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So I know TRP desires women with low N-counts, having supposedly high N-counts themselves, but do any of you also prefer men with low N-counts?

February 28, 2020

I feel like no one talks about this because in this culture, being "alpha" is equated with high sexual energy and high body count, but I don't want to be with a guy that's been all over the town. If he doesn't value his own purity, why would he value and cherish mine? I wish more men voluntarily choose to remain celibate and were content with that. What do you guys think? Do you agree? Why or why not?

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Title So I know TRP desires women with low N-counts, having supposedly high N-counts themselves, but do any of you also prefer men with low N-counts?
Author sabsz16
Upvotes 108
Comments 86
Date February 28, 2020 1:36 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
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[–]LadyHelvetica 109 points110 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

When I was single and dating, I always let men tell me about their past relationships and sexual history before I got involved with them. Many times, men revealed behavior I found absolutely abhorrent, and that was the last date we had. I think a disdain for promiscuous behavior is perfectly reasonable as it can be an indicator that a man doesn’t see the value in monogamy, thinks intimate relationships with women are disposable, and may also be carrying some lovely infectious diseases down there.

If you want to find a man who has remained celibate before marriage, I would recommend a religious community. I live in the Midwest USA and know a number of men in their early 20’s who are chaste and proudly saving themselves for marriage. They do exist.

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yes, you make a great point here. I also live in the Midwest but it's hard for me to find men that take care of themselves, value purity, and are also as devoted or more to their faith than me. Anything else you can recommend me? :)

[–]LadyHelvetica 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Try to go to multiple churches when possible. Maybe you have one you go to regularly, but then go to a social event at another and join a prayer group at another. This will give you a chance to connect with people outside your normal group which may lead to you meeting men you haven’t met before.

Think of older men and women in your community who are happily married, devout, respected and well-connected. Get to know them and tell them how you are eager to be a good wife to the right man. Ask for their advice on how to attract the type of man you want to marry. They will give you good advice and may even send a good man or two your way.

Lastly, continue to work on yourself. Domestic skills are important, but it’s also important to develop and maintain healthy habits and boundaries as you search for the right man to marry. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you are searching for the right man. You may go on 10 dates with a man only to find a big, red flag on date #10. It’s important to have the self-respect and self-esteem to say, “This man is not the right man,” and walk away to continue your search for the right man instead of trying to find a way to make it work with Mr. Red Flag.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for all the advice!! Will definitely keep these in mind! :)

[–]thesillymachine 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would imagine there's some sort of singles dating resource, no? I didn't find mine from a church. I found mine from an ex and we had homeschooling in common. We met at a party. I guess I'm saying broaden your horizons outside the church.

[–]novacanelipstick 21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I so agree. I would prefer to marry a virgin, and it's a big draw in if I find someone who is. If I meet a man who has a higher n-count, I could proceed with caution but if it was extremely high I would be very on edge. I dated a man who was older and did not convert to Christianity until a year or so before we began dating, and he refused to let me know his n count. It worried me for sure. Like what else is he hiding?

[–]Cherry-Garcia- 61 points62 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

I’ve never understood how men can have high n counts but want women with low n counts..... who are they sleeping with if not women!?

However, I do agree. I want someone with a moderate to low number.

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor4 Star 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The mindset is they sleep with plates and don’t care about plates. They commit to women who they view to be above plate status

