with though will think she's of high value. This can occur even if she is actually of higher value, juts not as high as she thinks.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You don't have to be low value prior but being an alpha widow is low value. It's not an emotionally healthy state to be in. Further, it's an indication that you are lower value than the men you desire and that should be a push to work on yourself.

[–]loneliness-inc1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You don't have to be low value prior but being an alpha widow is low value.

Agreed. The state of alpha widow-ness makes a woman of lower value in and of itself.

Further, it's an indication that you are lower value than the men you desire

That's my point. That it can be lower value relative to the man even if she isn't low value in the eyes of many men.

[–]IVIaskerade2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Because other people rush to pat them on the head and say "there there you poor sweet fragile thing"

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Even if they don't love little kittens?

[–]organicsunshine26 points27 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I disagree with the low smv part of " An Alpha Widow is a woman (with low SMV) who has a relationship with a high SMV man."

Her SMV can be low or high, it is irrelevant. She is acclimated to his high expectations and wonders what is wrong with men who come later that do not expect the same and feel their value is therefore lower

[–]etucker5462 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly! SMV is all relative to that particular person perceiving the other. So we can’t measure it really with SMV because we rate each other subjective to the person giving out the rating.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes i read it and thought the same.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

An Alpha Widow is a woman (with low SMV) who has a relationship with a high SMV man.

Correction:

An "alpha widow" is a woman who has had sex with a man whose SMV is much higher than hers, and cannot help comparing the men she has a chance at a relationship with to the man she could only have sex with.

Her only hope is to improve her SMV to the point where she can actually get a relationship with someone is the same league as the original man.

[–]gin_berry2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. Focusing on something that cannot change holds people back from looking towards the future and creating the best future for themselves.

Why even want someone who didn’t want to be with you anyway?

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup :-)

[–]mabev435682 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

There is no condition or requirement of being "low value".

​

If the alpha just wants sex and variety, he will pump and dump any woman, regardless of her value.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

An Alpha Widow is not just any woman that was plated by an Alpha. It's a woman who won't be happy with any man that will commit to her, because she is used to an Alpha.

Let's say she's a 6 and wants a 9. There's plenty of men that will commit to her, but no 9s will. So she's forever holding out, waiting for a 9 that won't appear. 

On the other hand, imagine an 8 who got plated by an 8. Same situation, only she can easily find another 8 that will commit to her with proper vetting. She won't have the same problems as the 6, because her expectations are realistic.

The 6 is an Alpha Widow, the 8 is not. Alpha Widow is a special term used to describe the combination of: unhealthy focus on the past, being dumped by an alpha, and large SMV discrepancy between herself and a desired mate.

There are plenty of men that want an LTR, even 8s and 9s, the only trick is being an 8 or 9 yourself and vetting properly. 

[–]Pola_Lita1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Alpha Widow is a special term used to describe the combination of: unhealthy focus on the past, being dumped by an alpha, and large SMV discrepancy between herself and a desired mate.

This is what I did think it meant. But I also think if both definitions were offered to a vote, at least on the TRP sub, the OP's more detailed and negative version would win overwhelmingly.

[–]BePrivateGirl[S] 7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I won’t “die on this hill” arguing with you. Maybe I should have said “low RMV”

However, I think that if you are relationship with a true Alpha, and cant make it work. It’s okay to leave, and grieve, and grow from the experience.

If you Literally can not get over it, months and years later, If you spend time in your day dreams obsessing over what could have been, there’s something broken inside of you. If you feel disdain and closed off from eligible suitors that follow him but can’t get him out of your head when you are thinking about intimacy with another person, then there is something wrong with you.

It could be ego, that you think you are so amazing that you are quick to judge others. Or it could be that you have a destroyed sense of self. You have such self loathing that you turn away from new opportunities that present themselves. You could have backwards priorities, valuing perfection over companionship.

Even if you got pumped and dumped by a famous man, or a 1%er, if you cannot move on in your life, then you’d make a terrible partner for another man. You’d have nothing to offer, and that will lower your RMV for a long enough time that your SMV will decline as well. That is the alpha widow- and I repeat, that’s why it’s not a badge to wear loosely or proudly.

It’s a terrible state to dwell in.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link

[removed]

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I do not think you are ready to be giving advice on RPW. Somehow your understanding of men is too simplistic. Please stick to TRP

[–]BePrivateGirl[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Maybe I should have said “low RMV”

”It would be the same. You wrongly assume that the alpha wants other thing than sex, or that he wants monogamy. That's unwarranted.”

I think this is a bit dismissive of men. I’m not saying that men aren’t driven by sex, but I do think you are minimizing the spectrum of what an Alpha man might be trying to accomplish.

”An alpha is going to dump any woman, no matter how high is his value, just because that woman is a hurdle getting other women.

”The alpha's biological purpose is to get as many pregnant woman as possible. If you interfere on his life purpose, he has to dump you.”

I again think this is pretty minimizing of the scope of what an Alpha might be trying to accomplish. Not everyone wants to spread their seed to the point of impregnating a harem. They might just want interesting, lively, generous and spontaneous sex.

And I don’t even give a shit about monogamy. An Alpha man who desires nonmonogamy can make it work. I submit Exhibit A: my own relationship. A man’s biological imperative doesn’t mandate stampeding through a community of fertile women. If that’s his goal, so be it. But alpha men come in a variety of flavors including monogamous, nonmonogamous, procreaters, and childfree men.

”Women date up, and men date down, so it is true that getting into a relationship with an alpha does not means that you have the same value, but is also true that the alpha will dump women that he perceives a higher value. Men don't get pregnant. Men are programmed to make as many babies as possible, with all the women.”

My above argument stands that not all men are trying to make kiddos. And men might date down, especially hot girls with high SMV. That’s a reality that I’m not going to deny. But this entire subreddit is about a) improving SMV, and then b) improving RMV so that women who are equally interested in sexual strategy can improve their lives in varied and meaningful ways to attract high value men.

Maybe we want to attract high value men for our own sense of self-respect. Maybe we want good genes for our children, maybe we want an exciting life of luxury and traveling, maybe we have BDSM kinks. RPW also come in many flavors.

My original point stands. Alpha Widows have low value, make bad partners, and it’s harmful to casually label yourself as one.

[–]Eugenius6662 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Do you think you're in the best position to judge yourself Low Value, or not? How are you so certain of this? All of us, men and women, tend to judge ourselves too harshly. We can hardly be objective arbiters of our own value. Furthermore, you may be romanticizing the past; still perceiving this guy thru rose-tinted glasses. Was he really all he was cracked up to be? Look, the relationship failed, and it takes two to tango. It wasn't meant to be, obviously, and it could have a much more prosaic reason for failing, such as the chemistry not being right. Personality clashes. Basic incompatibilities that doom many a relationship. It just seems to me you're framing this all in a much too negative light. Give yourself a break. It was a relationship that didn't work, happens every day. There's a plethora of other men out there. Smile, and look forward to the future, because it is bright and teeming with possibilities.

[–]BePrivateGirl[S] 22 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Just to clarify, I am not an alpha widow. I’m trying to discourage others from labeling themselves as one with too much haste.

[–]Eugenius6664 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh! I sincerely apologize then for jumping in too fast without fully digesting what you were trying to convey. Thank you for being gracious about it; it's a good reminder for me to step back and think for a minute before hitting the submit button.

[–]CMOAN_MAYNE1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

💯

[–]Pola_Lita0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Taking this even farther, I'd guess "Alpha Widow" accurately represents <2% of the female population, no one that lacking in perception, common sense, worth, etc, etc, being likely to survive for long. It's not part of my working vocabulary and never will be.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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