Hello everyone!

Preface

What I'm about to write has been common knowledge for millennia and is still common knowledge for many. Unfortunately, it isn't as common any longer and this way of thinking is often shunned and shamed.

Let's get into it.

Premise

The premise is simple - if two people of the opposite gender are in close proximity, sexual tension will form. The closer they get, the more sexual tension will build and the more difficult it will be for them to resist having sex.

The rules for how this works are slightly different if the two people are husband and wife.

What is closeness?

There are several factors which each contribute to the closeness between two people. When several factors combine, the tension will rise accordingly. The following are some examples of factors which add closeness. However, closeness and tension can exist between any two humans of the opposite gender even if they don't fit these specific criteria.

  • Similar in age.
  • Similar in levels of attractiveness.
  • Physically close (sitting next to you on the train).
  • Frequent encounters.
  • Working at the same place.
  • Being secluded.
  • Physical touch.

Example number one

Jack takes his seat on his transatlantic flight. After he gets settled, Jill takes her seat which happens to be right next to Jack. They are now stuck together for the next 5 hours. Sexual tension is likely to build by one or both of them.

If Jack and Jill find each other attractive, the sexual tension increases. If they strike up conversation, it will rise further. If they touch each other lightly while talking, it will rise even further etc etc etc. Sexual tension will continue to rise the closer and more secluded they get.

There are things that may tank the tension. Bad breath, body odor, the sound of his/her voice, their specific mannerisms and a plethora of other factors that can kill attraction. In other words - it's not a 100% given that sexual tension will build every single time. OTOH, it is something to anticipate.

Jack and Jill always have free choice and are always responsible for what they say and do to one another. They can both decide not to bite the internal hook of sexual tension and desire no matter how strong it is. There are many reasons why a person would chose so (practical, moral, ethical, religious etc) which is not the point of this post.

Example number two

John and Jane are coworkers. Already, they are so much closer to one another than Jack and Jill who just landed next to one another for a flight. Jack and Jill would have to actively do something, otherwise, the sexual tension will remain silent and both would deny it was ever there (especially if they're in a LTR...). However, for John and Jane, they would have to take measures to ensure not to engage the sexual tension (if that's what is wanted). If they're passive about this, they may fall to temptation one day.

If John and Jane are similar in age and stage in life and are both attractive to one another, the chance of this closeness causing sexual tension, rises. If they go out for lunch - just the two of them - it rises further.

If John and Jane are both single, this story can end happily ever after. But if one or both are in a LTR, they'll need to actively mitigate the sexual tension by keeping all conversation strictly professional and never being secluded.

Example number three

Kyle and Kelly are teenage friends, "just friends" to be exact. They both love the outdoors and decide to go on a camping trip for three days together. They reassure their respective BF/GF that this is just two friends and there's no sexual attraction whatsoever. Several things can happen here, none of them are healthy.

  • I don't know how it happened, one thing just led to another.... I'm so so sorry....

  • They truly aren't attracted to one another, yet somehow, sex just happened and they're really surprised because they still don't find each other attractive.

  • They cuddle and sleep in the same tent but really do keep it platonic. Nothing sexual ever happens.

Here are the problems.

  • Who are were they trying to fool when they claimed not to be attracted sexually? They knew all along that some attraction was present and this was an excuse.

  • It's true that no attraction existed before nor after. However, the extreme closeness created enough sexual tension to create attraction in the moment.

  • This last one is the most troubling IMO. If you can sleep together with a boy/girl your age, that close in proximity and that secluded and you have no sexual tension whatsoever, there's either a big problem with your sexual sensitivity or you're a mighty giant in your willpower. When guys watch too much porn, they have trouble getting it up for a "regular" naked woman and "need" more and more extreme stuff. When a person drinks too much, too often, a few drinks won't affect them as much. This is no different and isn't any less unhealthy. This means that their sensuality is dull and desensitized.

Conclusion

Closeness in general and seclusion in particular build sexual tension. Make your decisions wisely in terms of where to set boundaries with members of the opposite sex.

Husband and wife don't have the same level of tension just from seclusion alone (many times). For husband and wife, touch, words, flirtation and other forms of closeness may be required to build the tension. (It isn't the point of this post to elaborate on that).