[–]Almcoding 30 points31 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Because it's damn difficult for men in their 20s, who aren't in the top 10%, to increase their n-count (at least in Germany, I can tell for sure!). Looking back it's actually a good thing because it forces young men to become their best version! Men aren't born worthy to reproduce, which they find out in their late teen's when they can't get any womans attention because woman their age are at their prime and therefore unreachable and older woman don't value child boys. It's easy for men to stay pure, not constantly pushing their comfort zone, hitting the gym, fighting off other men and getting rejected in the double digits for a single date. Sooo comfortable and easy! Whereas it's so easy for women to have sex whenever they want! Because they are way pickier than men they don't sleep with every men but they could! A man with a woman on his side appears actually more attractive to other woman because it's a signal of high value (difficult to reach and fake). For the opposite is the opposite true. A woman with a men is less attractive in the eyes of other men because approaching the woman means risking a fight. Since the feminism indoctrinated society teaches men to act like woman they have to learn it the hard way. I don't think woman like men with high n-count, it's just that it strongly correlates with confidence and experience which are highly valued by woman. It's fascinating that mother nature designed men in a way that they have to earn confidence through achievement. It probably evolved through natural selection because those men who faked it or were confident by default couldn't take care well enough of their offspring (Just a theory that I came up with while writing this)

[–]brianjamesxx 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If i could I'd give you gold.

[–]souadezz 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Still I don't accept a men with tons and tons of sexual encounters .I don't care about any of that natural selection attractive BS .

for me respectful and pure men are more than attractive .

[–]Almcoding 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Then it should be easy for you to find a propper mate because there is no lack of such men and in the eyes of most men you're a good catch because you value your own purity. If you also want your men to be confident and a good leader (what I assume you want) it's getting difficult, because even a super successful entrepreneur with a shit ton of confidence in his domain (yes confidence is mostly domain specific!) is probably totally unsecure in pursuing a woman (I know such people, but because of their their success there's enough woman who will take the lead). I think men should keep their n-count in the lower single digits range for not losing the ability to pairbond but certainly not 0! Relationships, I think are best for gaining confidence and sexual experience because you have the time and trust to explore each other.

[–]Nezocg 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You talk like being good looking is a down side

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Seriously. LOL

[–]PhaedrusHunt17 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

Maybe I'll get flamed but the old lock-key analogy has some wisdom to it...

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're not wrong.

[–]SeeBrookeSquat 18 points19 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

A lock serves 1 sole purpose. To lock things. If it doesn't do that 1 thing, then yes it sucks. People are not objects and do not have 1 sole purpose. My purpose as a woman is not solely as a sex tool. I'm also a mother, a daughter, a personal trainer, dancer, cook, amateur therapist, chauffeur, maid, babysitter... Ect.

[–]CeruleanRabbit 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Of course not. That's why, in many cases, a high N count isn't a deal breaker, but more of a red/yellow flag, especially considering the hook-up culture.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve never understood how men can have high n counts but want women with low n counts..... who are they sleeping with if not women!?

Basically women are the gate keepers to sex. Most guys cannot simply go out and get laid. Men have to go over more hurdles than women to find fulfillment. For most men hooking up is very hard, for most women its very easy. If they want it, its literally at their finger tips, women have it a lot easier in that regard.

I personally don't care about body count and prefer my partner not tell me.

[–]LuckyPeaceful32 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

A man with an extremely high N count is a turn off to me personally - specifically because it suggests he has a lot of one night stands and probably sees women as fleshlights with the unfortunate addition of a brain. Someone who has a high N count through jumping from short-term monogamous relationship to short-term monogamous relationship is also likely to be incapable of committing to a serious relationship. Either way, it's not attractive to me.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep! I view it the same way!

[–]souadezz 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

me too

[–]macedude14 points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link

I sincerely appreciate your post. I admit that I have a religious bias (Christianity) which has a strong influence on my perspective and morality... but that is one of the only areas that I hear the term "purity" come up. My (27) fiancee (24) is a virgin (we are waiting until marriage) and I have slept with only one other person.

After my last relationship ended, I made a promise to myself that I would be celibate until marriage again. I know some people disagree but in my opinion... I find it difficult to think that individuals with a high body count will do exactly what you stated... value and cherish my decisions. I know that might not be entirely true, but it's a risk I didn't want to take. Even if it is psychological, I just feel that if a woman has been with 75 men... she is going to categorize me as "just another man."

