“She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.”

HB3234 · 2020-02-15T15:14:00+00:00

Do NOT use this phrase as a cue to become a dancing monkey who desperately tries to prove her worth. Do not try to be a good ambassador for the face of traditional womanhood to a man that presents this bitter version of himself to you. Nope, nope, nope.

It sounds like he may still be in his anger phase. This is not inherently wrong of him. He is allowed to be mad about things he feels he was not taught. However, it would be unwise to the point of being foolish, to be his emotional dump on this journey. The road he is on, he needs to talk these these out with a man he respects. Not you.

A man who is wise, strong, at peace with his nature and your own-- that man will not say things like this to you. Your partner sounds like his bitterness will make a long journey even longer. Don't waste your youth on the gamble that he may do the enormously difficult work to get to a mentally healthy place. If he has been like this your entire relationship, you must accept him at face value and imagine if you would want this version of himself if he never changed.

Remember always: yes RPW are nurturing, submissive, loving, loyal and sensual... for men that are leaders, protectors, and providers! You must always be vetting him (hard) to ensure he is capable of loving leadership. No man with a bitter heart is going to be capable of this for you. The timing just is not right.

This is your first boyfriend. We all make some painful mistakes in the beginning. Dating a man who says things like this out loud is ignoring an enormous red flag. Don't do it. There are wonderful out there -ones who care what they say around you and how it makes you feel.

macheagle · 2020-02-15T16:28:21+00:00

RP BF here. Depending on your BF’s source of RP - was he cheated on before, how did he come to learn about TRP, etc there may or may not he longer term issues. It sounds to me like he is in his anger phase which will pass - but again, depending on his background and how he was fed TRP will determine how he moves past the natural anger phase into peace. You need to vet by partially finding out about your BF’s childhood and previous relationship experience. Was he from a broken home, abusive parent or parents, did he experience infidelity directly or was indirectly affected by it, who are his best “bro” friends and what are THEIR backgrounds? It all counts. Before judging him, try to understand everything you can about the potential sources of his RP to get a complete picture. All the best.

Pola_Lita · 2020-02-15T17:59:16+00:00

It's insulting to you and a weaselly attempt at excusing himself from responding to the situation with honesty.

If my husband had at any time lowered himself to using this "logic", I'd have be gone. Instantly.

Sobinia · 2020-02-15T13:58:08+00:00

Remind him that "his turn" could last a lifetime, if you build a good relationship together. Also, remember that the saying goes the other way around as well. Your boyfriend isn't entirely "yours". Would you literally like to own him? "Your turn" for being in a relationship with him can last 10 years, 20... or he might die in a car crash the next hour. A relationship with a man shouldn't become the meaning of your life and when it comes to interpersonal relationships, you shouldn't take anything for granted.

RedPillMissionary · 2020-02-15T17:13:41+00:00

Yeah he sounds MGTOW. I know too many women who wasted their youth on guys who never brought up marriage even once. That’s the goal of dating, and there’s no time to lose

The_Hokage · 2020-02-15T13:58:36+00:00

That's a very "glass half empty" perspective, and that's entirely fair. However I prefer to view relationships like the lottery. Most people will lose, sure. But when you win, you win big for life.

CMOAN_MAYNE · 2020-02-15T16:05:44+00:00

Tbh he sounds immature like a lot of dudes who first get into TRP. I was for sure.

There are bad pieces of TRP advice and I think this is one of them. Many TRP influencers realize they have to promote this cynical view of dating or the business model dies.

Be patient with him. “It’s just your turn” is kind of a damage control rationalization that gets used in case things go south for whatever reason.

HelpfulCommenter · 2020-02-16T11:54:08+00:00

As this is your first relationship, you'd better make fucking sure you lucked out with the right guy before proceeding. That out of the way, it sounds like he is either withholding commitment and this is how he's justifying it, or that he has abandonment/insecurity issues. (Maybe a little bit of both?) Figure out which if you don't know immediately upon looking at the two.

If withholding commitment, decide whether you are willing to continue trying to get it; only you can make this decision, but make the tough one unless this guy is truly Mr. Right and you're willing to bet it all on this horse. It's that simple if that's the case.

