Hello ladies, long time lurker and first time poster here. I’m 33, a quasi stay at home mom of a 3y.o and 18m.o (quasi in that I took 2 years mat leave as my job allows, I will be returning to work in Sept). Needless to say, my home can be a wild place sometimes with 2 very active toddlers running around. My life is far from perfect, I am far from perfect, and my kids are not perfectly behaved robots at all times. I’ve found that being a mom can be very difficult and exhausting at times, many times by surprise. It is truly the most humbling experience I’ve had to date and I know the humbling has only just begun. My general mantra is to do my best while also giving myself grace/realistic expectations and taking each day one at a time.
But I refuse to participate in the hot mess mom thing. By “hot mess mom thing” I’m talking about:
celebrating that one is almost always apathetic towards and/or annoyed by their children who they brought into the world while also mocking women who seem to genuinely enjoy being a mom
using “I haven’t showered/put on makeup/followed a skincare routine/painted my nails/shaved in 2827722 weeks” as a flex while also emphasizing that moms who do this stuff must be self obsessed narcissists (most overused term nowadays imo)
living in a chaotic, dirty home with piles of stuff everywhere while also criticizing the f out of a mom with even a semi-clean, semi-organized home because surely she must spend all her time cleaning and yelling at kids to pick up after themselves!
serving one’s kids a stream of nonstop processed foods while also poo pooing a mom who likes cooking and baking and does so often
shitting all over the husband, calling him an inadequate idiot while also insinuating that a woman who has a loving, happy marriage with the father or her children must be a total scam (note: I know that not all men are stellar fathers and/or husbands, and I am not referring to situations in which the father is a genuinely bad person, rather situations in which the loving, good natured father is blamed and chastised for the most menial errors)
So, in a nutshell, its basically the notion of being a half assed, low effort parent who hates on women who are moms and have their ish together. Nope. Not doing that. Not now, not even. Yet SOOOOOOO MANY women I know who have kids have fallen for it and subscribe to this weird ideaology. For me personally, I’ve been overtly mocked for all of the above by family members (who are around my age and have kids) plus other stuff, like putting a nice outfit on my kids for holidays, cleaning their faces after a messy meal (I’m being serious), and wearing decent (although not flashy, more like Gap, LL Bean, and Amazon) clothes.
What’s more, I’ve noticed a vast majority of said women tend to act as if they’re martyrs for having kids, like they’re SoOooOOooo limited, so tired, so over it because of a choice they chose for themselves and well, they just can’t be bothered to put in even 50% effort anymore. Like, uh, hello? Your kids did not ask to be brought here. Yes, being a parent is a LOT OF WORK. Tons. And tons. And even more tons. But… isn’t that obvious? You are literally raising a child from newborn state to be an actual person, with morals, thoughts, interests, responsibilities, etc.
This rant isn’t directed at anyone who has had lots of hard days as a parent, resulting in staying in the same sweats for 3 days, unlimited screen time, multiple take out meals, and getting irrationally pissed at your husband. I believe all of those things are normal once in a while and especially in certain times of life. I myself have battled PPA, have had very rough patches with my husband, struggled to lose weight or accomplish a single 2 minute task in my house. It happens to all of us. But it seems that its become a normal, celebrated way of life and moms who are trying their damndest and being criticized as if they’re not “down to earth” or are toxic.
Does….. does anyone else feel this way? I have kept this to myself for a while because I realize this could be a potentially very unpopular opinion amongst my peers, but seriously, wtf?