Another potentially long-winded opinion of mine is that I think a person's perception of love and intimacy can get warped by those pre-marital sexual experiences. I read an opinion article once (I can share if desired) written by a pickup artist that made a bold claim that if a woman has been with more than two men, she will no longer associate sex completely inside a "love" context (as opposed to lust or appealing to sexual natures).

Anyway, in conclusion, both I and my fiancee desired someone who had low body counts too.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Ahh YES, I wholeheartedly agree!! I'm also a Christian so I can definitely relate. Congrats on your engagement! I really respect your decision to choose purity. Also, question: where do I find guys like you?!

[–]macedude9 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

Thank you very much! You are too kind. If you don't mind if I am straightforward and honest... I did go through a rough season where I questioned my faith and had literally no hope whatsoever that God would bring that person into my life. Quite frankly, I dropped my standards significantly when I allowed my ex into my life, and she was the one who pressured us to have sex relatively quickly. I gave in with little pushback despite my convictions, simply because I didn't care anymore.

Seeing how that experience burned me and feeling the pain of a "soul tie" relationship come to end... it was much easier to say "Forget this, I'm going to do it right next time..." That's the short summary. Now, fast forward to meeting my girlfriend... it was on an online Christian dating site. It was relatively unexpected and I didn't see it coming how meeting her would shock me so much! She was literally everything I asked God for... and with bonus items!

My answer to your question will always be this: You will find your ideal man in God's perfect timing for your life. I think you will have an extremely, extremely difficult time finding people with similar values outside of Christianity. Make yourself available and "findable." Right up until the day I met her, I still had such little hope or optimism. The number of people who truly want to "do it right" like this are few and far between... so rely on God. Your matchmaker. The author of your love story! Remember this last piece... your future husband will respect your low body count, not be steered away by it. God bless.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Ahh noo not the typical Christian response! lol

I don't like hearing it, but I know it is true! Thank you for sharing a bit of your story and for all your input and advice (and for serving as a reminder to go to God first with these desires)! God bless you, as well! :)

[–]macedude1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

Trust me, I'm shocked my ears didn't burn off from how much I hated hearing it. But alas, here I am telling it to other people now. Honestly, it hurts... but the truth hurts! I encourage you to read some good "single woman" Christian publications and keep your heart in the right place... please don't let your heart get hardened and lose your smile. At face value, a prospective guy can see that visually in you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hahaha yeah 😂 And will do! :)

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What if you and your future wife are not sexually compatible? Never crossed your mind?

[–]continuummmm 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

can someone plz clarify to me what do you mean by low, medium and high n-count? i'm a virgin, so for me everything seems high

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor4 Star 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s relative, but I’m pretty sure that everyone below the age of 30-35 thinks that 20 would be a high N count

[–]theawaregirl 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I do and always have preferred men with low N-counts. The type also plays a big role in my preference (I'd rather a man who had an N-count of 10, all with LTR's, than a man with an N-count of 6, all ONS's).

Why? Because it means we view sex in a similar way.

I don't want someone who thinks promiscuity is acceptable. I don't want a man whose been with every chick on the block. I don't want a man who doesn't connect sex and love and commitment. I don't want a man who sees sex as purely physical.

Why? Because I don't see sex that way, and I want someone who shares my values and worldviews.

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

His prior experience with long term relationships, the way he talks about his exes and treats people around him, and his red flags are far more important to me than his n-count. That being said, if it's extremely low, I consider that a yellow flag and proceed with caution.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I definitely agree with you on that. However, why would you find it a bit alarming if it was extremely low?

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

Because the men I have run into with very little experience have demonstrated to me that they also have very unrealistic expectations of what sex is and should be (often driven by porn) and I don't plan to be around for the mess when that curtain falls down.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I see all these responses about avoiding men who watch porn, as if it's impossible to get unrealistic expectations from literally every other form of media. I don't look any more like 1997 Kate Winslet naked than I do a porn star.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That was why I said "often," but everyone here lately goes to porn as the ultimate evil. You can get unrealistic expectations literally anywhere. Disney movies, your family, religion, tv, heck, you can even get them from yourself.