If it's not that, then he is seriously paranoid that you will cheat on him/leave him with/for some other, better/richer/stronger/handsomer/popular/alpha guy - or that you're doing it right now. Figure out why. Was he cheated on in the past (distant even), seen close friends or coworkers get destroyed this way, does he have abandonment issues from childhood or his parents (single mom/daycare/parents affair etc.). Again, if he's Mr. Right in every other way - and only you know this - then be increasingly direct and even exaggerated with how you deal with this.

Tell him that yes, lots of women cheat because they're disgusting sluts, but that you will die right next to him and never so much as look another direction because he's your man, he earned you, and you're faithful. You'll bail him out of jail, lie for him if he murders, push him around in a wheelchair, and always be his.

People with abandonment issues or disillusionment can be very difficult to assure, but direct responses to their insecurities are necessary. (Eg. NOT "You know me better than that", "You're being paranoid", etc.) Reinforcement can be done by actively adopting/voicing their point of view about people who act out their concerns. For example, with regards to TV show/movie plot lines or real life situations where a woman leaves/cheats, you can subtly express your detest for the woman's actions. This shows that you don't sympathize with or even have the ability to think the way he's concerned you might.

Also, find ways to provide some assurance at certain times unprompted. Something as simple as saying "I'm glad I'm yours" or whatever, so long as it isn't forced. Even if he knows you're going out of your way to address his cynical thoughts, it will still minimize them. Doing these things over time - a much, much longer time than you'd hope (beware) - will eventually reframe his view of you as separate from "them" and a unicorn and eliminate most of the problem.

We're all human, and even great men who are great husbands and great fathers and leaders have insecurities - some potentially crippling, but somehow kept in check by the right partner. On the other hand, if it runs so deep or wide that he can't be the husband or father you deserve, then recognize that and make the difficult decision. Maybe you've already done all of this and more. Best of luck.

Mad_Finesse · 2020-02-15T17:07:16+00:00

TL;DR your BF is afraid of losing you and that fear of loss stems from a pathology of scarcity, fixed-mindedness, and insecurity and it's creating doubt and uncertainty in both of you.

“She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.”

It's a phrase coined by Richard Cooper, a man with low enery, low-T, and on TRT.

There is some truth to that. The truth is that you can't force a relationship and at some point maybe things change.

However, when Richard Cooper says it. It's coming from a place of anger, resentment, and insecurity. It's coming from a place of, "All women are whores and will leave you for another guy they perceive to be a better option for them".

If you're boyfriend is saying that a lot it's probably because he thinks he's Red Pilled but is secretly a cuck.

Let me posit this argument.

You've been together for about a year and a half. Now he's thinking, we've gone this far, why would she want me? She is a woman, and all women are whores, so if there's some guy at work that is 2 inches taller and makes 10k more a year she'll leave me for him. It seems like it's coming from a place of insecurity. You've mentioned that you've had to reassure him at times.

So here's my theory. He's really thinking about hypergamy and constantly comparing himself to other guys and imagining scenarios of you cheating on him with them and leaving him.

By him saying, She's not yours, it's just you're turn, he's trying to end the relationship by getting you to break up with him by filling the relationship with doubt and uncertainty. So, now if you get tired of this kinda shit and break it off it will reinforce that kind of negative thinking and misogynisytic thinking he has about women. It'll be like, I didn't break up with her. I'm a great guy with great values, she's just a whore that wants to ride that cock carousel and fuck Chads and Tyronnes.

thickLicker · 2020-02-15T17:17:35+00:00

"isn’t this just my turn too?” -yes.

First of all TRP is not for everybody and definitely not for every age. I do not know your specifics but I will cite a few options.

