~ archived since 2018 ~

RPW truth: appearance is the most important thing

November 17, 2020

There's an older woman where I work who was pretty obviously a Stacey in her youth: blond hair, stylish, good body (that was probably even better when she was young).

She's literally one of the worst people I have ever met. She's lazy, skips work constantly and the only reason she hasn't been fired is because it's a municipal job. She's also quite cruel: like bullying the local autistic guy level of cruel.

This woman has been married not once, but twice and also has kids. She has a nasty character yet she has still won in life in the eyes of many: has a stable and easy job, is married, has grown up kids.

It shows how physical attractiveness is the most important thing in women. As long as you're physically attractive and a little bit feminine, you can get away with all sort of things and many men would still be willing to marry you. I think all RPW should invest in their appearance first and foremost.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the subreddit /r/RedPillWomen.

/r/RedPillWomen archive

Download the post

Want to save the post for offline use on your device? Choose one of the download options below:

Post Information
Title RPW truth: appearance is the most important thing
Author NewStartOnceAgain
Upvotes 127
Comments 77
Date November 17, 2020 10:30 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (2 children) | Copy Link

Going through a divorce is not winning at life.

You don't know enough about her husband or how she is in a relationship to make this judgement (which is why we don't give advice on behalf of others. You can only know so much from the outside).

Looks are important but please don't take this concept to incel/femcel levels where you believe it is the only thing. How you treat a man is as, if not more, important than looks. That is what helps build a lifelong, happy relationship. Your appearance only gets your foot in the door.

[–]ManguZa1 Star 207 points208 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Maybe it's true if you just want to be married.

If you want to be happily married, well, that's another thing.

[–]Mewster18185 Star 64 points65 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Being pretty is like being rich... it can make your life easier, but it doesn't fix anything on it's own.

I firmly believe that being a good person will always give you a happier outcome. You may not be as rich or as pretty as the "Stacey" type, but you will have real, meaningful relationships and you won't end up 80 years old in a nursing home wondering why no one ever visits you.

Besides beauty is in the eye of the beholder is also definitely true. I do not consider myself to be conventionally attractive nor was I ever the type to put in lots of work (I simply don't have the patience to style my hair every day and I don't even own a blow dryer or curling iron), and yet my husband is crazy about me. We're going on 7 happy years this December.

[–]cebollofor 23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You hit the nail on the head ... she can be married. But his husband is proud of her? His husband is faithful? His family is happy? Her kids truly love her?

She is been able to keep a man on her side and have kids, that doesn’t prove she is successful or happy, on my work place the superintendent is “successful” 3 kids, 1 long marriage, and good paying job, he is always working, never have time whit family, he always mad, cheat on her wife, i don’t desire his way of living a bit.

[–]Nandemodekiru 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–][deleted]  (6 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]wannaberunner131 22 points23 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

What sort of things have you done for your appearance? I'm at the stage of staying thin and wearing minimal makeup, I would like to look better

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]wannaberunner131 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you so much! These are really helpful suggestions

[–]CountTheBeesEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Whoa are you me? Jokes, but seriously 80% of what you say is the same as what I do/am doing. The short exercises after the bathroom are a great idea! Thanks for writing this up.

[–][deleted]  (14 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]oneconfusedwriter 43 points44 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

Yes! I feel like there's a lot of very young women in this sub who take the reasonable, common-sense values of "Take good care of yourself and do your best to look pretty for your man" and warp them into something really unhealthy that will only bring them unhappiness in life. If a happy marriage is what you're after, "forget about your other virtues and just focus on looking like a Barbie doll" is frankly some of the most harmful advice a young woman could get.

[–]Iluvalmonds83 22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There’s no denying that appearances matter, and yes, our society tends to treat attractive PEOPLE better in general , which can lead to people becoming entitled and having a poor demeanor like your Stacey coworker, or Chads/f*ckboys.

But know that the attention she gets is likely from lower value men. She may initially catch the eye of more potentials, but A high value person is going to uncover those red flags in their vetting process and pass on contemplating a relationship with her.

