Note: These are some observations and thoughts I have been mulling over concerning respect. Input about your own personal experiences and thoughts on the subject are both welcomed and encouraged. I apologize for any spelling or contextual errors, I may have missed a few things.


Although many of my long held beliefs dove-tail effortlessly with the Red Pill Woman mentality, I am still very much a novice within this (and other Red Pill) communities. Observing and interacting with people online has definitely helped me solidify and refine my personal code of conduct. Many of my values were hazy and ghostly in form prior to starting my online education here on reddit. For the majority of my life, I listened to certain instincts that, for one reason or another, had always set me slightly apart from many of my female peers. I was not alienated, but rather distant and often only interacted on the periphery of their social structures. I distrusted their wayward sense of adventure, and shied away from their ever evolving pursuit of over-indulgence and recklessness. What they called “harmless fun” and described as “a natural part of growing up” cut against my desire for stability and structure. Discussions with my SO, subscribers within the RP communities, and (surprisingly) outsiders - have all enabled me to consciously metabolize my beliefs and examine them in detail. I am still learning, still evolving, and by no means would I consider my personal growth complete. I understand that saying “I know about x value, therefore I can check it off my list and move on” is misleading. Understanding a value exists is drastically different from living and (perhaps) struggling with that value every day over a long period of time.

Recently I have been pondering the subject of respect, and the importance it plays in both personal and professional relationships. In my day to day life, I find that pursuing the gentle path always soothes me, as I find direct conflict largely unproductive. Finding a resolution, and accomplishing goals is always easier (in my experience) when you have people working with you. I understand some people may find aggressive routes more efficient, so this is obviously very subjective to my point of view. My role as a business professional means that I need to be capable of translating the desires of a client into the final product. Achieving that goal requires an understanding and an ability to streamline various viewpoints which don’t always match up.

Transforming chaos into a cohesive end point sometimes seems like too much to handle, but thankfully I am not alone and I have people around me to help navigate the choppy waters. Respect is vital for me professionally. My clients need to know that I am open to listening to their needs, and that I will not let my own preferences distort their vision. Telling them what they should do is not my job, and such an attitude would quickly cost me business. Instead, I seek to educate and open the client’s mind to different alternatives. I do not demand, only offer information. I find that the more I respect their needs and display a willingness to work with them, the more they open up and relax. Showing respect inevitably creates avenues that otherwise would not have been available to me.

When I was younger, I worked as a cashier and I saw how respect (or the lack of it) could fundamentally transform situations. During the holiday season, shoppers often became impatient if the store’s staff couldn’t assist them immediately. Instead of taking a deep breath and focusing on getting out of the store once they finally made it to the register, many customers felt compelled to gripe about the delay to me (as though I had simply been standing around twiddling my thumbs the whole time). Customers however, were not the only people feeling frustrated. The foot traffic throughout the store caused a lot of problems for the department employees as well as the stockers. Customers didn’t think twice about handling products, and putting them down in the wrong spot, or unfolding carefully packed shelves of fabric goods. Working as a cashier was very humbling, and I absorbed a lot of invaluable experience. Many customers seemed to forget that they were actually dealing with a person. Being a cashier has guaranteed that I will never talk on the phone while checking of a store. I also try to make sure that every product in my basket actually has a price tag and bar code (few things are worse than trying to chase down an obscure product with no reference number). Some customers would try to tell me that another worker had promised them an outrageous discount, even though floor managers were the only ones permitted to grant any kind of price-cut. Both customers and employees felt snappish, but the difference between them directly impacted their respective behaviors: customers were allowed to be difficult while employees always had to be respectful regardless of the situation.

Being pleasant when someone is trying very hard to get a rise out of you can be difficult, but I relied on my default happiness to smooth things over a bit. You do so many identical transactions day in and day out that eventually everything becomes a formula. Smile, greet customer, scan products being purchased (or returned), load bags, accept payment, ask for phone number, hand over receipt, bid customer farewell. Rinse and repeat. Smiling and being pleasant was one of my duties as an employee, and I strove to maintain a respectful demeanor. I enjoyed working quickly because there was something oddly satisfying about whittling down a long line of customers. I remember distinctly that I was having a rough day because nothing was going smoothly and little problems kept interrupting my process. At some point I lost my smile, and simply focused on quietly trying to get through the formula with the next customer as quickly as possible. I finished the process, but the customer was not satisfied. I still remember her face when she said “you could at least try to be pleasant” before shuffling out the door. I was shocked and completely taken aback. I had executed her check out smoothly and quickly…but none of that mattered because I had lacked warmth. I had failed to show her appreciation for shopping at the store, and display my normal default respect for customers. I admit that I was annoyed, after all, I hadn’t frowned, sighed, or otherwise acted out – but still her feather’s had been ruffled. My irritation grew as I thought about the abuse my co-workers and I had to suffer at the hands of thankless customers nearly every day. My negative reaction may be justifiable in some people’s minds, but that doesn’t change the fact that I was wrong. I had failed, and my failure was immediately noticed. While it’s true that she may have reacted curtly even if I did behave respectfully, that’s not the point. Customers are not required to be respectful, employees are. I had failed at my job, granted, it may have been a small failure in the grand scheme of things – but it has stayed with me even after all these years. Now I treat it as an important cautionary tale about meeting and maintaining the duties expected of me. One slip may not seem significant, but it will be noticed.

In terms of a romantic relationship, respect is invaluable. I believe that as a Red Pill Woman, I have a duty to be mindful of (and work to maintain) respect in my relationship, just as my SO has a duty to maintain frame and fulfill his responsibilities as the Captain. I think that respect can be both passively and actively expressed, so understanding how respect is conveyed to my SO (as well as to outsiders) is paramount to reinforcing my relationship’s overall strength.

As women, we can communicate respect to our SO’s in multiple ways. By listening attentively, cooking, staying on top of domestic duties, being pro-active about addressing problems (calmly and logically), embracing his physical needs, paying attention to personal health and appearance, and supplementing his knowledge with expertise of our own – we can clearly demonstrate not only why we are competent First Mates, but also how much we respect our Captains. We are able to defer to our men only because they are good leaders that have earned our affection and respect. We have an obligation to them to do our best, try our hardest, and continually display our respect for them to them.

I believe that the need to respect my SO isn’t set to ‘Pause’ simply because I am away from him. Whether I am with friends, family, or at work – I try to be mindful of my duty to maintain respect for my SO as well as my relationship. When someone starts gossiping about their man in a negative way, I immediately start to feel wary, especially if it seems out of the blue and unprompted. When a friend starts to gossip about their man in a negative way, I try to listen attentively and provide feedback. For me this usually means exploring what prompted their comment(s) in the first place, providing some advice, and discussing the pitfalls of expressing negativity about an SO. I do not partake in the conversation by commiserating and sympathizing with her irritation through making complaints of my own.

For me, maintaining respect means that I have to be mindful of how I portray my SO (and relationship) to other people. Laughing about a pet-peeve (if one exists) may allow me to bond with friends in the short run, but I’d be sacrificing my SO’s reputation in the long run. Moving forward, that friend will at the very least always remember what I said, and may even go so far as to pass along every critical word that I share (while simultaneously forgetting to mention the fact that her complaints initiated the entire discussion).

Openly criticizing and griping about your relationship in general is bad. You may get some useful advice from people, but their perception of your SO as a competent man will be damaged. Small off-handed remarks may seem harmless at first, but they accumulate over time, and people will remember the few negative comments you make much more clearly than all the positive ones. Complaining is both damaging and unproductive. You may think it lets off steam and allows you to calm down more quickly, but all it really does is set a precedent (and a bad one at that). The best way to prevent a bad habit from developing is to never begin that behavior in the first place. How do you avoid becoming a chain smoker? Well, if you never try a cigarette in the first place, then you don’t have to worry about it. How do you maintain a strong and healthy relationship? Don’t bicker and complain to outsiders. If you have a problem, your first move should be to go to your SO. Impulsively making an angry comment to someone creates a fracture in your demeanor. If you’re impulsive once, then what’s to prevent you from being impulsive again?

Damaging a relationship by bad-mouthing your relationship has lasting effects. An ex of mine cheated on me, and against all common sense, I decided to forgive him and try to make things work. I was frustrated by his behavior, but I thought it was important to never show my frustration to him. The gradual build-up of discontent eventually got to the point where I foolishly decided confide in one of my friends. She listened intently to what I had to say – but something unfortunate happened because I made a poor decision. Initially, I felt relieved, but the discontent grew again, and this time is was much more noticeable. Sharing only fueled my malcontent - I felt simultaneously closer to my friend and more distant to the gentleman I was dating. My actions spawned another unfortunate side-effect: my bickering words permanently distorted her perception of my SO. Keep in mind that I am not defending his actions or saying that he didn't make any mistakes, his behavior was wrong, but that didn’t make me right for complaining to outsiders. Eventually I talked to him plainly and directly (which lead to me finding out he had cheated on me once more, with two different women). After that the relationship (I use the term loosely, given his conduct throughout, as well as mine in the end) dissolved, and I formed two non-negotiable rules for myself:

  1. Never date (or forgive) a cheater

  2. Keep any and all problems within the relationship, do not confide in outsiders

Problems can happen, I’m not denying that – but if tension develops, then it should not be dealt with externally. The best way to address any issue(s) is to go directly to your SO. If I don’t respect my Captain, how can I expect anyone else to?


TL;DR: Being respectful of (and to) your Captain requires continuous attention and consideration.

Respect half-given is not respect at all.