1-Confront him about TRP. Make him believe you are the exception. you are a LTR. tell him to wake up. >:/

2-Play the dread game. give him his own poison. create a lose-lose situation. :(

3-Evaluate his actions. Do his actions confirm his affection towards you? if not, find somebody else. Plenty of fish in the sea. :)

polfrequenter · 2020-02-15T17:41:25+00:00

If my boyfriend said this I would be incredibly offended and upset. This guy sounds self sabotaging & immature like a lot of TRP/MGTOW or whatever guys.

i_cri_evry_tim · 2020-02-15T22:28:12+00:00

The only question I can ask here is why do you feel the need to prove your worth to a man that has clearly and in multiple occasions shown you that, in his mind, no woman is worth the effort solely on the grounds of being a woman.

“She is not yours it’s just your turn” is one of those TRP mantras that is meant to help you detox from oneitis and place you in a frame of mind more conducive to outcome independence.

If he is in relationships but still recites the mantra and, worse of all, throws it in your face, you are dealing with somebody still in the anger phase of RP, not a RP man. Either that or he is psychologically manipulating you.

Get away now. Nothing good is going to come out of this.

organicsunshine · 2020-02-15T23:43:14+00:00

Honestly, it is true. Most relationships do not last. Knowing that doesn't discount what you have, however the fear of investment can make it a self fulfilling prophecy.

Mars-Cowboy · 2020-02-16T21:23:57+00:00

Damn that shit sounds toxic and manipulative. He needs to work through a lot of internal negativity and delusional thinking.

frogswife · 2020-02-15T14:27:45+00:00

I dated two men, the second I married and have been married happily 12 years to. Your bf sounds jaded and already planning on throwing this relationship away though self destruction. He's setting himself up for failure, as clearly he sees no future here, so let him go and be cynical alone. Find someone who actually wants to be with you forever.

linkinway · 2020-02-15T17:54:02+00:00

nothing is perfect in this world. so is red pill. this line is that imperfection of red pill. I abhor it. I think someone had even written an entire post against this line on r/TheRedPill and everyone in that sub appreciated it

SemiLoquacious · 2020-02-16T15:36:17+00:00

RP BF here. I don't know if this guy is bf material. That's just not the way you should talk to a gf.

A_Prudent_Revolution · 2020-02-17T05:04:50+00:00

Although red-pillers like to see themselves as masters of reason, the power of this phrase, like many of the red-pill maxims, has nothing to do with its truth or with its logical defensibility. It is, rather, pure linguistic therapy: A spell for creating cognitive distance between himself and his past pain or his current attachment.

Trying to rebut it with logic or devotion, therefore, is futile. Tell him how it makes you feel when he says things like this. If he does not take your feelings and well-being into account, then it is probably time to start looking anew for a captain who will.

2020-02-19T05:13:28+00:00

The Stoics taught that everything we have is just on loan from the universe. You can have it for the time being, but know that it’s not yours. It will leave you, be taken from you, or you will be taken from it. Your possessions, your health, your husband or wife or children, and at the end your life. Recognizing this frees us from being trapped and trying to control things that are not within our control. We can only control ourselves.

If your boyfriend hasn’t been able to understand these things in multiple dimensions, or the way different mindset shifts can be used to self-improve, perhaps you should read about them yourself. You might find a great deal of comfort in Stoic philosophy and be able to talk about some of the things he says in an articulate and informed manner.

A Guide to the Good Life: the ancient art of stoic joy, by Irvine is a good, practical book on Stoicism.

Lurkingnopost · 2020-02-20T22:47:11+00:00

A man should remember this saying (which is absolutely true), but never say it to a woman. This is disrespectful and a sign of his anger/bitterness. He has been hurt in the past. He is still bitter about being hurt and wants to remain outwardly strong.

You have to choices. 1) accept his behavior and stay in the relationship or 2) lesve the relationship. That is it. You will not be able to change him.

IWantToHelpSometimes · 2020-02-15T18:45:21+00:00

This doesn't necessary sound RP but MGTOW...

StepfordInTexas · 2020-02-15T22:41:44+00:00

This is a red flag. Why are you still with him?