I think a lot of people rely on weeding out men who consume porn as a fail-safe when it really is not.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh, I meant the responses to your comment, not the original. My husband has always had delightfully realistic expectations of my body and I largely credit that to his experience. He's seen enough average female bodies to also find mine attractive.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, that's a fair and reasonable answer. That's also one of my standards. I weed out the guys that watch porn or are addicted to it because it's an obstacle in marriage and in intimacy.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I find asking if a guy watches porn and weeding him out if he does more often than not leaves me with a man who lies about it, which is not an alpha characteristic due to outcome reliance being the ultimate reason for the lie.

Instead I feel like it's more constructive to observe his attitude towards porn and the ways/frequency/types he consumes, and that more accurately seems to determine if he has unhealthy attitudes towards sex.

[–]BePrivateGirl -3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

So you are looking for an alpha guy that doesn’t have sex and doesn’t watch porn?

Your heart is in the right place...

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I never said I was looking for an alpha guy. What I meant in my post is that the "alphas" are the most respected among men and it's a shame that those are the values they carry.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This has also been my experience.

[–]novacanelipstick 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When it comes to celibacy and porn, being celibate by choice if different than being celibate involuntarily. I've found the men who want to remain celibate until marriage tend to also avoid porn.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Last I checked, RPW wasn't exclusively for virgins.

Moreover, it can put things into perspective for someone who has never been there if they read the words of someone else who has. That is what advice generally is, isn't it?

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

RPW is not for men to come and debate. You can only be here if you are active on TRP first

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. My husband doesn't actually know his number and his estimate is really high. He hadn't been with anyone for two years before me, though, because he was so over that stage of life. I 100% believe he wouldn't have asked for my number, if I hadn't shared. His count has impacted our marriage exactly zero times.

I find the entire concept to be vastly overemphasized here.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I personally want someone with a moderate number (ideally 2-5). Having more partners is an indication of:

  1. Considering intimacy disposable
  2. The inability/lack of desire for monogamy
  3. A need for multiple women over time
  4. Impulsive behavior

[–]Anthony1881 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I agree, why would I just want to be women who think all they have to do is shake their tail feathers and I'd let them into my inner sanctium, they get mad after awhile and think I'm not a real man like the dogs they're use to dealing with who are easily manipulated

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What an image 😂

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hmm yeah. How does it affect you or your relationship?

[–]thesillymachine 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am very glad I settled at a young age (20).

Yes, it was important to me because I wanted a religious man. Having that kind of patience and self control really says something about a man's integrity and values, self-worth. Societal norms can be really pressuring, especially for men. It's very easy to think it's weird to have men be 30 year old virgins, yet, there is something really special about him holding out and waiting for that special one who he marries. Talk about romance! It's probably unheard of outside of religion or someone with serious issues in today's age and I think that's really sad. We also have porn working against us. With technology it's super easy to access.

However, something to keep in mind is that men have it differently than we do as far as how our bodies work in regards to sex. They are visual and we are emotional. It's more challenging when you consider hormones and being caught in the heat of the moment.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wanted a man who had enough experience that he was ready to leave that part of life behind. It's also nice to have a guy who is confident leading in the bedroom.

I believe that low n men have a harder time resisting temptation (at least when we were dating age).

[–]JimiJons 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

TRP only preaches a high male N-count because men have fewer pressures, both internal and external, to detach themselves from first loves and the "one-itis" that makes it difficult for them to leave unhealthy relationships or recover from break ups.

You're right that a high N-count, male or female, desensitizes someone to individual connection, but most men need this in order to be able to properly identify red flags and negative traits in partners and walk away.

[–]Dancersep38 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I guess this is where everyone's opinion on what exactly constitutes high or low makes a huge difference in the answer.

Personally I never found any appeal in men who were virgins or had n-counts lower than mine. That said, I would also find a very high n-count unappealing, particularly if there was a lot of flagrant promiscuity. I went on a date with a guy once. I never got his n-count, but I'll never forget him telling me how he fingered some random MILF on the commuter rail and never even knew her name. The fact he did it is questionable enough but he was so goddamn proud of that fact; it was revolting.

