Roughhousing little boy

auberus · 2019-03-23T14:16:55+00:00

When my brother (also an only boy) got too rowdy, my mom would always send him outside to run a lap or two around the house (distance increased with age). To make it fun, she would time it for him, and even made a little chart with stickers that showed his times. He ended up running track and cross-country in highschool, and did really well (which made Basic Training much easier). He still runs every day, and is actually planning on running his first marathon this year.

The other thing that helped was that my parents got him a dog when he turned 9. They went everywhere together, and it gave him someone to wrestle with.

MsScamander · 2019-03-23T16:16:40+00:00

If he has a hobby that can act as an outlet that would be good. Running, martial arts etc. Something that exhausts his power but also challenges his mind. He most likely needs focus and awareness of his power.
He will need strict and nonnegotiable boundaries in order to let your daughter bloom in her own way. She is younger, weaker and most likely not as active and physical. She needs to feel safe and secure in her home - just as much as your son.

Zegiknie · 2019-03-23T14:37:11+00:00

Oooooooo this is a big one!

Rough and tumble play is very important for kids, especially with their fathers!!!! It teaches trust and other things. There's a podcast where Jordan Peterson talks about it and maybe he said something about moms doing it too? I'll try to find and link the episode for you!

Edit: Here!

I'm not a parent myself so I'm not sure how to help, but how does your son react if you make a big business of being "hurt" if he gets too rough with you? I know puppies will use loud shrieking to indicate that the other dog is playing too hard and pet trainers use this technique to teach dogs not to bite. (I know your child is not a dog, but the line of thinking is that the dog wants to play, not hurt, so if the dog understands where the boundary of "fun" and "not fun" are, it will naturally not want to hurt you. I'm thinking along the same lines as that? A kid wouldn't want to hurt his mom, but he doesn't understand where to draw the line with you but probably knows when to draw the line with dad?) I hope you're not insulted lol.

I do know that JP makes the argument that if you as mom intervene on play time with dad or something because you're worried your son will get hurt, it's an act of betrayal to the father and basically insinuates that mom (who reigns supreme in early development) does not trust and actively undermines dad, and children pick up on this really early on, and may learn to distrust dad.

I know it's a loosely related answer and it doesn't exactly answer your question but I hope that there's something useful in here!

Hannelore010 · 2019-03-23T16:25:05+00:00

Around that age I find boys suddenly need more exercise and outside play, especially climbing and lifting things (preferably with other little boys). Do you have woods or a bigger playground (not just a slide and swings) you can take him to and let him play in for 2-3 hours a week? If you hike, let him go off trail (within sight) to climb stuff, maybe have a picnic and let him build a fort (good to have older boys or dad to help)

And then reminding patiently when he forgets and still roughhouse with you (because it will take a while, but he will learn; it’s a form of affection for him, he just has to learn how to show it differently) I like it and sometimes wrestle with my little boys, but they often need to be reminded when they go too far where the limits are (they’re learning)

There’s another uptick in physical toughness around age 8-10. Usually they understand hard physical play is only with dad and other boys, but sometimes the physicalness will be just be kind of commanding a room in a sort of rough and tumble slapstick way; they’re now careful about babies and mom, but don’t care about the chair and vase and their clothes. Just being larger might be part of this, and I hear lasts through early teens. Same remedy: outside, hard play, physical challenges, just more of it. Also a form of physical discipline (self defense, wrestling, boxing, team sport, etc)

I love little boys! A father of 11 (and one girl) made me feel better, though, when he said wryly, ”they broke everything” (his grown sons are all competent, smart, manly men with wives and children—not violent degenerates)

ETA I reread your post and maybe you could find some likeminded parents with kids who are allowed rough housing (within reason) and like to explore

Theendisnearornot · 2019-03-23T16:36:10+00:00

We always sort of stressed that mom and dad play differently. Dad wrestles with the boys (since we have 4 kids I have been pretty much pregnant or nursing for forever so it was GREAT to teach boundaries). I trust my husband with the kids and I know he would never push things too far. If I got uncomfortable I’d leave the area. I would explain to the boys since I was nursing it was uncomfortable and to watch where they put elbows and hands. My husband is awesome with wrestling and now that they are getting older teaching them martial arts. But when I am alone with them - when they get too rowdy I send them outside. Bikes, running, digging in mud (dirty but so good for them!), sidewalk chalk... now that’s it is spring anyway :)

AhornEiche · 2019-03-23T17:15:45+00:00

There are a lot of games that does not include to much impact. Think of pushing and pulling games. I don't know if there is a lot of material in English, but there should be a lot of old books on different drills for wrestling and similar.