ProgmusicHans · 2020-02-15T14:04:57+00:00

I don't consider the phrase harmful. Hypergamie is observable reality, moving past the phrase is denying reality. The phrase is carrying pragmatic truth, it reminds both men and women, that either will stop the relationship should the other step out of line. No man of value will stick with a unfeminine woman and women will get with the best man possible, therefore the man has to secure the relationship by keeping his stuff together to make him her best possibility.
It simply is the most realistic approach, since the most relationships do not end up being life-long comittments. How can you disprove this viewpoint? You would have to stay in the relationship, even when he stops being a man you love and respect. Only staying will prove, that you will stay. It's a silly tautology.

RubyWooToo · 2020-02-15T20:23:16+00:00

I would NEXT this mofo and not look back. He doesn’t want to commit, but instead of admitting that, he’s putting the blame on womankind.

specialcookie11 · 2020-02-15T14:15:48+00:00

[removed]

AnarchoNAP · 2020-02-16T01:25:48+00:00

If your boyfriend is explicitly telling you that he's just taking a turn with you then he isn't fit to be your (or anyone's) boyfriend. He has the decency to tell you where you stand, but not the decency to act accordingly. Help him out.

jayval90 · 2020-02-16T03:35:50+00:00

Are you having sex? How did you meet him? Why did you choose him as your first boyfriend at 19/20?

As for that saying, I wouldn't worry too much about what people say when they're feeling down. Sometimes it's just them spouting off bad memories of a bad past because of something going on in their present.

What I would be worried about is the fact that he refuses to talk about anything long-term with you. He's got his immediate needs fulfilled in you if you're having sex with him, and for some reason he's personally shut down about the long-term. He either doesn't see a future with you, or he's with you for the high SMV but he doesn't value (or maybe you don't have it) a high enough RMV to convince him to take that leap.

I would suggest premarital counselling if you can find anyone who does such a thing (my local church does a very good job with this stuff). Talk more about values, etc. It's possible that he may snap out of it. Tell him that 60% of women don't divorce their husbands, and the fact that you're willing to work with him through him saying those hurtful things means that you're not likely to dump him and take the kids. That's fully within RP philosophy, and might help him better see your RMV. Do a better job of enticing him with a committed life together.

If all you talk about are kids, a life together, marriage, etc, you're just reminding him of all kinds of responsibility and risk with seemingly little payoff (especially if you're already having sex). Maybe talk about the joys of fatherhood. Figure out some things that he'll be able to benefit from by being married. Talk about how you plan to be committed and loyal. Make (conditional) promises.

WiterS2 · 2020-02-19T06:41:20+00:00

“You’ve dated women before me, for much longer and much more seriously. So isn’t this just my turn too?”

That's the wrong thing to say.

It lacks empathy.
It confirms his argument, because you are basically saying "you do the same", and that means "Yes, I do the same, because I'm trying for you to accept it with my own you-do-the-same".
It makes everything worse, because you are attacking him, and that's making everybody angrier. It fixes nothing.
You are framing it as "who is good, and who is bad". So you are making it a zero sum game, where you can't win as a couple.

Still it is not your role to fix it. It is his role to tell you what do you need to do to deserve his trust. That's what a leader does, and it looks like he isn't there yet.

BonnieBelle255 · 2020-02-15T15:50:49+00:00

I’m new here and haven’t heard that phrase before, what does it mean and how is it cynical? Thanks

lilasbaby2 · 2020-02-15T17:08:51+00:00

This is actually how I feel and how the guy I've recently been sort of seeing made me feel. It mattered while it lasted but only while it lasted and he wasn't mine, he was only mine temporarily. He's done this with other women and will wander but he was with me for the time being and for however long it might last. So in a way, he was "not mine" but was "my turn". I think that women feel differently when they are with a guy they like. For us, this cynicism is definitely learned from past burnts.

We_Are_Legion · 2020-02-16T05:02:59+00:00

He is afraid of the pain of losing you. The phrase lets him pre-empt that.

pearlsandstilettos · 2020-02-16T08:03:00+00:00

[removed]

Title	“She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.”
Author	babybee2020
Upvotes	99
Comments	116
Date	February 15, 2020 1:21 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/shes-not-yours-its-just-your-turn.334718 https://theredarchive.com/post/334718
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/f49bqt/shes_not_yours_its_just_your_turn/