So yes, looking your best is good for initial attraction and attention, but a winning personality and traits/interests/skills are what’s going to keep high value people around .

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I remember an old high school history teacher of mine who was a police officer for a decade. He lost count at how many women he let off from speeding tickets and such because they would start crying and suddenly he felt too bad.

Eventually he doubled down and stopped doing this, but I never forgot him mentioning it. I was hit by a car 4 years back by an old lady, who was speeding, and I was in the crosswalk. I had such a bad concussion I could've died. Was I able to sue her? nope. She cried her way out of it. My lawyer literally said there was no point in trying.

To this day I'm very upset by it. If that were an old man? Would he cry his way out of it? No. he'd own up to it like a man. Like if you're 78 and you almost ruin a young persons life, you should probably fuckin care about them, visit them in the hospital, etc. But maybe I'm just weird.

[–]Upmybuttpleasesir 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

your story made me laugh.

some of these 'ladies' cry so hard they get given grand pianos.

[–]SnootyPretzel 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't know about you OP, but I for one would most certainly not want to be with a guy who overlooks a nasty personality so long as the chick is hot. That kind of guy would be a doormat to the woman. Do you want a man or a boy with zero regard to anything other than your hotness?
Maybe for her standards, the woman you mentioned has won in life. But I most certainly don't see it as a win.

The day I stop being able to show kindness because all my mind does is obsess over how I can look more perfect is the day I will have lost everything that made me beautiful.I do agree that we should do all we can to emphasize our beautiful feminine features though, and I have to thank theredpill sub for playing a big role in my growth ♥

[–]OxanaHauntly 35 points36 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A good quality captain will not marry a raving bitch. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[–]oneconfusedwriter 20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I disagree if you're looking for a life that is truly fulfilling, rather than impressive on paper. Yes, looks matter a lot more than blue pill and feminism will tell you, but even then it's still mostly just taking good care of yourself, learning what's flattering and attractive, and putting in a solid effort. You don't have to have won the genetic lottery in any way if you're sweet, feminine, and overall pleasant to be around. Most of the 10s I've met are chronically single or serial daters who don't seem very fulfilled, whereas the most happily married women I know tend to be in the 5-7 or 8 range. Yes, you have to be more of a Stacey if you're an awful shrew in order to get a man, but here at RPW I'd like to think we're aiming to be the whole package. ;p

Plus an ugly fact of the matter is that ALL of our looks will fade and frankly one woman's beauty can get stale for her man even before that happens, but what will keep a good man around is the woman's character, how enjoyable she is to be around, and the degree of friendship and devotion she cultivates in him. Looks are a part of the equation but they are not the central base of a strong relationship.

[–]KaiEon_ 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


Also most men avoid confronting extremely beautiful women. Due to fear of getting insulted and by seeing their usual look of disgust towards man approaching them.

So only very attractive men( usually players but not always) approach them who are manipulative many times resulting cheating and cycle continues with girl thinking there aren't good men,in turn following players behavior.

And the unstable, unsatisfied relationships continues.

[–]rosesonthefloor3 Star 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What’s your barometer for success? Most men being superficially attracted to you? Then yes, looks reign supreme.

If your idea of success is a stable, loving, healthy long-term marriage, then you’re not going to last long on looks alone, exactly like what happened to this woman. Like another commenter said - they get your foot in the door.

And “looks” is subjective. It’s not always “tall blonde size 0 with DDs”. What matters most is keeping yourself fit and healthy, taking care of your hair, skin, and nails, and dressing for your body. Attractive traits come in many forms.

Plenty of women who aren’t 10s get married and have fulfilling romantic lives. Yes looks are important, but just be sure you’re not using it as a scapegoat for self-pity. People can spot that easily, and it’s a turn off.

[–]blushingoleander 17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

OP, you attitude in this whole thread is super unattractive. You come across as both bitter and jealous. I don't know you so maybe you are just having a bad day but if the attitude here carries into the real world then that might be your problem with men more than your looks.

[–]Upmybuttpleasesir 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

dont think you get it.

not seeming bitter at all to me. just honest, and realistic.