Short answer: strongly prefer his count be higher than mine (single digit), but a count that starts hitting the 20s and 30s is pretty questionable and would need A LOT of compensating factors, to include self reflection on why he was so promiscuous, ESPECIALLY if most of those were ONS/ flings.

[–]Acrobatic-Stuff 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It just does not fit in my mind how can you go on a date with a girl and tell her you have fingered a random milf with a smile lol

[–]Dancersep38 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I should have listened to my gut on that one. He seemed like a douche from the start but I figured I'd give it a shot. I couldn't believe it either. There were a few other stories but that one really struck out. On what planet that's a first date story I will never know!

[–]hintersly 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m fairly new to TRP but I’ll give my two cents. Personally I would want a guy with a little experience if I were to date someone new. My boyfriend and I are each other’s first (both 18) but if something happened I’d want someone with at least one sexual partner.

Personally for me sex isn’t a big part of a relationship so I don’t really have a max limit to how many partners they’ve had as long as there was protection and a STI test

[–]souadezz 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with op

[–]Acrobatic-Stuff 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I feel the same way, all my friends have had tons of sex of relationships and I haven't because I am waiting for the right woman and the rest does not interest me, it makes me feel lonely sometimes. My dream would be to met a girl who was really pretty, but decided to remain pure, an impossible dream right now since the most atractive females I've found are with guys with expensive cars

[–]jfiscal 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm pretty sure everyone prefers low n counts and uh... Normal n encounters

A dude with 100 notches on his bed post probably beats out the guy with 50 notches that were all hardcore BDSM painplay notches. But I'm pretty sure both lose to the guy who's only had an HS gf and a college gf.

But what do I know

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm in a weird situation where my SO has a high body count, just not as high as mine. We both don't care. I know this is RPW and that's not the norm but I just wanna say, no one should feel ashamed of their past to the point it affects their present when theyre trying to be a better more healthy person. I've never cared what the body count of my SO was, but that might be because my own was so high. As long as he's committed, stable, respectful, and strong, I've never cared. People can change. It took finding the right man for me to realize the life I was living before was less than good, and sometimes it's the same for men. 2 years and pseudo-engaged, it's worked out well.

[–]CochinoChingon 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I come from a Latinx background, Machismo which most misinterpret as alpha, but it's more like "family alpha with perks". As in take care of you family, put their needs first, once their taken care of your reward is to fool around as you please, just don't get attached. This is both spoken "a real man has been with a ton of women!" and unspoken wives look the other way so long as the other woman remains a fling and the kids don't know about it.

So with that, and a few other things that happened in my life my n-count would be appalling to women and unbelievable to men. But I realized in my 30s that I am a sex addict, got help for it and ended up with a wonderful woman who didn't care about my n-count, what was important was how I got along with her and how I carried myself. Sadly she passed away nearly 4 years ago.

As to what I desire in a woman, her n-count is not important to me in the least. I'm more concerned with if her kid(s) all have the same father, though my preference is no kids (I don't know a 40+ woman that would meet this desire) I fall back to kid(s) being out of the house. Then again, I don't see myself commiting long term again, and I am upfront about that.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Wow, I had no idea! Thank you for sharing your cultural perspective! At what point did you realize your behavior was becoming problematic?

(Also, I’m sorry about your partner’s passing)

[–]CochinoChingon 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

After my divorce I thought nothing of my behavior/addiction, then I figured "great now I'm free and have nothing to slow me down" at the time I prided myself on being able to pickup at least one woman a day, whether it lead to sex or not, "1 a day" was the goal. One of those women ended up becoming a very good friend. For some reason I actually enjoyed her company. I knew she was swooning over me and she was content having my friendship but hoped for more. Other than the first week we had met, I did nothing to lead her on and told her that I only wanted friendship.

She was going to celebrate recovery for love addiction and codependency issues. And on occasion she's ask me to meet her there before we hung out. One of the times I met her I heard a guy give his testimony about being a drug addict, and all of his reasons for using drugs, I replaced "I used drugs" with "I picked up a woman" matched up. "I got high (picked up a woman) because I was lonely, because I had a bad day, because I wanted to feel good, because I wanted to celebrate, because I got passed over for a promotion". Up until I heard him speak that night, I just thought "sex addict" was a term spin doctors came up with so their celebrity clients could remain married and not end up paying a ton in alimony.

I stewed with the idea that I may be a sex addict for about three months before I ended up going to meetings and doing a small group step study. Through the step study I was better in terms of handling my emotions/bad days/times. In other words, I was purposely celibate for the first time since I was became sexually active. Aside from basic training, my longest dry spell was 4 days for about 18 years. After a 9 months of celibacy I wouldn't try or push for sex until at least a 4th date. In that time I met my second wife, and it was a relationship that most single, and all our married/committed friends were jealous of.

Since she died I not longer have the "4 date rule". I don't see myself commiting to anyone else emotionally, and I am up front about that. And I know full well that a few of the women in my rotation really believe that they can "change me" they all are aware that they are "one of" and not my main squeeze. But I also don't rub it in their face that I'm on my way to see someone else or answer calls from another. The only exception is if the current one is exceeding her time limit, I reminder her that someone else is on her way.

[–]Throwaway2303061 Star -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

When I was single, I would have felt less attracted to a man who admitted to being a virgin or had a very low n count.

I once briefly dated a guy who was raised in a religious family and, in his mid 20s, had been with just one woman. When we talked about having sex, I found myself feeling like I would be corrupting him! It made me feel like I was being placed in the man's role in the relationship.

As a kind of shy and sexually unsure person when I was dating, I preferred to be led by a more experienced partner.

,(Now, there's a limit to how much "experience" is good in my view--dozens and dozens of past lovers is also a yellow or red flag, points to getting bored quickly, habit of plating women, more chance of disease, etc).

I don't know how many women my husband has been with--I think it's a fairly reasonable number that's higher than my own modest one, which is perfect.

I admit I kind of find it sexy when my husband shares bits from his "past"--like, when he was in college, he had sex with a girlfriend at a playground that's in our part of town. When we drive past that playground I'll punch his arm and tease him about knowing that playground intimately, and then we'll laugh and I'll get a pleasant rush of attraction tinged by a little jealousy.

There's a reason that pretty much every romantic novel written for women, bodice ripper or classic, has a virginal heroine and a hero with a past. It's somehow more appealing than a virginal hero, or even two experienced lovers.

[–]Nandemodekiru 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ehh... to each their own, I guess

[–]SteroidsFreak 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

So that's why women ask about previous sexual encounters. As a guy I always saw it as just being nosey even though I eventually give them bits and pieces of what went down at X location with X person. LOL

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

TRP teaches that whereas a woman need a reason to have sex with you, a man just need a place.

I tend to think that a woman must have an emotional attachment to have sex with a man and the society and years of evolution ingrained this as a slutty behaviour whenever a woman would sleep with a couple of guys.

On a male perspective, most have sex as a sign of validation, being desired and masculinity. Again it is a mammalian male biological instinct to spread his seeds all over thus the numbers.

For me I prefer female with a relative average n count to a virgin.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yes, but while we do have natural instincts, we also have a choice as to whether or not to act on those instincts. I don't see it as a desirable quality in a future husband and future father to my children in a healthy marriage to have spread his seeds all over in past relationships/hookups. While I realize why that double standard exists, I think it's important to foster healthy male behavior (aka self control and respect towards women). If you're teaching your daughter to remain chaste and pure, but you're teaching your son to go out, pump and dump, and be wild, is that really the same kind of guy you want your daughter to marry?

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Behave yourself. Blanket derogatory comments about men are not appropriate.

[–]souadezz 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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