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Should I help my roommate?

vanBeethovenLudwig
May 6, 2017
9 upvotes
/r/RedPillWomen

I made an innocent post about my flatmate being uncertain about her boyfriend because he's been throwing around the word marriage (only after dating four months though, keyword "throwing around the word") and she's not really that excited about him.

He had been trying to convince her to move in recently, again she told me she was unsure about it, even to the point of saying "maybe I shouldn't live with a man unless were married" but tonight she gave the decision that she would move in with him.

She has been actively trying to get married since late 20's and she's 34 now. She was strung along in a four year relationship with someone she was madly in love with but realized he didn't want to marry her, but enjoyed the benefits of her cohabitation.

Anyways, so she's my flatmate and I do care about her, or at least I can sense this sort of "I'm really uncertain about this decision but I don't know what to do" and I feel for her as a woman and she's been asking me for my advice here and there. Should I advise her not to continue if she feels so uncertain or should I go the "you're post wall take what you can get" advice?

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Post Information
Title Should I help my roommate?
Author vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes 9
Comments 15
Date May 6, 2017 6:14 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/should-i-help-my-roommate.87281
https://theredarchive.com/post/87281
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/69mn24/should_i_help_my_roommate/
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Comments

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's worth mentioning. Women who 'settle' (significantly, not just relaxing their standards to account for age) are frequently unhappy in the long run.

[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars 6 points7 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

Regardless of her future relationship prospects, I think it's a really bad idea for her to move in a guy she's only been dating 4 months and who she's not even that excited about.

I also find his big rush to be suspect. Even if your room mate was a Victoria Secret Angel, I don't see why a guy in his 30s with a lick of sense would want to move in with someone after less than 6 months of dating. He's either foolish or (as your room mate suspects) really desperate.

Unless I'm remembering wrong, didn't she move in with another guy before only to find he didn't want to get married? Why does she want to repeat that colossal mistake?

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (18 children) | Copy Link

Unless I'm remembering wrong, didn't she move in with another guy before only to find he didn't want to get married? Why does she want to repeat that colossal mistake?

That's part of the reason why she's uncertain and thought about not cohabiting before marriage anymore. I think he's really pushing her to move in together. She says the whole thing is going really fast. They did take a week long vacation before and he's not a bad guy, has a stable job and is a gentleman. He has invited her to his home country this summer (whether or not she's meeting his parents is unsure though).

I just don't know what to tell her. She's clearly uncertain and not that excited but she does want to get married and she's 34.

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 2 points3 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

He has invited her to his home country this summer

Relevant info. Does he have a green card/equivalent? If not, that could explain his rush to the altar.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy Link

They're both not American. I think she has a British passport and he has EU.

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy Link

Is there any chance he'd like to reside in the UK and Brexit is going to mess that up without a marriage?

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy Link

EU members can still live and work in the UK easily. I have a feeling this doesn't have anything to do with the passport. I feel like he's being a womanizer. He's Spanish and Latin men can be overly romantic without being serious. She feels like there might be a cultural misunderstanding too. That's why it's so complicated and she's unsure. He's 31 and has been professing his love for her and urge for marriage and they've only dated four months. I've heard some things about Spanish/Italian men going really fast if it's not serious and when they do consider a serious relationship, then they are much more careful with their actions. But I think bringing home a girlfriend means something more serious, however he hasn't made any implications of meeting his parents, just going to his home country.

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Even post Brexit? I thought there was a good chance that it would get much more restrictive.

And yes, you're right about Italian/Spanish/etc men and going fast and talking big - except when it comes to meeting Mama.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

Even post Brexit? I thought there was a good chance that it would get much more restrictive.

My EU friends living and working in London don't prove otherwise, at least at the moment.

And yes, you're right about Italian/Spanish/etc men and going fast and talking big - except when it comes to meeting Mama.

That's why I'm concerned for her. And I know that Latin men are also the type to cohabit without any intention of marrying. If it's very serious, they usually marry before living together and the men will usually try to have their own apartment (not sharing with other flatmates). And also meeting the mother. I think she has a feeling about this (she did say "he's very Mediterranean") but I feel like she's caught up in everything to really make a decision.

But most important of all, I think her instinct is telling her no, and she's not listening to it. Maybe I should tell her that if she doesn't meet the mother over the summer, don't move in together (she was planning on moving September).

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

My EU friends living and working in London don't prove otherwise, at least at the moment.

Most of what we call 'brexit' hasn't actually happened yet, so that's no indication. Given that one of the major reasons for people voting for Brexit was because of too many migrant workers from the EU, I would be considering that a concern.

But most important of all, I think her instinct is telling her no, and she's not listening to it.

Yes. That's not going to make a happy marriage. You don't have to be head-over-heels for a man, but you have to want to be with him (and specifically him) forever, and it sounds like she's not that keen.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

You don't have to be head-over-heels for a man, but you have to want to be with him (and specifically him) forever, and it sounds like she's not that keen.

Except that one of the reasons she was unsure was because he's "short" (she's 5'5/5'6 and he's 5'8/5'9). So how picky can she be, really, at 34? Especially about something like height? If he's serious about her and not just stringing her along, I feel like she has to settle. He's not a bad guy otherwise, besides the height "issue."

[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Tell her not to move in with him if she's unsure about him, and if she wants to hold out until they're married, that's fine too.

Just tell her that, when evaluating her relationship as a whole, to really consider what her priorities are in terms of starting of a family.

[–]ivegotsomequestions0 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah... I feel for your roommate but these do not sound like the makings of a life-long relationship.

She shouldn't move in with him yet, he's probably not going to ask her to marry him and if she does live with him it will be so much harder to move on.

More to the point, though, if you think it's hard finding someone at 34 - well just wait til she's 44 and single again. Because that's where this is going. Even if this guy sincerely intends to marry her, they sound like they're not on the same page and don't really get each other. Settling on height is one thing, but settling for a weak connection just won't work. She should keep looking, and she should probably go up 10-15 years to maximize her chances of finding a quality guy who will be excited about dating her.

[–]merlinsmoon 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

forget about her age and just focus on what matters: her actual relationship. so many women and men find true love later in life - and she's only 34!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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