[–]blushingoleander 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's the comment responses more than the post itself. I don't usually judge anything by downvoted but a lot of people are downvoting the OPs comments. That probably means that I'm not the only one seeing negativity in her attitude.

[–]Nandemodekiru 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Q: Have you read the sidebar where they already go into all of this?

[–]tolstushki701 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Physical attractiveness has an expiration date and only guarantees you to get your foot into the door.

As I get older I really stop putting emphasis on looks and look more for qualities she has. I think any decent man will choose a decent woman over looks. There are many good looking women but when I realize I have to wake up with one every day and deal with her bs, that clears the fog for me. Edit: grammar

[–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Rule number 1 of emulating people. Do not emulate people you don't want to end up like.

She's literally one of the worst people I have ever met. She's lazy, skips work constantly and the only reason she hasn't been fired is because it's a municipal job. She's also quite cruel: like bullying the local autistic guy level of cruel.

Does this sound like a person who has "won" in life? Or phrased another way, is she happy?

Sounds to me all her "beauty" bought was the ability to attract men. She's not happy in her life and most likely her marriage.

What kind of life is that?

[–]thisismytenth 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would say physical attractiveness makes it a lot easier to get away with being a shitty person. I’d say it makes it easier to find someone. It makes it easier in general. But honestly, I’ve seen women who are literally no less than 9/10, women who I’ve always dreamed of looking like, be cheated on and left for someone who doesn’t compare physically. I do believe that physical attractiveness is most important for a woman. Men aren’t really interested in a woman’s depth of character. However, it seems it does get boring after a while. The guy’s ego skyrockets and he leaves thinking he can get better elsewhere. As for believing hvm are really above finding a beautiful woman first and foremost, I honestly don’t know. Maybe I’m a little cynical.

[–]giza_rohi 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn’t call someone failing at marriage an exact winner.

[–]cornycatlady 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She’s “won” in your eyes.

That’s so embarrassing. LOL.

I would kill myself if I was that lady; failure to be a wife, a bully and a stupid city job at that age.


[–]LateralThinker13Endorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There is a bonus that attractiveness gives to going through life that makes it easier. "The Beauty Premium" some call it. But that by itself isn't the best or only thing to strive for. If that's all you have, it makes you hollow and your life meaningless.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I don't know about that. I have seen younger women who are the bullying type and they still can get boyfriends just fine as long as they are sufficiently pretty and a little bit feminine.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, hot chicks will always be pursued by men wanting to fuck them. That's not personally my aim in life though. Lol

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't know. There are multiple dumb and nasty women that get married, mostly because of their looks

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They are married to men who only care about their looks and will soon tire of the woman. Is that something to envy? That's my nightmare.

[–]lovelyllamas 7 points8 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I was always afraid I’ll “end up like my mom” and stop caring about my appearance. Now, at 30, I know I will never!! Things like Botox, cool sculpting, therapy, fitness and diet are so convenient now a days, imo there isn’t an excuse not to take care of yourself.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]lovelyllamas 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am setting up my first appointment sometime early next year, so I will let you know the results!

Same here, I have some problem areas working out has not helped with 😟

[–]KaiEon_ 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Botox and cool sculpting are no go for most men. So I would suggest try to avoid it. Most beauty standards are created and followed among women, men aren't much concerned about them. Basic makeup and good fashion/style is more than enough to attract a man.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m 33 and have been getting minimal Botox twice a year for the past several years as more of a preventative measure. I get medical grade skin treatments from a dermatologist. Combined with a consistent skin care routine, I’d say I’m managing pretty well. It’s helping me to age gradually and my husband doesn’t care one way or another, lol. To each their own!

Edit to add: I feel like men think or say they won’t/don’t care about Botox/skincare until they see the results. It’s like gaining 5 or 10 pounds-my husband doesn’t notice, but when I lose that weight he definitely notices and says I look more toned or in shape lol I don’t get it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[–]cornycatlady 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Who cares what men think.

