Seeking advice on relationship with colleague

QueenBee126 · 2016-07-25T13:55:42+00:00

I'm sure he knows what he's doing. He's interested in you. The downfall of being friendly with men is they will mistake that for interest. And because you are "nice" they will think you are inviting the attention. Don't give him a reason to. Stop all one on one lunches. I'd wait until he makes a sexual joke, you know something that is blatantly out of line. Here's what I would say, in a tone like you're explaining something important to a teenager:

"Joe. I need you to stop making sexual innuendos. I like working with you but it's been making me uncomfortable."

He'll probably act taken aback and be all "oh I didn't mean anything by it. ".

" I know. I just want to maintain a professional relationship because I do like working with you, so I want to be upfront. Let's keep it cool and professional, ok?"

Expect him to be awkward around you for a bit, but it will subside.

HelloNeo · 2016-07-25T13:11:01+00:00

With men, you have to be straightforward. Subtle hints will likely go unnoticed. For that reason, a firm, kind, and direct approach will work best in my opinion.

rproller · 2016-07-25T14:23:13+00:00

I've been in your shoes before, and trust me when I say it never ends well. Downote me all you like, but I think there's a small part of you that's attracted to this man. Let's take a look at how you're describing your interactions with him:

because having a connection means there's chemistry.

Right off the bat you understand how male/female attraction works.

He and I used to go on lunch breaks together (since we would be in a meeting immediately prior)

From how you've written this, it sounds like a date. Unless you eat with the other teachers, too (which would make the "since we would be in a meeting immediately prior" comment make sense.) I get that the other four teachers are older than you two, but you don't only have to eat lunch with people in your age group.

some a little too personal such as about my boyfriend or life problems

It sounds like he's asking questions (plural). He would not continue asking these types of questions if you indicated that you were uncomfortable with it. I'm guessing you probably answered them anyway (maybe not with 100% truth, but answering == IOI). Unlike women, men don't ask these kinds of questions for shits 'n' giggles; he's gauging how open you might be to a relationship with him.

slightly crossing the line by actually touching my blouse or skirt while complimenting

It sounds like this has happened more than once. Unless you physically recoiled and told him not to touch you, it sounds like you've given him the "green light" to touch you. Basically anything other than a firm "NO!" is an implied "yes." And it seems to me that for a man to get to the stage of touching you while complimenting your appearance (read: kino escalation), he would have gotten "signals" from you indicating interest.

My solution? Be firm with him and tell him that his behavior towards you will not be tolerated. But because actions speak louder than words, you HAVE to follow that up with actions corresponding to your words. That means no more one-on-one lunch dates, and no more private conversations with just the two of you.

It might help to frame your actions like this: "Would I do __________ with this man if my boyfriend were in the room?" If the answer is no, then don't do it. Worst-case scenario, resign from your position and find another school. Trust me when I say it takes a long time for a man's attraction to wane if you're constantly in his vicinity.

[deleted] · 2016-07-25T19:29:20+00:00

Keep your interactions strictly to what's necessary for work. Keep it cordial.

There's no doubt to me that he's interested in you. The fact that he and you are in relationships won't curtail his desire for you. It obviously hasn't. You need firmer boundaries than what you'd put up between you and the average Joe.

When he makes a sexual joke, politely ask that he refrain from doing so. When he touches you, ask that he not touch you. When he compliments your appearance, just say thank you and move on. Eventually, he'll get the memo of your disinterest in flirting with him. He will then have to chose to do the sensible thing and back off or plow ahead anyway.

You need not feel bad about his feelings here. He's bringing heartache upon himself. You do what you need to do for yourself. Don't worry about him.

energyinmotion · 2016-07-25T23:01:02+00:00

My personal policy is to not fraternize with co-workers, no matter what. Just my two cents.

Title	Seeking advice on relationship with colleague
Author	vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes	10
Comments	20
Date	July 25, 2016 12:53 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/seeking-advice-on-relationship-with-colleague.86328 https://theredarchive.com/post/86328
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4uifw1/seeking_advice_on_relationship_with_colleague/