Additionally: Practice armwrestling. You son of a gun is just 5. So, you can smoke is ass. Best Video on technique: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLQz7Advgmw

The women in my family are tough because they suffered through communism and worked a lot under harsh conditions. And we boys loved it.

snackysnackeeesnacki · 2019-03-23T17:20:10+00:00

My five year old nephew gets exactly like this. My sister, who is about 120 pounds, will lay on top of him and let him struggle until he tires himself out. He loves it, and she can position him in such a way where she doesn’t get any elbows or anything. Sometimes she’ll tickle him a little too and that really gets the wiggles out. He is always so relaxed after they do this for a little while. It’s like he just needs that rough physical stimulation.

bkate272 · 2019-03-24T02:42:37+00:00

Some ideas I use with my six year old:

Foam swords. They do not hurt at all but still very fun to try and avoid being hit whilst also trying to get the other person.
Karate chopping toilet paper. Hold out a length and let him chop it. Make it more difficult by getting him to use other parts of his body. Or, wrap him in it and let him escape.
Punching through newspaper. Hold a sheet out away from you and let him try and punch through.
Arm wrestles and thumb wars.
Violent play with toys. You be one toy and he be the other then make them fight.

THEdirtyDotterFUCKr · 2019-03-24T09:55:28+00:00

considering the Father has practiced martial arts, a strategy to bond with you and your son to be "closer" to his Father. I would suggest, have your Husband teach you and your son something you would be comfortable with. Holding a pillow and your son practice punches and kicks. In turn your son could hold the pillow for you to do the same. Though for his age and size I would recommend your punches and kicks focus more on form than power.

I second the running suggestions, but recommend making an "obstacle course" have him gather sticks, rocks, etc. essentially having your son clean up the yard. then using those objects the both of you can make a track with small object he would have to jump over, crawl under.

This is more of a weekend project where the reward is to run the track, With a focus on allowing him to get dirty/dusty/muddy. After you child has run the course as many times as he wants, before he comes in you hose him down (spray not stream). Then the track becomes a reward.

goldensurrender · 2019-03-24T01:25:27+00:00

"the placid local kids" lol. I don't know why but this made me laugh out loud

RubyWooToo · 2019-03-25T18:26:15+00:00

Definitely get him into sports and martial arts!

Also, get a heavy bag and some boxing gloves for his room that he can just go to down on in his spare time. They sell heavy bags and sparring equipment for children online.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-03-25T21:29:25+00:00

Martial arts. Which will a) give him an outlet, and b) give him friends his age to roughhouse with.

You may have to shop around for classes for kids, and for ones that actually have an energetic form (tai chi is right out).

[deleted] · 2019-03-26T12:52:47+00:00

It’s ok though, that you don’t want him roughhousing with you. He can do that with dad. Part of learning to be a man - and leaning to be a quality human - is leaning when he can be all out (Dad) and when he needs to be more gentle with mom. It’s powerful to be able to control your power.

My children are built like daddy - a ton of bricks. At 5 they could knock me over with a hug. They had to learn to be more gentle with me, with small children, with animals. It wasn’t limiting them, they had to learn appropriate outlets, like the running that so suggested here and when they could play football tackle when it was with someone who could take it. It was part of learning emotion intelligence and is reasonable to begin teaching it even at 5.

cocodecoca · 2019-04-01T20:26:06+00:00

Rough housing is important for little boys as it helps them learn boundaries when being violent. This will help him later on in life when someone initiates a bar fight and he has to decide whether to fight back, to do nothing, or to go too far and smash someone in the face with a glass.

He learns the boundaries from his dad when he goes too far. He is learning from you that he can't go as far with women, and has to be gentler around women. That's an important lesson.

timeforstretchpants · 2019-03-23T14:26:52+00:00

Your husband does martial arts, can your son not also?

_-resonance-_ · 2019-03-23T15:13:34+00:00

Wrestling classes for kids. They exist.

Title	Roughhousing little boy
Author	Zegiknie
Upvotes	13
Comments	48
Date	March 23, 2019 1:55 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/b4jf4g/roughhousing_little_boy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/roughhousing-little-boy.223011 https://theredarchive.com/post/223011