If you want to age terribly and not take care of yourself with modern medicine.... go for it sis lmao

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My mom is like that too. But I am determined to become Stacey even it means I have to spend tons of money.

[–]lovelyllamas 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stacey without the mean personality!

[–]esotsm-8 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

It is. If you’re a woman who is conventionally unattractive, you see the big difference. Men like women 90% off of their appearance and the other 10% is personality. Pretty women can get away with a lot, so they take advantage of it.

[–]Junebug_20 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well here's my RP truth: people are complex and everyone has toxic traits.

There is a mentality here on Reddit and in general- one which I used to prescribe to- that calls people "toxic," deems one person a victim and one a villain, and applauds people for cutting out the "bad energy" in their life.

But the uncomfortable truth is that people are more complex than that. I have toxic traits. You have toxic traits. It's too easy to call people toxic and dismiss the nuances of a person or situation.

You've decided that this woman you work with is a bad person and that all her wins in life can be chalked up to her looks. So you think you have her all figured out and you've written her off. But you're oversimplifying a human being.

I'm not convinced that looks are the most important thing. I don't think they are. I think the most beautiful woman in the world will be unattractive to any man if she mothers and nags and is never pleased. I think an average woman will be beautiful in her husband's eyes if she's happy and admires him.

There's more to this woman than what you see. She has tenderness in her. She has insecurities and fears and dreams and is a mix of good and bad, like all of us. She may not be someone you like or get along with- she sounds kind of brash so she doesn't sound like the type I get along with either- but you're giving too much credit to her appearance.

I don't say this because your opinion offends me. I used to think like you but I've learned the hard way that I've really been wrong about a lot of people and I've taken the easy way out of situations instead of looking critically at myself and how I've evoked a reaction from someone. (And this is not to say that you've done anything to evoke this woman's behavior, I didn't get that impression at all.)

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I disagree! She is divorced and who knows how long this marriage will last. Looks are important but won’t compensate for a nasty attitude bec there’s plenty of beautiful women out there. You’re just looking in from the outside but you don’t know what’s going on in her family life etc. people who are nasty and cruel usually have a lot of internal issues going on with themselves ... lots of emotions they don’t know how to work through and hence it manifests in them being jerks etc

[–]CorgiLover831 9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

“hIgH vAluE mEn care about more than looks! Blah blah blah.” You’re not even going to get the chance to show off more than looks if they don’t look a certain way, and your actions will be interpreted as funnier, nicer more generous etc. if you look good. Sure looks is not the only thing that matters but it matters the most. Sure, being a pretty bitch might not get you the perfect life (although it often does), but being an ugly/frumpy saint is even worse, so focus on your appearance

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't even see anyone here saying that. Looks are important but there is a threshold where it doesn't much matter and personality takes up the rest of the picture.

[–]Upmybuttpleasesir 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You’re not even going to get the chance to show off more than looks if they don’t look a certain way,


And actually I'd rather be a pretty bitch who divorces some arsehole and takes his grand piano than a frumpy nice girl who gets nothing.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]Upmybuttpleasesir 9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for saying this.

I think the fundamental premise of the Red Pill is seeing and accepting reality for what it is - and then learning to deal with it accordingly, in such a way that allows one to win at the game of life.

It has taken me a long time to understand and accept that it really is as simple as men don’t give a shit about how nice I am as a woman.

Being nice, intelligent, creative, warm, and funny has not got me a house, husband and baby.

Yet I see other women who have flawed characters, unresolved issues, low intelligence and boring personalities get handed all of the above and more on a plate.

If only I’d known, understood and accepted earlier on…lead the dog by it’s nose.

I wanted someone to like me for me. I realise now this is a Disney fantasy - to be loved for who I am.

Instead I should have played the game.

[–]Moon_walker786 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

With all due respect please be aware you sound bitter, resentful and envious over others unfair advantage, this may be holding you back more than your looks.

[–]Upmybuttpleasesir 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

you sound clueless and ignorant

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yea, I have come to realize that your personality doesn't matter that much. You can be lazy, dumb and nasty and still find a decent man as long as you're physically attractive and a little feminine.

[–]Upmybuttpleasesir 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

epecially if you know how to play the game and use what you've got.

you know, go for the jugular...

[–]AquaSerenityPhoenix 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

But does she have peace within- Doubt it.

Is she Happily married- doubt it.

She might be pretty but do people actually like her? Even your own impression is evidence.

I want to be happy and that only comes from within. So I'll keep that going and still look cute. I hope you do too and don't let her misery become yours. You are capable of more.

[–]Underground-anzac-99 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, and no. A friend I knew from high school was one of the most beautiful girls I knew. A goth girl with catlike beauty, talent and charm. Every guy was in love w her. Not just lust, they all fell head over heels. The guy friend who’d ask me for $2 petrol money to drop me off when it was in his way happily drove 100km out of his way to drop her home for free. She would say, he’s just being niiiiice! Her bigger issue was that she was a musician and in a two girl band with a far plainer but more talented girl. They got the same admiration and reaction and she was hotter and it seemed like then it really bothered her as a part of knew she was getting this based on her looks. She eventually went into an area where that’s harder, at least a bit, and has done well. Married and divorced, long string of relationships though that’s as much a function of things outside her looks. Another girl I know is happily married and previously fancied by many men. Gorgeous face, feminine, flirty and confident manner and perfectly put together but at least a size 18. Third girl, bigger but not hugely, but an unhealthy lifestyle combined w a permanent expression if a face like a smacked arse and genuine Ill will means most men shudder when she’s mentioned. Looks matter but it’s far more complex than you’d think and the stunner with an equal IQ will always have issues that she’s getting things based on her looks not smarts...

[–]Pezotecom 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

1) be attractive

2) don't be un-attractive

[–]Schlag96 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Have a little more faith in your captains.

It's not that hard for us smart guys to recognize the trash.

[–]CountTheBeesEndorsed Contributor -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haven't you asked yourself,

  • Does this woman know that she's unlikable and awful?
  • Do you think she respects her husband, a man she duped into marrying an awful woman like her?
  • Can a woman love a man she doesn't respect?

So you already know her marriage is loveless.

Looks will get you what you want but not what you need.

So be careful with what you spend your time on. If you sink all your effort into SMV, don't be surprised when years later, you're miserable, despite getting everything you wanted.

[–]Artemis360b 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I pretty much agree although saying the most important might be too simplistic. I'd more say that appearance is the sharpest knife in the draw for women.

[–]Buckley92 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nah. My former best friend was like that. She was gorgeous and on her good days her personality was wonderful. On her bad days... I'd have rather dealt with Uncle Vernon or Miss Trunchbull, she was awful. And if this is coming from a woman, imagine what most men would say. Then again, loads of guys will take a lot of crap to get laid off a hot girl, so who knows.

[–]stacythechad 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have a coworker who is a redhead. He is a horrible person, he is selfish and entitled, but he got a managerial position and a smoking hot young wife pregnant with his baby. All RPM should dye their hair red.

[–]Zoe_mafia 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Like the others have said, that kind of attraction is superficial, like the marketing of a product. Good marketing will attract buyers to buy for the first time. But to truly stay and come back again, the product needs to be good on its own.

If your goal is to just get a piece of paper of marriage then sure, maybe being attractive can help you with it. But there's more to just a piece of paper of marriage. Looks will get something, but certainly not everything.

Back to the marketing analogy, the role of looks is the initial stage of attraction. You need to have a good appearance to attract men to talk to you. But if your personality sucks, your man won't "stay" and even if he does it's not real to the relationship.

I'm not saying looks are not important, but they sure aren't everything.

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor4 Star 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s a sliding scale. The more attractive a woman is, the more than can get away with. The less attractive, the less they can get away with.

It’s just how life is. If you happen to be super hot, odds are you can be a total bitch and no one will really call you out for it.

[–]Chiose678 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

But the guys chasing after you would still be pure shit

[–]sexiterrorist[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

the coping of this thread is so hilarious. you mid bitches really think you’re better than a stacy

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2023. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter